Nataly

Whatever, dude... This issue will never get resolved because no one can know for sure what someone else is thinking - not even an "expert"... All I can say is I've known myself my entire life... And if I look at my own behaviour as an example, I have never - not once - witheld sex as a punishment, but I have often lost the desire for sex when I was upset (even when it was not at all the guy that I was upset with). To me, the behaviour is the same (no sex), but the intent is very different. To me it seems normal to not feel like having sex with someone you are upset with. To me it's NOT normal to use sex as a weapon. But hey - you're right... I have no way of *proving* that I am normal!!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

But that's precisely the point... He may think she is (deliberately) "witholding" sex - she may simply be upset and not *feel* like having sex... The intent is very different. In the second case, the reason for the lack of sex may in fact have nothing to do with him... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

BINGO! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Like I said, I'm not saying it doesn't happen - just that it's not the norm. You're certain of that? Or are you presuming? How many surveys of men married, say, 15+ or 20+ years do you base that on? I'm basing it on the fact that most people don't deliberately hurt the people they love. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Like I said, I'm not saying it doesn't happen - just that it's not the norm. In the same way, I would argue that using words (or the silent treatment) as a weapon is also very toxic. Heck, pretty much any time you deliberately try to hurt your partner it's gotta be bad for the relationship. I think in many cases where there is "not enough" sex it's not a deliberate punishment, but a reflection of other problems (either in the relationship or outside of it - like stress/tiredness from work). "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

The notion that a woman is "witholding" sex seems kind of childish and ridiculous to me. I'm not saying it never happens, but the reality is that if a woman is upset with her man, it's *normal* for her not to feel very lovey-dovey toward him. It's not a simple matter of forgiveness... Emotions don't automatically go away when they "should"... It's possible to feel upset over a number of things that separately mean nothing but cumulatively build up to something big. Some men "withold" conversation from women... Equally childish and counter-productive... Lack of communication can be just as upsetting to us as a sex-ban may be to you. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Sooooo strange to come across this topic for the first time... It's not something I've given much thought yet I have experienced both lucid dreams and sleep paralysis. I've been reading more and more on it because it's absolutely fascinating - can't believe I've never heard of it. I remember my brother telling me once he realised he was in a dream whilst he was sleeping... I remember thinking this was not that unusual. Although I've never consciously directed what happens, I have on a number of occasions analysed the events and concluded it was too incoherent and therefore must be a dream. Every time, this was immediately followed by me waking up. The sleep paralysis has happened about half a dozen times and it's really frightening. I have always felt there was a very real danger but couldn't will myself to move for what seemed like several minutes. Twice I thought I heard a noise and that the house was being burgled and it's a horrible feeling. Once I thought the house was on fire and I just couldn't move. A couple of times I thought I overslept and was late for work but just couldn't get up... Always just assumed it was a bad dream that felt real but reading more on it, I really think I was awake. Huh... ETA: I have terrible sleep patterns... Don't know if they are related, but I have always suffered from insomnia. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Agree with so much of this... I would also add that in my mind, a far more difficult task is not simply in capturing info, but in the transmission/absorption of it. The fact is that even though we often *do* have access to information, somehow we fail to *use* it... Unfortunately, people (myself included) are rather bad at drawing lessons from other people's experiences... We are also bad at seeing the links across different situations/fields and seeing how different problems are related and could be prevented... We also fail to do "test-runs"... A simple example: I have known SO MANY people work on marketing campaigns and come up to the client with a "finished product" that looks NOTHING LIKE the original brief... A lot of time and effort would be saved if these people had shown the client a small sample of their idea before comitting time and money toward an entire project... Sometimes you go quite far down the wrong route because you forgot to look at the map along the way... And finally, lack of planning/preparation... The other day I was at work and my colleague asked me what the hell I was doing, just sipping my coffee... And I answered: "I'm thinking". She was not happy with this, but I told her I wanted to come up with a well thought-through solution instead of just blindly attacking the problem. Too often we simply don't plan enough - or at all!!! We don't take the time to ask questions or look at instructions/databases even though often times one does exist. The solution to a lot of these problems is to have the kind of work-culture where these behaviours are actively encouraged. Obviously this is easier said than done, but I think frequent briefs and de-briefs should form a part of every "project". I think an "apprentice"-type approach should exist in many jobs and "mentor" programmes put in place whenever possible. I've seen many many many instances when people have the knowledge but simply don't share it. It's a shame. It takes time and energy to invest downward, but in my experience is seems to work far better than computers, books and databases. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

TOTALLY agree with your wife but there is no way in hell I'm saying that to my boyfriend... The reason is simple: I *loved* the gesture/thought, and the last thing I want is to discourage him when he's gone and done something kind out of affection. In time as he gets to know me better he will understand that gestures don't have to cost money to be appreciated.

