lilDevil

Turtle usually has to pay extra for that treatment. Nothing - happens - at - the - FARM. Not what ive been told ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, "Have you been in the service?" "Yes," he says. "I was in Viet Nam for three years." The interviewer says, "That will give you extra points toward employment" and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way? The guy says, "Yes 100%...a mortar round exploded near me and blew my testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy, "O.K. I can hire you right now. The hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. You can start tomorrow. Come in at 10:00A.M." The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 A.M.?" "This is a government job" the interviewer says. "For the first two hours we stand around scratching our balls...no point in you coming in for that." ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Worst first date ever! If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates...but this takes the cake. Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She said it was midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in need of some assistance!" He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down... or perhaps that should be “pants down." And embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment ... "This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off. " ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Keep the change and go buy yourself a personality ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

MMM staffy and 3 cats ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

same here ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

My pcs going into a box tomorrow and into storage with everything else. So ill be missing in action for a while. I wish you all blue skys, fluffy clouds, perfect winds so ya'll can jump your asses off ! Tooroo TTFN Christine ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Phoenix Possum Or just plain cute cause she is ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

A train hits a busload of Catholic schoolgirls and they all perish.They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates, and St.Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Ok, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate. St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St Peter says,"OK, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her arse in it." ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Just one more powerball ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

BTW nice to see a dog on a sofa, too many people lock them outside now you still have Jake? What's happening with him? Yes ive still got him. looks like hes staying with me, at the moment selling my car and buying a camper van sounds good Oh and going drive about ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

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BTW nice to see a dog on a sofa, too many people lock them outside now ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

awwwww im in love so cute

"Hello?" "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." Brief Pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it Daddy." "And what happened honey?" he asked. "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God!!! W hat about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead." ***Long Pause*** ***Longer Pause** ***Even Longer Pause** Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool?......................Is this 486-5731?" ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Aint he cute

Duck ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering for years after its been eaten Its called a fucking wedding cake ! ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

I think you just did ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

how close do you keep me Behave Just trying to figure out if I'm friend or foe A friend at arms length My arms or yours Dont push it lil mouse ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Just trying to figure out if I'm friend or foe Try a peace offering of jewelry, Squeak! why no need for him to do that, and anyway friendship cant be baught ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Even non-Manc Yanks? Hey I wouldnt pick someone up in Manchester hell no. ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

how close do you keep me Behave Just trying to figure out if I'm friend or foe A friend at arms length ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

how close do you keep me Behave ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !

Oh Oh what movie ? I can't tell you. But if you really want to know, then put two crossed strips of masking tape on your window and a grumpy black man will show up tonight to give you a hint. It was the Xfiles figured it out in the tub last night haha ``````````````````````````````````` " Cant keep a good woman down " Angels have wings, but devils can fly !