Michele

Jaye, I thought you were joking...but as I sit here, with my three adopted kitties (all three stray or feral), I thought I'd just make sure. If he's always there, he really may be lost. Give the flyer thing a try. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

You are not seriously thinking of killing it, are you? You've said it yourself. That's someone's pet. Someone loves that little guy. Here's what you do. Take a pix. Put it onto a flyer. Say "FOUND" and "living in my garage". Post the flyers around the area. Let them know where they can retreive the wee thing, and then help them figure out how to keep the little guy home where he belongs. But don't kill him. There is absolutely no reason to do that. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I don't think any of my posts make those who hurt hurt more. If I did, I wouldn't post them. I would not intentionally hurt someone who's grieving. Depression, and suicide, do need to be talked about. But starting a thread called "Is suicide selfish?", while likely getting a flame icon, really doesn't seem right, either, in balance. So if someone posts about suicide, and then the thread turns to a point where people are openly discussing/reading about depression, then I can only think it's a good thing, in the end. I wish we didn't need a death to discuss it, because maybe had we discussed it earlier, Kat wouldn't have chosen that solution. But we can't change what's past, can we? We can only look forward, and start to move there, too. (And BTW, someone pm'd me and said they thought one of my posts was advocating suicide. Let me state EMPHATICALLY that I do not see suicide as a good solution. And should anyone ever need to talk, I'm here, and so are many, many others.) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Scotty, I add my voice to those whose sad song sing you to eternal blues... Rest in peace, but fly as much as you wish - it's all yours now! Prayers and vibes and hugs to those he touched, and those left behind. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

you might want to edit your orig. post to delete your # - never know who's going to get to it.... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I didn't kiss anyone - not that way. Kisses on the cheek were in order, for about 10-15 new friends, and one dear old one. For the first time since I broke up with my ex in 2000, I was not alone, not home on New Year's Eve. I went out to a party where I knew exactly one person, and left with new friends. And I brought in the New Year laughing. That was my promise - and I kept it. 'Twas good. Happy New Year, everyone. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Oh geez, a freerp post becomes this? Well, nothing on the news...so I suspect all is well. Now, anyone know anything about the dead guy in the wheel well? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I didn't see anything about the "intercepted flight", so have no idea. However, the FBI is investigating a dead guy who stowed away in the wheel well of a flight from Heathrow and it landed in one of the NY area airports....doubt it's terrorist related, though. Dave, if you hear of anything else, please post. This is an interesting time we are living in - suspicious of planes, trains, automobiles, and almanacs...and the only defense we have is duct tape and plastic sheeting. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Heya, Catfish.... But you said it yourself - there is no consideration. I posit that someone who is doing it not as a fuck you, I hate you all, but rather as a real and honest action from feelings which are not "fuck you" but all others, is NOT being selfish. you also said it in an earlier post that you took those actions to hurt people, because you were hurting. In your case, then, by your own admission, your attempts were "fuck you's". Most suicides, however, are not. The person who handles the detritus of a suicide is in a horrible place. But it can be addressed with love, rather than with anger. The survivors of the suicide need to get help to move from a point of anger to a point of acceptance, and it can be done. If a person cannot think of anyone else, cannot hear anyone else, cannot see any hope of things changing, they are not being "selfish", they are ill and need help. This is difficult.... The first time I considered taking my own life I was 8 or 9. I was not diagnosed with depression until I was in my mid-thirties. I suspected something was really wrong with me, but never had the courage to get help - until I faced a 72 hour committal to a facility, or go onto meds. I chose meds. Between 9 and 35, there was not a time where I didn't want to be somewhere else. Heaven, I suppose. Just somewhere else. The things that went on in my head were scary. Imagine a 9 year old thinking they were worthless, and a waste of air. Imagine a 10 year old thinking they are fat and ugly - and staring in the mirror for hours looking for something "pretty" and never finding it. Imagine a 12 year old menstruating for the first time, and wishing she could just bleed to death. Imagine a 15 year old who turns down dates because "who would want me, I'm fat and ugly". This went on for many years. Many. Imagine... Well. You get the picture. Between 9 and 35 there are 26 years. 