PLFKING

Sorry if these have already been posted (I can't begin to keep up with the volume on this forum). My vote is split between #4 and #6. ----------------------------------------------------- Darwin award nominees and winner for 2002. The Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died (or almost died) in the stupidest way. These are named "Darwin Awards" because it is hoped that "Survival of the Fittest" means something, and that the stupidity of these unfortunate souls will not be part of the gene pool in the future. Enjoy. This year's nominees are: Nominee 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. Nominee 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Michigan, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft." Nominee 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, North Carolina. Awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear. Nominee 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer, demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper, crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association. Nominee 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near-airtight bedroom. According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized. Nominee 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted. Nominee 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gun powder ignited. Nominee 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a birdfeeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said. -----------------------------------------------------------

Hi. My name's Spot. I'm part Golden Retriever, 8 months old, and have very large paws.

Yes. I'd say they hit the Lisa-nail right on the head. I'm Navy (one of Michigan's colors -- I can hang with that). You are attractive, WAY off ! and love your life. True You have a strong feeling towards everything. Very true...(some people call it "mule-headedness") [:) ] And very easily distracted. Not really Once you get angry at someone, its hard for you to forgive them. True...but in my defense -- it takes a LOT for me to get really angry at someone. Don

How much would it cost me to find out ? Don

You STILL have a crush on Judge ? Chuck....better send Billy Bob away for the weekend.....Triple F's back in town. Don

In the past, two scowling little girls and another throwing up on a rabbit never struck much terror in my soul. Now I might have to re-think my position. Don

It always amazes me when you come up with a great idea.

Me will be there. Me will bring beer to share with my fellow .commers. Don

Amen to that.....and the farther you get into this book, it just keeps getting better and better.

Wot, wot ? Another bloody Brit ? Welcome to the nuthouse. There are any number of your countrymen already posting here.....I guess it must be hard to find good comedy in England.

We're all in agreement that Sangiro is a great guy, and a very tolerant owner.

Don

Whoever told you something like that must be a Neanderthal, is totally clueless about women, and is probably a loser as well. I'll bet the only worthwhile thing he ever did with his life was to jump out of a plane. Don (ps......I didn't say that men didn't like that....I just said that if you didn't stop, I was gonna "bust you up").

Definitely. And when the story first broke, CNN had a guy on the phone named John Ira Petty, whom they introduced as being a NASA spokesperson. When they asked him for an update, he said (not verbatim) " Reports are that Jackie Marling (THE JOKE MAN fror Playboy) shot it down because he heard Howard Stern was on board." I can understand CNN or any news media wanting to get a scoop on the others, but for God's sake confirm your f***ing sources. My sentiments exactly. This brings back the same sad feelings I had while watching the Challenger disaster. Don

Reprting an explosion in Dallas....but not confirmed to be related. This is not sounding good. Edit....debris falling over Texas.

You look familiar....didn't you used to post here quite a bit ? I'm bad with names, though. Sounds like you had a slight amount of fun !

Looks like you will all outlive me.....best I can do is 2031. On the good side.....I'm leaving all my money to Michele and Jess, provided they open a shelter for homeless cats and parrots. The only stipulation is that all the animals must have free reign of the house -- no cages.

We posted at the same time, but i'll follow mine (if it ever becomes neccessary...)

1) Remove claws from ass. 2) Remove teeth from groin. 3) Forcefully throw ferrett into clean air. 4) Arch. 5) Look silver. 6) Grab silver. 7) Pull silver. Similar to the emergency procedures for a black bear-in-tow, but the ferrett is considered a slower-speed mal. Don

Keep on truckin' girl....if you can jump out of a plane, you can defeat two small pieces of plastic. When I wore them, it took me over a month to get used to them. Don

Thank you Andi and Cora. Words cannot describe the sense of peace and serenity I feel now. I wish you would....it's been far too long since you have. Try to come up with some new material though, okay ? I am highly offended by this flip remark. My grandmother was a mute sow. (also...you misspelled "psychicly"). Don

Welcome to the Funny Farm ! Please check your sense of decency and outrage at the door before entering.

Welcome to our humble abode. Wow....for a newbie, you've really got it going on ! Some of us have been here for years, but still haven't mastered the sig line thing.

Because I started posting before the "Introductions" forum was even a glint in Sangiro's eye, I've since felt incomplete because I never got an official greeting from Andrea, or even a "Hi and Welcome" from Firecat.....I've always felt I was missing something....something vital to the very essence of life itself. If you could oblige me, I would then be able to return to my humble and lonely life a happy man.