Nataly

Not ready for a relationship??! Sheesh!! The fact that I didn't get sparks on a first date doesn't mean *I'm* a write-off!!! It's like I said before - it was only a first date, so I haven't just written him off. I also haven't blamed the guy or stated that there is NO POSSIBILITY of chemistry - just that there wasn't any on the date. And given I had a lot of fun that evening, it was a bit disappointing, that's all. I'm not sure where to go from here, but that doesn't mean I've made up my mind about everything.. No need to make big bold assumptions on the basis of so little!! The only thing I know for sure is that I don't want to end up with an unbalanced or one-sided relationship - I personally don't think friendship is an adequate "cure" for unrequited love. Anyway, for all I know he went home and told his house-mates I was the most BORING person he's ever met!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Heh heh heh .. . . What is it called when you prove your own point in the same post . . . I call it "Fear of the scathing PM!" Ah ha ha!! I've just re-read the two statements juxtaposed.. Well.. Then I guess I rest my case!! Women don't like hurting people's feelings! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Exceptionally skilled? There are FEW if any that would gain that title here. Exaggerating for comic effect, my friend "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Heh heh heh .. . . What is it called when you prove your own point in the same post . . . I call it "Fear of the scathing PM!" I'm just pointing out that DZ.com women may not be representative of the "norm" when it comes to certain things.. I think it's fair to say we are exceptionally skilled in the sense of humour, banter, and in-your-face-ness, departments, for example.. So following from that, it's possible that we're also less afraid to be honest about difficult topics. Not sure if that's actually the case, though. I mean, heck.. I'm pretty brutally honest, but I wasn't always that way. I kind of went from being a wallflower, to being excessively harsh, to being much more confident/content about who I am. I've softened over the years, and I can only hope that in time I will become more and more "myself" without feeling the need to "apologise" for it. So yeah - even I've fallen in the trap of telling guys who were mediocre that they were *great* (when I was about 10 years younger than I am now..).. I've since learned that this is doing a disservice to everyone, really. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Well, it's better to be cheeky than to lie, I guess!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

IMO, the best thing you can do is lay all your cards on the table. I think this is a legitimate question. It's also a legitimate question to ask if you've always been safe, and THIS you should DEFINITELY answer 100% truthfully. She's probably asking for a lot of reasons.. Maybe she's trying to gauge where she fits into the picture.. Maybe she's trying to decide whether you're "safe" to go bareback with.. Maybe she just wants to know so her own number doesn't seem so outrageously slutty.. Maybe it was just a random question that popped into her head and only became an issue because you wouldn't answer... The worst thing you can do is lie. At some point she is likely to catch you out and with something so personal it could be a serious trust issue (especially if you've already been having condom-less sex..) If you don't have the balls to come clean, then don't lie. Just give her a ball-park figure.. Ie: More than 1, less than 50. As with all difficult questions.. It's not the answer itself that usually puts people off, but the *way* you answer.. If you've had lots of women - own it. She might initially be a bit put off, but at the back of her mind she may also think you're a bit of a catch. You just don't know. And if she rejects you on the basis that you have a past, then honestly, is she really worth it?? What a silly thing to judge someone on.. Seriously, she will feel WAY more self-conscious about her own number, even if it's just 1.. So just tell her. It might actually make her feel relieved that her number is lower. Or indeed she might be thrilled that you're not in a position to judge *her*.. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

In all honesty, you probably aren't, and here's why: It's the same thing as intelligence.. *Everyone* thinks they are smarter than average. This is impossible. MOST people are, in fact, of average intelligence. Now, every man has heard they are the best a woman has ever had. Consider the probability of this statement being true.. Logically, most men must be, in fact, average in bed. If she tells you it was the most amazing sex she has ever had, she is likely doing one of two things: 1 - It was terrible and she's being nice because she doesn't know you that well and doesn't want you to get all upset/angry.. She wants to quietly walk away from the whole experience and NEVER suffer the embarrassment of seeing you again. 2 - (This is the more likely scenario..) She likes you. You were ok, but not amazing. But women are socially conditioned to be "nice" and since we all know this is a subject of particular sensitivity with men, she doesn't want to discourage you. In sparing your feelings and boosting your ego, the misguided woman is hoping you will somehow magically improve. In fact, the man is likely to continue his poor/average performance because he has been mislead to think he is some kind of sex god and doesn't need to do anything differently. Bottom line is that MOST women (maybe not on here) HAVE/WILL bend the truth, but *usually* it is meant as a kind/considerate gesture. Personally, I think this is the WORST thing you can do. I mean, there is no sense in destroying a man's confidence, but if he's terrible, the least you can do is encourage him by giving him pointers and reassuring him that he will get better with lots and lots more practice Win-win!!

