ScottishJohn

If your driving shouldn't he be worried ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Here is something to keep you occupied at work for a while http://www.seethru.co.uk/zine/south_coast/helicopter_game.htm ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have lemons?" the bartender says, "No, we don't have lemons!" Disappointed the duck leaves. Ten minutes later he comes back and asks the bartender, "Do you have lemons?" Slightly annoyed, the bartender says, "For the second time, no we don't have lemons!" The duck turns around and leaves, only to return ten minutes later and once again asks the bar keep, "Do you have lemons?" The bartender is pissed, " If you come in here one more time and ask if I have lemons, I will get my hammer and nail your little webbed feet to the damn floor!" The duck flies out of the bar quacking in fear. Ten minutes later, the duck walks in, the bartender in astonishment listens as the duck asks, "Do you have nails?" Confused, the bartender says, "No." The duck replies, "Good, do you have lemons?" Burger King, Not -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- THE TOP 16 SIGNS YOUR JOB AT BURGER KING ISN'T WORKING OUT: 16. Your incessant "Heh, heh, he said, 'Buns.'" is really getting on your supervisor's nerves. 15. What you thought was an innovative way to keep both you and the meat patties warm turns out to violate several health code standards. 14. Your salary just can't support that $200-a-night hooker habit. 13. Nomination as the Republican Party candidate is just one big time conflict. 12. Boss fires your slacker butt after realizing that you're not "Herb" after all. 11. Flame broiled, my ass!? (No really, I flame broiled my ass!) 10. Latest inventory shows chocolate shake supplies usage has tripled since you were hired and you need a bigger uniform every three days. 9. Those "special orders" not only upset you, they make you postal! 8. You get caught asking customers in the men's room if they'd "like to supersize that?" 7. Supervisor's insistence on hairnets for your armpits was the last straw. 6. Some young punk with just three years on the job steals your assistant fry boy position. 5. Just no fun anymore to get liquored up, head for the arches and kick some McButt. 4. Arrested one too many times for using your "built-in organic onion ring circumference measuring device." 3. "No shake for you, Lard Ass!" doesn't really reflect your sincere concern about the customer's health. 2. You deep-fry your right arm, hoping it'll make you more "presidential." And the Number 1 Sign Your Job at Burger King Isn't Working Out... 1. When you hand out paper crowns to kids, you say, "Here you go! Now you're the King of the Snot-Nosed Little Bastards!" Wee! Higher! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It doesn't take the homeowner long to realize the man is drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost! It's half past three! I was in bed!" screams the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened. She remarks, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?" "But the guy was drunk," says the husband. "It doesn't matter," explains the wife. "He needs our help and it would be nice to help him." So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door but he can't see the stranger anywhere in the dark, so he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?" He hears a voice cry out, "Yes, please." "Where are you?" shouts the homeowner. The stranger calls back, "I'm over here, on your swing." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" "Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter. "But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth out?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

OK, sort of serious question. these ejector seats use round parachutes instead of squares. is that because there is less chance of them going wrong on opening or are they quiker on opening ? if the sport has progressed enough that most of us are jumping square mains with square reserves why do they use rounds for ejector seats. PS. I have never jumped a round myself so I know nothng about them. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Top quote man ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Wot kind of beer ? only joking

why not try something in red black and light grey. It looks really nice ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Never eat yellow snow ! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

OR We all need to get a bong ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Yes it does Tony Blair (prime minister) will tax anything , look at his latest idea below. Tony's new tax. The country was in such a terrible state, Parliament rose for a budget debate, It was quite a few moments before Tony spoke When he said "sex will cost ten quid a poke" Whether you're short, long, skinny or thick, The tax will be paid on the use of your prick, Chris Smith said "now Tony, look here, Will the tax still be paid for the boys who are queer?" Treasurer Brown arose and looked glum, "will I be exempt coz I only like bum?" Tony replied and sounded quite airy "you'll fucking pay double, you dirty old fairy" Up got John Major to tremendous applause, He grabbed Margaret Beckett, and whipped off her drawers He straddled across her and fucked her at will Then shouted at Tony "put that on your bill" Prescott shouted "I think I'll resign" I haven't had pussy for a very long time I dream every night of a big juicy crutch But ten quid a jump is a bit fucking much" The debate carried on, oh what a night Cecil was bonking every woman in sight The whole house was screwing, the speaker was too And in the excitement, the dumb bill got through So now in the bedrooms of England each night There's many a fanny closed up good and tight They're taking our booze and taxing our smokes And now the bastards are taxing our pokes If ten pounds a time is the price we must pay, It's now with ourselves we must play, So to quench our frustration, we must have a wank For the state of our country, we have Tony to thank. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Doesn't she ? , oh i'm getting confused now. Oh yeah , I think most men have worked that one out ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Help yourself ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

