irishrigger

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?” The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.” The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?” O The first kid says, “A circumcision.” And the second kid says, “Whoa, Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born… Couldn’t walk for a year.”

in that case i would advise the the client of the situation. i certainly would agree that paying that much money for a new rig i would expect the best material possible. as for the manufacturer saying that they did not want to stop production is a very lame and poor excuse. you always have the option of not packing the rig and explain to the customers the reason for doing so.

He Said To Me! He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it I said to him . . . You wear pants don't you? He said to me . ... ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay? I said to him .. . They don't have time He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened. He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking? I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends. He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? I said . . A widow. He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women? I said to him . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge headfirst into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.. I work in high temperatures. My work exposes me to contagious diseases. Sincerely, P. Niss The Response Dear Penis: After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the Correct protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags. Sincerely, V. Gina

i would pack the rig the day before the customer comes back to pick it up. that way the customer does not loose those 2 weeks of repack time. not sure what the rule is for packing it and signing it off when the customer collects it. but i can imagine that some people would not be happy with that both others would

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack. "Dopey my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?" Dopey asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?" The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome." In the background a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, silencing them. Dopey turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?" The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No Dopey there are no dwarf nuns in Europe." This time all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Dopey turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?" "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world." The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting.... "Dopey fucked a penguin! Dopey fucked a penguin!!..

Ron Burbury, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night. Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" Ron replied, "That would be my wife”.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work in the USAF not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "£250." In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I'll tell." Man: "How much?" Boy: "£750." Man: "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "£1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church where the father alerts the Padre and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit again!"

Brilliant, love it

Holy Crap Jerry what ever it weight rating is, i think in that picture it is slight over the top

A man goes to see a doctor as he is very worried about his wife's temper. The doctor asks, “What’s the problem?” The man says, “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.” The doctor says, “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.” Two weeks later, the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn. The man says, “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?” The doctor says, “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”

A mother is cleaning up her 12 year old sons bedroom, when she finds when she finds lots of Bondage gear and fetish magazines. she is absolutely shocked she runs to her husband and explains what she has found and wonders how to deal with it. the dad says, I am not sure but whatever you do Do not F..king Spank him!

TWO Ladies talking in Heaven, Hi Wanda! Hi Sylvia, how did you die? I froze to death says Wanda! that is terrible way to go says Sylvia It wasn't so bad actually Wanda,After i quit shaking i started to feel warm and sleepy and died Peacefully. what about you Sylvia? I died of a massive heart attack, i suspected my husband was cheating on me so i came home early to catch him, but he was all by himself in the den watching TV. So what happened? I still had a feeling that he was with a woman so i frantically searched the house up and down from the basement to the attic. i checked everywhere under the beds, the closest and every room but i found no one. i was rushing around so much i got exhausted and died of a heart attack Too bad you did not check the freezer, then the 2 of us would still be alive!!!

Thanks Jerry, Love it!

Hi Peek, thanks for letting me know,i just found out through a PM that they are still available to buy new.

At my DZ we mainly use PD Navigators and a few Aerodyne Triathlon's although my preference is for PD canopy's the Triathlons are a Decent Canopy. in the good ole days when i started jumping in the early 90's it was a 9 cell 288SQ foot Manta.Oh boy do i wish that they would still make them.

just seen this on Facebook and made me smile

Paddy met his good friend Mick in the street and said to him, you should really pull the curtains in your bedroom when you are making love to your wife! why? asks Mick because all the neighbors saw you and are sniggering about it in the street. Well said Mick, they should mind their own business those nosey feckers, but the jokes on them. i was not even home yesterday as i was out of town overnight with work!

Difference between Airplanes and Woman! Airplane usually kill you quickly-woman take their time. Airplanes can be turned on with a flick of a switch Airplanes don't get mad if you do a touch and go! Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection! Airplanes comes with manuals to explain their operations. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limitations. Airplanes can be flown any time of the month. Airplanes don't come with in-laws. Airplanes don't mind how many other airplanes you have flown before. Airplanes and pilots arrive at the same time. Airplanes expect to be tied down. Airplanes don't comment on your flying skills. Airplanes don't whine unless there is something seriously wrong! However, when airplanes go quiet like woman, its usually not a good sign!

not sure how your going to get around that problem. i would strongly recommend you switch over to Gmail

Paddy was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. He told his wife, Marie, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, Marie was sitting there in black, and her friend Patricia was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the Marie said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So Patricia said to her, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband." The always loyal Marie replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put all money in the casket with him!!!!?" "I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Hi Gary, i have seen a few canopy's like you described. i hang the canopy of for inspection but i have a big rigging loft so i can open the canopy up fully. also i find giving the canopy a good flake and shake out should help to ease some of the wrinkles out of it. that is the only things that i do. Rodger