miked10270

Bonjour Jessigateaux, Comment ca-va? Hmmm... I'm trying to think of how to reply to this post. Tell me Jessica.... What am I REALLY good at? Any suggestions anyone? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hmm... Which half? Are you claiming to be a "Lomanic Tator", or are you just pleased to see me? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

OK... I've been away a while. Imagine my surprise on returning to DZ.Com & finding facilities for furriners here!!. Just to clear things up... As far as I'm concerned ANYWHERE north of Northumberland, South of Yorkshire, East of The North Sea and west of Cumbria falls into one of two categories: 1. Colonies - These are places that are British, used to be British or DAMN WELL SHOULD be British! 2. Foreign (Furrin') Lands - These are places that should be under water! Yet here we are pandering to these ingrates by allowing them to post stuff in their native dialects! In the FRENCH Forum, you just know that they’ll sit around in there plotting their Insidious French Froggy Funniness. All insufferably arrogant just because they have a yard that’s 3.37 inches longer than anyone else’s. Of course "Les insidieux" have been joined by cetain persons I refuse to dignify with the term "Turncoat". All I will say is that "Jessigateaux" is probably some over-iced confectionery, sickly saccarine sweet in it's attempt to disguise the fact that it's base is really "Redneck Meatloaf". I also suspect that it'd violently disagree with you should you ever proclaim it to be less than delicious. The French will swap Snail and Frogs leg recipes. No Frenchman actually eats that stuff… They serve it to tourists as punishment for mispronouncing their order for an omelette. And as for Truffles! Would anyone seriously eat something dug up by a pig!? They'll waste time & bandidth working out just how much they can charge “L’Etranger” for their unique blend of Red Wine and Antifreeze. Stick a cork in it and “Les Americains” will pay almost anything! Talking about their history, or “Gloire”. This started with Charlemagne… And to be frank, also ended with Charlemagne. Of course any French battle, win or lose, was fought against overwhelming odds. This is because when you’re pissed out of your skull on Red wine & antifreeze you tend to see two of everything. Speaking of French history, they can talk about their fine tradition of hosting the invasion instead of traveling to do one… It makes for less travel sickness and a shorter trip home after their inevitable surrender. Then they can spend some time deciding whose invasion they’re going to host next. Let’s face it; the list of new applicants must be getting pretty short by now. Then there's a GERMAN Forum. One can very easily guess how THEY'LL spend their time: Discussing the cruelty and futility of war… Specifically the cruelty & futility of any war that THEY didn’t personally start! Talking about their history. Until 1900 Germany consisted of separate states that fought each other. Then under Bismark they got together and started fighting everyone else. After 1945 they got split up and once again fought each other. Now that they’re back together again… discussing their Language. For example... “Lebensraum” translates into “Living Room”. Who the hell else has EVER felt the need to extend their living room out through their front yard and 200 miles into Poland & Czechoslovakia!!!? Chatting about how Tall, Blonde, Blue-Eyed & generally “Ubermensch” they are… Especially if they happen to be short, dark haired Austrians with an inflated sense of destiny. Why stop there? Let's have MORE foreign language forums... We should have an AMERICAN language forum: Somewhere they can chat away in their own patois instead of committing grievous crimes against the grammar and vocabulary of The English Language. Rejoice in their new found habit of arriving for a war BEFORE it is three quarters over. Even their recent tendency for starting wars all by themselves nowadays. This is probably a result of all the German Rocket Scientist immigration just after World War 2 and the new genes are finally starting to seep through. This brings me nicely to a POLISH Forum... They should have one to mark their new public holiday. September first… “No Border with America Day.” An ITALIAN Forum should be available. Of course there may not be all that many posts here, since the median Italian is an overweight tenor with 8 kids who drives around in a car slightly smaller than he is, looking for a divorce. But it would give them somewhere to sit around gunning the Vino Rosso, and swapping tall stories of how many miles of carbohydrate products they consumed at a single sitting. Who else measures food by length? There'd need to be a "Gardening thread to give them advice on the best climate and care for their Spaghetti Trees. http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/70000/video/_70980_aprilfool_vi.ram We have FINNISH members... Shouldn't the two of them get their