Nataly

Why diss your new country right from the get-go? You did want to become a UK citizen, right?? Totally true, but no one born in the UK has to declare their loyalty to the Queen.. So it seems a bit nonsensical to me.. Anyway, it's just bureaucracy.. I don't think it means anything, and I'm not really going to say "god shave the queen"!! There would be little point.. Although I think it would be a little bit funny! It's my mom who is anti-English.. Not me.. I think the Limeys are just fine!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Ah ha ha!! Thanks - this made me laugh! And Squeak - I think you're right about the moving in thing. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Tough one.. Been seeing this guy for a few months now. He's currently dealing with some pretty big issues, which I've gone into before already. These issues are not a problem for me... Nor is the fact that it's currently a distance relationship - in a few weeks he or I or both of us will be in a position where we can move to the same town (or indeed, the same apartment, which we have discussed). I just have this niggling fear of commitment. I also worry that I will never want children, whereas he wants them (and soon). I've been very honest with him, so I'm not hiding these feelings.. The kid thing is a biggy.. I'm afraid I won't change my mind and eventually we break-up over it when we've invested a lot into the relationship. I feel sad.. Of course the obvious thing is to break up now.. But it seems awful to break-up as a preventative measure.. I mean, I can't live my life in fear of what might happen, can I? On the other hand, it strikes me as irresponsible to pursue a relationship - no matter how much I like him - with someone who has different expectations than me.. Grrrhh.. Life is such a bitch.. Welcome to adulthood, eh?! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I'm currently in a distance relationship.. We skype a lot.. I guess the down side is that I really miss the physical intimacy.. Meeting up every other weekend just never seems like enough.. The plus side is that I feel like we talk more than if we lived together - precisely to make up for the lack of physical contact.. I think a lot of times when you live with someone you snuggle up to them when you're upset (for example), but you don't talk about it.. It can mean that you feel really close, but in fact you don't know about your partner's ups and downs as much as you think you do. But it's tough.. The distance makes me feel less close to him. It *seems* like I know him less because I always see/talk to him in the same context (ie: not out and about & with friends & during different social situations). I don't know if it'll work.. Certainly I think it will eventually just become a friendship if neither one of us is able to move to be with the other.. I'm not sure I'm the best example, though, because I'm not sure how strong our connection is - it's still very early days.. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

My British citizenship application was approved in just 2.5 weeks... On the website, it says you can expect it to take up to 6 months, so as you can imagine I was pretty surprised it was so quick. In a couple of weeks, I'll have a British passport, and with it the freedom to work anywhere in Europe... It couldn't be better timing, because I quit my job in December and my notice period ends in a couple of weeks... So now I really don't know what to do... Stay for a bit and take a 3-6 month contract? Travel and work odd jobs to support myself? Move to a new city and start a new life? It's exciting but a bit scary as well! I just can't believe it was so fast.. I'm so happy! Do you think anyone will notice if I say "God shave the Queen" during my citizenship ceremony??! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

The answer is only meaningful if you know the age of the person answering.. 10 partners for an 18 year old is a lot.. 10 for a 30 year old practically makes that person a saint!! I can name all of mine, so that's a start!! But I guess it depends on your definition of sex.. If I had to count all the women I've fooled around with I no longer could answer the question!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yep.. Pretty much what I expected.. I avoid checking stuff in like the plague.. I reckon I can usually buy abroad, so I always bring only the bare essentials. If I'm carrying anything of value (sentimental or otherwise), I make sure I really need it with me and it fits in my carry-on. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Well put. As for the accent.. Well.. After having been in London for over 5 years, I still sound Canadian, but I think all my Canadian friends would say I have a bit of a British twang! I certainly don't sound anything like supernanny.. But yeah.. Basically, I think people say all kinds of stupid shit. Ultimately, it only makes them look stupid. No point in getting all upset about it if they're not hurting anyone with their lies.. Saying that, though, calling their bluff *can* be very satisfying - especially at the moment when they realise they've been caught & they can't backtrack enough to come up with anything believable!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I did read *most* of the posts, and it seemed to me that some guy was just bigging himself up.. Lying to get benefits is something totally different, IMO - that's fraud. Lying about having done something you didn't - that just makes you a knob. I think the OP just needed to confront the guy (which it seems like he did anyway), not check through military records records to prove he never served.. Just seemed to me like it was unnecessary.. Honestly - if some numpty wants to make himself look cool by making shit up, there's no need to get all upset about it.. After all, if he want to look like a complete douchebag, that's really his business!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

