bluepill

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Squeak. Now.... "Release the cats!!" Have a good one. BP

The city I live in have just opened an urban beach. Given the amount of rain we have had all summer this is definitely a case of 'If you build it, it will come.' Well at least if the flood waters get any closer we will be able to have a swim. http://www.thisisbristol.com/displayNode.jsp?nodeId=144936&command=displayContent&sourceNode=144919&contentPK=17898421&moduleName=InternalSearch&formname=sidebarsearch

I would SO do that if I lived in a snowy climate!!!! But hope you don't get busted by the cops for hiding a fire hydrant. How about a tree stump or big rock that you can just roll away after? Or a captured Mailbox bashing bandit, conveniently sedated, concealed within the snowman and positioned for a right good PHWACKING. BP

June 1997 at Skydive Sebastian. AFF Instructors were Mick Hall and Vladi Pesa. Video was by Keith Lerrett. BP

On a recent flight with EasyJet a fight attendant came out with: "Easyjet would like to welcome you..." " ...and finally ladies and gentlemen you will be very pleased to know that Easyjet has some of the most attractive flight attendants in the business. However, none of them are on this flight." at the end of the flight he came out with ".... thankyou ladies and gentlemen for allowing Easyjet to take you for a ride!" Funniest flight I ever had

"Meat my younger sister" BP

Are you an orange? No I am not. Ask me if I am an apple. BP

My all time favorite is this. Ask me if I am an Orange. (Hint: Someone needs to ask me) BP

Bastards. When I was little I built a snowman in my garden one winter. One boy in our street would run through the garden and kick it down. I rebuilt it several times and he kept doing it. My dad finally helped me rebuild it with a Concrete block inside. The boy hurt his foot bad. The boy's dad came down to have a go at me about it...but my dad was bigger than his dad. Here is my suggestion of what to do. 1. If you can, try and make the Mailbox really stand out. E.g. Make it bigger and/or paint it yellow or red or somat. You want it to really stand out and attract "attention". This will be Mailbox 1 and will be a decoy. 2. Now place a more discreet smaller mailbox near by, This is Mailbox 2 and will be the real mailbox that you receive your mail in. 3. OK now with the decoy mailbox 1 you want to ensure that you have a note in small writing to ensure that the mailman knows not to deliver into the decoy. Now comes the good bit... It will take a little experimenting, and maybe someone in here might be able to help with the engineering. Inside Mailbox 1 you want to create "Client server" mechanism whereby when the mailbox is struck (by a client) a projectile (of your choosing) is fired (served) at the client. A blow-pipe type of effect. As I said this will take a little experimenting to ensure that the projectile is fired in the appropriate direction and velocity. Im not saying you should use anything lethal, but something good enough to give the culprits a good kick up the arse or damage their vehicle. Just an idea. BP

All depends how many beans they gave ya. Besides, breakfast is not breakfast without black pudding BP

The local newspapers are not getting through on time (I dont know why they dont print em locally) and my boss is stranded in his own home so cant get to work Other than that, everything is tickitiboo. And the sun has got his hat on all day today. BP

Err, I was gonna reply with summit ineetygent. But I cant think of anything intelligent to say. BP

I wonder what name Fred has got for you? For all you know Fred may have asked his BlackWidow.com buddies about you and at this very moment be trembling at the realisation that he has a 'SarahC07' in his flat. BP

Attempt to clear a 90 foot table top at Gen Helen Raceway on a KX125 (2 stroke) on lap 1, having only just cleared the 60 footer on a YZ250 (4 stroke) in the previous race. Think that landing short won’t hurt much. BP

A car? I thought you were a biker boy? I expect that trip would be pretty dangerous. BP

On a lighter note... How do you get a fat girl into bed? ... a piece a cake ! BP

Diets do not work - period. I have tried many diets, and yes I lost a lot of poundage but eventually it always comes back, why? - because diets make you focus on food. A bit like, "I must not ever ever eat that big chocolate cake that is smothered in all that cream and jam. Yep I must not eat it". Now I cant stop thinking about the damn cake ! Throughout every diet I have ever tried I have always woke up thinking "what am I going to eat or not eat today” Food would occupy my thoughts so much it would do me in. I recently found a solution which is not a diet. More of a better way to eat. It is based around four rules: 1. When you are hungry - EAT. 2. Eat whatever you want. 3. Consciously chew and enjoy every mouthful - don’t just cram it in. 4. When you begin to think you are full - STOP EATING. This is really working for me. I don’t weigh myself but I am already 2 jean sizes smaller. And I have only been doing it 8 weeks. But the best thing about the system is that I no longer constantly think or worry about food. BP

Definitely always listen. But listen like a man. i.e. 1. Monitor incoming signals. 2. Squelch out the background noise (usually 99% of signal) 3. Screen remaining signal for relevancy and priority (e.g. 1. Sex request, 2. Beer available 3. Food ready …etc) 4. Store prioritised signal until appropriate response selected. (Ensuring to maintain blank expression) 5. Once sport or any other current interest is finished, provide response (if you remember). Await further incoming signals….. BP

After watching "The Long Way Round" - An around the world road trip by Ewan McGregor & Charley Boorman, I'd say Mongolia. Although very poor, it is rich in natural beauty and had the happiest friendly people of all the countries on their trip. BP

Just be sneaky about it. Sitting on Dropzone.com all day and not doing any work. An interview usually identifies 3 things: 1. Can you do the Job? If you submitted a resume, then you have already convinced them you can, otherwise they would not ask to see you. 2. Will you do the Job? Your confidence is key in convincing them that you will turn up each day and do the job. 3. Will you fit in? My advice is just be yourself, it is up to them to figure out if you fit well into their environment. Good luck. BP

Feel free to PM me with your questions.

I work with accountants all day and that offer makes me want to stangle myself. One I heard earlier this year, relating to loss of jobs by transferring some of our work to another country was: "most of the FTE reduction will come from natural wastage" Grrrr, I got some natural wastage for their in-tray. BP

Im in work. I work for a finance company. A senior manager has just asked me to "get Drains up" on one of our processes but not to do a "Deep Dive" on it. What a twat. Why is he using stupid arse corporate lingo? Anyone got any gems that I can trump him with. Once I produce my "drains up" but not "deep dive" report ?

"OK, who's fart just made my buddy's eyes water !!!"

Slow slurping noises punctuated with the occasional gagging and muffled moan.