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Thanks Erica! Now if you post the remainder of the dictionary, I might actually have a chance to come away from a meeting with a female without having bruises. ... Not sure whether that's bad or good though Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Not much going on at the DZ yesterday. Was signed on as a packer so i did that - 5 tandems and one fun jumper were all that had shown up in the rain/hail/windy/sun weather. The fun jumper gets one jump then leaves - tandems next. 4 go up and come down, everyone looking. Packed enough to afford a lift. The tandem passagers/whuffos on the ground are all watching with binoculars etc. So I exit and do some sitfly etc. 1000 meters - wave, look, pull. Good canopy. Some 360s and I land. Whuffos walk up "are you OK?!?" Me: "Umm. Yeah. Bit cold though" Whuffo: "We thought you FORGOT TO PULL THE STRING!" Me: "I did." Whuffo: "Well, was that the reserve?" Me: "No. I forgot I had a 'string'. Whuffo: "Is that why you were so low?" Me: "No, that was gravity doing its thing" Whuffo: "I thought you guys were trained to remember pulling the string" Me: "They told ME it'd come out automatically!" I am starting to smile at this point - cannot keep a straight face. Whuffo: "So did your steering line get stuck?" Me: "Ummm. No" Whuffo: "You were spinning around up there!" Me: "Ummm. Yes." Whuffo: "Surely it must have been stuck. You're not telling us something" Me: "Uh. Eh. No. I was just trying to get warm. Friction with the air, you see. Only way to keep ice from forming on the canopy" Whuffo: "Oh." Me: "Gotta go pack before my canopy gets moldy." Ok, am I supposed to feel bad about behaving in this way? I just *couldn't* help myself - and I'm usually a pretty nice guy.I'm a low time jumper with a full understanding of my limited experience - yet these poor, hapless whuffos proved to be too tempting targets. I shall repent through drinking beer. Anyone else got whuffo stories they wanna share? Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Amen to that! It was nothing to see a teacher slap the shit out of a kid.......kid would straighten up..........parents would deal out worse.....I turned out fine. I got what I deserved because I freakin knew better, period. Heh YOU try spank ME when i was 14-16. I was (still am) a skinny, scrawly kid. Anyone who tried to lay a hand on me I'd fight - no matter his or her size, position or authority. It got me into a lot of trouble and I lost more fights than I care to admit. Physical punishment works fine with those that don't hit back and those that have a semblance of respect for authority But to try to spank "problem kids" in their mid teens is a recipy for disaster. If they're anything like I was, they'll defend that last vestige of honour and self respect they have to the last drop of blood - damn the torpedoes, flank speed ahead. And what are you left with when a student has beaten the crap out of a teacher? Criminal procedures and counter-suits. Some kids have a spirited nature. No amount of physical violence by figures of authority can remove it - they can quell it a bit at best. This *will* result in a dark hatred building up in the kids though - one that might be very hard to get rid of. Hatred is a great motivator, but usually doesn't support good things. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Studying - the thing you take up 14 days before the exams. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Our family has a dog, Max, a warm hearted yellow labrador (see pic). Very friendly, inquisitive and energetic. He lives with my parents, although I, being unemployed, take care of 'im daily. He needs a lot of exercise, coming from a line of permier rescue dog. Also needs a lot of training and I do my best with his exuberant self. Unfortunately my father suffers from depression. He's also recently gone through heart surgery. Couple that with Max being very active - when he's not doing something for a few hours he sometimes chews stuff - shoes, glasses - anything he can reach. Two days ago he chewed one of my father's collector's knives to pieces. And my father is of the conviction that dogs are useful as tools but do not deserve consideration as living things - "the Greenlandic view on dogs" he calls it. Something he took on after he worked there for some years. They're to be worked and when they cannot fulfill their role, there's no point to their existence. Those are his words and I can only hope he doesn't mean 'em and they're just (another) sign of his current condition. So, he's decided that the dog should be killed. Max is extremely affectionate towards my father - which annoys him even more. At any rate; the family (other than father) decided not to have that happen. I argued that the dog's presence is the problem, so I'll take 'im. Father says no, he has authority over the dog. Mother threatens divorce, blah blah. Old routine of "family life" disintegrating. Fuck man, am I glad I'm 28 and able to remove myself from that shit. Max is also a great skydiver's dog, although he has to be tied down when the plane rolls since he'd be chasing the plane otherwise. Long story short; Max is now in my small one room apartment, running in circles. Or lying at the door barking at anyone who has the nerve to pass HIS area - the door and all that which lies beyond. Poor thing doesn't know what is happening or why his head master is angry with 'im. And me being between jobs means I can offer 'im only love, food and shelter in my tiny apartment. There are possible solutions. The current situation is one, but I have my eye on one more favourable to both Max and me. All this may be a small matter on the grander scale of things. ALL things are just that on the cosmic scale - all that matters is that which we give any value. Gonna take him for a walk now. he just scared the sheeit outta the troublesome Somali neighbors who threatened me some time ago. And father says the dog has no value . Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Hahah, Sangiro the HH is old. And probably a pervert too. How else could he be this popular with the ladies? Congrats Sangiro Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