Wow.. 369 men.. I have a LOOOOONG way to go What are you complaining about? That's a year's worth of dinners. Dunno.. There is something mildly depressing about the idea that there is so much choice that statistically you are just one among thousands of people who might be a suitable mate.. Like you, as an individual, are totally devalued on the basis that out there, just around the corner, there is someone *better*.. Not sure how true this is in practice.. But the fact that there are so many singles in London.. Well.. It kind of supports the theory.. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Wow.. 369 men.. I have a LOOOOONG way to go "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I get 1000 anytime anynetwork minutes & 800 texts. I pay £20 per month. No landline. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Either she has, or she will. It was a preemptive observation based on many years of seeing it happen. Well, that has not been my experience. With only one exception, I've dated some GREAT guys. The single most powerful thing that attracted me to my ex was that he was so very, very nice. I don't want to be treated like crap - I've never been attracted to jerks. I don't think there is a lack of good guys.. But it's hard (for anyone) to find a good match. It's an entirely different thing. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Excuse me?? I read all the way to the end of this thread. And I can only assume that no English girls have stumbled across it yet. Awww.. It's not meant as an insult. Nor is it meant as a wide-sweeping statement.. The same thing could probably be said of most nations who have a culture of pubbing/clubbing, which in turn inspires ladies to go on the hunt and men to go on the pull Again.. Not meant to encompass ALL women/men who hang out in pubs/clubs!! Edit to add: Anyway.. You're just upset because you know it's true and yet you still can't pull!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yep.. Me and my "psycho" grin!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Personally, I'm not a fan of long hair on men. Everything else totally depends on the personality. The WORST offenders are the comb-overs.. Never, never, NEVER acceptable!!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

This is a rookie mistake.. Once I do that he's inevitably going to turn into my own personal man-servant.. Then I'll *never* know the real him!!!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

"Psssshhhh" I think that's the winner!!

My wife would have a problem with that, she's funny that way

I thought you were going out with the hot barmaid!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I've had chemistry with guys that weren't at all what you would call "attractive".. This guy was handsome enough.. He just reminded me of a sibling. Dunno.. Can't pinpoint it exactly.. There was just.. well.. no chemistry. And it's not that I've ruled it out entirely.. I'm obviously thinking about it - I posted this thread, no? But yeah.. I'm not looking for lightening to strike exactly.. But for some reason this was *totally* platonic for me. And I could tell he was more interested than me.. Who knows.. The one thing I *don't* want is an unbalanced friendship.. I've been on both sides of those and they are never a good idea.. One person always gets their feelings hurt.. Meh.. It was just one date!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Ah ha ha!!! Well.. I don't think I need to do that.. English girls are pretty easy - he can just pick one up at the pub "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I don't think it's cause he's too nice or because I'm looking for lust.. But in this case, he just reminded me too much of my brother.. Great fun, but can't imagine ever having a physical relationship with someone who's like a sibling "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

So last night I went on a date with this guy I didn't think would be my type.. But since he consistently made me laugh, I thought I shouldn't be a snob, so we met up for supper.. I had SO much fun and laughed until my ribs hurt.. But sadly he's the kind of guy I'd *love* to have as a friend but have no desire to have a physical relationship with.. I think it's a shame, really.. I mean.. It's pretty hard to find someone so cool and so funny.. But I feel like I'm too old to have guy "friends" anymore.. It's cool if there is no interest on either side, but he was like a drooling puppy all night.. It would only end up being one of those one-sided attractions that just isn't healthy.. *sigh*.. If only I weren't so shallow.. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I keep a journal - have done for years.. I went through 3-4 years where I wrote every day.. Now it's more like a few times per month, but I find I have more to say about things that way.. When I wrote every day it read like just a list of events!! Wouldn't mind if anyone read it. Reckon it would be fairly boring.. I don't write that much about my emotions - it's more factual.. You know.. to trigger my memory about what I've been up to

Sorry about your loss.. Hopefully you can take comfort in knowing he lived a full life and died peacefully. Sending you good vibes.. xx N@ "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

TOTALLY agree - an *excellent* way to rack up brownie points. She *will* think you're MORE of a man for having the confidence not to care. And yes, if she's a smart woman, she will show her gratitude "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss