RhondaLea

Legally speaking, you're wrong. It's one of the duties set forth in the marriage contract, and sexual desertion is still grounds for divorce, even in some states that have no-fault. rl I'm talking about grounds for divorce, and you're talking about the wedding vows. Granny Smith vs. Satsumas You think that's what it says? To me it says "I love you so much I want you to feel good, even if I'd rather lock myself in the closet right now with a pound of chocolate, a flashlight and a book." If you did not intend to be a wife to him in all meanings of the word, why were you married? If the relationship was abusive, it's a different story. Been there, done that. But as I said, if I find I'm done with sex in the relationship, it's a clear indication to me that the relationship is over. Why did you stay? Why would you stay with someone if being with them makes you feel like a "dirty cheap whore"? If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Legally speaking, you're wrong. It's one of the duties set forth in the marriage contract, and sexual desertion is still grounds for divorce, even in some states that have no-fault. rl The expression "The law is an ass" comes to mind.

What part of "the professionals called off the search" do you still not get? They weren't asked to help find the friggin' body, and if they had asked to help, they would have been turned away. Civilians are a pain in the ass in these situations. The image of the dropzone and the sport? Somehow, image doesn't much come to my mind as being particularly relevant when someone dies. Gestures are generally stupid, meaningless substitutes for worthwhile action. And what you're advocating is exactly that. A gesture. One that might've gotten someone else hurt. There are lots of stories about things like that, y'know. What if someone had fallen down an old well in the dark, or tripped and broken a bone? Taking up a collection to help with funeral expenses or giving him an ash dive or a whole host of other things would be a lot more meaningful than disregarding the choice the professionals made and rushing in where angels fear to tread. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Legally speaking, you're wrong. It's one of the duties set forth in the marriage contract, and sexual desertion is still grounds for divorce, even in some states that have no-fault. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Okay...before we do your exercise, tell me this: were the victim's friends and family out in the woods looking for his body? Or did they go home and wait for SAR to do it's job? Because it's impractical. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

If I'm in a relationship that's happy and healthy, I'll "put out" even when I don't feel like it...because I know that about five minutes into it, I'm going to feel like it. Consider all the things that partners do for each other, whether they "feel like it" or not, and tell me why sex should be any different. Someone I love should suffer because I don't "feel like" having sex? I don't think so. If I'm sick or otherwise incapacitated, it's one thing. But if it's just that I'm not in the mood, I'll go ahead and get into the mood. At the very least, I should be able to manage fellatio (unless I have a head cold). rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Hey thats no fair! Here I went and made that really clever comment about cleaning the toilet and having sex. Actually my wife and I are happy. There was some trouble for a while because of natures little joke. As age advances the female sex drive seems to increase while the males decreases. Haha, very funny. She was feeling unloved because I didnt want sex as much as she did. I have found that there are many ways to make someone feel loved. Sex is just one of them. By using a combination of sex and other ways we are able to keep us both happy. Why does this work? Because its not really about the sex at all which is my whole point. Its about feeling loved, and there are many ways to make someone feel loved. Okay, look...the fact that the two of you have talked about it and worked it out is good. Communication in a marriage is as important as sex, although to me, sex is a form of communication. I'm not trying to be smart or anything, but...well look, it is well known that May/December pairings are actually more "level" as far as sex is concerned--a 35+ woman has the sex drive of an 18-21 year old man, and a 40-year old man is better suited to a 25 year old woman (ages approximate). Taking that into consideration, I would still say to an older guy that he should have his testosterone levels checked. It's something doctors seem not to do unless asked, but testosterone supplementation (for both men and women) seems to work wonders when sex drive flags. And as I said, sex confers great health benefits, probably more so than the traditional workout. rl P.S. Cleaning the toilet and having sex? It reminded me of something, and I shied away from it completely: My first husband told me that to him, taking a good shit felt as good as sex. He was screwy in other ways too. The marriage didn't last long for other reasons, but if I'd known that before the ceremony, there would never have been a wedding. If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

I'm going to leave the rest of it alone, because it's about to turn into a pointless argument, and if you and your wife are happy, it's not for me to be critical. But I do want to make this point: Sex also confers great benefits. People who have more sex remain healthier longer. So maybe you might consider incorporating it into your workout routine. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Heh. Methinks you misunderstood me. Well, that may be. Methinks you intended to be opaque. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Only when it comes to sex and physical affection. I substitute those for dinners out, tchotchkes, vacations, and other such tangible goods, instead of the other way around. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Ideally, however, I wholeheartedly believe that one's own sexuality should be able to flourish and stand on its own, sans the choking weed root creep of love and other emotions. Let each bask in their own light: strong, self-preserving, and separate from each other. You and Betty Dodson. Y'know, there's nothing wrong with it and a whole lot right with it, but in the immortal words of Robert A. Heinlein, "it's lonely." Sex was meant to be shared. Often. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