9490 days. Each day, looking in the mirror hating yourself. 9490 days of thinking you're a waste. And in that time, I was told I was loved. In those 9490 days, I knew my parents loved me, I made contributions. But I could never see them. I could not understand them. I didn't think I was worth "it" - whatever "it" happened to be that day. Selfish? Not me. Not most people I know. Selfish? No. Maybe you acted from selfish behavior, but most of those I know never think about the family they will be leaving. "well, I won't be a burden on anyone anymore." "I won't waste their time anymore". "I'm worthless. No one will miss me" "They'll forget about me soon, it won't be a problem". "It's all right, I never was any good at anything any more". "They won't have to care about me anymore." "I'm not important enough to remember anyway...", and so on. Damn it. I'm sitting here crying. Anyway. Depression is an illness. The sooner we, as a society, accept that and deal with that, the sooner the stigma will be lifted. The best way I've come up with to explain my illness to people - if they're willing to listen - is I am the same as a diabetic, exept the thing my body doesn't produce is not insulin, but seratonin and dopamine. And I don't take a shot to balance things, I take a pill." Jessica said it perfectly. You can no more label someone who suicides from depression as selfish as you can label someone selfish for dying of a stroke, heart attack, cancer, or falling down the stairs. I gotta go take a break now. I need to have a good cry, and remember my past is done with, and the future is what I must focus on right now. Chute, I am sorry you didn't see the signs. I didn't either. Sometimes, they can't be seen. The best I can say is that if you - whoever you are - are thinking of suicide, please get some help. I will do my best by you. But you have to reach out. No-one will know unless you tell them. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I have torn emotions with this whole thing. First, and foremost, Godspeed, Blue skies, and God Bless Kat, her family, her friends, and all that she knew. Suicide is a difficult thing to deal with, period. Second, I am one who questioned. It was an oddity, and considering her history here, I had questions. Chute, if you have difficulty with those of us who questioned her last log time, I'd urge you to understand our position. Not forgive, nor necessarily even accept, but at least try to understand. Muenkel, I gotta say, that was a pretty harsh post. Condemn people for behavior that was detrimental when you know they knew the difference. But do not make judgements on people that did not know what was going on. So reconsider your participation here as you will, but realize that not one person that I am aware of knew she was suicidal. And I promise you, had she reached out, there would have been enormous help for her here, in her life, and in her family, regardless of what she thought. And lastly, for those who think suicide is selfish, you have no idea what kind of pain a person endures before they decide it would be better to not be here. You have no idea what it takes to bring a person to the point of choosing death over life. You have no earthly understanding - and I hope you never experience it - what a depressed person addresses and deals with daily. I wish I could explain - as articulate as I can be, somehow I stick on this topic - what it's like to deal with self hatred, defeat, horror at the rest of one's life in this kind of mental state. What I can say - and say very clearly - is that the rationality of things is missing. A suicidal person cannot hear what you hear, cannot see what you see, and cannot feel the love the way a healthy person can. There is no hope, no faith, and absolutely no confidence that anything will change - it will be this way forever. They make decisions from pain, not from rational thinking. They make choices to stop the hurt, rather than understanding where it comes from and addressing it. That, in itself, is impossible at that point. They are unable - literally unable - to think the same way you do, and the same way I do while I am on medication. So for those who think it's selfish, in most cases it is not a fuck you. It is a welcome surcease of extensive, intensive mental anguish, more than most people can stand. For those who do suicide as a fuck you, well fuck you back. But most are not like that. You know the old saying "when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"? Well, sometimes, you just can't hang on. Sometimes, you just let go. Sometimes, that's the best thing you can think of to do at the time because of the overwhelming circumstances flooding them at the time...and they just let go of the knot because they cannot hold on any longer. If anyone is thinking of suicide, I am here. I've been there, more times than I can count. I understand the pain, I understand the horror, I understand the overwhelming aspects of it. Reach out, and maybe together we can make a difference in your life. I cannot promise to be kind always. I cannot promise to be nice, always. I can promise that should someone be thinking of killing themselves, they will have an ear with me, and that I will always listen. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Oh hell, I drove the darn thing when I was 4 or 5 - sat on Dad's lap and told him go faster and I steered. In the middle of the city. I was one of those "unwanted" children. The difference was, when I was born, the culture still somewhat frowned on unwed mothers, there wasn't a government handout per child, and I was placed for adoption where the goal was to place me in a home I could grow up in. When I was picked on, I hit back. My parents didn't do a thing...most of the time, I didn't bother to tell them, just gave the kid giving me a hard time a harder one back. I cared about winning, but still enjoyed every sport activity I partipated in. I even liked winning spelling bees. I learned that losing was acceptable, the world didn't end, and it was more important to be nice about winning and losing than actually winning or losing. I was allowed one hour per week of tv with the exception of sport and news. I could watch all of that I wanted. This encouraged me to read, to play outside, and to hang out with friends. I didn't eat paint, nor get my head stuck between the bars of a crib. I didn't put anyone's eye out with scissors, and I tore around the neighborhood on my skateboard, rollerskates, or bike. I tried to jump my Schwinn over a kid laying down, and made it. I tried to jump my bike over a car, and didn't. I didn't wear a helmet, either. I played in the street, I played at the neighbor man's house - he had chickens - and wasn't molested by him. I learned about chickens, and stank of chickenshit on occasion, but a hot bath and a good scrubbing took care of that. I fell once, in front of my neigbor, while rollerskating. Tore the hell out of my knee. I sat there, bloody, sniffling, and he asked me to look and make sure I didn't damage his sidewalk. The bloodstain stayed there for years, and I still have a scar. My treehouse was a plank laid between two sets of forked branches in the backyard, and I fell out of it a whole lot. But I loved being up there. And on, and on. The difficulty with those who are so overprotective is that the world is NOT a nice place - it's not bad, either. It just doesn't give a damn about you. And it's hard enough growing up and learning how everything works without having to learn that, too. I'd much rather send any child of mine out into the world understanding that there are wins, losses, and trees to fall out of, bikes to ride, planes to jump, and life to be lived without the excess of caution I see in the children today. They are scared of being in the world, of exploringtheir limits without the antibacterial soaps and medications provided to them by overprotective parents, encouraged by a greedy economy and irresponsible medical personnel. And I am proud that my brother and sister-in-law gave the baby rollerskates for Christmas this year - she is learning how, and loving it. She's barely 3. (good grief, I suspect I stumbled up upon my soapbox....sorry...I'm done! LOL) Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

A troll is simply one who provokes, intentionally, arguments between people for the thrill of watching them argue, and the perverse delight they take in seeing people get all hot under the collar about things. Some people are trolls. Some people are mistaken for trolls. Some people delve on occasion into trollish land, but are really generally nice. Does that help? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

