birdlike

I can't vouch for that, but they used to be little interludes on Saturday Night Live. I'm fairly certain that if you just Google "Jack Handey" you will get more postings of long lists of them than you know what to do with.

Woot woot! Billvon and I finally agree on something! Billvon, if you were under 21, man, I'd buy you a beer! Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

I think that anything that give a free adult American citizen the full measure of the rights of a free adult American citizen is a good idea. There is no valid excuse, in my view, for calling someone an adult and then saying that he is not free to enjoy every right of adults. Let's legalize it for them, and deal with whatever may or may not result from that. But to keep it illegal for

I don't have a feeling about it one way or the other, really, as far as it being offensive or something, I just didn't find it funny at all. It had no joke to it, or not enough, or something. I normally think The Family Guy is hilarious, but ...not this time. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

While I truly believe that the ultimate design philosophy behind ALL car manufacturers today is, "Make it cheap, flimsy, and force the customer to come back to us to buy parts for what breaks," I still do believe that no one is making well-designed, well-built cars better than the Japanese. Still. I have had both, and American cars SUCK. But why take my word for it? Look at an independent reviewer like "Consumer Reports," which does not allow itself to be biased by taking advertisements from the car manufacturers. Look at how, since time immemorial, the American cars get the vast majority of the "little black donuts" and the Japanese cars get the vast majority of the "little red donuts." It's plain to see. I happened to see a tricked-out Ford Mustang in the mall the other day, sitting there with the factory sticker on it. Black, GT or something. Had the "fin" on the back of the trunk. When I tell you that everything about this car reeked of rattly, shitty, flimsy plastic and "style over substance," please take my word for it. When I knocked lightly on that spoiler fin, it felt like it was a child's water-gun expanded to be a spoiler. The flimsiest shit I have seen yet on a car. I can't imagine driving down the road and not hearing that thing vibrating from the bumps. It wobbled from my light knock with my knuckles. And it cost $130 for the stupid aluminum gas cap cover, the one that's made to look like it's riveted on. Give a little knock on the side mirrors: same as the spoiler. That goes for all the new, "beefy-looking" Dodge cars, too. Nothing but flimsy shit. To be fair, I went in to see the new Subaru WRX STI and discovered that, albeit to a far lesser degree, there were similar complaints to be found. I can't stand the fact that there is soooo damned much silver-painted plastic masquerading as metal trim in cars nowadays. Rub it for a couple of years with normal use and you'll see the white base plastic underneath before long. To back up my belief that the car makers are deliberately making cars flimsy and destined to get dilapidated before a time that is reasonable, I ask you, why would nearly all of them have taken to mounting reverse-lights in the BUMPERS of their cars? Take a 3-mph crash into a parking lot barrier because you reversed too far out of your parking spot, and you will not have a little scuff on your bumper, you will have a LIGHT FIXTURE YOU MUST REPLACE, and that's money in the pocket of the car maker. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Except for the prison guards, which you have indicated by your silence on the subject that you are not willing to be. Are you big enough to admit that you referred to them flippantly as "animals," but when I said I would execute (not murder, execute) them, suddenly they metamorphosized back into "humans"? I never said you would have to go in untrained. If you want training, we'll get you training. But bear in mind, it's trained, tough-guy prison guards (admittedly a LOT tougher than I am) who get severely maimed and even killed by these people. Do you think that although they could create prisons that would make that IMPOSSIBLE, they just, for some reason, don't want to, so they don't? Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

You probably will be surprised, but anyone has their own preferences, and topics to discuss. People discuss things which are interesting to them, and ignoring the things which are not. If it hurts your feelings - I'm sorry, but life is tough. If it makes you feel better, just tell yourself your opponent is just a sissy who cannot admit he was crushed by your steel logic and mighty arguments. I don't have to "tell myself" anything. That's exactly what would have been obvious to anyone who was reading this when you ducked half of what I said, and then claimed that it was because I wasn't paying you to talk about it. What that fails to account for is why you addressed the first half. Now you say it was about preferences... OK, whateverrrr. So what? So, you at first tried to discount that anyone would falsify stuff in court because they have nothing to gain, the way someone might if they murdered someone else for profit. I showed that sometimes it's a cop who "gains" the covering-up of stuff he did wrong during the arrest or investigation of a criminal. Or it's the PAID expert witness, who would not be paid if he were not willing to say what the defense wants him to say. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

You don't even begin to know. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

So we don't know jack shit about physiology, and you don't know jack shit about psychology. Wow, if you believe what you just wrote... I mean, wow! Wait, wait, you were just calling them ANIMALS! ANIMALS that you wanted kept in CAGES under CRUEL CONDITIONS! Now when we want to KILL them, suddenly the're "live adult human beings." It really seems like every time you post, you indict yourself with your own self-contradiction. When it suits you, you say one thing. When it suits you, you say its opposite. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Oh, that Jack Handey. He'll really make you think! 1) I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad. 2) If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming. 3) I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him. 4) I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. 5) If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them. If y'all can't find some way to fight about this stuff, then you're just not as good as I thought you were. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Got their double-ended tongue scrapers out, too. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

