miked10270

Have you tried selling it to the Iraqis as a weapon of MESS destruction? Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Err... Speedy, isn't this in the wrong forum? Wouldn't it be better off in "Advice to Dubya"? Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Wait a minute... 180ft! Isn't that a bit less than 5 seconds.... Musta' been called "Mal-Func...." Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

I'd heard he was "Lo-Huk". Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

& given the nature of this site - I suppose I'd better post a jumping pic (NWS)... http://www.retecool.com/jump/052.swf. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

OK... OK... After careful consideration I suppose you could open up a second front (NWS): http://www.retecool.com/jump/051.swf Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Seems fair. NacMac can deal with the tech stuff & I'll concentrate on the "salient points". Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yeah... Strictly speaking that would be grammatically and technically correct. After all, the jump would be 99.9% identical - Get in the plane, jump out, freefall, open, steer, flare, land. All the $hit in the ambulance and intensive care afterwards isn't part of the jump..... Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har Har....... Sorry about that. Hi Max, Just relax about it. First couple of times I was in the back seat of a C-182 I was going "Interesting shades of Green" as well. Like you, I wasn't bothered in big planes, I think it was a mixture of being bounced around more, and not being able to see much more that the back of the pilots seat, a bit cramped, not really being able to see out all that well - all up, being focussed on the inside of the plane rather than the outside. First few skydive lifts, I was "a bit busy" to worry about being airsick, and I suspect it'll be the same for you. With hindsight I suspect that the main difference between the passenger C-182 and the skydiving one was the ventilation (NO F*ING DOOR!!!) and me being more worried about the jump than whether I was going to spew all over the floor. OK, take a couple of baggies with you (just in case), but don't expect to need them. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Whoops... Forgot it was st.Patrick's day... Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself,my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Shamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Saddam paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Paddy called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and ,10,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. ! "Top o' the mornin' Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints,and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners." Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Private Jones was assigned to the Army induction center, where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their Serviceman's Group Life Insurance (SGLI). It wasn't long before the center's Lieutenant noticed that Private Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Lt. stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the SGLI to the new recruits, and then said. "If you have SGLI and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have SGLI, and you go into battle and get killed, the government has to pay only a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?" Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Everybody sing along... To the tune of "If You're Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands" If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq. If the terrorists are Saudi And the bank takes back your Audi And the TV shows are bawdy, Bomb Iraq. If the corporate scandals growin', bomb Iraq. And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq. If the smoking gun ain't smokin' We don't care, and we're not jokin'. That Saddam will soon be croakin', Bomb Iraq. Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq. From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq. So to hell with the inspections; Let's look tough for the elections, Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq. While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq. Yay! the clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq. If the ozone hole is growing, Some things we prefer not knowing. (Though our ignorance is showing), Bomb Iraq. So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq, From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq. Saying no would look like treason. It's the Hussein hunting season. Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

You colonials are impatient as always... If you only waited another 47 seconds... Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yes, they're there, only not grossly over enhanced... As any engineer will confirm, slenderness tends to improve flexibility... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Excellent article, & I agree wholeheartedly with the conclusion... So is this to become the next "boobies" thread? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Dallas,where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor,you HAD to choose a man from that floor. If you went up afloor,you couldn't go back down except to leave the place,never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands... First floor The door had a sign saying,"These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said,"Well, that's better than not having a job,or not loving kids,but I wonder what's further up? " So up they went. Second floor The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs,love kids,and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm,said the ladies. But,I wonder what's further up? Third floor This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework. " Wow! Said the women. Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went. Fourth floor This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak. " Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went. Fifth floor The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are fucking impossible to please.. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

