Michele

Lucky Lummy lurks, looking longingly, landbound. BBarnhouse beckons, betimes becoming borne by brilliant blue. Eloy, Eloy, ever Eloy Eloy entices everyone entering ether-- Dancing down, dreaming, drifting... Fear fades, find freedom flying. (I will go to work now....) Ciels and pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Two thoughts on that... My instructors are always around for me to ask questions of. I am welcomed back to the "student area" whenever I get out to jump. Should I feel the need, I can hire them to come into the air with me. Should I have a question about something, I can always go back and ask them. Should I have a problem on a jump, and land it successfully (as in the recent ludicrous line twists), I can go and talk it through with them, and learn from them. Should I want to go through the harness room, it is always available...I still depend on my instructors, even though I have graduated... And the other thought totally contradicts the above statement (hey, I'm a woman...)...from the moment you leave the plane until you are down, you cannot depend on anyone BUT yourself...I swear, I was all by myself during my cutaway. No one was helping me, no one was giving me advice, assessing the situation. It was me, alone, hanging under this weird thing. And not once did I think "I wish Ed (Vinnie, whomever) was here to tell me what to do...they had already told me, and it was only up to me to do it, and do it successfully. So I guess what I mean is that on the ground, you can depend on others to assist you, and explain, and talk, and teach...but in the air, it is all you, just you, only you. BTW, Congratulations, reprobate - welcome to the sky. Yes, it's scary, but it is amazing and glorious and incredible...worth every second! Just my .02 (and remember, the $ is weakening!) Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

CONGRATULATIONS! Yippeeeee! Good deal! I'm happy for you!!!!! Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

I asked when I called the school to make the reservation...my question of what happens if I can't pull "the thing" was answered with a description of the function of an ADD (but didn't know it was called the ADD or Cypres...) I had already decided I was going to jump; this just added a measure of "safety" for me and my family. After my cutaway, I clearly recall Vinnie asking me why didn't I wait for my Cypres to fire so I won't have had to "pull the silver thing"...and I answered "it never crossed my mind to wait". Of course, the students used the RSL, but I was so out of it that it didn't occur to me that Vinnie was teasing me until, say, weeks, after the cutaway, when I had calmed down enough to think about the whole situation clearly...but I also didn't wait for the RSL, either. Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Yes, Jessica...it's work safe.... Ciels and pinks M Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

I can't make decisions for anyone else, ever. I can make decisions for myself. And I have never jumped without a Cypres and don't expect to. Thank you for sharing this here. Poignant and honest, it just reaffirms my decisions. Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Someone stole your gear? Who? Lemme at 'em...bastards. Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Hi, HH! I really hate to ask you (beg you? plead with you? bribe you? Beer?????) to do even more than you already do on this most awsome of sites...but... Where I think value added would be in the material available for reading and discussing. One of the things which I think really helped me during and after the cutaway was reading through most of the old threads, and learning bunches of things...and especially what to expect. I remember being so thankful that this place was here. And to be honest, I have learned far more on these pages than I have from my instructors, inasmuch there is so much I haven't encountered, but others have, and my former instructors are usually very busy and don't have lots of time to talk about things (and sometimes I ask here rather than with my instructors, too...

What a hard post to respond to. On one hand, I want to run, shouting YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY Dovie flies again! And on the other hand, I want to send my most sincere condolences to Seth and his family and firends - Godspeed, blue skies, and big white puffies.... The ying and the yang. The balance... Ciels and pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Blue skies, and huge white puffies to play in. Godspeed, John. Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Why, yes, Viking...I have...ahem....(unless my Pop doesn't count as one of my best buddies....which he is...) Ciels and Poinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

I'm broke. Not my body, my wallet. So, I have to go to work right about now....sigh... Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

