Thanatos340

Good thing I called to sing you Happy Birthday this past weekend huh??

Sounds very reasonable to me. why should she uproot her life and leave her family and friends for you? She surely knows that she will be the custodial parent and will need help from her family and friends if she is going to be a single mother. You leave her no option but to stay put. A little late now. You ARE in a Relationship with her for atleast the next 20 or so years like it or not. Now the question is what can YOU make of that relationship? She holds all the cards right now. The courts will side with her on custody. She will be able to move anywhere, anytime she wants and take the child. This is reality. If your goal is to be the best father you can be under the circumstances, You will have to be willing to follow her, It will NOT be the other way around. No, it doesnt seem fair but that is the way it is and you must be prepared to deal with that. I am not trying to scare you (or maybe I am.) I just think you need to realize what you about to get into. It is a tough situation for everyone involved and the only one that should really matter is the child. Try to forget about everything except what is truly in the Childs best interest. It took me many years before I realized that squabbling over petty details with her mother was rarely in my daughters best interest. I remember huge arguments with her mother over stuff that I now see as trivial like Hunting and Fishing. In my family these things are very much a part of our heritage and both male and female children learned these things from a very young age. Her mother was adamantly opposed to our daughter participating in killing anything. We fought over this for years before I realized that maybe I should just ask my daughter when she was old enough if she wanted to learn these things. She did not. That was a lot of wasted anger and hostility between her mother and I over something that just didn’t really matter in the end. When it came to Drag Racing (another family tradition) she wanted to race, So I fought for it with all I had. She raced Junior Dragsters for 4 years and was Ranked 6th in the nation at one time by the NHRA in her division. She wanted that so it was important to make that happen for her. Hunting and fishing was something I wanted but she did not so it was not important. You will face situation like this down the road, Remember to always put the Child best interest first. Not always as simple and easy as it sounds.

We called em "War Boards" back in the BBS days. Just a war of words and a bunch of geeky kids seeing who could one up the othes. Lots of fun back then.

Which means jack shit in the real world. A Notarized agreement between the two of isn’t worth the paper it is written on. I too remember being young and Idealistic. I thought exactly as you did. I lived this life starting 17 years ago. I now have a beautiful 15 (almost 16 as she reminds me on a daily basis) daughter that I had the pleasure of watching grow and being part of her life. Taking her mother to court to legally establish myself as her father and stand up for my rights as a Father was something I should have done much sooner than I did.(My Daughter was almost 3 by the time I any real legal rights other than writing a check. Those 3 years were hell as she I had no rights at all other than whatever her mother felt like at that moment. Do yourself and your child this favor as it will save MUCH fighting/arguing with her mother once the rules are spelled out in black and white and enforceable by court order. Otherwise, Just send a check every month and stay out of the Childs life. Being a Father is an all or nothing deal. Never forget the old saying, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Don’t think for a second that she would not use the child to get even with you for leaving her (Human Nature, It happens in most situations like this). Do not let your child be put in that situation. Get a lawyer, Work out an agreeable custody arrangement and get it court ordered. You also must consider that eventually the mother will want to get married. Would you like her new Boyfriend to be able to adopt your child without your consent or atleast a chance to stand up in court? If you do not take action, it is very possible. And I still don’t understand this "I have to move" bit. This is a Free country. You don’t have to do anything but die and pay taxes, Everything else is a choice. If you choose to be a father, Then you stay nearby and be as much of your Childs life as possible. If not, then do not confuse the child. As for the comment about the Mother always being the better parent, I agree that in most situations that is the mother (In my case it unquestionably was), But I have seen so many kids that would be better off living with their fathers. The child should be with the best parent regardless of their genitalia.

Wow.. That from a Lawyer type?? It is in his interest to get an agreement in place. he has no rights at all and will be solely at the mothers whim in some states until he Legitimizes the child and establishes some form of legal custody (even if it is Full Legal Custody for the mother and he just gets visitation) at least he will legally recognized as the father and have set visitation. They can have all the verbal agreement they want, But that will mean nothing when one day the mother decides she doesn’t want him seeing the child anymore. If they wait till then to do this it will take longer and be much more stressful for everyone involved.

Your 6 months/6 Months would not work past the first 5 years once your child starts School. Unless you want you child to change schools in the middle of every school year (Definitely not stable) Not when it changes every 6 months. I am saying the Courts are VERY unlikely to award Shared custody especially across state lines. It is one thing when a child has a stable home and goes to see the other parent on weekends but entirely different if the child is uprooted ever 6 months and sent to live elsewhere. I am not saying it will not work, just saying that the courts do not generally like Shared custody.

Anything is possible. It is all about the choices you make. You ask about doing the "right" thing? The right thing in my opinion is to be there for your child even if it means being able to provide less in monetary support. I hope it all works out for you. I know you have very long and tough road ahead. Hopefully in the end you will find it rewarding as I have.

