Deuce

Wow. Vicodan and box wine. Need I say more? Laptops rule. BillVon's laptop rules the solar system. Bastards with their new record. They're so cool. In the smog. Let's do the next one in NorCal where the air doesn't have a taste....

I'm going up to Davis to teach JP(smart) to shoot. The range is right across the street. I'll come out to meet you! Besides, I've never done a tandem, and JP's offered to shoe me the thrill. Now that is scary. Thanks, Andrea! JP(stupid)

Remember to focus on the Targeted Learning Objectives. On jump one, it's Pull On Time. Some students get preoccupied with the skills they will need to demonstrate later. Pass the TLO's and you pass the skydives. You better get your ass in gear if you want to get that A license before you're 40.

ARgh. With Quade in MY SLOT no doubt. I still think Q used some magic Disney JP Voodoo doll on me. Next time just ask, Q-dog. CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ALL ROCK. Until Eloy next Christmas.....

Yeah, KatieB, all that's left on the right side to hose is the hip. I'll save that for next spring!

9-12 Good peeps. The color is still coming up on the foot. Should be great in a couple days.

5-8 The third one is Mouth at the end of a 100 yard deadman swoop.

You shoulda seen the truck. Camping gear, cooler(s) (one just for beer), and an motorcycle. Pulled into Perris about 1 on Wednesday, Viking shows up, we get the good camping spots, sweat out a gallon just setting them up, B-squared shows up with McGowan, I get a quick hug and kiss (from Betsy) and she's off to do the organizer thing. I drink a gallon of water and go for a swim. Nobody is here yet. Kelli (Skycat?) shows up, sets up her tent, and here comes LouDiamond. We get our gear checked, put some money on account. Hey, there's Amy and BillVon! Haven't met them before, really nice folks. Oh, god, here comes Bytch! Man, that's a back cracker of a hug! (Nice rack too). Me and Scot get together to practice the balloon jump with the birdman suit. As I'm gearing up I walk over to the group and Lisa is looking at my legstraps like there's something wrong (chick's a rigger, you know) she takes out her camera and takes a picture. "Nice package, Deuce" Whattabytch. Super nice jump with Scot. The exit shot is pure, but the separation thing we could fix on the next jump. After the one jump we call it a day. I have some water and talk with Amy, Bill, and Kelli while Bytch drinks 4 pitcher of beer. "I'm gonna go get Mouth and Dragontail" "I'M COMING WITHF YOU!" says Bytch. And we're off. Bytch goes into the airport to collect Lisa and Richard, and here they are! I get my first full-body-monkey-hug! (At Eloy I had a bum knee) How great to see good friends, and to meet new ones. We all have a beer and SkyBytch gets us lost on the way back, cause she is absolutely shitfaced. No worries, I have a GPS (thank god!) We have a couple more beers at the Bombshelter and they close. IslandCool wins the blood alcohol level competition on Wednesday night. Thursday dawns beautiful. Not so hot as yesterday. Meet up in the Bombshelter where Betsy, M&M, and Scott are having coffee. Betsy is wonderful to be around again. By 8:30 I'm antsy, and loudly and belligerently state "They aren't gonna turn that plane until we manifest!" 20 minute call! Me, Lisa, IslandCool, and Richard are gonna do a 4 way and Jack, an old camera flier friend of Lisa's is going out with us, and so is Mike McGowan. Closed accordion exit starts out OK but funnels, we get the round, but that's about it. Me, Lisa and Richard do this closed on Richard, open on Lisa thing and McGowan finds the few 500ths of a second where we all look good and takes pictures. BTW, McGowan is one of the nicest experts I have ever met. Turns out I didn't get to talk to him as much as I had wanted, but I learned a whole lot in the little time I had. I'm a better photographer for the talks. Thanks Mike. Anyhow we land without incident, laugh and celebrate being in the sky again. Betsy is doing freefly stuff with Scott, so I'll get her later. Me, DBattman, Richard, and Lisa go back up and nail out the same skydive, getting 8 points. Not bad for people who don't skydive together! Looks like I'll be first down, I set up a north-to-south straight in approach and dig my front risers. An HP elliptical sinks down in front of me and hooks a 180, reversing the landing pattern I was set up for. At Perris, first person down sets the pattern. I go into a braked turn and get about 100 degrees turned around before I have to release and flare. A little too much vertical speed, a little too much lateral speed, and the ground is just a little too hard and uneven. Snap. I PLF, and sit up making the big "O" for OK with my arms. I go to stand up a little and feel the bones in my ankle slide around. Shit. My wonderful friends come over and ask if I'm OK, and I say yes, but my ankle's broken. It's actually kind of nice that they're pissed at me for taking myself out of the weekend. I get the luxury golf cart ride over to the packing area and the Bombshelter provides a nice bag of ice. Lisa insists I go to the hospital and I submit. Lisa's good people. She drives me to the Kaiser at Riverside and has a good time working the V8 in my Quad Cab. Mouth drives like a cop. She really likes that 'WHOOOOOOMP" sound a real motor makes when you open it up. She rolls me into the ER. They whack one of the whackable cold packs and now Lisa is on a mission. Anger management by whacking cold packs. She talks them out of about 4, and she's whacking them like Jack Nicholson, and laughing like a psychotic as they "magically" get cold. She is an absolute hoot. X-rays. Those technicians love to move a fracture until they hear the bones working against each other, but I don't react as planned so she takes the x-rays, refuses to speculate about the condition of my ankle, and wheels me back to the exam room. Lisa is cracking me up. They give me this laminated card that says "ED-3". I'm like, "What the hell happened to EDs 1 and 2?" I actually soften them up a little. Plus Lisa is just merciless, and she's asking everybody with a hospital ID for smackable cold packs. The doctor peeks in, says "I'll be right back" and then peeks back in and says "Oh, your ankle's fractured, but you MAY not need surgery, I'm getting a consult" SHITFIRE! I was hoping against hope for a sprain. Lights out, parties over. Lisa is getting video now of my pain. Hooty-hoo HotMamaMonkey is documenting the incident for the DZ.archives. Why did I tell her about video cameras. "You want some Vicodan?" Duh. We ride back, I got a splint and ace-bandage thing, Lisa suits up and gets some jumps in. Lisa, I am forever grateful for your generosity and kindness. Thank you.