I guess I'm not really a skydiver - I don't have any! Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Great news! I'll be sending vibes that all remains safe and well... Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Sounds a lot like a nightmare I have occasionally. GOOD JOB to him - rawking vibes sent his way! Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Prayers and vibes being sent as we speak, Schroeder. Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Hang in there, Chris. You'll pull through. Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Morning, Justin. I'm again jumping into the fray, but I will do my best to bring clarification to the situation rather than flame or opine (not that anyone has, but I may get a tad sharp, and I want people reading to understand the genesis of my thoughts here.) There is a horrible stigma attached to mental illness, chronic or situational. The original post by Milo is a perfect example: Look at that sentence. While I know Milo was just writing out his thoughts, the use of the word "admitted" says it all. Whether his employee said "I admit it, I use Effexor/Prozac", or that was Milo's word, it exactly demonstrates the issues someone who needs meds faces. I know Milo was just stating his mind, and asking a very important question, but the phrasing of it is all too common..."he admitted"... Admit? As in a crime? Admit, as in yes, I killed someone? Or I admit, I stole something? What the hell is that? Do you ever hear someone say "I admit it, I'm taking penicillin?" Or "Well yes, I confess, I am taking Vicodin because my nose hurts"? No, there is no admitting to that need. But put into the context of mental illness, admitting is often used. Admitting to something indicates guilt. Why should there be guilt connected to someone needing meds, be them antibiotics or psychotropics? The mindset which pervades our society is yes, you should have guilt because we don't think something is wrong - something we can't necessarily see under a microscope, or in an x-ray; and if we agree that something is wrong, it's nothing that a little willpower can't resolve. But something is wrong. And sometimes desperately wrong. I resisted taking the medication for just that reason. I recall reasoning it out that because my family is anti-drug, that I would be ostracized for taking them. I would be shunned from the people in my workplace. I would be even more isolated than I was before, during my marriage. And yes, there was a part of me that thought I should just freaking get over it. I mean, it's just willpower, right? It's just determination, right? It's just faith, right? And the more I thought I should just get over it, because of the self's thought as well as society's thought, the pressure was huge to not take it. Then, the result of that was a compounding of the original issues with added stress that I should just get over it, handle it, talk it through with my friends, and just deal with it. I went into counseling, and for several months, I told my therapist I was not taking the drugs, that good old fashioned "talk" would work. It didn't work. I was so very close to suicide. I told my brother that I so low, I was looking up to see the bottom. I joked about it because that's one of my ways of dealing with the unknown. It wasn't until I was laying in bed literally thinking about how many tylenol pm's it would take to stop this hurting, this incessant thought pattern of "I'm no good, I can't do anything, I'm fat, ugly, I deserved nothing more than what I got, I can't function, I can't -I'm not - I'm this, that and the other thing - " and I just couldn't manage it day to day. Couldn't hold on. And worse, didn't want to hold on. I started the meds because I was willing to give myself one last chance to make it to a place I could survive - not live, not be happy, just survive. After some time tweaking the dosage, and watching for the side effects, my psychiatrist, my therapist, and I were able to get the world back right-side up. Did the meds make me happy? No. Did the meds make me "whole" no (I am still not sure what "whole" is). Did they perform a miracle after taking one pill - everything was good again, and I was perfect and capable of dealing with things? No. What they did do was stop the downward slide which would have ended in death and a ceasing of the torment I was in. Could I have done that by myself? Could I have just freaking gotten over it? No. I tried. I wish I could have, because of people's condemnation of anyone who needs and uses meds (self and extraneous). But I wasn't able to. So condemn me if you will, chastize me for being weakwilled and unable to work out of it. Ostracize me because I was close to killing myself but chose to give it one more try. Pretend you understand what it's like to be that caught in a medical condition that all you want is for it to stop...and that most people just don't understand. Your commentary about breeding negative genes into the pool is atrocious. What if your daughter had an illness (God forbid) which was genetic. Would you not do everything you could to sustain her? Provide for her? Help her any way you could? Of course you would. Why not allow me the same for myself? Your statement indicates something which I will not put into words... As to people using an SSRI (selective seratonin uptake inhibitor) to "feel good" or to "pop a pill", they have no idea how they work. I am not exactly sure of how they work, or I'd explain them to you. But it takes several weeks to see the effects, and it is not an immediate result. Did I get off them as soon as I could? Yes. Would I do the same with penicillin? Yes.Would I resist the same way if I were in the position I was before? I don't know. I would hope not, but societal pressure can be a gigantic factor. Justin, I am not flaming you. I am relating my story because you don't understand what it's like. You can't. But yet, you judge. You make statements like "freaking get over it", and it's not that easy. If it were, I'd've done it. I never wanted to die. I just wanted it to stop. And with meds, and counseling, it has mostly. Go ahead, everyone. Ostracize me for this. Shun me for this. It's not easy laying my heart out like this, but I did it so people can understand that they don't know - can't know - and yet behave as if they do. So ban me (yes, I am defensive -this is not an easy thing to put out here), but if you are ever there, I will be the first to reach my hand to you, and say "I understand. I've been there, and I know my fight, and I know what you're facing". Ciels and Pinks- Michele Life is what you make it; always was, always will be. ~Grandma Moses~