Doesnt matter. It is not fair to the Child. The Child will need Stability. Shared Custody like you are proposing is very rare and something the courts try to avoid.

I was in your exact situation 17 years ago. Soon at the child is born you may need to file a petition to legitimize with the courts. Till you do that you have absolutely no rights at all in many states other than the right to pay child support (And you will pay one way or another). In Georgia Child support is based on your GROSS (Before Tax) Income (Set at 17% to 23% depending on several variables). If for example your Gross Income is $50K per year, you will pay between $708 and $958 per month. With one child and no Standard of living established, It should be closer to the 17%. Other states calculate differently but the end result should be similar and give you an idea of what you are looking at paying. Also when you petition to legitimize, you can ask that the court set Visitation at that time. Till that is done, your only right as a father is to pay. Don’t think that having a verbal agreement with the mother is going to take care of anything. If the mother is low income, I would also HIGLY recommend that you work into the agreement that YOU get the Dependant tax deduction as it will be worth much more to you that it is to her. (I didn’t do this and it has cost me Thousands every year while only saving my ex Hundreds) I learned all this the hard way. Me and my daughter’s mother had a good relationship but were no longer dating when we discovered she was pregnant. I started supporting her when she was 6 months along and couldn’t work as much. (We did try to get back together but quickly realized that as not going to work). After my daughter was born, Her Mother would go through extreme mood swings and not always let me see my daughter when we had agreed, that is when I went to a lawyer and went through the steps above. Every state has different laws on this and it will definitely be in best interest to talk to a Lawyer sooner better than later. Keep it friendly but let her know that you will do your part. And Doing that means that you must look out for your rights as a father too. Personally I would also forget about moving out of State if at all possible. If you really want to do the right thing, that means staying close by your child even if you are not living in the same house.

I would have to say Never met, Never talked to, Just met for the first time. getting to know them online first is kinda like cheating a little.

I would have a problem with anyone that would use Sex for manipulative purposes. Of course many would argue that MOST women do this. I do not agree but understand the argument. Either you are attracted to the person and want to share yourself with them or you dont. Placing any other types of Restriction on yourself just seems like you are using sex as a tool to get what you want even what you "WANT" is a long term steady relationship. Nothing at all wrong with waiting if you dont feel ready.. But not just because you are just waiting for some self imposed restriction or timeline. I kind of think the opposite approach would be better. Sleep with them right away, If their attitude changes in any way immediately afterwards, You can get away with a lot less heartache.

Lets see.. $85 vs Going to Jersey?? Money well spent Buddy!! I would pay 5 times that amount to get out of going though Jersey!!

So lets hear it?? Shortest time from the time you first met someone till it was Legs in the Air?? And how did the relationship work out? (And Pros dont count!) I think my record was about 2 hours. We dated for a little over a year after that and well over 10 years later we are still good frinds and Joke about our first meeting quite often.

So if you ever smoked and you die, They count it as a smoking related illness? Sorry but I just don’t buy that. It that were True, We all would know a hell of alot more people that died from Smoking related illness. I am sure almost anyone can think of two or three people they knew personally that died from smoking but I think that is much smaller percentage than 32% of the total number of Smokers that they have known that died. Think about all the people that you that have died. How many were smokers? Now how many died from Smoking related illness?? Anywhere near 32%?? Most likely not even close. Smoking does greatly increase you chance of getting cancer and /or many other major health problems. It is a disgusting habit that does put your health in jeopardy.. But those numbers are waaay off, I dont care who put them out. We all know stats can be manipulated to show whatever you want them to. I think it is more like IF you happen to live a long Life and then when you do finally die, IF you ever smoked, they can say you died of a Smoking related illness. Kinda like “Chute didn’t open” is what is reported as the cause death for most for skydivers. Old Joe Geezer dies today at the age of 86 of heart failure. He smoked at some point in his life. Another smoking related death. Nope don’t buy it. Too many other factors but can you bet the CDC, American heart association and other will say it was absolutely a smoking related death to pad their statistics.

No there isnt, But when we quit trying to improve the current system, we may as well just be grouchy, cantankerous old bastards. Nothing wrong with trying to find a better way. We did. You lost. My opinion - Coach Rating = Good idea, Poorly implemented. You got anything to add?

So how are these groups different that say.. The Rodriguez Brothers, Team Dirty Sanchez, or The Muff Bros?? Like minded individuals that share similar goals and enjoy each others company. Some people want to drink Tequila out of belly buttons, Others want to Rule the world. To each their own. Me.. I kinda like the idea of both.