You folks haven't met Amy. Plus he gets chairs from the pool for cute little chicks in sundresses. BillVon's got some serious Mojo. And a hellacious sattelite telephone hooked up to this scratched-up little notebook computer that looks like he opens it up and solders stuff in it like every other day. If he doesn't have the subject memorized, he can look it up from orbit, or hack the system where it's stored. Bad move, Justin

Allright maggots. I'll post my version of events with some cool purple blue and black pictures of my ankle. Bottom line: Sangiro better take Amy for a motorcycle ride. Beucoup thanks for everybody's help. Especially Mouth. Lisa Smith is the best friend I've had in ages.

0600 manana I'm pulling out. The REO Deucewagon looks like a Beverly Hillbillies truck. What with a village worth of camping equipment (gotta have enough folding chairs for a decent party) and the K1200 in the bed. Me and HH are bombing down to the beach on our motors on Sunday night. Amy Von Billvon's Future Mrs. is going with me (She paid for the thrill, we should be live on the pursuit channel about 8:00, hey that's what $100 bucks gets you nowadays). Amy, you need a leather jacket, your favorite CD, and a quaalude. Please also pick the beach. See everybody tomorrow. If you aren't going and you aren't deployed overseas, you suck. Prepare to be boarded. And jettisoned. JP

Gate knows your a conspiracy theorist and he's got a comittee working on you to drive you crazy through agents posing as your coworkers. The pentaverate.

Yeah, Deuce copied Quade and has a gallery too. If it's a blue moon, and monkeys fly out of his ass, you might be in frame. I can't wait to see the master at work. JP

Team JP is in the house. Bring it. JP

Hey Peter, Evan told me you let him play with your 10D last week. Now he's gonna have to get one!

Hey LEEEEsa! Do they have a lock-down on local camera fliers only? I had volunteered to do video for Lummy's sweetheart, and I was wondering if they'd let a strange stranger out with a tandem master. Clay would vouch for me, and I've done them out of the Van. Huh.

Yes I do. On two rigs. We get ugly as we get old, but damn! We own everything!

Even zee French can skydive! Says so. Right on your Peugeot!

BWAHAI! Steal his pimp-wad and come on out yourself! I'll start fights and video you finishing them off! 24 hours from now I'll be falling out of the sky! Hahar!

Dude, big junk requires a big box. Oh, sorry. Rockadoodlicious.

Ah yeah! He should go! It would be chivalrous! BWAH!

I am looking at a Viewsonic ViewPanel VP230mb right now. I endorse it wholeheartedly. Get the digital board too.

You, sir, are a wildman. For a hypoxic guy with a mind-numbing hangover, you are one freaky sitflyer!

See you Wednesday night. Gotta figure out what evening me and Amy are gonna get chased by a helicopter with all of you monkeys watching in the Bombshelter

Be careful what you wish for. Manana ves, peeps!