While we're on the subject of "Love, not War"... http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/multimedia/bushblair_endlesslove.mov Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Tsk... Tsk... You colonials are always Sooooo...... Impatient!. We Brits know a lot more about the proper behaviour concerning surrender than you (having lived next door to France for all these years), and, an any Frenchman will happily confirm, the proper time to "Reddite" is immediately AFTER the invasion starts! Actually running into a neighbouring country, even just to surrender, to surrender is in fact technically an invasion and as such is an act of war! On a serious note, there is a MAJOR political implication to finding yourself with POWs when you haven't started fighting yet. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yeah...! Wait 'til they're all busy bombing somebody else. I'd settle for it provoking some thought about UN Veto procedure - Let's face it, the UN Security council is the best model of irresolute government since the Polish Barons. The only way of getting a resolution passed in the UN Security Council is for one of the guest states to formulate a resolution against ALL the permanent members and that way they can't vote and hence use their veto! Thinking along those lines, maybe somebody should propose a resolution anong the lines of... "The UN objects to the indescrimate use of Veto by France, Rusia, Great Britain, China and the US and proposes that their right of veto should be permanently withdrawn". Since the 5 permanent members are named parties in the resolution they can't vote and veto it. I'd love to go, but by then the US Military will have finished building their sandcastles & I'd rather not give out advance notice of my movements just in case they have some ordanance left over. BTW, Who's the lucky girl? Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Thought I'd post this little quiz fom Tony Blair (Governor Designate of the 51st State). Welcome to my U.N. Security Council Unreasonable Veto Quiz! You know I have faced some harsh criticism over the past few days. People have been accusing me of taking the law into my own hands by announcing that I might deem a veto by one or more of my co-members of the select five-veto-weilding club "unreasonable" and ignore it. I simply cannot understand the argument of these people. How can it been reasonable if a minority can be allowed the hold the will of the United Nations to ransom? Surely if we get the 9 votes we need, and therefore have a majority of countries supporting our bid for war, we would be morally right to ignore any veto. Think about it. Is it right for one veto-holding country to be able to kill a perfectly reasonable resolution? Is it right for just one veto-holding country to be able to destroy a resolution supported by a majority, or even all of the others? What if everyone voted one way, and a single country vetoed the resolution. That is surely absurd. I could never condone or support such injustice where a single country can veto the will of all the other members to serve its own interests and I am sure you agree too. As I will show this would be a terrible precedent. The French, Russians and Chinese have a lot to learn and could do a lot worse that take a history lesson of Security Council resolutions. Perhaps then they would see that the veto is not supposed to be a tool for one country to unreasonably impose its narrow will on the rest of the world, and finally you will see why I am totally behind President Bush and the American administration who understand the importance of the majority view and upholding international law. Enjoy the quiz! Question 1: In December 2002, a resolution was drafted (S/2002/1384) to condemn the horrendous killing by Israeli forces of several United Nations employees and the deliberate destruction of the World Food Programme (WFP) warehouse. 12 out of the 15 Security Council members supported this resolution but one country vetoed it. Who was that country? France China Russia United States Question 2: In December 2001, a resolution was drafted (S/2001/1199) to demand the withdrawal of Israeli forces from Palestinian-controlled territory and condemning acts of terror against civilians. In view of the number of civilian deaths, it was no wonder that once again 12 members (out of 15) supported the resolution, but one nasty country vetoed it. Who was it? France China Russia United States Question 3: In March 2001, a resolution was presented following more deaths of Palestinian civilians. Action was needed to stop the murder of these people and the resolution (S/2001/270) called for a UN observer force to protect the Palestinian civilians. The resolution got the majoity of 9 members it needed but one country vetoed the call to protect the civilians. Who could possibly do such a thing? France China Russia United States Question 4: Now here was a consensus view. In March 1997, resolution S/1997/241 demanding the immediate cessation by Israel of construction in East Jerusalem. Despite such an overwhelming support of 13 members to pass this resolution, one country stood alone and vetoed it. Who was the culprit? France China Russia United States Question 5: It gets worse! In March of the same year, a resolution (SC/1997/199) was presented to call upon Israel to refrain from East Jerusalem settlement activities. This time 14 (yes 14!) of the 15 Security Council members supported the resolution, but once again, a single veto-weilding country killed the resolution. Who bucked the view of the rest of the world and vetoed it? France China Russia United States Question 6: Ooh this was a bit serious. Resolution S/1995/394 presented for voting in May 1995 reaffirmed the applicability of the Fourth Geneva Convention (12/Aug/1949) to all territories occupied by Israel since 1967 and called on Israel to stop its activities which violated the Geneva Convention. Violating the Geneva Convention? Yes! No wonder 14 out of the 15 Security Council members voted "yes" to this resolution. The world was ready to stop Israel violating serious international laws, but, then one country went and vetoed it. Who was it? France China Russia United States Question 7: Same again really but this time in May 1990 (S/21326). 14 members tried to stop Israel breaking international law, but one lone country ignored the breaches and the view of the rest of the world and went ahead and vetoed the resolution. Who was the scoundrel? France China Russia United States Question 8: Don't worry not all UN resolutions concern crimes committed by Israel. 13 countries voted in January 1990 (S/21084) to condemn the violation of Diplomatic Immunities in Panama. One country decided to ignore world opinion and vetoed the resolution. Who was it this time? France China Russia United States Question 9: Phew 1989 was a busy year! Three resolutions (S/20945, S/20677, S/20463) against Israel and all three gained the overwhelming support of 14 of the 15 Security Council members. Incredibly, in each case, one country vetoed each resolution. Yes, one country vetoed three resolutions all passed by every other member. Who could do such a thing? France China Russia United States Question 10: Well, there are lots more, but we end in 1988. In this year there were two resolutions where Lebanon complained about Israel and a third resolution again condemning the actions of Israel. All three of these resolutions (S/20322, S/19868 and S/19780) received a massive 14 out of 15 votes, but again, in all three cases a single country killed the resolutions with its veto. Come on, come on, tell me, who was it? France China Russia United States End of the quiz. How did you get on? A big thanks to globalpolicy.org for the source information from the United Nations. Now let's see how you scored! Scoring Score 0 for every time you chose France, China or Russia as the guilty parties and score 10 points for every time you chose the United States as the country that used it veto. Now remember no one country should dictate policy and enforce a minority view, vetoing resolutions supported by the majority of the Security Council members. If we do manage to get 9 countries to support war against Iraq and France, Russia and China dare to ignore world opinion then it will be perfectly reasonably to ignore them and go to war anyway. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianistlost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England." One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics." The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a guy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train travailing 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States!" Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up rugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" the judge said to the second boy. "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I also used two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison...' " Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Sounds similar to something we used once. The recipe I remember is to take one sauna - nice & warm... One bucket of 90% proof "Loyla", & add by the cup to the stones. It was........ WOW! Mike. Perhaps some of the Finns can share... Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Actually JJohnston has a point... The best way to get a discount at a sex shop is to go with your wife. You go to the cashier and start to negotiate a discount while Iona goes to the video stand and makes disparaging comments ("A bit tame", "The bloke in that's under endowed", "The star in that has really poor fake breasts", "Did you know that women in real life have pubic hair",) to the rapidly diminishing numbers of male customers... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Maybe I should have put the last one in the video forum... More helpful advice? Try: http://www.canada.com/national/globalnational/info/dictator.html Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.