skreamer

lmfao You've got a way with words Sis (and a whip!!!) /s

OK Pammi, you asked for it! Adam is walking round the garden of Eden, it's spring-time and he sees two bunnies doing what little bunnies do. He keeps walking and then he sees two giraffes humping doggy style. He keeps walking and then he says two doggies humping giraffe style. Eventually he can't take it anymore so he goes to see God. He says to God : 'Dude, it is just not fair, every male animal in the garden has a partner and I have seen all the fun that they are having and I want some too!'. So God says 'Well, Adam, you can't get something for nothing, but I'll see what I can do'. Next thing Adam sees this absolute vision, his knees buckle, his eyes go squint, all the blood rushes from his head. He says to God 'Hubba Hubba deity dude, totally hook me up with one of those Heavenly Munchposts!!!'. God says 'OK man, but there is a price for everything, and for you to get this as a partner for all eternity will cost you an arm and a leg'. Adam thinks it over and then says 'Uhhhh what can I get for a rib???'. /s

Thanks Dave, appreciate the info! Will

Hey Tiger, that sounds great! I've always wanted to try skydiving and you'll pay half??? Man, that is so generous of you! Now when is the next David Allan Coe concert? /s

Hmmm, lets see - prediction for Langar : rain on Saturday, sleet on Sunday. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!

OK, here is a poem that I REALLY like. I had seen bits of it posted on different places on the net, then finally tracked down the full original version on the author's (Allan Roulston's) web-site. I have included a link to his site - click on his name at the end. Back From Whence You Came Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am the essence of clear blue sky; I am the yearning to climb very high. I am the breeze you feel as you spot; I am the rapture of building a blot. I am the rustle of a canopy in flight; I am the flicker of camp fire light. When you pass through the door into open air, I know you are smiling, I'm the wind in your hair. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there; I did not die. Allen Roulston (June 1996) That poem is really sad, but at the same time it just reminds me about how fortunate I am to have discovered this beautiful new world that was above me the whole time, but I never knew existed. And also, that laid back easy camaraderie on the plane on the ride to altitude - that is also something that I treasure. Whether people are joking feeding off the tandem passengers' and students' nervous energy, or everybody is just really introspective and rehearsing the jump ahead - every ride is special. /s

Only 4 inches???? Damn windnut that's a bit embarrassing!!! Don't worry wingi I am a lot more immature and annoying in person... /s PS how the hell does froggy know wingnut only has 4 inches (when tall that is)? And if you two have a kid, will you call it frognut? waaaahahahahahhaahahahha

In South Africa we have Fray Bentos : it is a beef extract and even stronger than marmite. Fray Bentos with grated biltong on toast.... *slobber* *slobber* Damn! another wasted keyboard! /s

Hi guys What are the advantages/disadvantages of the following 3-ring systems : * mini-ring type 17 * mini-ring type 8 * large ring type 8 I am looking to buy my first new rig, it will be mainly for freeflying, but also a little RW. What would you recommend and why? Thanks Will

That ISN'T how people in Australia contract it... /s

ROTFLMFAOPIMP *tears* I just read that out to Ushma, my co-worker sitting next to me, and she wacked me with her wristpad, mousepad and everything else in reach - so true so true! Time to take the tone down a notch. Greg, I have an Australian flatmate who is ,to put it mildly, a little on the rough side. He grew up on a farm in Queensland, one of 4 brothers no sisters - he is probably the closest thing to a modern day savage I have yet met (funny guy though). Anyway his expression for getting a shag, lucky, laid etc. is 'he rode the pig-skin bus to tuna town'!!! Man, apart from being a disgusting slob (read Australian) sometimes he really cracks me up. /s

Geez Elaine That means that your family has a combined total of almost 13 000 skydives!!!! Holy crap, that's impressive. And your 17 year old daughter already has 80? How cool is that? /s

Hmmmmm, I bet that coconut oil tastes REALLY good as well... /s

Better a sick puppy than a sick sheep or mad cow... /s

I am still totally open to ideas about the Ts afterall everybody has to be happy with them. Give me some feedback on the following : Colour? white? We'll keep it simple how about : On the front: Euro DZ.com boogie Texel 25 - 27 May 2001 (spread the word) On the back skreamer www.dropzone.com (the word is legs!) OK, now remember that you can't all have Ts with my nick on them, so wingnut can have wingnut, huffermoose can have huffermoose and yours can have whatever you decide on (I know its hard, so let me know if I must explain it again) forget a pic because it will just look crap and we will definitely not agree on it anyway. /s

OK, we all know how much you yanks like your guns, well here is a chance for you to exercize your homocidal tendencies and give us a hand with our Foot 'n Mouth culling at the same time. Lock 'n Load /s

hee hee, look everybody it's the amazing hairyfairynut! hairyfairynut hairyfairynut, nyaa nyaa nyaa naa naa! /s PS Ben waddya think of my idea for the Ts? Let me know now and I will see if I can have them ready in time for the weekend.

Yeah right!!! more like 'only got a 100 drinks on it in the last month'!!!

