irishrigger

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

A little old lady answered her doorbell and saw a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" As she closed the door, the young man quickly wedged his foot in the door and pushed it open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, ma'am, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning."

While walking home from school one day, little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Somewhat curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. He finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to see what was happening and I saw and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy….” At this point, his mother had an idea and cut him off, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story. I think you should save the rest of it for supper time because I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.” Later that night at the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and, “Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”

A married man was having a long-term affair with his secretary. One day, they were overcome by passion and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they both fell asleep and didn't rouse until well into the evening. As the man hastily threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and then he quickly slipped into his shoes and drove home. “Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house. “Darling, I can’t lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having hot, passionate sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o’clock.” The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You've been out playing golf!”

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was...God, I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get really screwed!”

yes you should indeed!-Worry about the 1.6 wingloading if you only have 80 jumps as stated in your profile. personally speaking a couple pounds over the max weight limit is not a huge problem, i am a big boy also.so know what that is about, but dude i got almost 7000 jumps under my belt. the biggest concern here as everyone has mentioned sofar that if you have only 80 jumps a wing loading of 1.6,which is far more dangerous!!! 1.6 WL is considered to be almost extreme for an expirienced jumper. to be honest,i am shocked,suprised and worried that your instructors and your DZ have allowed you to downsize so fast! making rough calcultations i take it your exit weight is 270lbs, you said you did 23 jumps on a 270 then 43 on a 190. you had a wingloading of 1.4 on that 190 and you did not have a Licence at that stage. that is way outside what any manual and guidelines say. it is proably not what you want to hear and you think we are all talking BS,as you know what your doing and we dont etc etc. I will ask you to look through the incident forums and see how many incidents are listed there who thought the same as you. I hope you reconsider your wing loading! none of want to hear or read about you in the incident forum. My 2 cents Rodger

3 guys are up in court and get convicted for a crime by a jury, the judge realises that this might be a wrong verdict but the jury has spoken, so he sentenced each of them to 10 yrs in Jail. however give the situation he says that each guy can bring 1 thing into his jail cell with them and they can have it for the suration of the sentance. 1st guy says i like 10 years supply of whiskey, that way i can stay drunk and wont feel the time going. the wish is granted and is looked up. 2nd guy says i like to bring a beautiful blonde with me, i can shag her several times a day and wont feel the time going by. its granted and then locked up. 3rd guy asks for 10 years supply of cigarettes so he can puff away during his time. judge reluctingly agrees and he gets locked up. 10 years go by and the judge is there when the cell door gets opened. 1st guy staggers out completley drunk, but is merry and singing. 2nd guy walks out with a big smile followed by the blonde and 5 kids, he thanks the judge and walks out with the blond and kids. they come to the third guy, the cell door opens and the guy walks,completley frustrated with cigs every where and asks anyone got a light?

Aguy goes to the doctor as he has been feeling unwell for a few weeks. the doctor runs a few test and takes some blood and instructs him to come back in a couple weeks when he has the result. 2 weeks later he is back and the Doc has a grim face on him and says i have some bad news you have a terminal desease and only 6 months to live. they guy takes a deep breath and starts to ponder. the doc says sorry about the diagnosis and asked him how he is going to spend the last 6 months. they guy thinks for a second then says he would move in with hhis mother in law. the doc is shocked and suprised to hear this as he know they havent got on in years. so he asked why would you move in with the mother in law? he replies, because it will be the longest 6 months of my life!

Hi Terry, My first impression is what everyone else has said. did the customer show you how he releases the Brakes, i know you have to be extremly strong to do this, but could he be trying to release the toggles by pulling the upwards by any chance? another idea maybe, are they the correct toggles for the rig and risers? could someone have swapped in an incorrect set that are the wrong size maybe? Blue and safe skies Rodger

the most i did in a day was 24(+2AFF). and i was absolutley shattered after it, came back the next day and quit after 20. that was out of a caravan. i did 16 out of a C185 in a day,and 14 out of a C182. no wonder i feel so fecking old these days

That is a brilliant one! nice one Jerry!