It is not beyond mine.. and that is one of the reasons I want the people who do these crimes against children to spend a LIFETIME put away like the animals they are. To relieve them from that by killing them as quickly as they did to Timothy McVeigh to relieve his conscience and so he would NOT have to live as a caged animal for the rest of his life. Killing them as Jeffrey and the other "compassionate conservatives" want to do is unacceptable in a supposedly modern society. I thought others had addressed this, already. YOU are here saying that the reason you want them to do life in prison is because it's hellish, and punitive, and makes them suffer. And then you say that we want something "unacceptable" when we want them to have a swift death? You're saying you want to take murderers and make them live like "caged animals" (so you dehumanize them, too!) for a long time, and yet you accuse US of bloodlust? Don't think for a minute that I would not be up for that. Meanwhile, all life-in-prison supporters should have to act as prison guards in top-security pens where the worst of the worst, the most vicious and violent, are housed in concentration. If you think it's so great that we keep them alive to suffer, go be the one to make sure they don't get out. Go risk being sliced open like a fish with a homemade knife. Go have blood, saliva, semen, urine and feces thrown at you. The only Americans I consider "my fellow" Americans are those who, like me, abide by the law and live peaceable lives. If you're a murderer, you're not my "fellow American," and I would have no trouble conducting your execution. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Because you didn't pay me by hour; thus I reserve the right to NOT go through everything you wrote, collect the various statements, and address them all. Might I, please? :P Smartass answer. You simply come off as unwilling or unable to address the hard parts of what I said. With the stark contrast between what you did address and what you didn't address, it sure looks like you are willing to give answers even though I'm not paying you; but unwilling to even mention the parts you have no good counter for. That's all I'm sayin'. Who are those "we", who know that they do it all the time? Or you just meant yourself as "We, the Emperor"? Could I ask you how many cases you personally investigated to come to such conclusion? Those who murder someone are usually getting some personal gain out of it - which makes it worth the risk. If the witness could gain something serious if he lies, I'd very carefully consider his testimony as well. People who are called as "expert witnesses" by a defense team are PAID, and guess what, no defense team is ever going to put an "expert witness" on the stand, and pay him their client's money, to have him say stuff that damns their client. SO HE HAS SOMETHING TO GAIN BY LYING, BUT EVERY COURT ALLOWS EXPERT WITNESSES. You raised the notion that people will avoid doing things if they could face heavy penalties. I showed you something that carries a heavy penalty that we, the Emperor, know that people do every single day. Who are you to say that in order to get a conviction, a cop won't lie on the stand, or cover up evidence that would show he acted wrongly in the apprehension of a suspect, or the obtaining of prosecutorial evidence? I would call that "gaining" on the cop's behalf. So yeah, we know that they have done that in the past, and continue to. If you didn't believe that they do, would you oppose capital punishment because of the potential for executing an innocent? If there is no chance that anyone would falsify anything for the court, that would seriously diminish the chances of achieving a wrongful conviction. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

It doesn't ask if you're a "hothead". Just in case others want to know what "Form 4473" is: http://www.atf.gov/forms/4473/index.htm Of course, but I was answering about whether I thought he should be allowed to own firearms. Where did I represent "hothead" as part of any official criteria? It would be part of mine, but I never said it was on the 4473, did I. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Even though they were wrong..... What is up with people like you who swoop in, call someone wrong, but refuse to say why they're supposedly wrong? Let me point out that I did not claim to be making a comprehensive list of the disqualifiers in the first place. But what was wrong, anyway? Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

You are welcome. But I was wondering, was your post a "test"? Were you waiting to see if I'd say, "SURE you should be allowed to own firearms" as a knee-jerk without knowing anything about you? Isn't that what anti-gunners want to believe we pro-gunners believe? Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

*tsk* Besides that!! Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

I don't know you. How could I make that judgment? I don't know if you've got a felony past, or are a drug addict, or have been adjudicated mentally incompetent. I don't know if you're a hothead. There are indeed certain people who do not live up to the level of responsibility where they should have firearms. But they also should not have automobiles. They can do just as much damage. It would be nice if we could somehow prevent them from having matches and bottles filled with gasoline, too, but what it comes down to is that we can't. We have to live, as a society, with a certain amount of unavoidable danger. If you are a normal, level-headed person who is not a criminal, then by all means, I think you should have the right to have firearms. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

And the court estimates the weight of each witness, and it is almost never the same for all the witnesses. It is very hard to fake the fingerprints so the expert would not find it. Faking DNA evidence - well, you could try. Should I just pretend that you did not completely ignore the part about "OR MISTAKEN"? Why would you address only HALF of what I said? We've had all kinds of allegations slung around in this and the other death penalty thread about cops and prosecutors who did crooked things, frameups, dispensing with exculpatory evidence, etc. etc. which amounts to FAKING evidence. And we've had plenty of talk of cops COVERING UP THEIR SCREWUPS. Yet you decided to ignore that aspect of what I wrote. I guess you got nothin', but rather than just say so, you wanted to let it slide and hope we didn't notice. Sorry, I notice. Someone giving false testimony is risking heavy penalties. And yet, we know that they do it all the time. For that matter, someone murdering someone is risking heavy penalties. And yet, we know that they do it all the time. You act as though the existence of heavy would-be penalties should be taken as an assurance by us that these things will never be done. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Is there one for white on the outside, black on the inside? I see folks who'd fit that description all the time. Never heard a "funny term for it," though. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Yeah, but, ("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?") Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

I was under the impression the term "black" was the preferred adjective for news reporting. I was just about to look it up when I decided instead to eat a bunch of caramels. Ya done the right thing. Ya done good. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Dang! I meant "THEY'RE" both ultra-liberals. I shoud of profread. Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

Take a wild guess what I voted for. Come on, guess! Guess! Guess which one I picked! Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire

You know what's bad? Dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you! Also, according to Jack Handey, "Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see." Spirits fly on dangerous missions Imaginations on fire