And some of us want both, in large quantities. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

So what you're saying is that you have the energy to work out seven days a week to keep yourself happy, but you don't have the energy to have sex 3 or 4 times a week to keep your wife happy. I also saw that you think that being refused sex by ones partner should not affect ones self-esteem. Here's a clue: if your life partner doesn't want you, it's going to affect your self-esteem because the big question will be "Why not? What's wrong with me?" As for me, refusing sex is a clear indicator that a relationship is over. If I don't want to be touched in a sexual way, it's the big warning sign that whatever is wrong with the relationship can't be fixed. For some people, love and sex aren't tied together, but to say that's true for the majority flies in the face of every bit of research that's ever been done on the subject of sexuality. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

All kidding aside, Nick I think we all had something a little more positive in mind. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

You said it. If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Any suggestions? Don't tempt me. If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

The jumping season has just begun in Florida.

rl -- Do you consider yourself a skydiver? I no longer jump. I stopped jumping 4 years ago, and I haven't lived on the dropzone for a little over a year. So I don't consider myself a skydiver anymore, but I maintain ties to the skydiving and base communities because I have friends within both. And when an opportunity arises for me to make a contribution to either community, I do what I can. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

No. Not in and of itself. I think that people who don't go to the dz and sit there through weather holds and hurricanes have the idea that I was being critical of them, and that's not the case. I also thought the example I gave of the guy who posted proudly to rec.skydiving about his solos and coached jumps to the exclusion of all else should have cleared that up. Here's the question: Is everyone delighted to see you when you do show up? Then you're part of the community. The converse of that, of course, is everyone looking at you out of the corner of their eye wondering who you are when you walk onto the dz. Think about a close-knit neighborhood. That's the model. Everyone doesn't stay home all the time and socialize--people go to work, people go shopping, people do a lot of things within the privacy of their own homes. But neighbors stay in touch, have the occasional block party, sit on each other's porches at the end of the day watching the kids play stickball. And don't forget about the creepy old lady down the block who's mean to all the kids, never says hello to any of the neighbors and is talked about in whispers because everyone thinks she keeps her husband in a trunk in the attic. I admit it. I'm old. The "new dz" is like a bedroom community. No one knows your name, and when lightning strikes your house and burns it down, you'd better hope you have family or enough money for an extended stay at a hotel, because the neighbors are not going to show up with an invitation to shelter, food and new clothes to get you through the bad times. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Wait. You lied to her? You told her you're going to the gym, and you're really making a base jump? Y'know, here's the bottom line. If she won't or can't accept you for who you are, you don't need her, and being involved with her is only going to cause you trouble. The worst thing in the world for me has always been waking up six months into a relationship to discover that the guy I though I knew didn't exist, and some stranger was sleeping next to me. I don't sleep with strangers. Don't do it. Start out honest, and stay that way. As much as I gave him some shit for his way of expressing it, Nick's right. There are a lot of people on this planet, and at least one of them is going to accept you for who you are--all of you, not part of you--as a whole person, not as raw material to remake into the perfect man. (Because the perfect man is perfect at the start, just the way he is, regardless of his flaws. Perfection is all about "fit," no more, no less.) Women will tolerate a lot if men are honest. Lying will screw up a relationship faster than anything. Not to mention that if she knows you're a liar, when the time comes that you really need to tell the big whopper, you'll have no chance of being believed. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Ocala, Marion County, Florida If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

The same can be said of men, except the interval is more akin to water molecules from a faucet. rl Wow thats a pretty trashy woman if she goes thought men like that!! No more trashy than men who stake out the bus stop. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Then the original post should've been made in/moved to the Speakers' Corner. Would you have said the same if John Vincent had made a similar post after his DUI? "Sorry, won't be able to make it; hit and killed a kid." rl Edited: Sorry. This is a big, hot button for me. That said, I'm sorry, Bryan. No one needs this kind of problem. Good luck sorting it out. If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

Oh boy... Nick started it. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb

The same can be said of men, except the interval is more akin to water molecules from a faucet. rl If you don't know where you're going, you should know where you came from. Gullah Proverb