miked10270

FROM A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under the boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs such as Romance 9.9, and instead installed undesirable programs such as NHL 7.4, AFL 3.2, and World Cup 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Sincerely, Venus Dear Venus, First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Try to enter the command C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install Tears 6.2. Then Husband 1.0. should automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5. But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0. to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.wav files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0, or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0, likely permanently. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to another program, Girlfriend 9.2, which runs quietly in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the operating system. In summary Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance this system performance. I personally recommend Hot Meal 3.0 and Lingerie 4.5, combined with such applications as Boob Job 36.D and the all-encompassing Steamy Sex 6.9 (which have both been credited with improved hardware performance). Sincerely, Tech Support FROM A MALE PERSPECTIVE Dear Tech Support, Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which I'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Boys Night Out 3.1, Football 2.0 and Playboy 6.1. Successive versions of Girlfriend have proved no better. A shareware beta-programme, Party Girl 2.1, had many bugs and left a virus in my system forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all my hardware. Seeing a way out I upgraded to Fianc=E9e 1.0, only to discover that this product eventually has to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. I did this largely because while Wife 1.0 uses up all the available resources, it does come bundled with Free Sex Plus and Clean House 2000. However, I also discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory, and could not be deleted. Not only that, they then resurfaced months later. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and e-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Hot Tongue 2.1 and Cold Shoulder 4.2. These latter products have no help files and require you to try and guess the problem yourself. Additional costly problems are that the Wife 1.0 bundle that came with the original system needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser Pro for new attachments, and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off. Any Suggestions? Sincerely, Mars Dear Mars, Take your whole Wife 1.0 package, and trade it in for a new and improved version... you can choose from either Wife 2.0 or Mistress 1.0. Sincerely, Tech Support Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Actually, once it was "So if I don't get out of the way, whatt're you gonna do? Shoot me? Put the F*ckin' thing down before my 27 psychotic mates with machine guns get here & turn you into a doily!" Personally I like being unarmed, and I have "seen the Elephant" as our (military) friends across the English Ocean would say. The armed creiminal will react in a definite way when faced by an armed cop, but an unarmed adversary can really fuck with the "High Noon" scenario that's playing out in his mind. Incidentally (& one of the reasons that this incident sticks in my mind), what would you give to an unarmed cop who faced down a robber with a sawn-off shotgun (& came out with the perp in one hand & the gun on the other)? A) Knighthood? B) Promotion? C) Medal? D) congratulations? E) Bollocking for being there in the first place & not running like fuck at the first sign of trouble and allowing a professional negotiator to be called to resolve the situation? Not that I'm bitter... Really I'm not... Every time I start to feel bitter I go & tapdance on me ex boss's grave. Incidentally, I scored this incident as a justified shoot because: 1. I can confirm that there are firearms disguised as cell phones. There's one very natty one ( I think it's made in Bulgaria - or similar) that's a dead ringer for the old Motorola "flip" phone... But it's a 5-shot .32" automatic! Pull the aerial off, hold dowm the "*" key and squeeze off with the "power" button. From the looks of the perp's phone, the way he was holding it, and his body language... If I'd been there & armed, I'd have emptied my weapon into him. If I'd been there and(being a cop in a civilized country) unarmed, I'd have been the one cowering behind the car lobbing bricks at him . Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Speaking as a cop with 17 years service, I was going to post somewhere around the time that there were about 30 replies, but all the points both for and against had already been made and the entire spectrum of opinion had been covered. This now has over 150 replies in a single day! Did nothing else happen in the world today? Or is arguing without sufficient information over the legitimacy of police actions the new blood(less?) sport? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Couldn't find anything on CNN, but Reuters: Disgraced German Politician Dies in Parachute Jump Thu June 5, 2003 02:20 PM ET By David Crossland BERLIN (Reuters) - One of Germany's most controversial politicians, former deputy chancellor Juergen Moellemann, fell to his death Thursday in a parachute jump that police are investigating as a possible suicide. His death came within hours of a search of his home in Muenster, western Germany, by prosecutors probing allegations he violated party funding rules. Also Thursday, the German parliament lifted his immunity from prosecution. Moellemann's populist stunts -- he often parachuted into campaign events -- had helped propel him to the top of the liberal Free Democrat party, but he quit in March in disgrace over charges of anti-Semitism and irregular party funding. Eyewitnesses at the jump near the western town of Marl said Moellemann, who had been a paratrooper in the German army, probably killed himself. "It was clear suicide," said an experienced parachutist who saw the fatal jump. Moellemann's main parachute opened normally after he jumped out of the plane with nine fellow skydivers at 13,000 feet. But he then fell away from the chute at under 3,200 feet and the reserve parachute did not open, she said. "Mr. Moellemann went into freefall and apparently did not manage to open the reserve parachute," said state prosecutor Wolfgang Reinicke, who is investigating the death. No suicide note had been found and police were trying to determine if the death was an accident, suicide or whether someone had tampered with the parachute, he said. A former advertising executive and a vigorous self- promoter, Moellemann completed about 80 jumps in the run-up to last September's general election. Moellemann quit the party in March, saying he was victim of a witch hunt. Party chiefs blamed his war of words with German Jewish leaders for the FDP's poor election showing. Prosecutors had been investigating whether he hid party donations that financed a campaign leaflet criticizing Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon. Moellemann hit the headlines last year for supporting a Syrian-born politician in North Rhine-Westphalia who had accused Israel of using "Nazi methods" against Palestinians. He argued at the time he was merely challenging a taboo in a country still afflicted by guilt over the Holocaust and was questioning its unwavering public support for Israel. Moellemann was economy minister and vice chancellor from 1991 to 1993 when the FDP was junior partner in a coalition with the conservatives under Helmut Kohl. While I'd (of course) be the last to suggest that any American, especially a Texan or Californian, could perhaps use some geography lessons... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