And it only gets better and better. I started my AFF progression in June and due to no instructors being available it took me til the end of July to finish it off. Now at 75 jumps with a Real Rig(tm), skydiving just keeps on getting better and better. I suspect you, like me and many others who started in this great sport, will spend most of your time and money on it . Your poor whuffo friends will be SOOO bored with your skydiving stories after just a little while - if they aren't already Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

What are the requirements in the US for becoming a rigger? In DK there is (IIRC) Packer, Senior Packer, rigger, Master rigger. You get yer packing cert after 20+ packs plus 5 exam packs (with entanglements). To become a senior packer you have to have had a packing certificate for two years, gone through a materials course and so forth. The next step is getting a reserve packing certificate - once you've had this for a year, you can start on the training to become a rigger. So, if the lady in question here started today, she'd be able to *start* on her riggers training in three years. Maybe a bit anal. I sorta like it this way though. Aye, I know that two years or one year doesn't equate to number of pack job/qualification. It tends to and is thus workable. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Amen to that. Yer smart, not jaded

Heh, my DOG ate my new glasses. I feel your pain. I'm sitting an inch from the puter screen when I wanna read something. Almost outta lenses; saving the last ones for skydiving. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

We are. Now hush and shut up; here comes the penalty kick. Oh, you might be in for some...shaky times. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Heh, this is what I'm scared of. I've always done exactly what I've wanted and my parents (or school, or whoever) haven't been able to force me. Had the cops pick me up to bring me to school coz I dinnae want to go several times. I knew about the repercussions of my actions (sort of); I jut didn't place much weight on them It's both a blessing and a curse, such a disposition, but it sure has been interesting so far. Now if I get a kid like that I dunno what I'd do. I can say, based on my own experiences with myself, that there are instances when no amount of authority, threats or begging will work with a kid. Some are just dumb, stubborn and mule-minded. And they'll get into a helluva lot of trouble over it - with their peers, parents and authorities in general. I'd imagine that if I was the father of such a child I'd rip my hair off just with worrying and I'd not like the lack of influence one bit. The things I've subjected my family to aren't to be taken lightly (even if I remember them fondly and find 'em amusing now). I dunno. Having kids appear to me to come with big risks and even greater responsibility. I'm 28 now and have enough trouble finding a direction for myself. I'd do a kid a disservice to bring him/her to the world at this point in time. And, most importantly, I KNOW my kid would use the all powerful argument I used: "Fark off dudes, I didn't choose to come to this world - you forced it on me" Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Heh a girl I used to see angrily said that skydiving was a disease too Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Heh, there are lies, damned lies and statistics. Take my oldest brother - the most settled, sweet, intelligent caring blæah blah guy in the world. Been with his gf for ages. First he get twins. Bit unlikely. Both girls. Then he gets another girl. Then a little while back he scores again - another girl. My sis (med doctor) has said it's because his body is trying to create a future skydiver. The first three there is but slim hope for - but he seems to have succeeded with the last one. She's already done BASE jumps outta beds and tables and gets frequent lifts off WL-28 "Claus" and "Marianne" aircraft. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. I'm just happy I'm not my brother when his girls start going through Hormone Hell. Oh yeah; he's got several shotguns. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

