skreamer

Actually Frank, I just looked it up, and you are right it is an Australian expression, however its original meaning was to *didger* a slow sheep up the *doo-doo*, which then became abbreviated to the didgeridoo. How that then evolved into wrapping your lips around a big piece of wood and blowing till you heard some noise is a mystery to me... However you must remember that when the convicts first settled Australia the men outnumbered the women 6 to 1 (forget wing-loading, that would be a pretty shit hump-loading!) and were forced to take matters in hand. Actually that should be a skydiving expression : hump-loading. Hump-loading : the ratio of your humps to skydives on the weekend. A very heavily loaded hump ratio would be getting laid like 6 times and only making 2 skydives (3:1). Obviously you would have to have made at least one of each to be able to calculate your loading... And of course the size of your main is important too. Hmmmm, I think I need to go to the supermarket and start stocking up on strawberries and ice-cream... hee hee, I write the biggest load of crap when I'm hungover and need sleep /s

Beer!!!

Well, Rob, the best way to learn to play the didgeridoo is by observing somebody play it. Now it is also a known fact that women are the best didgeridoo players in the world. So simply get your girlfriend to blow your didgeridoo for you and then observe closely (you might want to make sure she isn't practicing on somebody else's didgeridoo!!!). Although I would like to blow my own trumpet here, I must confess that I have no desire to learn to play the didgeridoo, but I have watched lots of training videos and read many manuals showing some of the world's top didgeridoo action. Hope this was of some help to you! /s PS when a certain individual strained a little too hard on Friday evening (blowing the non-custard-chucking didgeridoo of course) and his false teeth came flying out, I nearly got ahernia I was laughing so much!!!

What's wrong with hooking it left??? /s

Hi Wingi The rest of my weekend was pretty good. Made another two solo jumps the next day (Saturday) - Ben heard about my attempted 3-way and said he wasn't willing to risk his life doing a 2-way with me - so it was just me and my imaginary friends doing RW (but you should have seen how many points we turned!). Wingi we have another entrant for the boogie - Alistair Hodgson. He went to Florida with Ben over new year's - he is a total piss-head too. Are you still willing to make some T-shirts for us? I don't care if they don't look *professional* - that'll just make 'em cooler. Oh yes, my other bit of news from the weekend - Thursday evening was out drinking with the DZ staff. Driving back to the DZ from the pub, one of the instructors decides to climb out my sunroof and sprawl over my windscreen, giving us the finger etc. I immediately took my foot off the petrol (was tempted to pull the hand-brake but didn't) and turned on the windscreen wipers and started spraying him with the soapy water. All great fun until I checked my windscreen the next morning and it is cracked - so that'll have to be replaced in November. More ££££ (and not even skydiving related!) /s PS I explained the hawaii shirt rule to Al and he loves it!

Must post more... Must post more... Must get a life... Must see daylight... waaaaahahahahahaha Boy have I spammed the hell out of you guys!!! At least Moose is stuck on an oil-rig, so apart from browse for porn this is all the fun he can have (BOTH hands above the desk please Alan). OK, and just to prove I am as shit-hot a skydiver as I am a forum spammer, here is my weekend report : Went up for my first 3-way. It was a WARP coach dive with two instructors. Deal was we make two jumps and I only pay one of their slots on each jump, unless I screw up. Guess what? We exit perfectly, get stable, into star, we turn the first point (side-in on my right), I turn back to dock for the 2nd point, before going in to take my grip - I check my altitude, BIG MISTAKE! Next thing I have lost them. The next 40 seconds were probably the most frustrating of my life (OK, apart from that time in the caravan park when her parents were in the next tent, hee hee). Anyway, I spent the rest of the skydive looking at a rock solid two way and two frustrated coaches. I went below them, I floated on them, I flew around them, just could not get back to them! A solo jumper who followed us out and lurked (from a distance) said it looked like a 2-way with camera! yay Got back to the ground and I was miserable. I was feeling really really down and beating myself up for screwing up a jump (that cost me £42). I know the money shouldn't be that important, but right now paying for those 3 slots was a considerable investment. Anyway, I found a quiet corner, sulked for a while, then went back for my debrief. The debrief was more a case of the coaches trying to cheer me up than anything else - and they did say the exit was good. But then I went and made a solo fun jump, later went to pick Ben up at the airport and we all got smashed friday night and I laughed my head off at Joey trying to play the didgeridoo - so I decided life wasn't so bad after all! Sorry for the long post, but what the hell did you expect from an addict??? /s PS Sangiro does this mean you are my dealer? If so, I thought dealers always give the first one free - where's mine? (and I don't mean a free post either!!!)