He'll go back to his record company and promote real singers! ALternatively, He's a possible candidate for a whole new reality TV show... "Celebrity Survivor Get Me Out Of Here Race". This is where we take a whole bunch of "suitable" celebrities, give them hand-held cameras, drop them just south of Foz Do Cunene (just south of the big minefield), and the first celebrity to get to Swakopmund is the winner . Nominations please!? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

What operating system are you using? If it's XP or ME then try a system restore and see if that fixes it. On XP you can set your computer back as far as you want I think that on ME there's only one restore point. Check your sound properties - has the "mute all" box been inadvertently checked. LOSE THE AD-AWARE (!!!!!). Last time I checked, Ad-Aware hadn't updated their detections list since September 2002! Spybot Search & Destroy is better. Check out: http://www.msnbc.com/news/903765.asp?0cv=CB20&cp1=1 It's freeware (but the author Patrick Kolla doesn't object to donations) and it's available at: http://security.kolla.de/news.php?lang=en Regards, Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

You LIAR!!! You all 8 colours of bloody liar. There is absolutely no shortage of virgins around Aberdeen at the moment! There may be a shortage of human female virgins but I know for a fact that the lambing season has just ended a month ago (reading this over perhaps I should point out that the intended tone is accusative, not admissive. NacMac is the "True Scotsman", I am an Englishman here in Scotland on colonial service & have absolutely NO intention of "going native"... At least not with anything with more than 2 legs). Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

I think we need more details - where do you work? Who do you work for? What is their recruiting policy? Why haven't you got your CEO on a tandem & signed up for AFF? When can we ALL start working there? Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

And the similarity is...? I was in Berlin during the "Winds of Change" (unashamed Scorpions plug). That was a revolution by the people, for the people, and with the effective acquiescence of both the domestic DDR government and the controlling superpower (for which Mikhael Gorbachev should surely receive a recurring Nobel Peace Prize). The fundamental difference was that there was NO invading army imposing change in the DDR. I am and always have been pro intervention in Iraq. I believe that the history as written in 50 years time WILL prove Bush & Blair to have been right in their actions. I also accept that the coalition forces have gone through Iraq like the proverbial knife through butter (or even the proverbial German regiment through the French Army), But I will not compare the fall of Iraq to the fall of any country in Eastern Europe (with the obvious exception of Serbia under Milosovich). IN Poland, Hungary, East Germany, The Czech republic, Slovakia, Lithuania, Latvia, Bulgaria, Romania, many of the states of the former yugoslavia, the will of the people was made manifest and was heard. The peoples of that country were the authors and the heroes of their revolution. In Iraq an external force imposed a liberation. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

ANd whoever said we wanted to see you actually skydive naked!? Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

