McDuck

Or better yet, the "Tall Man" from the Phantasm movies. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

I was just about to post something along the same lines. Thank goodness I actually READ the thread this time. I can't remember all the details, but I know he confessed it all and even had all the costume paraphenalia as well...like there aren't enough of us hairy bastards uncomfortable taking our shirts off. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Pull the cord leading to his handset out just enough so that when he goes to answer the phone, it slips out. Super-glue a quarter to his desk. Purchase a package of those sulfur-based stink bombs. Slide the seat of his car all the way forward on the rails and put a stink bomb behind it so that when he slides the seat back, it crushes the vial. Takes about 30 seconds before the initial stench sets in, and then it just keeps getting worse. Lasts about 30 minutes, and he'll HAVE to leave the car. If his computer is on a network and has mapped drives from servers, go into his autoexec.bat and set BREAK=OFF and then set it to do DIR of all the mapped drives. It will take forever to finish, and he won't be able to CTRL-C out of it. Program all of his preset phone numbers to a sex talk line. That should be difficult to explain to management. On a day when he's away from his desk, put sticky notes on his monitor that say things like, "NAMBLA MEETING 7pm WEDNESDAY", "DON'T FORGET FLOWERS & UNDIES FOR STEVE", "CHECK STOOL SAMPLE FOR BLOOD", "NAUGHTY BOYS NEED LOVE TOO"...that sort of thing. Send flowers to one of the office troglodytes (male or female) from him with a card that says "Loving you like family". Use his email address at work to sign up for every bleeding newsletter, pamphlet, prospectus and scam you can find online. In fact, every time you get a pop-up or spam mail, send it in with his email address. Sugar ants in a bowl of sugar in one of his desk drawers makes for a nice colony if left over the weekend. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

My heart goes out to you, friend. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Thank goodness! I was beginning to wonder if you'd hung up your badge. Hey everyone! The Sheriff ain't left town after all! Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

I also used NetCaptor for a while, essentially a "skin" for Internet Explorer that allows you to open multiple instances of IE in one window, and it never allowed pop-ups. It was neat too, because it let you set up groups of web pages you could open together with one click. Helped me be as lazy as I want to be. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

That "leather thing" is the hood that all falconers have to use on their birds to keep them calm and content to remain on the fist or post. The raptor also should have had "jesses" which are slip-through leather thongs attached to their legs used to hold them to the glove or post. I used to be an apprentice falconer, until I realized I simply did not have the time to dedicate to something that demanding...plus, I was married at the time. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Ah, inspiration flows at the mere mention of others' pranks! We made ex-lax brownies one year for a nasty supervisor. We actually left them for "everyone" but told "everyone" else not to touch them. We also made a cake entirely out of sawdust and icing for his going away party. You can send in subscriptions to totally disgusting porn mags in your victiom's name to his NEIGHBOR'S address. When the neighbor goes to deliver them...heh. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

See? If I hadn't already found the woman of my dreams, I might apply for this position...heh, I said "position". Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

He had the boils removed, I heard. Kidding! I don't know him well enough to make jokes about his infirmities. Edited for spelling...I'm a dork. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Sunny clouds is an AWESOME pic! I may just have to replace my high-speed ass-landing pic with THAT one! Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Only if my lovely girlfriend decides to cut her losses and set me adrift. I can't let go of the best thing to happen to me since puberty. I just wanted to make sure the rules were clearly defined to weed out the undesirables, like me. I mean, you don't want to the wrong person to follow those rules. You might wind up saddled with a 750lbs Sasquatch with festering boils who absolutely adores you and can follow all the rules. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

ftp://ftp.carolina.net/pub/col/popup-killer/ Double-click on the executable there to download it and then install it. It's the one we recommend to our customers, and it's free. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Absolutely gorgeous! Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Ooh! You can also remove the m and n keys and swap their positions on the keyboard. This only works for look-n-hunt-n-peck keyboardists. You can also go into MS Word's autocorrect feature and set it to replace the word "the" with "crap". It's good for a laugh or twelve. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Cool deal, dude. We'll look forward to all the cool pics. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

True. I guess it wouldn't really be a bad thing to be fired from a shit-shoveler job. Or WOULD it? Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Fired, if you want unemployment and aren't worried about references or past work history. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Congratulations! Oh, and condolences, as well, since you aren't sure whether to celebrate or mourn. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

Ah, I see. So, not only must one "sacrifice" oneself to her multiple times daily, but the nudity and advanced state of readiness must be maintained to ensure timely sacrifice? As long as she can get city and county indecent exposure ordinances modified, it's all good. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

A syringe works best for creme removal and hot sauce insertion. Just save enough cream to cover the red that will want to seep out of the hols in the bottom of the Twinkie. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

that's awful. I LOVE it

What about "ready"? Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

When I lived in the dorms, I had access to the painting supplies, and when a friend went on vacation, i used masking tape to make a solid sheet across her door frame and painted it to look like the rest of the wall, spackle and all. It was funny watching her walk down to the next door and wonder why her key didn't work when she returned. Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.

When I was in the military, we used a syringe to remove the filling from a guy's Twinkie and then replaced it with super hot sauce. We also used a tongue depressor with a spray can lid glued to it, filled the lid with (fluid of your choice) and rigged it to one of his desk drawers so that it would flip up into the target's face. We took office chairs, the kinds with thick plastic bottoms and cloth cushion seats, filled the seats with water and used a hot-air gun to dry the surface of the seat. When the person sat in a prepared chair...KER-SPLOOSH! Kevin - Sonic Beef #5 - OrFun #28 "I never take myself too seriously, 'cuz everybody know fat birds don't fly." - FLC Online communities: proof that people never mature much past high school.