NlghtJumper

Good to know... something I will definatly keep in mind if I ever get put in that situation! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

1. Argue with everybody. 2. Touch the paintings at the museum. 3. Get hysterical. 4. Threaten law suits. 5. Insinuate, implicate and insist. 6. If you got it, flaunt it. 7. Eat produce at the grocery store and don't pay for it. 8. Gamble with the rent money. 9. Record over a borrowed vcr tape 10. Tell people that they are in your will, even if they aren't. 11. Don't get caught. 12. Stay directly in front or behine fire trucks and ambulances. 13. When giving out directions, leave out a turn or two. 14. Don't make up your mind. 15. Improve your posture by walking with your nose in the air. 16. Remind people who lose their job that they should work harder. 17. Talk with your mouth full. 18. Accuse, confuse and refuse. 19. Comment on the weight gain of others. 20. Adjust your nuts (boob) whenever you want. 21. Keep a pile of wisecracks for tense and serious situations. 22. Answer a question with a question. 23. See what it takes for the lifeguard to blow the whistle. 24. Don't give to charities unless you get something back. 25. Add the straw that breaks the camels back. 26. Clean your finger nails at the dinner table. 27. Tell people what they think they wanna hear. 28. Notice good ideas and pass them on as your own. 29. Put a title like Senator or Doctor before your name when making dinner or hotel reservations. 30. Don't volunteer for the back seat and never take the middle one. 31. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons. 32. Never do anything until you have been asked twice. 33. Put off until tomorrow whatever you can do the day after tomorrow. 34. Spot test "Wet Paint" signs. 35. Go up on the down escalator and vice versa. 36. Dont shower after a hard workout. 37. Lie about your age. 38. Change channels every two seconds 39. Develop at least 3 strategies for cutting if front of a long line 40. Underline in other peoples books. 41. Slurp your soup. 42. If you can't think of something nice, say something nasty. 43. Be judgmental. 44. Announce when your going to the bathroom. 45. Read over peoples shoulders on the bus. 46. Ignore deadlines. 47. Revenge is sweet... so get some. 48. Squeeze the toothpaste from the top, and while your at it, leave the cap off. 49. Curse the umpire at a Little League game. 50. When it says "Reserved Parking" that means you. 51. Take the labels off of unopened cans. 52. Cover up your mistakes and pass the blame. 53. Pinch all the chocolate candies until you find the one that you want. 54. Borrow handkerchiefs to blow your nose. 55. When your done with your gum, stick it under the chair. 56. If you do something nice, make sure everyone knows about it. 57. Bribe little kids... cause they're easy! 58. Put a rude message on someone elses answering machine. 59. Measure people by their money and the clothes they wear. 60. Be ambiguous, it lets you work both sides of the issue. 61. Leave your underwear in the sink. 62. Chew other peoples pencils. 63. Support the death penalty for parking tickets. 64. Get a backseat drivers license. 65. Dish it out, but don't take it. 66. Be a perfectionist in absolutely everything. 67. Apologize a lot, but don't change. 68. Change the rules to suit your needs. 69. Put your cigarette out in planters. 70. Wear a shirt thats says 'Fuck You' or to that affect. 71. Pull the covers over to your side. 72. Eat cookies or crackers in bed. 73. Let doors slam behind you ? in people's faces. 74. Repeat yourself. 75. Repeat yourself. 76. Tell your kids 'How it was..' back when you were a kid. 77. Vividly describe a hysterectomy to your date before ordering dinner. 78. Scribble your signature on important documents. 79. Use the whole can of starter fluid on the charcoal. 80. Put things back where they don't belong. 81. Take a colicky baby to the movies. 82. Have belching contests in restaurants. 83. Make the same mistake twice. 84. Pee in the swimming pool. 85. Ride on the shoulder until you pass all the jammed traffic, and then cut in. 86. Wear a large hat to the movies. 87. Always have an ulterior motive. 88. Always take the biggest piece. 89. Forget the pooper scooper when walking your dog. 90. Take cheap shots. 91. Take forever to find a word in Scrabble. 92. Cause gridlock. 93. Get up on the wrong side of bed. 94. Change your mind. 95. Glue a chip on your shoulder. 96. Put salt in sugar containers. 97. Blow out other peoples birthday candles. 98. Don't refill the ice cube tray. 99. Ask people what they paid for their clothes. 100. Cut off people in the middle of their sentences. 101. Practice pulling the wool over people's faces. A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Yep, and us 'young-ins' are here too A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Well, your poll is at 76% to 3%... that is the last thing I will post on this thread... LoL! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