I saw a good T shirt recently but it wasn't a skydiving shirt. It said "If you think my attitude stinks, you should smell my fingers" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

not for me there not. I usually think of foreign films as being in a different language. One of my favourites is Dobermann. About french gang who rob banks, more violent than reservior dogs ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

can you use adifferent browser. If you can try downloading Mozila it's not as buggy as IE and much faster. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Great flash sangiro.

The first worthwhile chain letter. ========================= This chain letter was developed by virile men in order to make their sexlife even more fantastic. As opposed to normal chain letters, this one costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your friends who are just as virile as you. Then anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list,and you will receive 823,542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, will be at least: 0.5 miss worlds 2.5 models 463 wild nymphos 3,234 good-looking nymphos 20,198 who enjoy multiple orgasms 40,198 bi-sexual women In total, that is 64,294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of his friends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he sent her off in, with the same old migraine attack, and the accusatorial expression on her face. On the same day, the international supermodel he'd been living with since he sent off his old girlfriend moved out to live with his best friend (to whom he had not sent the chain letter.)While I am sending this letter, the bloke that is in 6th place above me has already received 837 women and is lying in hospital suffering from exhaustion. Outside his ward are 452 more packages. YOU MUST BELIEVE THIS E-MAIL This is a unique opportunity to achieve a totally satisfying sexlife. No expensive meals out, no lengthy conversations about trivialities (that only interest women) just so that you can screw her. No obligations, no grumpy mother-in-law, and no unpleasant surprises like marriage or engagement. Do not hesitate: send this letter today to 9 of your best friends. PS Even when you have no girlfriend, you can send your vacuum cleaner. PPS This letter can also be copied to women you know so that they can prepare themselves for the great adventure that they may soon undertake. (Must dash, the post has just arrived.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Here's one for you. The seven dwarfs were in a Catholic church. They were sitting near the rear, and as the priest was speaking they whispered and giggled amongst themselves causing quite a disturbance. All of a sudden, Dopey stands up and hollers, "Father, are there any dwarf nuns in the church?" "No", said the priest, "There are no dwarf nuns in the church." A little time passed and the bunch were again whispering and giggling, causing a disturbance and noticeably angering the priest. Soon Dopey stood up again and asked, "Mr. Priest, are there any dwarf nuns in the CITY?" "No my son, there are no dwarf nuns in the city or in the church," says the priest. Within a few minutes, again the jokesters resume their annoying giggling to the dismay of the priest. A slightly agitated Dopey stands up and asks: "Priest, are there any dwarf nuns in the whoel STATE?" "No my son, there are no dwarf nuns in the state, in the city and no dwarf nuns in the church!" exclaimed the priest, obviously upset. The dwarfs continue their interference. Dopey stand up and demands, "Priest, are there any dwarf nuns in the country!" The priest, totally angered, exclaims, "No my son, there are no dwarf nuns in the church, in the city, in the state. No dwarf nuns in the country, and there are no dwarf nuns in the whole world! Less than a moment later could be heard from the rear of the church, "Dopey f*cked a penguin. Dopey f*cked a penguin." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

A lucky Bar steward

it would have been beer if you found half a slug ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

BEER , Now there's a bloody good idea. What shall I have Stella or grolsh Tough choice

Thank. I need something to do since the weather is so shitty. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers

Great story Jessica. I loved it when you descibe yourself as a balloon wuffo, LOL ---------------------------------------------------------------------- If you think my attitude stinks you should smell my fingers