skreamer

Dude, you might remember Clay - he says he's gone head down with a goat and had a hard dock on a sheep, but, uhhh, somehow I don't think he was talking about you.... (in fact I think a lot of Clay's *freeflying* has phuqall to do with skydiving....) "Don't die until you're dead"

I thought it was because he wasn't *adequately equipped*.... "Don't die until you're dead"

I've made 2 jumps (one was even from '12 000). Gee, guess that makes me one of the most current fun jumpers in the country.... "Don't die until you're dead"

Farmer Clay buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. Clay doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant. Clay hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed. The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his mother to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them's honking the horn."

Problem isn't so much the word paki, its what usually follows paki that makes it even more offensive. "Don't die until you're dead"

Yeah, and as long as you keep him away from the pretzels everything will be OK!!!

Nah, the zoo said they found a cheaper way to inseminate their chimpanzees... "Don't die until you're dead"

hmmm, then I suppose you don't want to hear about the new packing 'pavilion' that is planned for later this year, Remi? Gee, its going to be so rough packing in that air-conditioned, carpeted, DRY pavilion.... On the landing area side it is going to have a little stand for the groundhogs to spectate from. You do know about the new dedicated team training room, don't you? Available to ANYBODY who wants to debrief (flat or free). Hinton's facilities are great and getting better all the time! (God bless the tandems!) Will "Don't die until you're dead"

No, thats what we are here for, saddle-bags.... "Don't die until you're dead"

Chicks dig it!

Which means civilians can't jump there Mondays to Fridays? "Don't die until you're dead"

Yep, mad cow disease still reigns supreme at Hinton!!!

Hate to be on Emma's (quite considerable) side on anything, but.... Hinton is also the ONLY dropzone in the UK that subsidizes coaching for beginners. You only pay for half the coach's slot, the DZ pays the rest. This includes briefs, de-briefs and video. WARP coaching is subsidized up to and including your FS1 4-way qualification dive. And, freefly coaching is subsidized at the same rates. Any other DZs in the UK where you pay a grand total of £24 for a 2-way coaching dive? Anyone? Anyone? Thought not.... BTW I made 50 or so jumps at Langar and it is a really nice place - I'm sure you'll like it there. Will "Don't die until you're dead"

LOL I know an instructor who told his sister he was on duty the weekend of her wedding, teaching the FJC etc. Only thing was, he had lied, he was just fun-jumping that weekend....

Sure, sure - ALL the whuffophobics say that.... (skyhawk - you might want to tell the yanks what 'root' means in Australia... hehe) "Don't die until you're dead"

Yeah, Remi, anyway in the pics she sent me she wasn't wearing a thong....

Shit, people - its 1Am over here - just got back from the pub and kebab house. Thought I'd check up to see which other losers were on the forums on the weekend... I have 5 jump tickets in my wallet and I got paid yesterday, so why am I still in London??? I'll tell you why - because we have the shittest weather imaginable on this friggin planet. Plus I have to take my car in tomorrow because one of the front wheels is coming loose or something... I've got a sister in California, so why the fuck don't I go there instead??? I have made a total of two jumps in the last 6 weeks and one of them was ANOTHER fuckin hop n pop - yippee, yay, oh joy... Pretty easy choice I spose - go back to SA where the weather is great but everything else is fucked up, or stay here where the money is great but the weather is fucked up... Ok, now it is getting hard to type with one hand over one eye, so i am going to go drink some more and watch TV (TV is my friend....) "Don't die until you're dead"

I'm sorry, man, but I've been reading and posting to these forums for a while and I don't really think that that is a valid observation (of these forums at any rate). None of the whuffo-related humour here is malicious, it is just us having a laugh at their expense, the same as they do to us. For example, I once went for a job interview and when the interviewer saw skydiving on my CV - he started asking me about my *splat stat*. Gee, that was really funny... I agree with what was said elsewhere, skydiving isn't for everybody - but the people who I feel sorry for are the ones who have nothing in their lives to get passionate about. It doesn't matter what it is, it doesn't even have to be a sport - but I look at the crap that some people fill their lives with and find meaningful (TV, buying designer clothes, package holidays etc.) and I really feel sorry for them. BUT when those same people feel they have the right to condemn skydiving for whatever reason (crazy, stupid, suicidal etc. etc.) then I will tell them where to get off. I have 167 jumps, which is not much (and not likely to increase soon with the shite UK weather) but I have made a lot of sacrifices to pay for training, gear, jump tickets, transport etc. However this doesn't make me any different from just about any other fun jumper. So, given the sacrifices we make and the risks inherent in the sport we have chosen, exactly how should we react when some thick as fuck whuffo sees a skydiving T-shirt and makes a judgement call and smart arse comment about the wearer??? As for : I've got news for you - by the end of the year, it'll be them dumping you. Your weekend plans will be dictated by weather forecasts and on non-jumping weekends your social life will be dictated by your jumping budget. Anyway, that was just my $0,02/£0,01 worth! (not a flame, just how I feel) Will "Don't die until you're dead"

Calm down Clay. Sorry to disappoint you, but when Mike said 'anal sex' he wasn't referring to a strap-on for the chick... HA!!! "The penis mightier than the sword"

No chance!!!! Remi's birthday is on 3 days - if that gives you any idea how big he is, imagine his mutha.... "The penis mightier than the sword"

Dude, stop saying boobies or this thread'll get locked!!! Sheesh, really... "The penis mightier than the sword"

Yeah, I've got a question for the Chuckster too : Which of the following sucks most about your life : A) Being paid to go all over the world as a scuba diving instructor? B) Being a sponsored canopy pilot on the pro tour? C) Having grown up on a DZ run by your old man? D) Your Harley? E) Living in a place where you can jump year round? F) Having ~3000 jumps? G) Being married to an ex- Golden Knight who has ~2500 jumps? H) The fact that you are retiring soon at 39 so you can 'jump more'? I) All of the above? No offence or anything man, but I really hate you!!! "The penis mightier than the sword"

Yeah, she said you tried to pay her with food coupons.... "The penis mightier than the sword"

You guys should go take your Prozac and stop with all these personal attacks on me already.... I'm a human being too, you know, I have feelings and emotions, and uhhhhhh waaaaaaaaaaahahahahhahaha

Why, did they change the locks at the mortuary again??? "The penis mightier than the sword"