DrunkMonkey

Ask your MD about the Zyrtec & Singulair cocktail. Works great for me. Take it before you go to bed, wake up clear.

Replace it with Democrats--you'd be shitting your pants from lauging so hard...

http://filmstripinternational.com/

GWB is carried out of a bar, unconscious...

The Horse is dead. Stop beating it, it's not coming back to life...

NAME: George "Dubya" Bush Past work experience: -Ran for congress and lost. -Produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. -Bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas, company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock. -Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using tax-payer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago Cubs. -With fathers help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas. Accomplishments -Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union. -Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. -Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. -Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history. -Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my fathers appointments to the Supreme Court. Accomplishments as president-- -Attacked and took over two countries. -Spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury. -Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. -Set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period. -Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. -First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. -First president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. -First year in office set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. -After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, presided over the worst security failure in US history. -Set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in US history. -In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job. -Cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history. -Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period. -Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any president in US history. -Set the record for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television. -Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any president in US history. -Presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused to intervene when corruption was revealed. -Presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have. -Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. -Set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people), shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind. (http://www.hyperreal.org/~dana/marches/) -Dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history. -My presidency is the most secretive and un-accountable of any in US history. -Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history. (the 'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice has an Exxon oil tanker named after her). -First president in US history to have all 50 states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt. -Presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in the history of the world. -First president in US history to order a US attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation. -Created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States. -Set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history. -First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the human rights commission. -First president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the elections monitoring board. -Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history. -Rendered the entire United Nations irrelevant. -Withdrew from the World Court of Law. -Refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions. -First president in US history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US elections). -All-time US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations. -My biggest life-time campaign contributor presided over one of the largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation). -Spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history. -First president in US history to unilaterally attack a sovereign nation against the will of the United Nations and the world community. -First president to run and hide when the US came under attack -Took the biggest world sympathy for the US after 911, and in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history). -With a policy of 'dis-engagement' created the most hostile Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30 years. -First US president in history to have a majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and stability. -First US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North Korea. -Changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts. -Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for government contracts. -Failed to fulfill my pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. -Failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United States Capital building. After 18 months I have no leads and zero suspects. -In the 18 months following the 911 attacks I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States. -Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other president in US history. -In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war. -Entered office with the strongest economy in US history and in less than two years turned every single economic category heading straight down. Records and References -At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available) -AWOL from National Guard and Deserted the military during a time of war. -Refuse to take drug test or even answer any questions about drug use. -All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view. -All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view. -All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public view. -Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and un-available for public review. -For personal references please speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)

If that'd happen, wait for a legion of amputation crimes, and back-alley surgery hacks...

Hmmm... It might be the 4 Shiner Bocks that I've had tonight, but at first glance it looked like the thread title here was "What John Kerry says about Handjobs..." Heh...[/buzzed]

"Wish You Were Here," by Pink Floyd

Beat it! That horse is not dead yet!! HIt it again!!

Nope, they're starting to send out notices to come get them... We're the guinea pigs for the tainted british stuff... (j/k)

JEEP, JEEP, JEEP, JEEP...

It's postings like this that make me just want to shack up for the rest of my life after my girl finishes law school, instead of getting married...

http://www.identitytheory.com/insight/bruns9.html

Um, Sunny...I had a tour of the IDOC prisons when I took a criminology class...You don't wanna kick someone's ass in IL....the penalties are harsh..

Worst. Thread. Ever.

Both W and Kerry are Douchebags. The trick is to pick the less soiled/used of the two. I already voted absentee, so I can truthfully say I no longer give a fuck.

Not about WMDs, but about NeoKons: We're going to bring back God and the Bible and drive the gods of secular humanism right out of the public schools of America. -- Pat Buchanan, campaign address at an anti-gay rally in Des Moines, Iowa, February 11, 1996 Our culture is superior. Our culture is superior because our religion is Christianity and that is the truth that makes men free. -- Pat Buchanan, speaking before the Christian Coalition in 1993, quoted from Political Amazon's "Quotes from Hell" [The courts and the media elite] are abolishing America, they are deconstructing our country ... they have dethroned our God. -- Pat Buchanan, quoted from Thomas B. Edsall, "Buchanan Declares Culture War," The Washington Post, Sept. 18, 2000 There were no politics to polarize us then, to magnify every slight. The "negroes" of Washington had their public schools, restaurants, bars, movie houses, playgrounds and churches; and we had ours. -- Pat Buchanan, when discussing race relations in the 1950s, in Right from the Beginning, Buchanan's 1988 autobiography, quoted from Political Amazon's "Quotes from Hell" Hitler's success was not based on his extraordinary gifts alone. His genius was an intuitive sense of the mushiness, the character flaws, the weakness masquerading as morality that was in the hearts of the statesmen who stood in his path. -- Pat Buchanan, in a 1977 column, The Guardian, January 14, 1992, quoted from Political Amazon's "Quotes from Hell" The real liberators of American women were not the feminist noise-makers, they were the automobile, the supermarket, the shopping center, the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, the freezer. -- Pat Buchanan, Right from the Beginning, quoted from Political Amazon's "Quotes from Hell" There ought to be limits to freedom. We're aware of the site, and this guy is just a garbage man. -- George W. Bush, commenting on the website www.gwbush.com, a parody of his campaign website I don't think that witchcraft is a religion. I wish the military would rethink this decision. -- George W. Bush, to ABCNEWS, June, 1999, regarding Ft. Hood's decision to allow Wiccan rituals just as all military bases allow rituals of the Christian faith. No, I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered as patriots. This is one nation under God. -- George Bush, to American Atheists' reporter Robert Sherman in 1987, while serving as vice-president

Lemme guess, it refers to some convoluted argument whereby you insist that W is destined to be reelected, and all those who don't let W, Cheney, Ashcroft, and other GOP drones do their thinking for them are fools destined to amount to nothing... So, what's "Seventeen" mean to YOU, Tuna? And yet - AGAIN . . . Although I could have been clearer - you SHOULD be able to figure out what I meant. Don't care. I'm dropping it. Because you don't want to admit it? Because I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about, and the "I've got a secret" game is tiresome and irritating.

Lemme guess, it refers to some convoluted argument whereby you insist that W is destined to be reelected, and all those who don't let W, Cheney, Ashcroft, and other GOP drones do their thinking for them are fools destined to amount to nothing... So, what's "Seventeen" mean to YOU, Tuna? And yet - AGAIN . . . Although I could have been clearer - you SHOULD be able to figure out what I meant. Don't care. I'm dropping it.

What if it were 1995, and it was a pic of Clinton, just before the 1996 election??? Do you really think Konservatives would do any different?

Lemme guess, it refers to some convoluted argument whereby you insist that W is destined to be reelected, and all those who don't let W, Cheney, Ashcroft, and other GOP drones do their thinking for them are fools destined to amount to nothing... So, what's "Seventeen" mean to YOU, Tuna?

Do you promise to stop whining about Kerry after the election? It depends - will you answer the question truthfully? Um... -The average age a US Teen loses their virginity? -No longer jailbait in most states? -The age you can enlist, with parental consent? Other than that, it means nada to me. Sooo...The day after the election, you forfeit all Kerry/Democrat bitching rights...

Do you promise to stop whining about Kerry after the election?