Divalent
-
Content
1,147 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
2 -
Feedback
0%
Everything posted by Divalent
-
I'm in the lead!
-
Concrete Rebound Hammer matters more.
-
An old man is lying in a hospital bed. Feeling that these may be the last moments of his life, he says to his wife: "We have 7 children. The older 6 are all good looking, athletic, smart, symmetrical, outgoing, and responsible, but our seventh child is just about the complete opposite in all those ways. Tell me the truth, does he have a different father?" Wife: "Yes..." Husband: "Who's the father?" Wife: "You are."
-
I arrived home and my wife was nowhere to be found, which was very unusual. Then I noticed a note on the fridge that said, "This isn’t working." I’m not quite sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!
-
True dat. Could even be this evening while everyone is sleeping.
-
A man’s walking home late on a dark night when he notices a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks for a quickie!” she says. He’s never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell. They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a policeman. “What’s going on here, people?” asks the officer. “I’m making love to my wife,” the man answers indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry,” says the cop, “I didn’t know.” “Well,” said the man, “to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.”
-
Late at night the husband is browsing porn websites on his computer, thinking that his wife is sound asleep. The wife wakes up to go to the bathroom, and then without saying a word (and without the husband noticing) stands behind his back observing. All of a sudden, he hears her say: “Go back… another page. There! Those are the curtains I want for our bedroom.”
-
Hi
-
The last person to post in this thread wins! [And it looks like it is me]
-
If I had a dollar for every time I didn't have sex, I could have sex all the time.
-
My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandmother. That is, until my dad took her urn away from me.
-
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
-
When I was little, a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason. Now, after devoting my life to building a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little, and we'll see how he likes it!
-
If you throw someone out of a pub in Ireland and they come right back in ... then it's probably just Rick O'Shea
-
A friend told me that his girlfriend had left him. Me: "Why?" He: "She asked who I would choose for a threesome." Me: "Let me guess: you chose one of her friends?" He: "No, I chose two of of them."
-
Office manager to his boss: "Can I have Thursday and Friday off next week so I can travel with my wife to visit my mother-in-law?" Boss: "Certainly not!" Office manager: "Thanks so much! I knew you would be understanding."
-
Father: "Son, your mother and I have some news for you. You are adopted." Son: "I knew it! So who are my real parents?" Father: "We are. Your new parents are coming by in 30 minutes to pick you up, so get packing"
-
I doubt anyone would find if profitable to buy this place and coast on the earnings. IMO, it would take a lot of effort to revamp the place to slow the rate at which traffic here is declining. IMO, a big problem is that the number of forums is insane relative to the number of users, which balkanizes the interesting nuggets of information/discussion. Most forums haven't had a post in months, (and when they get one, it typically gets ignored). It's sad, but I think this place's era is long gone.
-
Just a heads up for those of you that hang out here, but don't check out other forums:
-
Smart 190 reserve
-
A husband and wife get into a huge argument. They are calling each other names, swearing, and throwing things at each. Finally the wife grabs a suitcase and throws a bunch of the husband's clothes into it and says, "that's it, I've had enough of you! Take this suitcase and GET THE HELL OUT!" As he's leaving, she hisses at him, "I want you to be miserable for every minute of the rest of your life!" The husband pauses, looks back at his wife with a confused look on his face and says "so you want me to stay now?"
-
not too dramatic, but the only one I survived. :-) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5gnJQybiZA
-
A lot of European family names were adopted from professions or actions that an ancestor was known for. Like Smith (works with metal, such as blacksmiths) or Fletcher (an arrow maker) or Thatcher (one who thatched roofs). The Dickinson’s must have an awkward family history.
-
{wrong thread]
-
A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a store. The store clerk called 911 when she saw him collapse to the floor. The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment. "Do you have health insurance?" she asked. He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance." The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?" He replied, "No money in the bank." "Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?" asked the irritated nun. He said, "I only have a spinster sister and she is a nun." The nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God." The patient replied, "Perfect. Send the bill to my brother-in-law."