You may be right about the kids part.. But age and marriage I don't quite buy.. I always thought sex with the same person for years and years would inevitably become boring.. But I was with one guy for 5 years.. OK.. The sex was less exciting than in the beginning, but it was so much better. Granted, who knows whether that would still have been the case after 10, 15, 20 years.. But the optimist in me likes to think that some things do improve with time. And since I'm still young at 29 - don't you old farts dare burst my bubble "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Wow.. Just.. Wow.. I don't think I've ever had sex and thought anything but "oh yeah", "mmm hmm", "harder", "that feels sooooo good" or (rarely, and only once) "dear GOD you really suck at this"... (!) Washing blankets?? That really made me laugh!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Ok.. I didn't read all the posts.. But in short, who cares? If the guy is making shit up, he's a knob. If he's bigging up his experience, he's a knob. If you know he's a knob but you need 100% proof - you're a bit of a knob!! Get over it people - lots of folk lie. And being in the military sounds cool, so people are gonna lie about it.. Heck - I was in the reserves for 7 years and I don't like to say I was in the reserves, 'cause I think it makes me sound like a "weekend warrior".. Even though in my trade we did all the same training, had all the same qualifications, etc.. The only difference is they wouldn't let us work full time (no budget) and they paid us less, and we had fewer benefits.. So yeah, I'm guilty of not talking about it much because it makes me sound like a bit of a knob.. Some people are guilty of talking about more than what really happened because they think it makes them sound cool.. At the end of the day, why give a shit if someone is full of shit? Not worth getting your knickers in a twist, IMHO.. Edit: spelling "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

We looked into that option as well, but by the time all the admin fees are payed off, we would only just about break-even on the loan, but not recover our initial investments (which was rather sizeable). In short, we wouldn't lose *more* money, but we would lose what we've already invested. By the way, his credit history is impeccable.. It's rather that they are assessing the risk on the basis of his salary. They refuse to consider his other sources of income, which include rent money on this and his other property. On this basis, there are lenders who would take him on by himself, however changing mortgage lenders would mean a big penalty and admin fees, effectively making it unfeasible as well. I find it illogical that in November, he was offered an 85% loan to value mortgage, and now it's something more like 70%.. The property market has improved and he has gotten a pay rise in the meantime!! Doesn't make sense to me at all.. They either changed their policies or they're being deliberately difficult because they simply don't want me removed from the mortgage. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yes, we looked into that as an option.. The other mortgage lenders are asking for a large downpayment, and add the penalty and solicitor fees & the damage is roughly the same. Cash-flow-wise, it's not viable (although we're still trying with different lenders). "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yes, macaroni salad....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4zw99VsoMA OMG, my arteries were hardening while watching that All I kept thinking was "is that supposed to be one portion??" "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Ok.. First off, property and mortgage rules are VERY different over here, so I'm not looking for advice on the logistics of it.. Merely some ideas on how to apply pressure or negotiate.. Here's the situation.. We are trying to transfer a house jointly bought in his and my name to his name only. We started this process with our mortgage lender in 2008. We have finally, finally, finally gotten an answer from them, and in order to have the mortgage in his name only, they want him to put down a further £68,000.00 as a downpayment. Note the house is NOT in negative equity, and the current mortgage is still less than the total (current) value of the property. Part of the problem in the first place is that in the 20 or so months that they have fucked us around by not dealing with our case, the property market went down drastically (although it's been on the rise now for over 6 months). He is able to pay off the current mortgage on his own - he has been doing so for one year now. So.. Anyone got any ideas how we can negotiate?? I think they're being pretty fucking unreasonable.. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yes, macaroni salad....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4zw99VsoMA Yershhh!! That looked absolutely revolting! (Where's the green puke-emoticon when you need it?!) "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yes.. I think it's the one thing I really need right now!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Sometimes I think I must be.. For going so long without jumping - last skydiving trip was in April.. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I resent commercial days like Valentine's.. Although I do admit that once they have past I usually browse for some good deals on discounted stuff they couldn't sell on time.. They often do nice mini-sized champagne bottles, etc - prices become very reasonable a couple of days after the 14th.. Otherwise no. They will not get any money from me (or the man-friend!). "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