I will admit, a German winter is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and Paris was awesome christmas day last year. But out here, we dont get snow or anything, just black ice and really numb limbs! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Well, I am blaming this thread for the fact that my post number has doubled within one day! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Lets just say I can tell which side of the bet you put your money on! You seem really bent on making sure this isnt proven! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Yes! Picture Proof! Dogs CAN look up! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

I have WAY more posts than I do jumps. Yes, my jump numbers are accurate. But trust me, if I could jump, I would! LoL! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Another fine point! LoL! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Man, you really are hooked on that one arnt you? LoL! My one wish [thou it will NEVER happen] is just to go home and see my family. This is the second christmas I missed in a row. A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Well, I dont really have trouble with cops when Im driving. As soon as they pull me over, I offer 2 forms of ID, my drivers license, and my military ID. The second one usually causes them to drop almost every charge. I have been pulled over countless times, and only have gotten 2 tickets. 1 for speeding [it was the first time i was pulled over, and was scared shit less], and 1 for not having my license on me [the cop dropped the $300+ speeding ticket when he got my mil id]. What can I say, they love us military! I swear, I could get away with murder just by flashing my id... A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

From a guy who spent the first 18 years of his life in FL... trust me, those girls are EVERYWHERE, not just FSU! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

What kind of reflex action do you think would cause a dog to stare at a ceiling fan that it has been around for years? I think they are perfectly capable of looking up. I mean, for their size in comparison to everything they are around... they would have to look up. Especially them damn ankle biters... A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Your probably not too far off.. A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Have you never had a dog sit in front of you when you are holding something they want [treat, toy, food, etc.]? I have 4 dogs, and have noticed them looking at all sorts of things high above their heads. From televisions, to ceiling fans, to spiders on the wall. It is possible. A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

When I was younger [like 10 or so], I use to hate to shower [I cant remember why]. So when I was told to go take a shower, I would make my parents happy by going in bathroom, turing on the shower, and then wetting my hair in the sink. I did that for a while, then discovered the side effects to such action and stopped that promptly! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Damn, with wind chill, it gets down to around -7 around here. Wish I was back home in FL... I would be out in shorts and a t-shirt! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Dear Amanda, Im sorry to hear about your friend. I know what you mean about loosing friends. I have saluted too many caskets being drove down the road with an American Flag draped over it. Some I knew, some I didnt, but whether I knew them or not, I still felt for their family back home... Its hard to deal with sometimes. Just remember, he's not really gone as long as you keep him in your heart. For while he is there, no one can take him away from you... A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Im gonna say football... because I have absolutly no ambition of EVER seeing that damn movie... btw.. the Dallas Cheerleaders are great! They came out and performed for us a couple days ago as part of a USO Salute to the Troops shows... Very Nice! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Not a clue who anyone is... but would mind meeting the "victim" of the pic! Not bad at ALL! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

Now days, I would probably leave a quickly as possible, while quietly laughing to myself... I have a screwed up sense of humor. Back when I was living at home... I would have vomited on the spot... It is just something that you get use to as you get older. A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

***THIS IS SOME KIND OF CHILI CONTEST If you can read this whole story without tears of laughter running down your cheeks, then there's no hope for you! *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better! For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the event: Chili # 1 (Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili) Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy. Chili # 2 (Arthur's Afterburner Chili) Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Chili # 3 (Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili) Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer. Chili # 4 (Bubba's Black Magic) Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. bitch is starting to look HOT... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? Chili # 5 (Linda's Legal Lip Remover) Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks. Chili # 6 (Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety) Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone. Chili # 7 (Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili) Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. Chili # 8 (Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili) Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili? A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

I use to vomit over blood. The smallest scrape would send me hurling. Lately I have been able to get over it, but I still get quesey over needles. Its not fear, and it doesnt hurt all that much... I dont know what it is, it just always sends me for a loop. Yet I still force myself to do it. You never know when the blood you give will really matter to someone... A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus

I completely agree... especially with negitive temperatures and I still have to go run 3 miles in it! That is just crazy! I cant feel my hands when I am done running! Not to mention Im at 5000 msl, with the cold, so breathing is completely out of the question... my lungs just lock up! DAMN WINTER! A man will do anything for the right woman, and when that woman destroys him, that man will become a hunk of meat with the common sense of a rodeo clown! ~ Christopher Titus