Hi rebecca i would estimate half the price of a new one. I dont have a pricelist to hand. I would say 400-450 euro. Rodger

i found a couple reserve pins that had a couple small nicks in them. i replaced both reserve pins. other possibilty have been mentioned like grommets and using a winding tool. the loop might have been over stretched when closing the rig. since it broke at the splicing i suspect a nick on the grommet ot overstreching durung the closing sequenze is the most likely suspect. and in my opinion the reserve loop should and must be replaced with every repack with out fail. i am just glad this happend on the ground nefore boarding. if that happend on climb out it could have been very nasty for you and the people left on the plane!

many congrats Grandma! and hopefully you will have many more Grand Kids!

i sincerly hope this is an aprool fools joke. i mean holy cow that would def make Ted turn in his grave.RIP!

I tried to contact them but there is no one answering. :-(finding the Malaysian Airlines plane might be easier +1 on that one.

if it has always opend hard, it s just the way the canopy is. i would have questioned that a long time ag. i dont a few jumps on a triathlon and they have always opend soft for my big butt! couple suggestions, get you rigger to check the line trim again and also have them check your Cross-ports or Vents inside the canopy. i have seen a couple canopys that had quiet a lot of damage there, that could also speed up your openings. but i agree with the others a bigger slider or a modified one should help you. my 2 cents

I can think of 2 possible scenarios that would describe your situation. the first one is that your slider was stuck up, however you should have noticed that by checking with your eyes, however although possible i think its unlikely. my suspicion is that you did not flare correctly or strong enough. some students sometimes are afraid to pull the toggles down. you need to be firm and positive and make sure that you flare evenly. every intructor has a slightly different view point, i teach my students about the hard deck 2500, if you are not happy with your canopy at that height or its not responding the way it should, i advise my students to cutaway then. my motto, if in doubt get it out. obviously if you have an obvious malfunction you should not wait until the decision altidude, you deal with it there and then,EG Bag lock, streamer, line over etc. and the most important way to access if you have a problem is to do a control check, does it turn right-left and can you flare it? if the answer is no to any of those you have your answer. good job so far and i wish you happy and safe jumping.

i am sure guys always prefere double "D"

as other people have said, both are excellent choices. me personally i prefere the javelin as i think it is the most comfetable rig on the market. but the javelin is a bit more expensive.if money is no object then i would choose the javelin. however the vector might be a bit cheaper but i believe you will have a much loger waiting time for a new rig. i belive javelin is aout 8-9 weeks where vector is running at around 24-26 weeks. but you can check that on there websites. my 2 cents

you can make contact with a guy called Frank Carreras. his website is www.aircrew.de frank is a course director for every rating. make contact with him and he be able to advise where he is running courses. Rodger

many congrats to the 2 of yous! looked like you had a great day and all the very best of luck and happiness for the future! rodger

beside the manufacturer,it would have to me a master rigger that could only do the work. having a senior riggers ticket will not be enough to do this.

congrats on your new gear! thats beer my advise is put the rig on along with jumpsuit on the ground and do lots of touching handles until your comfetable. on your first jump on it, do a couple handles check after exit while in Free fall. i would also advise to pull a bit higher than normal say between 5000-6000 feet if possible. you will have a longer canopy ide down to get used to the new handles and canopy. do plenty of practise flare's and feel how the canopy behaves. but make sure you have no other canopys in the air around you and always keep your eyes open for other traffic. so happy jumping with your new rig! stay safe

I am Quiet sure that Terry has seen a lot worse than this also. so far i have found 3, what i call dead rigs, meaning no way would a reserve come out or stay connected, which would have led to a fatality. even though this is some really shitty packing i think the canopy would still fly and get someone down relatively safely i would have hoped. may i ask how many repacks there was on the data card? or was it just previously assembled?