miked10270

OK, Here's an oldie... Englishman, Frenchman and an American find an old oil lamp. Give it a rub, and out comes the Genie. £ wishes works out at one each...: The American goes first. He's patriotic & laments on how AMericans are regarded as vulgar, brash, overbearing, loud... He wants Americans to be smarter, nicer, more popular, more intelligent... The genie thinks for a moment & KABOOM... The Gulf of Mexico is suddenly 235,000 miles bigger to the north. OK, the US population is down 20,000,000 but not anybody who'll be missed. The Frenchman goes next. He's patriotic and laments on how France has suffered from all the invasions, the surrenders, and he wishes for france to be permanently secure against foreigners. He wishes for an impenetrable wall around France. KABOOM. The wall's there, 100 miles high. The Englishman is also a Patriot. He says to the genie "Tell me more about this wall". The genie says it's 100 miles high, completely impervoius & indestructible, and NOTHING can get in or out. The Englishman says "Fine... Fill it with water." Now... All that water had to come from somewhere... And that's why Texas is so dry. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hmmm... I'd have thought the Texan answer would have the sound of a cardboard tube being extended, the whine of a capacitor charging and "Whooosh.... BANG!" Wife: "Why didn't y'all use the Glock .40 honey?" Hubby: "That there goddarn knife he had there was one of them funny... imported... Swiss Army things honey. Weren't sure the Glock would stop him, but the LAW took out the knife AND his abdomen in the one shot. No need to reload." Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hmmm... So "Lone Star" & "Shiner" are different beers. Having done a little research I found the attached map. "Lone Star" state that they are "headquartered" in San Antonio but suspiciously fail to mention where they make Lone Star" Then we come to "Shiner". They provided the map which raises 2 points: 1. Shiner is suspiciously close to the "headquarters" of Lone Star. 2. How do Shiner mark their brewery on the map...? Yep, with a "LONE STAR" OK. Shiner point out that they won at a 2003 beer festival. That sounds good but on closer examination it turns out to be an AUSTRALIAN beer festival. As everyone knows, you don't win an Australian Beer Festival on Quality, you win it on QUANTITY shipped free to 'said festival. Clean out the old oil from a supertanker, fill it with "beer", sail it to Oz, and "G'Day... The Gold Medal's all yours mate!" If some of the tanks haven't been cleaned properly... Well then, that's your "dark beer". Mike. Everyone makes a "Pilsener" beer... So buy beer made in Plzen Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Err... OK Robin, this may come as a bit of a shock to you but in Shiner (which is spelled with an excess of "n"s and a shortage of "t"s) they make a liquid called "Lone Star". In the rest of the world (rest of the world being defined as that little place outside of Texas) they make a liquid called "Beer". It has alcohol in it and it has a taste. When you drink "Real Beer" you get drunk and want to hug everyone - people outwith your immediate family. When you drink "Lone Star" you want to shoot in the general direction of traffic signs under the (mistaken) impression that they are small furry animals of some description. Drinking "real beer" has its risks. The Surgeon General states that drinking "Real Beer" to excess can lead to you having casual sex with complete strangers (wheras drinking "Lone Star" leads you to have se.... Y'all know the rest). Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hmmm... I got £0 ... But looking on the bright side 99% of people have a purer soul than me - so I suppose at least I make you lot look good. BTW. Why were all the questions in French? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Absolutely! Despite my well publicised opinion of Texans, I am more than happy to confirm that Texans WILL spend freely on beer. Then again, if YOU had to make a choice between "Imported" and "Lone Star" money would probably cease to be an object... Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

OK, Leaving aside the fact that the "Robin Williams Plan" isn't his (frankly it's just not slick or outrageous enough), the idea of Robin Williams for US President is not without merit. Given the number of presidents and other government officials he can impersonate and parody he'd be fantastic value for money! One thing's certain - he's way smarter than Ronald Reagan, Clint Eastwood and Arnold Schwartzenegger combined. He'd bring some much needed genuine insanity to politics. Maybe that would overcome the sort of insanity that's in current vogue. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

That joke is grossly unfair to Texans by suggesting that they're stupid! I hope you're ALL ashamed of yourselves for laughing at that. Anyway, Texans don't need quarters, nickels & dimes. That's because EVERYTHING in Texas is priced in whole dollars.... It stops a Texan cutting part of a finger off when he's counting up how much it is. It's the same as having nothing in Texas that costs more than $11 - it saves them taking their shoes off to count. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

The Piaggio P-180... Drool indeed. A definite "must have" when I get the lottery up. Also... It was voted "Best Skydiving 'Plane" by Exit... the Voluntary Euthanasia Society! Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Easy... Piaggio P-180 Avanti. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

92!!! The damn thing said 92!!! Yes... I was honest! Maybe I misread it... Maybe it actually said I have the body of a 92 year old? Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Or.... Once the sun "goes over the yardarm" it starts to split into two. France... A country unfortunately seperated from civilisation by a mere 19 miles of water. Texas... A state unfortunately not UNDER 19 miles of water. Don't worry texans, if that situation is ever rectified you can always buy spear guns. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