I feel I should also point out that I did not literally "kick" the boyfriend... No humans (or animals) were hurt in the production of this thread. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Now you'll have to explain "pram" to the septic tanks!!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I think 18 is a good minimum age in general... For drinking, for driving, for joining the military, for being considered an "adult" by the law... Heck, it's still pretty immature for most people, but ya gotta start being responsible/liable at some point... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Thanks! Don't think it's anything major... I'm being tested to see if I'm anemic - unfortunately for you, that's not fatal as far as I know "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

As in teddy bear? Are you 12? It's merely an expression - Shroppy will confirm! I did not *litterally* throw a teddy... (I don't even own a teddy.) "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yep... That's pretty much my plan... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yep.. It's a bit odd.. We've been pretty much inseparable since we met. So I actually found it surprising we've only known each other for 1 month!! And thanks for the technical break-down of anniversary - made me feel much better!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Sadly, I'm too tired for even a small thank-you bj... *Really* feeling like a numpty now... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

This morning I threw my teddy in the corner and kicked my boyfriend out insisting he should leave me alone so I can be sick and miserable all by myself like a normal person... This afternoon I received a HUGE bunch of roses from said boyfriend... APPARENTLY, it's our 1-month anniversary... So now I feel like a twat for a) throwing my teddy in the corner b) not knowing it was our 1-month anniversary, or that there was such a thing as a 1-month anniversary, or that such a thing was worthy of being noted and/or celebrated c) I'm home and bored and sick and all alone and it's my own damned fault "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

As an ex-mechanical engineer and current efficiency consultant, this is an interesting topic for me... I've worked on "process-mapping" projects with varying degrees of success... The biggest difficulty I come across is that a lot of knowledge is just plain undocumented - people learned it by word-of-mouth or by trial-and-error or even by accident. Worse still, many people (including people who are excellent at their job) do things without necessarily thinking them through. When asked, they often don't know *why* they do things a certain way, just that it works and/or it's what they were taught to do. The reasonning often becomes clear only when you try a different approach that fails. Unfortunately, trial-and-error seems to be how many solutions are discovered... I say this is unfortunate because this method does not necessarily require a lot of organised/systematic/logical thinking. You can quite randomly find a solution on the first try and have NO IDEA about the mechanisms/reasons that make it work. It's therefore difficult to map links between processes/knowledge. At one place I worked, the best thing to do when no one knew what to do was to ask Joe. If Joe didn't know, we were fucked! Another problem I've faced was in working in very dynamic environments. Such environments do not make documentation of processes very easy or even desirable, since processes/demands/knowledge are always in flux. In this environment, the most successful people were those with excellent networking skills... Through networking/coffee-breaks/gossip, people information-gathered enough to stay on top of what was going on with the business... Being a social outcast was career-suicide... I guess one thing I've always found is that people who ask a lot of questions often are the ones that end up with a lot of knowledge. So perhaps the thing to do is have an enviroment where sharing knowledge and asking for knowledge is encouraged. Simple things like having a canteen/kitchen/dining space on-site helps. Encouraging lunch-breaks probably helps as well, as it's an opportunity for people to chat. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

And who says you need to flirt in the first place?? Sounds to me like your real problem is that you don't know whether he is interested in you. If you knew for sure he *was* interested, my guess is you would be comfortable flirting with him - you're quite able to flirt with an old friend you feel "safe" with... Personally, I'm not convinced flirting is necessarily the solution for you (at this stage). There is some great advice on here, but mostly I would say that you should find whatever works for you. If you are the quiet type, why are you trying to behave in a way that doesn't suit you? I don't think shyness is a disease - being reserved can be a great quality and whoever pairs up with you should appreciate what makes you *you*. Perhaps a simple conversation is more your style? "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

We have already established that I'm a bitch when it comes to undeserved tipping, HOWEVER I do tip for almost any service if the person has done something extra. At a place like Starbucks, though, it seems kinda rare that they have the time and/or inclination to do much more than what is asked of them... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

"Quite a few" is relative. DZ.com has 103967 registered users... 22311 of which have never even logged on (just over 21%)... Plus there are undoubtedly duplicate profiles... But even without this, 103k users is not exactly a huge population. And for those who are not registered, they don't even get access to many forums where a lot of the nasty stuff goes on... Even if half of the *active* registered users were non-skydivers (which I doubt is the case), we are still only talking about a few thousand people world-wide... Harldy a lot. As above - My point was not that this site has NO impact on skydivers and/or whuffos... Just that the OP seemed to be exaggerating the scale of the impact. I agree - I put "real" in quotes for a reason... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

6 150 000 results for one of the companies I used to work for!!! Sure, a lot will not really be exact matches, but still... At least the first several pages I checked were 100% about this company sucking. 1 550 000 for another... 2 060 for another... 85 for current company, although none are good matches. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

DZ.com is a microcosm... If you don't like it here, welcome to "reality": cliques exist in the real world - they exist here. Some people aren't nice in the real world - some people aren't nice here... Rules are broken in the real world - rules are broken here... Some people are (un)popular in the real world - some people are "(un)popular" here. I think it's a bit OTT to say that whuffos will be affected by things posted on here... This site only attracts skydivers except for extremely rare exceptions... And I would go further - this site only attracts *some* skydivers... It's a niche within a niche!!! A sub-sub-culture of very few individuals... It's neither representative of skydivers in general, nor is it how non-skydivers "perceive" skydivers, since there is almost no reason at all that a whuffo would be interested in this site!!! Not saying it can't improve, just thinking to myself it's surprising how much you seem to be upset over so little... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

'Course it is - it's Canadian!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss