Farflung

Now for some innovation, design and the joining of two activities so closely linked already that keeping them separate has moved to little more than polite self parody. Finally Americans can combine all their favorite activities in an orgy of conspicuous consumption and endless brag speak. I have generously assembled the materials list and pricing as a sort of Yankee Doodle ‘in your face’ display of genius. 1. Four compartment steamer table (120 volt – critical) - $1389 2. 20 pound bag elbow macaroni - $12.30 3. 30 pound tub liquid cheese (Atomic Orange color) - $119.99 4. 7 pound can Beans & Sauce - $3.09 per can 5. Gravy Mix (makes 1 gallon) - $2.62 per pack 6. 5.4 pound can Mashed Potatoes - $6.85 per can 7. Festive turkey roll - $1.94 per pound Now all you have to do is plug the table into a 120 volt (standard plug) outlet and fill those pans with the things you would select at a buffet anyway except you don’t have to burn $4 a gallon gasoline to eat $2.62 a gallon gravy. In fact, all four pans could be filled for less than $20 and still hold plenty for the following days feeding frenzies. This is the definition of win/win. It gets even better and I’ve done the measurements for proof of concept. Although initially for the men, everyone will eventually migrate to the complete conversion. All these years we have blindly accepted the Precious Moments plate mounted above the towel rack and the Martha Stewart Moon Phase Collector’s spoons on the adjacent wall without so much as a second glance. This is the way nature designed men from eons of evolution. Simply plug your steamer table into the bathroom and bring your ‘Official NFL Detroit Lions’ TV tray with you, put that Precious Moments plate to good use along with a Moon Spoon and you have a table for one with the best seat in the house. When you are finished dining, simply rinse the plate and spoon in the bathtub and return them to their original locations for future use. Form truly follows function here with some efficiency which simply won’t be exceeded for centuries while allowing more time for Cooper research. In the spirit of word contraction and corruption the way Convair represented ‘Consolidated – Vultee Aircraft’, the same has been done with Bathroom and Restaurant. Introducing the ‘Bathraunt’ to the world from the source everyone would expect; America. I feel this invention is so critical to the good of man that I’m launching it into the Public Domain thus avoiding costly patent royalties. The menu was simply for illustrative purposes and not a mandate. Perhaps you prefer some more sophisticated fare: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/turducken-recipe/index.html The choices are limitless when you have a ‘Bathraunt’ in your home. Design your own menus which could include ‘Meatloaf, by the dashboard lights’ or a ‘Turd ucken’ as a second choice. What will your first Bathraunt meal include?

I was saddened to read about the demise of another Hometown Buffet. Future generations and those living who have not met the required age or digestive tract inefficiencies will never know the majesty of unlimited food portions in Oklahoma. http://www.okctalk.com/showthread.php?t=12139&page=1 Because I care, I looked up the Hometown Buffet in San Jose, CA and was delighted to find it still in operation and attached some prominent reviews. Perhaps 377 will consider dining there should he manage to meet any of the before mentioned requirements or suffers some sort of head trauma. If you care about freedom, it’s time to go to your local Hometown Buffet (aka Ryan’s, Old Country Buffet) throw down 5.99 American, and eat all you can stand. Then join that low frequency calliope in the 14 stall restroom and craft some more Cooper lore. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZveIu-0MbxQ&feature=related Hopefully this will impede the closings of Hometown Buffets and serve as a stepping stone in returning America to its former greatness.

I tried to find some examples of a successful cover up but instead lost my will to live.

georger offers his finely filtered source materials with: “Did I not say Geof's source for the galley story is retired FBI agent, Snow. A retired FBI agent is FBI! FBI = FBI! FBIxFBI = FBI. FBI/FBI = FBI. FBI[FBI]/FBI = FBI. FBI+FBI+FBI = FBI.” Yep, I noticed that bit of fine research and would have used that as my justification to move to Guyana, invest in unregistered securities or send money to Nigeria. After all, every one of those examples involved an even higher source. So umm…. yeah, Agent (no first name or report) ‘Snow’ (code name?) said this to Gray but georger knew it before but kept it to himself because he is nice like that. Then went on a tirade how this was known by many people, near and far and is believed by more to be true. Well that’s good enough for government work, that’s for sure. Issue the permits for Thalidomide.

So there are spaghetti dinners thrown all over the fuselage, pressure bumps measured by umm….. no one and an open door wreaking havoc from windblast to the interior of Flight 305. Yeah, got it, a superb treatment for a Hollywood production with someone as writer or technical advisor packed with action and some romance. What would happen if there was an open door with a rotary wing and a couple pressure bump creating devices (Gatling gun, rockets, machine gun) and someone experiencing all three to the soundtrack of some Pat Boone song? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa5MIDsnO3c&feature=related Nawwwww, too far fetched and no one could survive such an onslaught of pressure bumps, thumps, knocks, slaps, jounces, raps, jolts and blows. Oddly, it’s not just the pressure that blows about this story. Good thing this was caught before it started to get weird.

georger says that I’ll be demanding a source from any person making some new or stupefying claim? Well true enough. I think I’ve been pretty good about offering graphics, news articles and photos to support whatever point I’m trying to make. Now I feel kinda bad and think that having sources is the wrong approach and we should just trust people and not be curmudgeons looking for evil around every corner. Why won’t I simply believe a story that has managed to escape detection for 40 years which is held by georger and Gray out of mutual admiration? Georger says that he did it to let Gray have ‘first shot’ at solving this crime. Sure glad this crime didn’t involve the murder and or rape of people since withholding information under the guise of professional courtesy would appear absurd. Whew, dodged a bullet there georger. Yes, I think that the fact that 305 was on its last PAX revenue generating flight for the day is not enough information to determine what is in the galley. Common sense would have non-perishable snack items rather than uncooked pork, whole milk and cantaloupes from Colorado. But what do I know?

Georger opines with righteous indignation (parentheses mine): “If it isnt true then a lot of independent people from the day are peddling a lie (ever heard of Ponzi?) - this is not a story that originated with newcomers but with the old guard (ever heard of Bernie Madoff?). The story has made its way through the ranks far and wide (ever heard of Bigfoot?). I first heard it from one of the controllers then later from several others, then in an exchange with Gray he confirmed to me he had heard it from a common source (ever heard of Stall 2 in a Hometown Buffet?), I checked further... if the story is not true then a lot of people are peddling a myth (ever heard of Santa Claus?).” Good posting otherwise. Well done, well done indeed. Except for the complete lack of sources again.

georger asks with moral outrage pounding in his chest: “how good can the tale from a smut peddler be?” Hmmmm…..

Nothing misleading about the question at all pek771. Without actually seeing how ‘simple’ (I’m prepared to be flamed) an ejection seat is, you may think the parachute is quite divorced from the crewmember. Those shoulder and leg straps along with the chest strap are attached to a parachute which sits in the back of the seat pan. The seat (where your butt rests) typically includes a square package covered with a seat pad. This is the survival kit which is attached to D-rings on the chute and contains a rubber raft among around 100 other useful items (yes, a supply of condoms). This is where the nickname ‘Butt Boat’ came from for those kits. The Achilles’ heel of this system was (and is??) the ‘Man Seat Separator’. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFwkv14u3b4 There was (I don’t know for modern systems) some webbing that was laid across the base of the seat and went up to the backrest and attached to some retraction reel behind the backrest. Just after the ejection sequence this thing would spin and take up the slack of the webbing which pushed the physical seat away from the man. This was trained over and over and over to kick away from the seat after ejecting. If you pulled with the seat still attached your chute would not deploy. This may give you a little better feel as to how remote or intimate the chute remained (till 2009, T-37 retirement). Attached is some T-37 stuff. It is amazing how different the systems were from T-37s to B-52s to C-130s.

Guess it depends on how much information you need pek771. http://www.airforcetimes.com/news/2008/03/airforce_kc135_parachutes_030508w/ Just three years ago for this airframe and it has been in service for over 50 years. Those ejection seats have parachutes (B-52, B-1, B-2, F-22, T-38, F-16, A-10, F-18). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxMLkEYgT78 The Bee Gees?! Think I would have chosen pranging over having to listen to that. They’re there, you just can’t see them. Just like Jennifer Anniston’s breasts. http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=alo_XWCqNUQ Here’s a look into the belly of the beast. A bunch of Army guys (they were called training aids for C-130 drivers) and a couple Air Force crew types. One is wearing a tether which is cold comfort seeing how it took two men, struggling to recover the static lines. How was the wind blast, pressure bumps from so many jumps or noise level after closing the door? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlEIkuSeQeU Decide for yourself.