Keith said: Gawd no. You're cuter'n hell. Didn't you read the part where I talk about not enough coffee? Huh? Now that I've had enough coffee, I recall: Keith (yes, you are a doll) Viking (sorry, I thought I listed you) Sinister69 (I thought I listed you) My word...I know I am still forgetting lots of folks. Please forgive me. The excuse this time is I'm busy at work....

LOLOL...If you look on your keyboard, you'll note that the K and the L are right next to each other...(excuses, excuses)... Actually, it is more a function of not proofing the post before hitting the continue button rather than anything else. Me can get lazy... I can also spell pterodactyl....! Good to see you here, Chris, and handling things o.k. Ciels and Pinks-(which I always check - Pinks can easily become Punks...

This is where I agree with you. Ciels and Pinks- Michele If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away... ~enya~

Hot Tamaly? Linda Hardesty - cool lady. Some of the .commers I've met with (and have jumped with a few) Skybytch, Billvon, Hot Tamaly, Jack Gramley, JBrasher, Mark Brown, DZBone, Albatross, CptnStratton, Shark, LtDiver, DiverDave, Quade, ChopChop, LVwhatshisname, Gman, Zclubber, Kimmer, Steve, Craig, Sebazz, ChopChop's cutie girlfried, Wingi, Diver123, Lara, WhiskeyChick, Nimbus, Grasshopper, And quite a few more that I can't remember this morning because I have only had a single cup of coffee.... The question I have is how come all skydivers know how to really hug?? Ciels and Pinks- Michele If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away... ~enya~

See, I wasn't going to add to this thread - most of you know my story, although not necessarily the nitty gritty details. I resisted going on Prozac and trazodone for quite some time after my split with my husband. It was hard to acknowledge that I was so depressed that I needed medical help to manage my day-to-day situation. I did go on the meds. And they helped - they didn't stop the problem, they didn't make me feel high, they didn't alter my intelligence or judgment. What they did do was put a floor under me so I could stop falling, spiralling forever down ...and start getting on my feet again. I don't exactly understand how they worked, but I know they did. And I am glad they did. I took my last dose on the morning of May 6, 2001...anyone care to guess which day that was? I came home from jumping, and dumped the meds down the toilet, and haven't taken one since. Yes, I still occasionally struggle with depression, but it is surviveable, now. Where I couldn't see any hope because of the depression before 5/6/01, I do now. I reckon it has something to do with knowing that if I can leave a plane in the middle of the sky - often with a smile - I can tackle pretty much anything else which comes along...with a smile. If he wants to tandem, encourage him. Bring him to the sky, introduce him to the rest of his life. You will have helped him move into his future, and help change his perspective on himself, his world, and his abilities. You will be bringing him to a doorway which, should he step through, will allow him the understanding that he is free again, free at last...for if he can do that, what else can he do? Everything. Ciels and Pinks- Michele If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away... ~enya~

I sell houses. 10 million pages of contracts and disclosures, just for a house. Yeah, What's Up With That? LOL I actually adore what I do. Yes, it's hard. Yes, it's time consumptive. but to help a person find the home they really want to drive up to every night, and then hand them the keys at the end of a long haul, man, that's the best feeling. Makes me grin. Ciels and Pinks- Michele If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away... ~enya~

I have recently changed packers. This was primarily because the first packer I used, when I asked a question once (admittedly a stupid one, but what do I know? nothing!), basically told me he didn't have time to teach me, and go find an instructor (it was about packing, not jumping). The packer I have used the last three times I've been jumping will answer anything, show me things, and generally help me out. Even when I had those rotten line twists, we talked and tried to figure it out. Never really did, so who knows why, but we talked - no finger pointing, no blame, no accusation, just talk... I do make it a point to tell her when it was a good opening, so she is learning what I like (o.k., I am learning what I like too...) And yes, I do tip, as well. Ciels and Pinks- Michele If you really want to, you can seize the day; if you really want to, you can fly away... ~enya~