How do you know I ain't already? Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Heh good old Danish Lutherans church is cooler. I mean, we have a priest here who publicly stated he does not believe in God. He's still allowed to serve the community though. There might indeed be a deity. or deities. I dunno. If there is then it/they are probably dismayed at how people have misconstrued it/their will(s). Or they have a helluva sense of humour. I'm hoping for the latter. It'd make a possible afterlife so much sweeter. Think I could get along with it/them if that was the case. God is a freeflier. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Well WrongWay, if Lance ever screwed one of the millions of girls at his feet, he'd be even worse than R Kelly

Carpal syndrome - didn't Australian studies prove that it's a psychological mind meme rather than the real thing? Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

And my brother (after handing me his adorable 2 year old who'll smile and hug and kiss you) asks me why I don't have any plans for kids. "They become teenagers eventually" is my usual answer. Older friends with grown up children says it's the worst period- once they reach their twenties, they're like best friends once more. But I just CANNOT STAND teenagers. Left up to me, teenagers would be sent to reeducation camps until they realize that the world won't stop without 'em. If I ever get kids chances are they'll be like me when I was a teenager. Don't think I want to subject myself to that. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Vallerina, I can assure you that the love between normal family members tend NOT to be unconditional either. Think of something absolutely totally horrible. Now have a family member do this to you repeatedly and with glee. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

Alrighty, two additions. Am sure I've forgotten some group. Will add when I find out. Feathered Ones. These are peculiar creatures indeed. They're all honorary members of Monty Python's Funny Walk group and their grace on land is comparable to that of penguins. All are chronic sufferers of BES (Bird Envy Syndrome) and it is illustrated in their behaviour - they claim to be flyinginstead of falling, and they flock rather than do RW, vRW or tracking dives. Careful observers of this species will note they also dye their excrement white and black. Their goal in life is to extend freefall extend flight from 13000 feet to over 4 minutes and land in their PenguinSuits. Skydivers should stay away from wearing these suits as it is rumoured that microscopic needles in the suits inject drugs that cause serious addiction. Another group is the Jumpship Deficient Lemmings one, although they prefer to be known under their cool sounding acronym B.A.S.E. Their motto appears to be "BASE - when dying just ain't enough". These critters have regressed unwittingly into the student stage and eagerly don huge F111 canopies, forgetting in their childish exuberance that reserves might come in handy. They tend to, like the proverbial lemming, hurl themselves off things - mostly because it impresses the chicks and very effeminate men. None of them know this because all of them are insane. An interesting biological fact is that all BASE jumpers have only three brain cells - one is quadraplegic and the other two are fighting over who's turn it is to push the thirds wheelchair. This has an odd benefit however; when Death walks toward them, the little brain activity there is cause them to try to rip his nipples off, so strangely enough there are some who've managed to procreate. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