HI there, I concur with Bill. I also went through static line, in my case in an Islander, and my first jump was a "one-off" for charity. All my early jumps, as I was told "In the Door" were characterised by FEAR (!) as I moved into the door, from safety into nothing, my legs were now dangling, my feet weren't bearing any weight, I was about to something that "the bottom of my brain" absolutely rebelled against. Yet strangely (perhaps masochistically) Ultimately I broke through the fear into the joy. With hindsight it was worth it, and I can now sing myself... Mike D10270. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Please don't try to tell me that no-one else will drink French wine. Their wine is a hell of a lot better than any wine made in Britian. You unpatriot, Commie, Fascist, French Froggie, Garlic-smelly Surrender-Monkey lover!!!! For even daring to suggest that some poxy French vinegar & antifreeze mix could even begain to compare to a Californian wine, or even the Texan equivalent (MD20/20 - Orange flavour)...! I'd confidently expect that your city & state politicians will read this grossly unpatriotic and inaccurate (Britain doesn't make any wine) post and will do a "Homeland Security" on your home DZ[;P] Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Especially NOT when you're actually inside the 'said glass house. Personally, while I'll happily take the piss out of the French at any opportunity, that is simply because they're our closest neighbours and as such we're bound to them by unbreakable ties of jealousy, hatred & suspicion (oh yeah, and a tunnel). The fact that they tried to charge harbour landing fees of 8.50 francs (or 1 Reichmark) per embarking passenger at Dunkirk a year or 63 back is neither here nor there. Sorry, this was supposed to be a pro French post but instinct just sort of kicked in. Err... The French smell nice (if you like garlic), they can be relied on to eat all the food that no-one else will (snails, frogs legs, truffles, french wine), they have special machines to scoop up dog poo off the streets (which strangely doesn't alter the small of Paris at all), they do a nice line in gift statues and pointy tower things you can jump off (if you're a female, black, 6'2", exceptionally aggressive jamaican), in any military situation they can be relied on 100% (to do what I'll not say). Yeah, love the French, if it weren't for them we'd be next door to the Swiss. But it could be worse, we could be next door to Texans. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Patently missing the the great sexy scene in the movie... Perhaps one of (for me) the sexiest clips of cinema history. Of course I refer to the bit where the Landrover Defender 110 parachutes out of the plane. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yes, It's Saddam & China & North Korea... All at the instigation of the French. The evidence is incontrovertible. Not only is "Sars" a particularly french sounding name, but France, having failed moserably in recent years to surrender to progressively smaller countries, up to & now including Iraq, and that wee devil of the coalition (Moldovia), has now developed a micro-organism so agbressive that surrender to is can be made without loss of face. What's the betting that if you cultured this organism, it would be immediately destroyed by pouring crap red wine onto it by a surly garlic-smelly waiter in a greasy striped apron! I bet CDC haven't tried that test on the virus. Also notice that Sars has absolutely no effect on snails of truffles. It does not cause frogs to lose their legs. I rest my case. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

OK, since no-one else is going to, the answer is this: The permanent members of the UN Security Council (with the right to veto resolutions they are not directly involved in) are America, Britain, China, France, Russia. At the time, these were the 5 world powers in that they had both thermonuclear weapons AND the means of delivery. That made them the "500lb Gorillas" in world affairs. Of course, since the late 1950's many other countries have joined the "Nuclear Club" in that they have developed nuclear weapons, but thus far it's still the same 5 nations (? in the case of the former USSR) who have the means of delivery to anywhere in the world at will. Of course this may change if North Korea, India, Pakistan, South Africa, Israel etc... Burkina Faso ever discover the efficiency of "Fedex Next Day Guaranteed". Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Yeah... Where you from - you don't know your Kop supporters... The visiting fans always shout the same chant - "Where's my wallet, where's my car!?" Do you seriously think that some poxy army's going to stop them Twocking? If so I'd like to know the colour of the sky on your home planet? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi Goose, That's a small one cut back to fit into the attachment restrictions & it's 38Kb. I do have a 103Kb version

Hi Goose, I've got the "snowjob" Jpeg (small version below. Mail me at mike.iona@blueyonder.co.uk & I'll reply with the bigger one. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

The "Golden Gloved Labrador" strikes again! Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

No they weren't... The reporters still had cars to drivew away in. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hello NacMac, ...And there I was being all serious like there. Yep, good ole Tariq is a christian, it's some small sect off eastern orthodoxy isn't it? I can't remember exactly what. I think it's an example of just how much the Ba'ath party is devout moslems (not at all - I remember the Iraqis over here in the 80's, looking back, they would all have been good Ba'athists and the only time I ever saw them drinking orange juice was when they wanted something different to flavour their whisky). Of course, since Kuwait, the Iraqi government has felt the need to stir up xenophobia against the Great Satan (to borrow a phrase of their -&our- previous enemy's), so they're now all devout servants of Allah if it'll get them a few extra friends. I liked an earlier suggestion to send in a battalion of pmt women to capture Baghdad, and I heard Donald Rumsfeld liked it as well. So much so that even now cruise missile warheads are being loaded with chocolate ice cream to act as target markers for the PMT Battalions of the US Marines. As for the batalion of Wee-Frees, I heard that they'd been disbanded 'cos, while they wanted to stop anybody fighting on Sunday, they wouldn't actually do anything to stop it 'cos it was a Sunday. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Hi there, I don't want to "rain on the parade, but a fatwa from a shi'a imam - so what! Iraq isn't a homogenous nation. The Shia Moslems are concentrated in the south, that's what have come to be known as the "Marsh Arabs" and are a persecuted segment of Iraqi society. Ethnically they have more in common with the Iranians to their east than the Sunni Moslems to the north. The Ba'athists are nominally Sunni in so far as they are in any way religious. Shi'a Moslems are already "standing aside", look at Iran. How long they stand aside remains to be seen. As I've said a few times before, The enemy of your enemy is not necessarily your friend. Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Or even worse,hydrogen cyanide laced with some addictive drug... Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.

Would now be a good time to read up on John Wyndham's books, "The Chrysalids", "Trouble with Lichen", "The Midwich Cuckoos"? If only to get a grip on the ethics of "Life Force"? Mike. Taking the piss out of the FrenchAmericans since before it was fashionable. Prenait la pisse hors du FrançaisCanadiens méridionaux puisqu'avant lui à la mode.