You missed an option in the poll -- "Depends on what else I'm doing". Sometimes it's several times a day... Sometimes (much to Jessica's relief) I'm away for weeks at a time. Mike. ANyway... Gotta go and think up some new insults for Texans & the French. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Y'All Since the dreaded Cypres debate has escaped the confined of Safety & Equipment forums... I feel free to step in. Personally I think the whole Cypres debate would be resolved if the Greek-Cypriets simply moved north and gave the Turkish Cypiriets a good kicking and shoved them off the island. I also think that the best resort in Cypres is Ianappa... Great nightclubs and loads of women who left their morals back home. Continue to discuss..... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

This post is patently decadent & un-American. The least I can do is address half of the above statement... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Steve, Hi Tom, Just to explain, Jennifer Lopez is a small-time Latina actress... Mainly famous for undergoing perhaps the most incompetent breast enlargement in the history of cosmetic surgery. SURELY someone at the clinic should have noticed she was lying face down & wrong way around on the table!!! Ben Affleck is a small-time actor. Mainly famous for dating a woman too stupid to sue the above-mentioned incompetent cosmetic surgery clinic. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

You know you're Trailer Trash when... Tornado warnings don't make you worry about your windows going in - youre too busy learning to say "There's no place like home... There's no place like home" You are genuinely surprised that "incest" is a crime. You move to a state with only 5 letters in it's name to make the spelling easier. "Cop TV" is how you keep up with your family. You own more guns that your house has rooms. You can't move home 'til you pump up it's tyres. Your aunt is also you sister, wife, and niece. You find it perfectly reasonable to name your child after ALL the players in your favourite football / basketball / hockey team. You would follow the celebrity fashion of naming children after where they were conceived but the hospital won't allow first names like "Houston Cemetry", "Dumpster Behind Walmart", "Backseat Chevy", Earl's Wedding, etc... You have the 'phone number of the producer of the Jerry Springer Show. You find out that your wife's been having an affair with the same woman you're having an affair with - but that's allright. Your family weighs more than your house. You use Duct Tape for major building repairs. You think people who speak French ALL live in louisiana. You ascribe gross inbreeding habits to neighbouring states like Arkansas, Oklahoma & Louisiana. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Bill, Isn't £1.6 million the total cost of a fatal accident per fatality? This includes all the police, enquiry, loss of revenue costs, plus the loss of earnings of the deceased. In 1986 it was £600,000. I think the Office of Natinal Statistics in the UK costs this. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

RIGHT!!!! Gotty Gotta put an album together sharpish... So... gotta plagiarise songs. First off - we've gotta sort out the politics of the band. Then we can sort out the songs. Personally, I think covers of "Let's drop the Big one" By Alan Price & Randy Newman, & "Good Riddance" by Nimrod would suffice for a quick single. a quick re-write of "99 Luftballons" by Nena updated from Reagan to GWB would maybe fly... (I',m pretty sure that Nena Kerner is still going & her politics hasn't changed so a duet is on the cards). Hey... We've already got 5 tracks of our debut CD with Dixie & Texas Rose (forgive the inbreeding references but they're vital to getting it banned in Texas). Small point... Can any of you actually play / sing? OK... I've seen "Pop Idol". This isn't neccessarily an obstacle!

In some places it is 9/11 and is not forgotten. In Memory.

Whoops!!! Sorry BeckyBoo... I forgot about all those " '80's Radio Stations "! Of course I heard Sting's shows at gosforth Rugby Club and The Cooperage on a '70's err... Website. Yes. Website. This means that I'm not in fact 43... I'm err... 21 years and "some" months. Just err... experienced and webwise... with a well defined sense of popular music history. Or we could just be honest. Let's talk about black & yellow hooped sweaters, "Lindisfarne", Christmas Concerts at City Hall in Newcastle, "The Gas Board", ROXYmusic, Mark Knopfler at "The Coperage" tryng to sell tapes of him playing his guitar. ? Dire straits / dire straits going on sale at Windows in The Central Arcade..... Anyone with me? Or am I already a dinosaur? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

STOP IT!!! I won't be there... I won't see it except on those crappy 15 second "free" downloads!!! Sunshine, you are truly evil... Just wait 'til I find out where YOU'RE from!!!! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Remster, First I apologise if I quote you above out of context. I trust that the spirit of your post is there. I believe that words, once uttered, are perhaps "akin to toothpaste". Once out of the tube, they don't go back in! As such, and as an avid reader of E.A.Blair I am frankly scared of words being deleted - as if they never existed. If the sedition can't be expressed, then it can't be formulated. It is entirely possible that I would violently disagree with the content of these deleted threads. It is very likely that I'd simply take the pi$$ out of the sentiments expressed in those threads. Regardless... I plead The First by proxy.... The right to know how who has exercised thieir "right of free speech". Thus I can exercise my own "First". By rite of my admitedly sharp tongue if neccessary. I understand the desirability of locking a thread where the posts become self-destructive, but the deletion of a thread seems like the thin end of a wedge, reminiscent of "Farenheit 451" - the temperature that paper burns... IMHO, Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

"Roxanne"!!!? Hey Beckyboo... Someone is DEFINEITELY showing her age. But, since you've showed yours, honour dictates that I've gotta show mine. First saw "Sting & "Stewe Copeland" at Gosforth Rugby Club when they plated. The at The Cooperage on Newcastle Quayside. Frankly... On both occasions they were shite! With hindsight, my BIG mistake was in NOT buying their tapes at the venues Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Rest assured, if he's been buried anywhere warm, then HE WILL RISE AGAIN!!.... To a crowd of folk who thought he was gone doing a Homer Simpson DOH!! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.