own forum? They have things to discuss: Muttering about how THEIR Vodka is the only real Vodka. Getting pissed & suicidal on ‘said Vodka. Getting all depressed about the long winter nights and the exhorbitant price of their Vodka despite its plentitude…. It’s a little known fact that the theme song for M*A*S*H* was actually written in Ivalo one December 27th, but they made the lyrics a lot more upbeat in the English translation. The RUSSIANS should get their forum. It'd give them a place to: Talk about THEIR vodka being the genuine stuff... And sod the snobby Finns who're well overdue another invasion... Bemoaning their governments failure to join the Euro, or at least printing the Rouble on softer, more absorbent paper. There must of course be a CANADIAN Forum. Somewhere Canadians can go and meet like minded people. Somewhere they can discuss what happens in Canada… Surely SOMETHING must occasionally happen there. Fish caught through hole in ice… Snowmobile fails to start… Mountie refuses bribe… Joke makes Canadian laugh… French Canadians out of step with line dancing… Celine Dion songs to be used in radical new electronic insect repellent… Finally realizing that they surround America to the North, East & West. If they’d just join forces with Mexico then the subsequent invasion would be something even the French could handle. Even if the Mexicans have to hold their noses as they go through Texas. Finally... (Hi Jessica) a TEXAS Forum. Like the Canadian forum, this would be a place for Texans to meet like mindless people. They could tell us all about all the wonderful Texas views & places… Like I-10 West at Las Cruces… The view south over the Rio Grande... The sunrise at Texarkana... I-20 East from Waskom… Sailing north on lake Texoma... And so many other similar places… Too many to count. Inbreeding… Like it or not it's a valid subject in this forum... It’s not the fault of the Texans, but let’s face it… The gaseous results of a staple diet of beans and “Lone Star” beer is not conducive to any form of social interaction outwith one’s immediate family. There... Hope no-one feels left out. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Last few... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

More of the same... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Thought I'd post these Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Cook? Cook meat? Sorry, you've lost me there. I'm with NacMac on this... Steal it, kill it, eat it! (but maybe that's just a Scottish tradition) If you start lighting fires then the original owner might see the fore and realise what you're cooking. Seriously. get the pan hot as hell (Texas?). Steak into the pan & 10 seconds a side is likely to result in it being overcooked. Basically I like "Blue" or "Tartare". I'm eating a piece of meat, not chewing on a piece of wood. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Wendy, This may sound cruel, but I'm speaking from some bitter experience of suicides... "Suicides" are broadly divided into 2 groups. Those that DO it! And those that talk about it. The 2 groups almost never co-incide. Those who "talk about" suicide repeatedly are almost invariably attempting emotional blackmail. The unspoken message is "You'll be sorry when I'm gone so make the most of me(IE comply with my wishes)while I'm still here". The solution is what's come to be called "tough love". he should "Tell it to the Samaritans... Of which you're not a member." "IF he does suicide, then you'll be sad, but (your) life goes on & you'll get over it." Thou shalt not kill, but thou shalt not sacrifice YOUR life & sanity striving to keep alive. I sympathise and empathise with the invidious position that this man has put you in. For your own peace of mind I beg you to thoroughly distance yourself from his attention seeking. He's contacting you in an effort to get a reaction from you. ANY reaction from you. When he phones again I suggest that you place the handset down and let him tell his troubles to the carpet. This ensures ZERO reaction from you. Do not contact the police or other agencies on his behalf ar about him. This is in itself a reaction and is what he seeks. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Lack of memory, along with reduced IQ is common in Texans (or indeed any grossly inbred community). So just to remind Jessica..... (I'll leave it to Y'All to work out whose quotes these are: how are things in the "Land of the Enron and the home of the Dubya"? I guess that at this time of year it would be sunny if it weren't for all the gunpowder smoke from your unfeasably large guns. one small point Jessica... "Apocalypse"?! As in "Apocalypse Now", the film with the famous helicopter scene of Texans going squirrel hunting in the bayou. Blood pressure...rising...hands balling into fists.... Yep, this is definitely miked10270! You can't fake that kind of mockery. I thought it might be safer to wait until more texans have forgotten about me... Shouldn't take