The Coaches course I took was 3 full 10+ hour days of ground school and evaluations. These rating were in no way just handed out. Writing a check was quick and easy. Passing the course was not and it was a great and worthwhile learning experience. If that is even remotely true, Then the USPA needs to do something about their examiners. I do know of a few jumpers on the west coast that just said they "Sat around a Table on a Friday night and all got signed off". I agree that is completely BS and the examiner that did that should loose their credentials. Something like that discredits the entire program. My problem is people having to PAY someone to jump with them to begin with. You do not need to be a Top Big Way Flyer, Pro Swooper and/or Hot shit free flyer to go out on a two way with a resent AFF grad and do basic drill dives. Just because one jumper is more skilled than another does not mean that person will make a better teacher/Coach. The Rating gives Jumpers that would like to give something back to the Sport a way to “demonstrate” that they are competent to jump with a new Jumper. However, Rating or NOT, Nothing should supersede the DZO`s and/or S&TA`s opinion.

Why 13 solos?? I remember after after AFF the DZO let me make one solo and then after that, He highly discouraged solos. Said you cant learn much on a solo because you have no point of reference in the sky. He would call someone over and tell me to jump with them. This was before the coach rating and it was up to the DZO who was qualified and who was not. Never paid more than just my slot for those jumps and never once saw one of experienced jumpers that the DZO suggested do anything other than jump at the chance to go out with a resent AFF grad. Now with the Coach rating, Students are forced to do solos or pay someone to jump with them. I think the end result is that you see more AFF grads doing solos than before. The point about not having a point of reference in the sky is very accurate in my opinion. No way to judge fall rate, no way to know if they are back sliding, no one to make suggestions for improvement once they land. Solos build confidence but they do very little to teach basic skills. So is the rating really creating better A License Holders or is it actually getting in the way of them learning because now they have to pay someone to jump with them? Yes, They are getting better instruction on the Jumps that they pay someone to jump with them (Usually), But are they doing fewer jumps with others because of the costs?

Skill vs ability to teach Basics are not always relevant. The best freeflyer in the world may not be worth a shit teaching a resent AFF grad how to maintain and/or adjust fall rate. The inverse may also be true, the world shittiest Freeflyer may be able to teach the fundamentals of belly flying in a one on one enviroment just fine. Teaching or Coaching an AFF grad is not completely dependant on how Top Knotch someones individual skills are. It is more about being able to safely jump with them and then "Communicate" with that person in a manner that they will understand and learn from.

It proves that someone took the time and effort to learn how to "Teach" or "Coach" new Jumpers and they are qualified to do so. I believe in the Coach rating, I just hate the way that is has been applied. Many DZ`s just use this as way to bleed students out of more cash. I personally think this has a great deal to do with why our numbers are dropping so quickly. So who should be qualified to Jump with resent AFF grads that have not yet earned their A License?? USPA has clarified their position and said D licensed Jumpers are Qualified (Sounds reasonable) so if you look at the Coach Rating as a way for those that do not yet have a D license to prove they are also competent to help a jumper in this Limbo stage of Skydiving (Cleared to Jump Solo but still a student), Then it is a Good thing. After Aff I remember being told I was "Cleared for Solo" and "Cleared to Jumpmaster self". Now you and I came from the same place and I think I may have even jumped with you around that time as the rules were different. A Small DZ where the DZO knew everyone and their Skill level. He could easily say "Jump with him/her" and know who was qualified and who was not. At bigger DZ`s that is not realistic. So we have guidelines. D License or Coach Rating to Jump with the unlicensed AFF grad. (I just see the Coach rating as way for people without D Licenses to also be able prove they can jump with the Newbies and help them learn.) What I don’t like about the coach rating is they way it has been used. newbie’s are expected to at a minimum also have to pay for the Slot and Pack job for any coach they jump with. And some DZ`s will not even allow that unless they also make a little off the deal so it is the Extra Slot, Pack Job, Cash for the Coach and a Cut for the DZ. And people wonder why this sport is dying. When I graduated AFF, There was a line of qualified people arguing over who got to jump with the Newbie next. Pay it back was the mantra. The simple solution is either get your "D" or get a coach rating (Prove you are qualified to Jump with these students in transition from AFF to A License) and go for it. If the DZ requires the students to PAY extra for you to jump with them, Find a different DZ. The coach rating is not the problem, They way it ia being used is the problem.

I was not one of them tonight. Where you want that jump ticket sent??

Sounds just like "the worlds coolest chick". She be in the same situation. Eat egg-plant parmesan. Seriously, there is supposed to be something in it that induces labor. TeamJen said she had it dinner last night and lunch today but little LCJ (pronounced Lower case J) seems to be happy right where he is at.

I dont think anyone would disagree that Smoking is a filthy habit and horrible for you. It greatly increases the chance of getting all of the problems you mentioned.. However those number that you are quoting are GREATLY exaggerated. Like Dave, I only know of person that died from Lung Cancer and that was a great uncle when I was very young yet atleast 20 to 30% of the people I know are long term pack a day smokers. In no way am I saying that smoking is not a Horrible health risk, just saying that those numbers are waaay off.

Funny.. I thought they all die. Infact I think the same is true for non smokers too. They all die too.

Bring it. Side bet on a last longer?? One jump??