bluefingers

Bwahahahaha oh my, got the giggles first thing in the morning ... they had one of those thingimajigs on Frasier the other night ... nope, somehow don't think they'd work out down here in deepest Africa Kerry

I must be really bored .... Who said romance was dead? This is an extract from The Latest Mills and Boon Novel. This is what we are missing! With writing like this, there really is no need for pictures! We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and a quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene. We lay there, both naked. I knew I had to have her, and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I moved to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind and abandoned ourselves to the moment. Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself ending it all too soon. As the sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any longer. Finally, the moment we had been building up to was upon us, and passed all too quickly. Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassuringly how good she had been. She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear then whispered, 'Baaa' and rejoined the flock. This book is on sale, now, in New Zealand, Wales, Scotland, and certain parts of Derbyshire. Kerry

Just buy us beer and we'll get over it Kerry

that embarrassing first date This was on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno on September 7, 1999. Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. When the winner described her worst first date experience, there was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize. Marilyn said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold. The guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight). The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra coffee. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere. Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her pee beside the road, or she would go on the front seat of his car. They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked down her pants and started. Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to pump handles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor, she answered her date's concerns about "what was taking so long" with a reply that indeed, she was freezing her butt off and needed some assistance. He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She, too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal. Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free so, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As for the Tonight Show...she took the prize hands down...or perhaps that should be "pants down." And you thought your first date was embarrassing... A whole new definition of being "pissed off." Kerry

Bwahahahaaahaaahaa oh no .... Kerry

OK so I'm bored .... Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions. The first guy says his favourite position is the "rodeo". The other guy asks what the position is, and how to do it? The first guy says, "You tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours and then do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she's really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear - 'Your sister likes this position too'..... Then try to hang on for 8 seconds." Kerry

you haven't had your coffee yet have you? Kerry

Relax Erno, it's just my cover ... *looks furtively over shoulder* .... ok, I didn't get your dilbert jokes, so I am just going to post the only funny that came through my inbox today Olaf took Inga home with him and took off his shirt. Inga says, "Olaf dat's some chest you have dare. Olaf says, "Inga, dat's a hunnert seventy pounds of dynamite." Next he took off his pants. Inga says, "Olaf dat's nice calves you have dare." Olaf says, " Inga dat's a hunnert seventy pounds of dynamite." Olaf quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants and Inga screamed and ran out the door. Olaf put his clothes back on and ran after her. Catching her, Olaf said, "Inga, viy did you run out like dat?" Inga said, "Vith all dat dynamite around, I taught it vas going to explode ven I saw how short da fuse vas! Kerry

Yep ... I've actually got some work done today Kerry

LMAO @ nacmac - I guess that answers it Kerry

Ja ok, but for my sanity, please pick ONE language at a time? Kerry

Oh the tears ... thank goodness nobody is left in the office. Just goes to show just how wrong I can get it!!! Kerry

Thanks phastaphuck! And here I thought I had said something wrong and you were unleashing the mighty norwegian army to flatten me, using woodwork Bwaaa haaaa I can't stop giggling .... Kerry

Ok, tried again, word by word in three language (I consider myself duly punished Erno) This is what I got, and it still makes no sense ... interacts product jolly/nice. Hope she is seeing army is coming, presumably be (something?) flatter ... WTF?? Kerry

This is hard! wipes sweat from brow ... translation 1 (Norwegian to English) : creation vara woodwork , bound hon discern facts army , comes antagligen become vældigt smickrad. translation 2 (Swedish to English): interacts product nice , hope she am seeing the hær , am arriving presumably become vældigt flatter. Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you're on about? Help a girl out? I'm going nuts here .... Kerry

*pleading eyes at both you and Erno* .... what you saying? Or at least what language and where can I find that translation thingy you use all the time?

Yeah sure, like I have anything to do with your Finnish weather gods ... Kerry

hmmmmm you getting some revenge Erno? Kerry

You're not having a good day are you? Kerry

I heard that purple means you're sexually frustrated ?? Kerry

Bwaaa haaa ha My sentiments exactly! Yuk ... Kerry

oh shit, best you climb quickly chap Kerry

Just had a meeting with one of these people who do makeovers ... just out of interest, I ask, "so what colours should I be wearing?" Her answer? APRICOT!!!! WTF!? I turned and ran. The day I wear apricot is the day I change my name to Gertrude and take up knitting for a hobby Surely personality should be taken into account when they do these things? Personally, give me reds, blues and blacks and I am happy. Apricot? not in this lifetime ... *shudder* Kerry

Ooooewoww my udders!!!! Bwaa haaa ... I get the giggles every time I hear that Kerry