long.... Nice thought. But we don't forget. Interesting concept... Does this mean that Texans actually know things and so don't forget them? Or do you subscribe to the commonly held opinion about Texans? "We prefer those pretty Texas Girls with that sweet Texas Twang" Yeah... Right... and let's not forget their liquid brown eyes and gently swishing tail? I assume that the "Sweet Texas Twang" is the sound made by the barbed wire breaking as they escape from their field! No, fair's fair, I have seen some spectacular sights in Texas... The early morning sun glinting through the pink & green clouds over the chemical works... & let's not forget that old Texas weather saying - "Red Sky at night... The refinery's alight". Finally, a quote from General Sherman (by the way, he didn't invent shirts) - "If I owned Texas and Hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in Hell". This post seems to have too many long words for the average texan but if someone from Alabama could perhaps translate for them... My head hurts...I don't know whether to laugh my ass off or be indignant at this.... I couldn't find the posts that threatened actual physical violence... Perhaps they have been deleted by our Great Leader... But after all, it's the thought that counts.... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Ahh... Jessica, that's so sweet

Right. Thanks. You see I thought it would be something like: "Y'All'll gonna' gotta' jus' excuse Mike 'cos 'e's Europ', Eropan..., err Furrin' or sumpfin', like, y'aa 'no', no'f'om Texas. Wanna' buy a Mel'n?" Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Sorry Jessica, I have resolved to refrain from going for the EASY targets, but give me a couple of days... I'm sure that y'all will do something newsworthy... Like finally achieving smog levels that are lethal to Cockroaches, or electing "Baghdad Bob" as State Governor (actually that would be way too... sensible for Texans... Imagine having a politician that was so transparently honest about his lying). Mike. PS. A small question on Texas grammar... What is the correct term for you will (collectively)? "Y'aa Will" sounds far too formal, so is it "Y'All'll"? "Y'All'n"? An indistinct & incomprehensible mumble? a Growl? What? Also what is the punctuation, since I'm frankly uncomfortable with more than 12 apostrophes per sentence? (Sorry Texans, an "Apostrophe is the ' thingy on your keyboard). Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

You know, it's been a while since I've had a really good xenophibic, little Englander rant... SO without further ado... NORMANDY, FRANCE- Just as sure as summer slips into autumn, the situation in Iraq continues its steady slide into chaos. American officials are currently struggling with an occupation operation that grows more dangerous by the day as the death toll and price tag continue to escalate. So, Pentagon officials were naturally thrilled and relieved to hear that the French have agreed to intervene on our behalf. On Monday French President Jacques Chirac agreed to issue military and financial support for the mired American mission in Iraq through a United Nations mandate, though, as he later told reporters, he is not happy about it. "We are always saving your fat American asses," said Chirac. "Everybody knows that the Germans would have attacked your Eastern seaboard were it not for our prostitutes and heavy pastries to slow them down." As part of the offer, Chirac generously pledged 9 billion Euro to the effort, to which American President George W. Bush replied "how much is that in real money?" Aides reminded him that the conversion did not matter since Europe's money is metric. Even as America feels the need to call upon the might of the French army, many Americans still don't think of France as a super-power. Chirac proudly reminded his American counterparts that his nation has tied some of the greatest military powers like Italy and Holland. "And we really kicked some ass back in the 19th century, nes pas? And were it not for La Belle France being where it is you would never have been able to land in Normandy." Chirac bitterly issued a list of incidents when the amiable cheese-loving nation came to the rescue of the United States: The Revolutionary War, existentialism, and, of course, the Revolutionary War. Their patience with America, he said, is running out. "Frankly, we are sick of forever bailing you guys out," said Chirac. "Don't let it happen again." Still, the issue of how the new soldiers will fit into the existing occupation force is still unknown. Interaction between the groups could be dicey since the US armed forces still carry a "don't ask, don't tell" policy regarding French tendencies. According to the classified CentCom plan, French troops will stand around in public areas in Baghdad and Tikrit, drinking coffee and furiously smoking unfiltered cigarettes. Should Chancellor Schroeder send similar Bundeswehr (German Army) support then the French Army's function will revert to normal by surrendering to the Germans and thereafter forming a non-existent resistance movement thus diluting the terrorist threat. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Incidentally, here's their website... http://www.immigration.gov/graphics/ It's actually a bit disappointing, there's NOTHING in the FAQ about how to become an illegal imigrant. Maybe I'll just have to apply using their worldwide available online aplication formhttp://staffing.opm.gov/IEA/. Since I'm not a US national, don't have a work permit, visa, etc... I think I'm very well qualified since I'd have to be an illegal immigrant to work there for them. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Happythoughts, Gotta disagree there... I think it was more "The Russians are in Afghanistan. From there they can bring pressure to bear on the middle east. THAT's WHERE WE GET OUR OIL!!!! Is anybody opposing them? .... Good, they sound like nice people, our kind of people... Give them some guns & stuff" "We've gotta stop Soviet expansion in the mid-east! How can we do that in a waay that doesn't involve us supporting countries in the same way as we support South Korea, Germany, South Vietnam?" They largely did, but instead of the communist regime that would have happened if the west hadn't supported the Mujaheddin, they went Islamic Fundamentalist & supported the killing of the "Non-believers". And where was the outcry against AMERICAN attack jets & helicopter gunships when the west did exactly what the Soviets did in Afghanistan 20 years earlier? (Sorry - rhetorical question). Very true. At the time no-one could have predicted the actions of Mikhail Gorbachev and the ultimate collapse of the Soviet Communist political model. But the study of history is the dissection of the decisions made and their consequences, in the hope that similar mistakes won't be made again (HAH!). It's not a case of "We should have never". It's more a case of "What went right? What went wrong? How and, most importantly... WHY?" Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Michele, "People think we selected OBL for training" In a way, yes. As I said, at 6'3" tall OBL DID stand out from the average, less than nourished Afghani. Also, he was relatively rich, well dressed, spoke excellent English, was a Saudi (which as we all know is a "nice" country - very friendly & pro-western),.... Etc... Etc... In effect, he was one of the easiest people to talk to in that situation. Perhaps not selected by name, rather selected by circumstance. Unfortunately, at the time we interpereted his beliefs as "anti-Soviet" rather than "anti-First World". We thought he was anti communist when in fact he was an Islamic xenophobe whose hatred of "The Lesser Satan" (the Soviets) was slightly greater than his hatred of "The Great Satan" at that particular time. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Michele, check out http://www.joric.com/Saddam/Saddam.htm It's quite long, but a good potted political history of post WWII Iraq. Short version... YES! Saddam Hussein was "trained & used" by CIA. The Ba'ath party was seen as the only credible alternative to President Qasim and his associations with the Iraqi Communist Party combined with his increasingly totalitarian rule. In effect, in the late '50s & early '60s it looked to the US that Iraq was "going communist" so the "Democratic" (read opposition) Ba'athist movement was supported. After Iran went fundamentalist in 1979, the west saw Iraq as a counterbalance to prevent Iranian fundamentalist domination of the region. Hence the weapons, training etc... In 1980 the Soviet Union entered Afghanistan in support of the then Communist (soviet client) government's losing battle against rising slamic Fundamentalism. Once again "the west" supported the "Democratic" opposition to the Soviet totalitarian regime. The soviet forces (obviously) had "air supremacy" and were using helicopters heavily in Afghanistan. The "Mujhadeen" (which was in fact a VERY loose alliance of otherwise disparate tribes & political factions whose only common ground was a desire to overthrow the pro communist government) were equipped with stuff a lot more advanced than the bolt-action rifles they held at the time. You don't give a semi-illiterate Afghani a Stinger missile and expect him to just pick it up & use it, so training WAS provided to "The Plucky Afghan Freedom Fighters". Meanwhile, a Fatwa was declared against the Godless Communists in Afghanistan and the call went out to all good (& murderous) Muslims to join the fight. Off went Osama to Afghanistan, & YES, there is western newsreel footage of Osama the freedom fighter in a Mujahedeen camp. At 6'3" he did kind of stand out. We're back at the old adage of supporting "the enemies of our enemies". It has aleays been the foundation of western geopolitics. But, as I've said a few times before... The Enemy of Your Enemy is NOT neccessarily your friend!!! It seems that the actions we take in our best interests 10 or 20 years ago always come back to bite us in the ass. This has been the underlying theme of our international involvement ever since Jewish & Arab nationalism was encouraged in 1916 to give us alies against the Ottoman Empire & German imperialism. Yep, 9/11 is all lloyd-George & Woodrow Wilson's fault. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Personally, I think the gun helps. No-one has ever been fatally wounded by somebody pointing their finger at them and shouting "BANG BANG" Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yeah, that'd work... but don't you think it's kinda hard on that guy who's got the quad .50" aa gun (for home defense of course)? True, I was just trying to get individual guns recorded against individual owners - that way there's be less chance of a legally bought gun passing into criminal hands. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

What about some form of gun control and gun registration? Lets say that if you want to hold guns & ammunition then you've gotta get a licence from the police or Federal agency. Any gun you buy or acquire is recorded against your licence so there's (ideally) a record of who owns what gun. Anytime you gain or lose a gun you get your licence amended. Guns & ammunition is only sold to folk with a licence. You can only get rid of a gun by giving it to a licence holder or dealer (or if it's stolen). After a while, the only place you'd get a gun is from a dealer or another licence holder. Holding gun(s) &/or ammunition without a licence is an offence. Supplying gun(s) &/or ammunition to non licence holder is offence. etc... So who gets a licence? ANYONE. At least anyone over age with certain exceptions like person convicted of certain crimes (armed robbery would be a biggie) In effect, a way of differentiating between the law-abiding majority & the criminal minority and starting to make it harder for the minority to acquire firearms. Just a thought... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hey Sky, Looks like these posts have just bumped you from "Old Hand" to "Addict". Congrats

Err... That you've cocked up your graph..? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Y'all, Yeah... OK... I know this has kind of been done to death, but "This just in" from World News Daily: http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=34355 One of the things that the Gun Owners of America objects to is that students would be asked: "Whether the right to keep and bear arms is still as 'important today' as it was in the 18th century, and to decide what 'limitations' should be placed on the right," So... 2 points: 1. Should this question be asked? If yes (gotta love dat good ole "Free Speech" thing), then... 2. Is the right to keep and bear arms as important today as it was int the 18th Century, and what limitations or conditions (if any) should be imposed on this right? Let's face it, King George III is kind of dead now, and the Brits & French ain't coming back to invade anytime soon. In the case of the Brits their army is all kind of busy in Iraq! Also, it's completely uncivilised to invade a country before afternoon Tiffin, and after Tiffin, one really just wants to snooze with a good book. In the case of the French... Well... Nowadays they prefer to host the invasion - it all makes for a far faster surrender and less travel sickness. So... Discuss.. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Okay...so um what the hell do we exhale? In fact, what the hell do all mamals exhale? Yeah, carbon dioxide is confusing. Some is a pollutant, some isn't. It's actually all to do with the AGE of the CO2 (believe it or not)! Here's how it works... "Millions of years ago" the earth was covered in vegetation, the sea had loads of algae etc... All these plants absorbed a $hitload of CO2, then died, were buried etc... They were compressed under the ground and in decomposing gradually became what we know today as "Fossil Fuel" (oil, natural gas, coal). In effect massive amounts of carbon was pulled out of Earth's atmosphere millions of years ago and trapped in the ground. This was a good thing. less carbon meant more free oxygen (that's the stuff we breath in and chemically burns the sugars we eat to give us energy & keeps us alive). In pulling all this ancient fossilised carbon out of the ground & burning it we're releasing the carbon that was trapped millions of years ago. This carbon is recombining with hitherto free oxygen to create excess CO2. Thus we're changing the balance of our atmosphere! In the case of what we exhale, or relatively fresh plant matter we burn, we're releasing carbon that was absorbed in modern times so the balance is largely maintained. This is why CO2 from fossil fuels IS a pollutant, and CO2 from modern flora & fauna isn't. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yeah... German Father, Korean Mother... But somehow the Arkansas Trailer genes just push up through!!. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.