For every bleeding heart that says ‘prison is not a deterrent to crime’ let me fill you in on a few of the finer points here. I can prove that prison is a deterrent because I don’t want to go to some ‘Federal Pound You In The Ass Prison’ in order to be reminded that something I did (then denied) was wrong. Those who have spent a lifetime telling big stories, deflecting then minimizing them are exactly one coincidence from ending up there while crying about their innocence. Splitting hairs at that point, take your punishment like a… ummm… whatever you are called in prison, because you were never a ‘man’ in free society anyway. There should be a felony douche bag law or Walter Mitty prosecution device (like the RICO statute) to remove these amateur ass hats from society before they graduate to do some real damage. Additionally I don’t want to ever see a man’s ‘O’ face. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzIN3EgBIHg&feature=related Although it is undeniably clear that many don’t see this as anything remotely punitive or an act which should be worthy of any consideration; presumably because they are already no stranger to such a display and have engaged in those behaviors while ‘free’. That’s why I subscribe to the DBC honor code of…. ‘I will not…’ crap, can’t remember anything else. Little help from someone?

Please massa Thomas don’t whip Farf, please!! I’s knows I’m deserving some punishment what with you making over $150,000 each month in the deepest recession since 1930. Please don’t make me beg! Massa georger is wanting me to fetch him sum viagras whats his woman leaves the mail man alone. Please massa Jerry have mercy on Farf. I’m a fearin of ya for sure. That’s what yous and georger wants for your perfect world, lets me live in it. Please say yes.

There’s NOOOOOOOO bragging on your part, that’s for sure! Gee whillikers, golly bum and bee’s knees! You two are the most honest and honorable people on this thread and the entire world can see it now. You are both gods among men like me that don’t deserve to breathe the air in your freshly used bathrooms. Thank you for just sharing any part of the planet with me because I deserve none of it. It sure is good to have benefactors like you and georger. Stay classy!!

All I did was quote what you felt everyone on the planet needed to know about your gold production. I took the lower value and only applied a five day work week. Gosh I’m just trying to do what is honorable and honest. I guess I just fall short compared to you and georger. I suck. Why can’t I learn?!

Yes!

BS is as BS does, that’s what mama says.

‘Honor Instructor’ says it all.

You’re right…. Duane Weber was DB Cooper.

Why are you defending someone that was caught telling bigger lies than you have constantly accused others of making (read Jo)? Sorry, but honor is a one way street in my world and you better learn the traffic patterns. Don’t come in charging others with lying or missing a polygraph then say that enough is enough when someone (your pet) gets caught doing just as bad or worse. Capiche? There is a big old world out there and it isn’t as stupid as some may want or hope to believe. Last word ever on this subject.

Really Jerry??? I didn't see ANY contrition. Perhaps you could direct me to a source?

Wrong AGAIN georger, that was Hominid that made that stupefying statement that you find charming. Perhaps this will refresh your memory. If you need to see it again just say the word. Stay classy!!!!

Hey georger!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGLR25EJtfE Did you consider bringing this up?????? Don’t worry you come across as cool and not like a loser!!!! (not a loser) Stay classy!!!!!! Please say yes.

Let’s all say ‘so long’ to someone’s credibility ….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjHJ_snG3RI Not exactly a shock since he has consistently conducted himself like a troglodyte for years and years. Let’s try and find something positive from such a reprehensible and repugnant person. Forgive those who trespass…. How generous for georger. The world is kinder without him. Otherwise he would have been more generous and less douchey. Let’s all speak un-ill of the last remnants of georger’s credibility while he acts like he is utterly surprised by this announcement. He is consistent if nothing else (like honest, attractive, smart, fresh smelling).

Hey Hominid…. Would it be OK, if I may, if it isn’t too much of a bother. Because you are so honest and forthright, could I; like georger (who is so cool), quote a few of your sentences from your previous posts (which are so great)? Please say yes, all spontaneously and gee I’d sure like to wash your hair some day-y. That would give me a raging ‘diamond cutter’ if you would because you are so strong and cool. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JchKa8Ox3Hs Would you like some tea Homi-prissy-pants?

Hey Hominid…. Lemme translate for those who don’t speak BS……