Dude, do NOT sell both kidneys! One kidney only, I repeat ONE kidney only! I made the mistake of selling both, and now every jump costs me two jump tickets and doing RW with my dialysis machine is getting really boring! Remember : only sell the ONE kidney (I can't stress enough how important this is) /s

Click here! 'Is that a gun in your bra or are you just happy to see me?' /s

OK Ben and Huffer Wingi's official nick-name at the dz.com boogie is now officially going to be Fairy Wingnut!!! waaahahahahahahaha Also do you guys want me to start looking into getting some T-shirts knocked up? If you have access to a good (read cheap) T-shirt printing place let me know, otherwise I will get it done here. I reckon they should be personalized with skreamer, Wingnut, Huffermoose on the back - Ben what do you want on yours? Impuriel? Also we can make up an extra one for the main dude and post it to him (never hurts to suck up to the big chief ). Also, anybody else out there, let us know now if you want in on the dz.com action. Here is the itinerary roughly : Thursday evening (24 May) meet up in Amsterdam (accomodation : hotel? huffer's mate?) get shit-faced and go for swim in canal, claim diplomatic immunity and superiority if police get involved at any stage (wingi remind me to tell you about my run-in with the San Diego police 2 years ago...) Friday morning (25 May) drive to Texel (if weather is jumpable - early; weather is crap, leisurely brunch in Amsterdam) Rest of the weekend : Skydive our asses off (if weather is crap, drink till we drop) Hope that itinerary isn't too detailed for you fellas! Good thing Amsterdam has a *special* red-light district for wingi and his fairy friends... hee hee /s

OK, wingi here's another one Taking a shower : chicks vs. blokes How to Shower Like a Woman Take off clothing and place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights, darks, whites, man made or natural. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If husband seen along the way cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, loin cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with Cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition hair with cucumber and lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 minutes to make sure that it's all come off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mould spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails and or tweezers (if you can find them). Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend hour and a half getting dressed. How to Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting "Way Hey!!" Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last whiff. Get in shower. Don't bother to look for wash cloth, don't need one. Wash face. Wash armpits. Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower. Wash bollocks and the surrounding area. Wash arse, leaving hair on soap. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make Mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror. Piss in shower. Rinse off and get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor because shower curtain outside bath for whole shower time. Partially dry off. Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor. Leave bathroom light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "Yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her. Put on yesterday's clothes. hee hee, how true, I've been doing the Mohican thing in the shower my whole life and I still get a kick out of it /s

OK Greg here's something you might like : Taking a dump : women vs. men 15 Easy Steps to Poo like a Woman: 1. Under no circumstances use any other toilet than your own, regardless of any stomach pain may be caused whilst waiting to get home. 2. With the toilet-brush, clean any residue left on the pan by your boyfriend/husband. Also wipe his pubic hair off the seat with some toilet paper. 3. Flush the toilet before starting. Then wash your hands. 4. Line the toilet seat with toilet paper (as other people may have sat in the toilet since it was last bleached). 5. Stuff toilet paper inside the pan to prevent splash-back. 6. Pull panties down and sit. Some women may still prefer to squat over the seat as opposed to taking the risk of touching it with bare flesh. 7. Release solids (chocolate hostages), but strain to avoid making any sounds. 8. Rise and quickly flush before direct eye-contact is made with any faeces. 9. Take a length of toilet paper and fold it several times to positively guarantee that no residue will touch bare skin (about five or six applications per roll). 10. Wipe once and throw paper into the pan. Do not look at the paper. 11. Repeat steps 9 and 10 at least thirty times. It may be necessary to yell for your boyfriend/husband to find some more rolls to pass through the door while promising not to open his eyes or pass any comments. It is traditional to do this while he is trying to watch sport. 12. Flush the toilet and replace the lid. 13. Wash hands at least three times with disinfectant soap. 14. Open all windows and spray approximately half-a-can of air freshener. 15. Pick up all reading material left behind by your boyfriend/husband and leave bathroom, closing the door firmly behind you. 15 Easy Steps to Poo like a Man: 1. Select reading material (can be anything except a porn-mag; tried by every man once, but never repeated - see step 4). 2. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a dump, okay?" Always tell girlfriend/wife, especially when she has visitors. 3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then sit down. 4. Adjust penis and testicles to hang comfortably without touching the toilet rim. 5. Open reading material and relax. 6. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly fart. 7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It is quite normal to experience a cold jet of water rocket up your anus as a result of the first bomb. This is to be endured if you want to be a real man. 8. Remain sitting and reading until pins-and-needles set in to your legs and buttocks. 9. Rise and look at the poo. Make mental notes of any irregularities to report to friends and girlfriend/wife, e.g. colour, consistency, any visible traces of peanuts, etc. You must tell people about it. 10. Take long length of paper and wipe anus. You must look at the paper before throwing it into the pan. 11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any evidence of faeces on the paper. 12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the pan, under no circumstances attempt to clean it off. In due course, it will come away by itself. Or when your girlfriend/wife next uses the loo. 13. Leave the seat up. Leave the reading material on the floor (you can use it again later). 14. Wash your hands once. 15. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open. It is important to a man's self-esteem that other people smell his produce. /s

You take the fairy ride, I think I'll stick with the ferry... /s PS I have booked the day's leave and will buy my flight ticket next week. WOO-WOO-HOOOOO!!! Amsterdam brace yourself!!!

OK here's my favourite poem, it also happens to be the first poem that I learnt by heart : W.B. Yeats An Irish Airman Foresees His Death I know that I shall meet my fate Somewhere among the clouds above: Those that I fight I do not hate, Those that I guard I do not love: My country is Kiltartan Cross, My countrymen Kiltartan's poor, No likely end could bring them loss Or leave them happier than before. Nor law, nor duty bade me fight, Nor public men, nor cheering crowds, A lonely impulse of delight Drove to this tumult in the clouds; I balanced all, brought all to mind, The years to come seemed waste of breath, A waste of breath the years behind In balance with this life, this death. Anyway I really like it, here's some lines from some stuff I wrote recently, but I don't really want to post the whole thing because I just don't. See the amber, Out we clamber, Blue skies burning, colours turning, the wind is screaming, am I dreaming? it went on for a bit, I thought it might be a haiku at first but then it got a bit out of hand, maybe one day I'll make some sense out of it and make it into something I could show people. Anyway, the Yeats poem is something that struck a chord with me at a really young age. /s Ps I know the difference between amber and green OK?, but this freakin' rhyming shit can be hard!