DrunkMonkey

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Everything posted by DrunkMonkey

  1. DrunkMonkey
    Do you want a cookie? Nah, Val...a dose of Penicillin and a new Caps Lock key...
  2. DrunkMonkey
    True. I always had more success when in a group of people laughing and joking. Two hornly (horny+lonely=Hornly) guys are SOL unless one is really smooth. Make small talk, joke, then walk the hell away. Make them come to you. I was on the hot streak of a lifetime up until I met my beloved. It's all about confidence, and having a full life. You need the life before the girl, not the other way around. Like in Business, success breeds more success. To quote Chris Rock:
  3. DrunkMonkey
    The thing is I no longer live in the same town (moved due to US military). Part of me hopes he gets something curable, like the Clap or something, just to remind him he's mortal. But he's never touched my girlfriend, (and never will) and I do not share tastes in women w/him. Besides, no good skydiver jumps sans parachute...
  4. DrunkMonkey
    I have a nice M-1 Garand solution to Mr. Chicken's noisiness. For more fun, get about 200 yards away to give the walking dinner entree a sporting chance...
  5. DrunkMonkey
    My best friend at my last base is the definition of manwhore. Keeps an average of 4 on the tow at any one point. Gifted in the fine art of bullshit, seldom goes home alone from the bars. My dilemma is that he once blurted out *(while drunk) that he never uses protection while boning these chicks. Some lameass excuse about how condoms kill the mood/sensation for him. Now this is a guy who averages, conservatively, 25 different partners a year. (Not kidding) I don't want to see my friend die of HIV-related illness, or get something incurable, and spread it around. How do you convince a manwhore to take a "parachute" next time he "jumps?"
  6. DrunkMonkey
    I concur. You've just described my best friend at my former base. His nickname was "Manwhore."
  7. DrunkMonkey
    Advil Cold & Sinus for now. Finish your class, get large Gyros platter to go, wash it down with the Wal-mart version of NyQuill. Sleep.
  8. DrunkMonkey
    I'm guessing this'll cost you in the neighborhood of $7,000, not counting the possibility of probation and/or the hellish insurance premiums you'll be paying. Plus, unless you're in a city with good public transit, commuting to work will suck... But I am glad you did not hurt anyone.
  9. DrunkMonkey
    That's exactly why I avoided that outfit in my barslut-hunting days... I wore... Hawaiian shirt, tattered khaki cargo shorts, Tevas. -or- If it was cold/dressy place, dress pants, tucked in dress shirt, contrasting color t-shirt. I wear a uniform at work, so I don't want to wear one at the bars...
  10. DrunkMonkey
    I have to say, Chuteless really knows how to troll. Post something inflammatory, disappear...
  11. DrunkMonkey
    For once I agree 100% with Botellines. Never thought I'd say that...
  12. DrunkMonkey
    is that...no wait...is that seriously a comparison between communist russia et al and the united states lead by republicans? ahhhahahahahahaha!ahhhhhhhahahahahahahahahahaha!! whew!! man, i need a drink; good thing it's friday so that i can have multiple drinks. No...I said that a one party system is inherently a bad idea...
  13. DrunkMonkey
    I sincerely hope that posting was meant to be taken with a heaping tablespoon of sarcasm. Otherwise, I advise you to lay off the "special" kool-aid...
  14. DrunkMonkey
    Oh yeah, a one party system will be great. Look what it did for the USSR, Red China, and North Korea...
  15. DrunkMonkey
    That's the exact same thing I want! Damn dude! Damn, where were you when I was pathetically single???
  16. DrunkMonkey
    Where's that big red hammer thing? That would be whack-a-mole. This is a weasel, sweetheart...
  17. DrunkMonkey
    http://www.redpath-museum.mcgill.ca/Qbp/Images/mammals/weasel,%20long-tailed.jpg A weasel. Captions? P.S. His name is Klaus. Klaus Weasel.
  18. DrunkMonkey
    -Sex -Not to have all our shit thrown out in favor of your shit when we move in w/you -Not to be crowded off the bed. Sometimes we don't wanna be touched while sleeping -To keep our toys. A minivan or new bedroom set is less important than a muscle car. -Sex -Food -Beer -Time hanging w/ the guys
  19. DrunkMonkey

    Good Cheap Car

    DrunkMonkey replied to skip's topic in The Bonfire

    I saw this great page where you can get a Free Mustang!
  20. DrunkMonkey

    Good Cheap Car

    DrunkMonkey replied to skip's topic in The Bonfire

    With the price of gas...Honda Civic Hybrid, Toyota Prius Hybrid, or the VW Diesel Beetle all get great milage.
  21. DrunkMonkey
    Or... they could hang the 750-pound 'Trout of Shame" around your neck... While young women sing german folk songs in the style of "the Chipmunks"
  22. DrunkMonkey
    I guess they could beat you senseless with several fresh halibut, then glue hamster fur to you...
  23. DrunkMonkey
    Dog food?
  24. DrunkMonkey
    For once I agree with Rush Limbaugh. There was a shitfit thrown by the environmental lobby when we put in the pipeline in AK. They thought it would decimate the Caribou. (can you say "Caribou" and not sound Canadian?) Turns out the Caribou flourished, as they flocked to the warmth the pipeline put out... If it means 10,000 fewer dead soldiers because we dont invade Venezuela or Syria, I've got one thing to say: "Move over Rudolph, I gotta put a drilling platform here..."
  25. DrunkMonkey
    It depends on how well-sexed one is at the time