DrunkMonkey

Christianity, IIRC, does not call for the murder of those who do not believe. Islam does. (No, I do not have Bible/Koran citations for this--look it up.) The first Mosque in Wichita was just constructed. Do you think I'd be able to go into Ryadh(sp?) and build a Xian Cathedral? I seriously doubt it...

To let loose of any semblance of PC for a sec... Because they're ummmm, gay I know of only two places a heterosexual man can ride a scooter and not risk an ass-kicking: Waikiki, Hawaii, and Key West, Florida. All other places risk a severe beating for driving a scooter...

Q: Why doesn't HD make computers? A: They have not yet found a way to make them leak oil.

Flatulent. That usually stops them, or at least gets them to leave me alone.

My screw up was calling a Female Lt Col "Sir." Oops...didn't get much sleep last night...

To the jumpers who are MD's/Nurses: I'm not too familiar with the terminology surrounding severe burns. What denotes "3rd Degree?" I'm asking out of ignorance, and as a fellow Servicemember, my hope and prayers go out to Paul & his family.

I heard a good quote that'd be appropriate here: "Sex is like oxygen-you don't miss it until you're not getting any..." Too true

Mormons? I usually offer them a beer and a cuban cigar, and invite them to watch me bone my 19-y.o. girfriend. That usually gets them to leave, and gets me onto their "Do not call" list.

Ask him how you can weasel out of your ADSC after UPT also....

I'd like to give you a piece of advice a SMSgt friend gave me when I pinned on Captain: "Never pass up a chance to keep yer mouth shut." Just thank him, salute smartly and move on. v/r -Capt Monkey

You're Pretty When I'm Drunk The Bloodhound Gang One night me and the crew hit the road on a mission To slurp free brew and go fuzzy flounder fishin' Kayjees on the hi-fi and the keg was bottomless Until we brought skip o' potamus And daddy's gonna get some probably underage and dumb And everybody knows that the daddy eats his young Lupus in the lavatory making a big stink Macing up the toilet seat and pooping in the sink M.S.G.'s tanked up and wizzin' in a cup Waiting for a sprinkle genie to come and drink it up Cause I'm the one bottle willy with the 12 horse ale After that I get silly like soupy sales Now it's midnight and I'm completely boofy blitzed A six of shlitz and the jew brew manischewitz With my beer-tinted glasses I'm ready to bitty battle I'm hungry like the wolf but I'll end up tending cattle Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk (You're pretty when I'm drunk) (X4) (And I'm pretty fuckin' drunk) Here she comes, a funky fried cutie Mr. Jimmy Pop Ali is gonna get some booty Cause I'm Mr. Mcfeelie with a speedy delivery You'd think I was a ditch the way this chick was diggin' me But maybe I should check and see if this is where I wanna be Hey Lupus is she cute? Yea for a Pygmie Aw! what do you know? You're probably going home alone And it wouldn't be the first time that I gave a dog a bone Plus beauty, it's only skin deep It's in the eye of the beholder and my beholder's about to tweak I could tap that barrel, in fact I know I can It's a ménagé a trois you and me and Heineken Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk (You're pretty when I'm drunk) (x4) Regrets I've had a few First and foremost I'd like to mention you For the sake of conversation we'll call you the brand new heavy Your a mix between an Ugnaut and Eugene Levy You can call it big-boned, I prefer to call it gut Your Buddha your Shamu your Jabba the fuckin' Hutt You had harpoon scars and your boobies were hairy I smelt tuna melt but I wasn't gonna worry It was 3 a.m. and I wasn't gettin' squat So I rolled you up in flour and aimed it for the wet spot I was buttering rolls like a soup kitchen Christian Then it hit me something bit me while my little rod was fishin' I was deep sea fishing I took a fat chance But how was I supposed to know that Jabberjaws Lived in your pants At that junction I came to realize That only Frank Ourdue likes thighs that size Fatty fatty boom ba latty I gotta lament That you were not a girl you were an experiment Cause you're pretty when I'm drunk (You're pretty when I'm drunk) You're pretty when I'm drunk And I'm pretty fucking drunk [/ducks and covers with a flack jacket on]

Still working on "The Tale of the Body Thief", by Anne Rice. It's the 5th in the Vampire Chronicles. It's great to hear a story from Lestat, by far the most interesting vampire out there...

I disagree. This particular story rated a great deal of attention because of the instability of KJI as a leader and someone with his finger on the nuclear trigger. He's nuts enough to sacrafice his people for propaganda, or to spin this into an excuse for military action (if this was a failed coup d'etat). The fact that NK could nuke us is what makes this newsworthy to the US. If the news covered every disaster like this, 29 of 30 minutes would be taken by stories of rickety unsafe infrastructured 3rd world stinkholes having easily preventable accidents killing thousands daily... NK is dangerous, and its leader mentally ill. That's why we need to know what happened.

Well, anyone in the US Armed Forces has already given up their DNA for a database, purportedly for use in Search & Recovery identifying remains...

Reports quote Kim Jong-Il at a press conference: "Well, that's 3,000 fewer mouths to feed!" [/going to hell]. Edit: But seriously, KJI is so fucked up I doubt he cares...He'll blame it on the US or the South Koreans, as he cannot admit his country is a poorly run shithole reminiscent of 1984/Brave New World...

lol, right. Does he like it? Obviously. Is he 'hooked'? no. You don't make only 4 jumps in 7 years if you are 'hooked'. Consider the following: He's 80 y/o...not like a 19 y/o who can go for weeks on end...he probably tires easily. Everytime he wants to take a jump, all us taxpayers spend thousands (millions?) to send the GKs TDY to jumpmaster him, the USSS to provide exceptionally expensive security, and all the other stuff. I'm guessing the jumpplane gets a once-over from a Presidential Air Group mechanic, at tax expense... The security at the (temporary) DZ, at tax expense... The TFRs/NOTAMs, as well as the Army air assets to guard said TFR...at taxpayer expense... I'm glad he's not jumping 24/7--Imagine the cost!

do u honenstly believe that someone that smoked a plant deserves to sit in jail? Yes. Cocaine is a plant. (Coca) Heroin is a plant (Poppy) Peyote is a plant. Psyllocibyn(sp) is a plant. (more or less-it's a mushroom) Pot is a plant. Those found in possession of any of these deserve the proper punishment, (be it prison, a fine, etc) per the laws YOUR lawmakers have passed.

He's still out there: Clicky!

Smelly people.

The Macarena? Edit: Anything by the Spice Girls?

AH Fuck! This fucking sucks a syphillitic cock. Fuck this, I'm gonna go take a shit.

...Also reminds me of the time I was the only heathen amongst a group of Born-Agains, and I convinced them to go see "Kill Bill." That was a funny ass night, and not suprisingly I didn't see much of them afterwards...Oops..

Yep, the kinda concert you want to take a Baptist/Pentecostal youth group to... LOL...

Occasionally enjoy wine with dinner...But that's not gonna get me sent to prison. Newsflash: Alcohol is legal...it doesn't support a murderous group of drug traffickers...& don't give me the Legalization nonsense--it'll never happen.

...A good opportunity for the Police/DEA to kick some ass.