You don't have to answer, and yes, I'm aware it's easier said than done.. Just ask yourself this: if you're upset that you can't find this ideal again.. do you think maybe it's this very train of thought that is actually the problem?? I mean.. Maybe you shouldn't be looking for the same thing again - it couldn't have been perfect, otherwise you'd still be together... You're must be overlooking the stuff that wasn't good about the relationship... I could be totally wrong here, but based on what I've read so far (in this thread and others) it sounds like 2 things are happening: 1 - You refuse to let go and are actively keeping the flame alive 2 - You are not confronting the issue directly or genuinely looking for closure It's like every post contains a "woe-is-me" tone, but it seems to me that you are after sympathy to make yourself feel better.. Don't get me wrong.. If you don't want to let go, that's your business.. But perhaps it would help if you at least acknowledged that you are still hanging on.. I'm not trying to be mean.. I'm just pointing out that from this angle it doesn't seem like you actually *want* to let go of this ideal - it sounds like you're sad that you can't find it again. Maybe if you did let go you would discover that what's right for you isn't this fantasy, but someone real that you can only really appreciate if you're not hung up on the past... Maybe it's a bit like smoking.. If you don't really *want* to quit, you're bound to take it up again.. Incidentally.. Is the real reason you can't travel to meet up because you know it would probably ruin your perfect image of her? Edit to add: sorry you're having such a hard time with it.. These things are tough.. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Nice Seriously, though.. Going all the way to Frog-land to the one place that is utterly and completely Britified.. I expected more from you Shroppy!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

It has happened to me a couple of times in my life.. After 7 years in the military, I literally felt like I couldn't be bothered to get out of bed in the mornings to get into work.. I just felt completely depressed despite the fact that there wasn't anything "really" wrong with my job.. I just desperately needed a change.. I up and moved country & never looked back. At one point, I was doing a sales-type job.. I absolutely HATED it from day one. After just 3 months, I thought "if I continue doing this job, I will have to jump off the roof".. So I left. After nearly 3 years with my current company, I'm starting to feel like poking my eyes out with a fork sounds like more fun than going into work.. I mean.. I always hated my roles in this business, but loved so much about it (people, exciting business, perks, location, etc.).. There just came a point where I felt like I'm regressing rather than progressing from a professional standpoint. I don't want to become bitter and disgruntled for what was essentially a pretty amazing couple of years.. So I handed in my notice in Dec & I finish in a few weeks. The one thing that has always allowed me to move without fearing the consequences is that I've managed to save money along the way. I think Financial independence/savings means you can (literally) afford to make bold choices in your life & pursue what will make you happy. Never regretted any career changes I've made

I'm sorry to hear that - just make sure you don't take everything on your shoulders.. At the very least get some emotional support from friends, family, support groups, etc.. Otherwise it'll just be too much. Sending lots of good vibes and hugs your way... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I really don't understand people who bring kids into a relationship to keep it from falling apart.. I mean.. Kids add *more* stress on a relationship.. If it's not going well to begin with it just strikes me as a really bad idea - especially for the child who's quite likely to grow up in a broken home.. But the fact that things changed for me when I felt really happy.. Well, it opened my mind to the possibility that in the right environment I could be very happy with children. It came as a surprise, but not a bad one