juanesky

It would be easier if the only option available is ADOPTING. There are plenty already outthere to bring new "experiments". "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Ivan pretty close but more into the $2.32 HR for service rendered....still really poor wages....a waiters pay, without the tips "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Well Timmae, if you want to be enlightened, ask Ivan to borrow that ligth stick for a while.... My 2 cts "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Or did your friend had a tree magnet ZP canpoy? "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

You are here right? It's safe. About the reruns, how can you prgram a TIVO on the web? "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Why don't we go jumping instead? "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Signs You're a Bad Cook -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer. You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece. Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat. Your family buys Rolaids and Kaopectate in bulk. When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial. Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren. The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols. Your microwave display reads "TILT!" Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which. Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven. You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan. Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes. You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in the dark and melts the silverware. Your kids know exactly what 'peas porridge in a pot nine days old' tastes like. Your family prays before AND after they eat! "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Locked away by a powerful greenie Roy "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Bruno mi amigo.... Don't worry, just a few guidleness for you to "really" find out. It's friday after all You know you're growing older when... Your sweetie says "Lets go upstairs and make love, and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you"re barefoot. A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest your car Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along It takes longer to rest than to get tired You're cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative today. "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. An "all nighter" means not getting up to go to the bathroom You realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before. A few notes about growing older By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything. Cheers! "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Hope this gives you a better idea: Twisted Foreign Expressions RIGOR MORRIS The cat is dead. RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID Honk if you're Scottish HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS? Can you drive a French motorcycle? VENI, VIPI, VICI I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered VENI, VIDI, VISA I came, I saw, I shopped. COGITO EGGO SUM I think, therefore I am ... a waffle QUE SERA SERF Life is feudal LEROI EST MORT. JIVE LEROI The king is dead. No kidding POSH MORTEM Death styles of the rich and famous PRO BOZO PUBLICO Support your local clown MONAGE A TROIS I am three years old HASTE CUISINE Fast French food QUIP PRO QUO A fast retort ALOHA OY Love; greetings; farewell; and from such a pain you should never know MAZEL TON Tons of luck VISA LA FRANCE Don't leave your chateau without it CARNE DIEM Seize the meat "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

veri GÜELL amigo... "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

I would like to pause for a moment, for something positive yet not related to your thread Chris, it is just a pause, to wish them all mega VIBES for their prompt recovery, even for those who are not able to post today "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

For a moment I thought this thread was requesting info on how to sell a taurus..... "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

She is doing ok, yet has some issues havin new DSL service installed in her place. She will be posting as soon as she is back on line... "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Watch it you will get flamed for not following the rules. "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

All females skydivers are just waaaay too Yummi... "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

And what about few fun signs?: At a radiator shop (A-1 Radiator): "Best Place in Town to take a Leak" Sign over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband tried to fix." On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout" Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose or would you rather do it" At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?" At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows." On an electrician's truck "Let us remove your shorts." In a nonsmoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push." At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff." In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels." On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive." At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment." Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming." In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" Veterinary's office: "All unattended children will be given a free kitten" At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be." Inside a Bowling Alley: "Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop." Sign at the psychic's Hotline: "Don't call us, we'll call you." Billboard on the side of the road: "Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs." In a counselors office: "Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional." In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up." In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

You should always try to maintain an HMO... Here are FAQ from it: HMO Q&A -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Q: What does HMO stand for? A: This is actually a variation of the phrase, Hey, Moe! Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same. Q: Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? A: No. Only those you need. Q: I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want? A: Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away! Q: What are preexisting conditions? A: This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it. Q: Well, can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions? A: Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment. Q: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? A: You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. Q: My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomachache. What should I do? A: Poke yourself in the eye. Q: I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my outpatient surgery, but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do? A: You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries. Q: What should I do if I get sick while traveling? A: Try sitting in a different part of the bus. Q: No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick? A: You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get sick. Q: I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office? A: Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it. "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

No you are not.....cheers! "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

It was meant as a joke... "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Hope she does not have to resort to the rectal thermometer to find out "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Non-Standard Units of Measurement (Handy Engineering Conversions) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton 1 millionth mouthwash: 1 microscope Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon 1000 aches: 1 megahurts Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarse power Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond 10 cards: 1 decacards 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen 1 million microphones: 1 megaphone 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles 500 millinaries: 1 seminary 2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbirds 1/2 lavatory: 1 demijohn 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche 453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin 100 rations: 1 C-ration 10 rations: 1 decoration 1 million billion piccolos: 1 gigolo 10 millipedes: 1 centipede 3 dents: 1 trident 3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent 2 monograms: 1 diagram 8 nickels: 2 paradigms 105 dollars = 1 Millicent 1012 antellas = 1 tarantella 109 antics = 1 gigantic 100 tics = 1 hectic 10 aides = 1 decade 1000 female sheep = 1 milieu 2 doctors = 1 paradox 100 Senators: Not 1 decision 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League 365.25 days: 1 unicycle Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong (say it out loud) "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

The Butchery of English, Signs seen around the world... In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis. In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub. In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable. In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up. In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily. In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid. In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday. In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave nothing to hope for. On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion. In a Hong Kong supermarket: For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service. Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs. In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results. Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is a big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. In an East African newspaper: A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers. In a Vienna hotel: In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose. In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose. In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by latest Methodists. A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played. In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? On the faucet in a Finnish washroom: To stop the drip, turn cock to right. In the window of a Swedish furrier: Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life. Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: Stop: Drive Sideways. In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for ladies with nutes. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions. On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it. In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar. At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases. In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here. In a Tokyo shop: Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. From the brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: Guests are requested not to smike or do other disgusting behaviours in bed. Hotel Anders Rom, Rom: All female guests are welcome. please bring own towels for morning show. Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand: Please do not bring solicitors into your room Hotel brochure, Italy: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. in fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude. Sign in Japanese public bath: Foreign guests are requested not to pull cock in tub. Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: English well talking Here speeching american On the grounds of a private school: No trespassing without permission. In a City restaurant: Open seven days a week, and weekends too. In a cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves. Barber-shop notice, Bombay: Hair-cutter and clean shaver. Gentlemen's throats cut with very sharp razors with great care and skill. No irritating feeling afterwards. Hotel notice, Bulgaria: The inhabitants of the hotel are kindly asked to keep clean. They are expected also to use the various objects in the rooms only according to their predestination. Hotel bedroom notice, Rome: FIRE! It is what can doing we hope. No fear. Not ourselves. Say quickly to all people coming up down everywhere a prayer. Always is a clerk. He is assured of safety by expert men who are in the bar for telephone for the fighters of the fire come out. "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon

Make sure you pull stable, PULL... "According to some of the conservatives here, it sounds like it's fine to beat your wide - as long as she had it coming." -Billvon