Hi guys I don't have that much experience in this field (because I am a low-timer, not because I don't like a good laugh). But what I have done with the tandem passengers the last couple of weeks is, first I take the lead from the Tandem master, if he makes a small joke then I join in - if not then I only smile at them and give them a thumbs up or a quick hand-shake before I exit. One lady did look very nervous, so I made up a quick beer rule. I told her that there was a long-standing rule on the DZ that if she didn't smile the whole way up and down, and we saw her not smiling on the video, that she had to buy everybody who was on that load a beer. It worked! Another one I used was, (being the only non-English person on the load) I told a tandem passenger that smiling in freefall would REALLY give your teeth a good clean and save on dentists bills. Then I started making comments about English peoples, ummmmmm, not so good dental hygiene habits (seen Austin Powers?)... Hee hee, that was good for about '3 000 worth of abuse from the rest of the load! /s

You just keep trolling Mr. Anonymous Chicken-shit, meanwhile little old computer illiterate me is on the case - gee, funny how I work for the company that provides out-sourced ISP helpdesk support for 7 of the UK's top 10 ISPs (and DO get full co-operation from all the other ISPs). And if you are posting from your PC at work, then you are really f@cked, because that is going to be even easier to trace... My name is William Walls and I will be at Langar from tomorrow evening, why don't you look me up and we will step behind the hangar for a *chat*... In the mean-time why don't you take this trolling shit-stirring elsewhere on the net (you know where). This is exactly the kind of crap nobody wants on this forum - so what exactly are you trying to achieve? Mr. Anonymous Click here! You really need it man! /s

WTF???? 34 year-old daddies girls??? Lets see I have only started jumping at Langar recently, BUT the chicks there kick ass! (and they would definitely kick yours if you weren't hiding anonymously you chicken-shit). Man, two top pilots who happen to be women (one a chief flying instructor no less, the other a shit hot glider pilot) and a really good rigger who happens to be a woman. Hmmm, you say you jump regularly at Langar? Well then why are you slagging off your fellow skydivers saying things like : This is probably a huge troll and we shouldn't bite, but by the sounds of it, you are bitter because you are not getting any and are hoping that pulling the girls hair and calling them names will get you some attention and a shag. Posting stuff like this on a WORLD-WIDE forum that you know a lot of Langar skydivers frequent is totally not cool. /s PS I will be at Langar tomorrow evening until Sunday - feel free to look me up...

No shit Sherlock!!! Somehow I don't think we are dealing with the sharpest tool in the box here! How long you think the DZO grounded him for, for *forgetting* his weights in the container when he packed? If that story is true, then beware all spectators when that Eagles next takes to the sky... lmao /s

Not really Your first instructor screwed up a hook turn. Your second instructor had a reserve ride (probably not his first either). Your third instructor was one of the 11 lucky skydivers to survive that accident (owes the pilot BIG time for that). I hardly think your 4th instructor shares your overly superstitious concern, and is probably not aware of the curse that fate has in store for him just because he was one of the four people who taught you to skydive! Your real name isn't Damien is it? Don't make me come over there to shave your head looking for 6's now!!! /s

OK guys, I am really religious and here is my prayer for the Texel weekend. I want all 3 of you to memorize it and join me in extended prayer sessions. The Beer Prayer Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink, Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as I am in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us, and lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers, For thine is the beer, The bitter and the lager, Forever and ever, Barmen.