If one has to divide up people and nicely categorize them in groups, one then so be it. A person can and usually does belong to more than one group. There seems to be somewhat of a clear distinction between people at my club. Here's a quicke rundown that should be taken with a few grains of salt: I flew rounds when you flew nappies people. These are the salt of the earth "I survived the 70s" sorta jumpers. They tend to be men in their 50's with the 'combover of the 90s', walking encyclopedias despite having burned more brain cells through partying than a truckload of ravers. They'll do style and precision and consider the essence of coolness to be big parafoils or tight lycra suits. They have more "shit, there I was" stories than a man suffering from chronic galopping diahrrea and tend to run the show at the DZ. You cannot outprank them, so don't try. They're survivors and Kings of their domains. Anything less than 10 cutaways in your career and you're still a wannabe newbie in their eyes. Listen to them carefully, then throw 90% of what they say away, reserving a special place in your mind for the remaining 10; this will help you survive. There's the CRW dogs. Their favourite movie is Crocodile Dundee and their favourite statement is "you call THAT a hooknife?!" followed by ripping out a giant, custom made one with blades sharp enough to shave off. Some of them probably have done just that, too. A canopy ride less than 15 minutes ain't a canopy ride for these people, just a boring transporation from point A to point B. These people have lost enough shoes to keep Adidas in business for a few years. The Belly Dancers, aka RW people is another group. Don't get in their way when they're dirt diving as they know how to swing those creepers pretty well. They're not jumping outta planes - they're "making coordinated, preplanned, high precision exits". Their dance in the air is as seductive as ther nickname suggests - and woe to the person who gets in their way. They tend to be just one point shy of a "20 average, had it not been for those f*cking freefliers yelling GOGOGOGOGO, interrupting our exit ritual". These are people Going Places and like some of the You Flew Nappies people they like really tight suits because it makes 'em look good. A teams performance is directly proportional to how colour coordinated they are, so expect Shit Hot looking skydivers. The Flying Femurs is the next group. They'll gently attach strings to a napkin, fold it precisely and put it on their back. Then they'll jump off a plane, locate all the cameras from 3000 feet, spiral down and incredible speed, point the napking straight down and somehow level off an inch before the ground. They'll turf-surf right past at least 8 cameras, carving as they go, providing high fives all the way, overtake a Ferrari and come to a stop about two yards from the packing area. Not that they need one since The Napkin easily can be folded using two fingers. They don't count skydives but rather how many degrees of hookturn you've made in your skydiving career. Camera fliers tend to belong to this group. Then there's the Total And Utter Goofballs, also called freefliers. For these people it's more important to look good than to win. They're the jesters of the DZ and if anything serious or mature exits their mouths it's either pure accident or followed by an asisine, juvenile and usually somewhat humorous comment. All have specially made jumpsuits which aid them in their quest for Ultimate Coolness. Anything that can fall with them, they bring with em into the sky. Cannot be trusted and tend to be as bad as the Flying Femurs when it comes to camera whoring. Tend to live as they fly - there's no telling what's up and down with 'em but at least one can be sure that they're not "doing it the traditional Missionary style". The Funnelers/Corkers is another illustrious group, of which I am part of. However bad they mess up somewhat safely, these guys and girls will wear a shit eating grin and make comments such as "d00d! That was cool! Did you see me go up into a stand, right before I corked and sorta lost you?". When they funnel an RW exit, they'll laugh, flap their arms and afterburn their way into another funnel. ATC usually find a "group" of these people in different control zones, which isn't bad considering their tendency to be anywhere but where they should be. Can usually be recognized by their sprangly multicoloured 90s used gear. Despite not really being wanted by either the RW people or the FF ones, the aforementioned groups will tug and pull to "convert" these aspiring wannabes to "The Cause". The Wee Ones are the students. Usually a mixture of the aforementioned groups will take their turn filling these up and coming skydivers with horror stories and suggestions of technique that are horredously complicated. These people are easily identifiable by their Deer Caught In Headlights eyes. Their enthusiam, however, is surpassed by nothing, except perhaps their apprehension. They're also good targets for people migrating into the Flying Femurs group, as these students will need a rig sooner or later. A student close to getting his certificate is easy to identify; he or she is very big and tall next to one time jumpers but shrinks considerably when one of the Old Dawgs starts barking. The Sofa Adventurers, aka tandem passengers makes up the last group. Usually can be found surrounded by an adoring family greatly impressed and worried about the soon-to-come endevour of their loved one. gets white in the face when "Blood on the risers" is sung on the ride up but eagerly accepts reassuring comments such as "don't worry, you'll come down" and "you TM may be an alcoholic, but he hasn't had that much to drink yet". Once landed, these people act either as invigorated springs with grins the size of Alaska on their faces or as people who've just found out the last steak they had was made from a pregnant yak. What have I missed? Add more if you have. Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst

You're a Good Person in my book then AggieDave

Cessnas are cool

Make sure you have an easy to use billing component that logs all transactions, their type etc. Your software won't be used if it doesn't ease the lives of those in the manifest, and having to go through more than one screen to (for instance) show someone why they're paying say $50 more than they thought they should is just not good enough. Don't get too technical - that ain't impressing anyone but other fellow geeks. Include users as early as you can in the process - prototyping is a good tool here. And make sure yer system keeps (several) logs of what's happening. Last advice: think about odd errors, consistency and redundancy. I've seen bad handling of these last items f@rk up otherwise nice systems. Just my €0.2 Santa Von GrossenArsch I only come in one flavour ohwaitthatcanbemisunderst