Yes wingi What's your problem? That kind of 'can't do' attitude will not go down well in Texel. We are all bringing beer, why can't you bring us a Hercules??? No, dammit, now I want an F-16 of my very own (and it better match my jumpsuit colours too : black and burgundy). There, you know what you have to do Wingnut, get to it! /s

All evidence??? Merrick I would ask for your *input* at this point, but that might not be the apropriate term - hee hee. /s

You, my friend, have balls of steel. I am on pretty much the same number of jumps as yourself. I like to think I would have been as composed as yourself - both in that situation and now two days later, but seriously doubt it. You are a very lucky man to be alive, and an even luckier man to have such an awesome wife to share your life with. Please won't you make that video footage available on the net? You walked away (well that evening you did) from a double mal - this pretty much makes you a living legend in my book, dude! Will

Hey FFF I think you'd feel right at home in South Africa!

Not as far as I know. The porter should be back from its service, the caravan is still rocking, the Let should be cleared to fly jumpers by Wednesday and the 206 will be flying students. Might be a little (big) surprize, but I haven't heard anything definite. Yes, but all the beds are taken, so you and your (female) friends are welcome to share mine with me... later /s

Sangiro How exactly did you find this article and why are you trawling the web for sex-change articles? /s

Dude, what happens on the oil rig stays on the oil rig, but please, no bottom inspecting in Amsterdam!!! /s

Hawain Theme! wingi, huffer and Ben, following what you guys said in another thread, I think Hawain (can you say LOUD) shirts should be our standard dress for the Texel dz.com boogie. That way we will always be able to find each other (unless you are staring at the floor from 2 inches, but that means you fell over and can't see f@ckall anyway). I will get those T-shirts printed up : let me know now if you have any ideas what you want on it, otherwise I'm just going to use my discretion (be afraid wingi, hee hee). Also how many oooo's in moooooose do you want Alan? Ben, are you happy with just Ben? Can't we make it Ben Dover??? I think our first drinking rule of the weekend should be that anyone of us who gets seen without his hawain shirt when the bar is open HAS to skull a beer or shot. /s PS wingi tell your lameass fairy family that if they think they are getting free T-shirts, they've got two chances (zero and F-all).

JT Firstly, don't flirt with us : what is it? what is it? what is it? Secondly, I bet you were walking around the house wearing your rig and NOTHING else! (and how many times did you practice your PC *pulls*?) Details please dude (about your rig, not your solo nudie dirt-diving...) /s

Shit, way to go Omri! Here's to the youngest licensed Israeli skydiver! Mazeltov! Well, my weekend started pretty crappily, had to stay in Friday night to finish a uni assignment (my own fault for leaving it to the VERY last minute as always). Then according to all the weather forecasts (both TV and net), the DZ was supposed to be rained out. I was bitching like hell (sorry boss dude!), but decided to drive out anyway. What a good move! Repeated the Warp level 4 jump I fluffed last week and nailed it to the wall. Had 2 more coach Warp jumps today and passed - cleared for my Warp 3 ways next week. One of the other instructors (Chris) said he wanted to do those 2 jumps with me and Rusty (my Warp RW coach - top bloke). I told him I couldn't afford to pay all 3 slots and was going to find a Cat.10 fun jumper who would be willing to jump with Rusty and me, and pay their own slot. Chris then had a quick chat with Rusty, came back to me and said that they would each pay their own slot on one of the two jumps. How cool is that! So I will only be paying for two slots, but jumping with TWO instructors! And Rusty gives the camera footage free. Man, I am getting so close to my Cat.10 I can almost taste it! My last jump today was a camera jump, none of my family has *seen* me skydive, so I got video and stills - Rusty took about 20 stills of me geeking the camera and also filmed me dumping. Can't wait to get the pics back, scan 'em and mail 'em to the family. happy happy skreamer

Yes its true!!! I just got back from Langar 20 min. ago, the Let is back!!! Leonid brought a case of Ukranian 'champagne' along and we were all toasting him, each other, the Queen and the wind-sock!

Yes, well the good news is that this el saddo ordered his new rig this afternoon (and had to pay a 50% deposit up front) from Rigs n Things. Wings, Hornet, Tempo (great prices on canopies AND I got to support a South African business). The even better news? When I found out the horrendous prices being charged for customs and P+P, I booked a week's leave. Saturday the 30th of June I will be jumping my new rig at Skydive Naples. Saturday night I will be buying the beers and getting horribly smashed. Now the crap weather here isn't bothering me so much anymore...

F@ck, either it better stop raining soon or I am going to have to find a life in the real world... el saddo numero uno