When I met him, he was the kewlest guy around. Really nice and easy in his skin. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Does anyone have any experience with blood clots and gout? Remember the post "A Day In The Emergency Room"? Seems my mother's mobility issue stems from gout (which she doesn't believe), and because she left it go for a while, the Dr is really concerned about a blood clot forming in her calf (hugely swollen knee with pain). The white blood count was because of a high concentration of uric acid in her knee, so no infection (thank you, God). She's been put on Lasix, Aciphex, Colshicin, and tylenol for the pain (I've heard of Lasix and of course tylenol, but what are the others???). He will not let her fly until he clears her, and our next appointment is Wednesday. She's set to fly out to NJ on the first - Thursday - but that may not happen. She will stay here until she's healthy enough to fly. So, what is a blood clot, and how does one treat it? Or do you just wait for it to go away? I know if it breaks loose, it can kill her, but how do you prevent it from breaking loose? And it is really really tough to see her like this. She's old, and frail, and I am really worried about this whole thing. I just want to make it go away, like she did when I was a child, but I can't. Oh poo. And she lives sooooooo far away - we talked about her moving back, but she's adamant about staying in New Jersey. But she's alone...and it's her life, I can't insist, or demand. But still...sigh...poo. Any help? Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

No-one asked me that this year. I suspect I've outlasted the curiousity... Well, considering my health status at the moment, no-one actually asked me that, either. My favorite comment was from my nephew when I asked him for a kiss..."ewwww, Noni, that's germy. Germs get you sick, and then you die. I don't want you to die, so I won't kiss you". He's 4 1/2... His little sister, however, decided to try to kill me, and kept kissing me and licking my face and hands. She's 3. She wants to be a dog when she grows up. That's where the licking comes from. I love my family. I could do without the licking, however. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Add my VIBES to the bunch. And throw in a HUG for yourself! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

The only real screw up is not pulling in time. Everything else is gravy. Really. Think about it. If you have to repeat a level, so what? It means only that you didn't do something. As long as that something you didn't do isn't pulling, then it's all good - you can do it again. And another thing to realize: you've only been doing this 4 minutes....how perfect can you be in 4 minutes? No one is perfect in 4 minutes. Ever. So give yourself a bit of a break....remember to pull, the rest is gravy. And you will be just fine, I promise. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Mrs. Chad, I gotta add my .02... Regardless of whether or not you see it as a gift, Chad may have seen a card or a wee something along those lines as a gift. And I promise you, a backrub - unless it's foreplay - is not something that will come up on a young man's radar. Nor is cooking dinner for you. It's more like: Chad said "I'm not able to celebrate Christmas, and I feel like shit, but money's tight. I'm just going to forget the whole day; this year, Christmas didn't come"...and you said "I know $$ is tight, but I've got some, and it is our special first Christmas, so I'll get him something. It's not the gift, anyway, but the thought. Besides, he can't forget it's Christmas. No-one can".... Look, it's really hard being broke most of the time, but at Christmas, it's nearly impossible to get through. I'm there right now. I gave what I could to those I love, and spent what little I had to do so. I got some major gifts in return - and I feel like shit, because I could'nt reciprocate. Sure, it's the thought that counts, but not really. Chad may be having difficulty with the whole thing because he meant it literally (he's a guy), while we women see things much more figuratively. As difficult as it is for me to not be able to give those I love the things I would like, I can only imagine how hard a decision it was for him. I also think it was not really cool for your co-worker to call and be mean to him. We all need places to vent, and people to talk to, but it's my opinion she was waaaaaay out of line calling him and giving him a hard time. The only issue here is about communication. This teaches you about him: he is very literal. He will do exactly what he says he will do, and if you want the edges blurred a bit, then talk to him about how to blur the edges. That way, you will both be satisfied with the outcome, and you will both know what to expect. And that way, neither one of you will end up hurt. And, Merry Christmas from Chad! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Mom comes in for Christmas and New Years each year. She spends usually about 14 days here from New Jersey. We try to spend some time together, but not this way. So there I am this morning, catching up on work whilst sitting on my sofa, happily in my jammies, unbrushed hair, and 3rd cuppa coffee...thought I'd just pop a call to my sister-in-law, tell her I have Mom's camera and Kayla's hat has been enlarged (I crochetted her a beret for Christmas; it didn't fit...); when should I come over today yo drop them off? I ring her up, and she says: "Oh, and BTW, your Mom is in the hospital. David dropped her off on the way to work..." Call the hospital, tell them to tell her I'm on my way, leap outta jammies and into street clothes, brush hair and teeth, and hit the road. Speeding. Get pulled over, tell him I'm heading to the hospital. He questions me for about 30 seconds, and then realizes I am telling the truth, and lets me go, telling me to keep it under 85 please. I get there, and find Mom. Her knee is swollen like a balloon. She has osteoarthritis, scoliosis, and several degenerated dics in her spine, and several bones with holes in them in her lower legs and feet. She's 73. They won't let me in to see her, because they are doing a procedure on her knee - draining it. No biggie for me, I've seen it and had knee draining done, I won't loose it, but no, they won't let me in. Stand in the hallway talking to her, letting her know I'm there, and they finally let me in to her. She's laying there, hurting badly. "What happened, Mom?" "Well, your brother has three flights of stairs, I'm old, I had to pee, I was rushing up the stairs, and it just started hurting". "No injury to it? You didn't fall?" "Nope. I'm old. Rushing doesn't go well with old." So, she doesn't tell anyone, she just sits there, hurting, watching her knee swell up. Overnight. Lots of pain, but because of her ulcer, she can't take anything except tylenol. No relief. Nothing. Elevation and ice not working. Today, she can't move at all. So off to the hospital she went. The folks on the right are quietly chatting. The folks on the left are quietly chatting. Me and my mom? Oh, well, did I mention she's hard of hearing, and they won't let her have her hearing aids? So we're not quietly chatting. We are talking loudly. In a room the size of my bedroom, there are three gurneys, three sets of patients, and three conversations going on. 4 hours later, we make it to Xray. I tag along, lifting my frail mother from the gurney to the table. Helping her into positions, and chatting with her, trying to keep her mind off of her body. Then back onto the gurney, and trundle her along. I tried to get the Xray guy to let me get some speed and ride the gurney around, but he declined a little holiday race. I coulda done it... And then, 90 minutes later, we get the results...nothing broken, lots of significant degeneration. 14-21 days off her feet. As little movement as possible. And then the Dr. says, "wait a minute. We still need the results of the fluid test. It looked cloudy". No lunch, no snack, no water. The other people in the room are treated and either released or admitted, and new ones come in. No potty, no break. It's cold. I take the blanket I am making and cover her with it. We talk more about when I was a little girl, when she was a little girl, when the world was young. She's hurting, she's cranky, and we're stuck in the hospital because they won't release us until she gets her results. And then, at about 7ish, we get them. Her white blood count should be somewhat less than 200, and hers is 26,725. Infection, a bad one. But we are not sure where it's coming from. Now it's time to consult the osteosurgeon. He comes in, and they decide to give her a big ol' horseshot, and some pills for the next few days, with a promise that she will see another osteo dr. on Monday. So that's what I did today. And we know what I'll be doing on Monday. In the mean time, I have 6 days to figure out how to get her to the airport, because we are on Orange Alert and she can't walk. I can't drive her in, and she can't walk in. And what will she do in New Jersey? Any ideas how to convince the TSA that I'm not a terrorist, should be allowed to drive her to the curb, and get her into a wheelchair and into the hands of those wonderful American Airline folks? And anyone have any idea how to get her from Newark to Nutley? She was going to take the bus, but I just don't see how that would work. She cannot walk. Sigh. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone.... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Adding on to 'Mama's thought... Here's what it takes to market, as a listing agent, a high end home in my area: ~Ads in Variety, Homes and Land, and various other high-end mags (can be quite pricey) ~produce attractive flyer on heavy weight glossy paper in color, distribution (again, can be quite pricey) ~Mailings to homes in the area to alert them (first class, $.37 each piece) Then, once you've done all that, you qualify the buyer, handle all paperwork, attend all inspections, be on call 24/7... If you're the Buyer agent for a high end home, you can spend +/- 100 hours showing property; an hour making sure they actually can afford it, 2-4 writing the offer, another 2-4 negotiating and arm twisting for that last $2,500 to make the deal go. If it doesn't go, start over. And lastly, here's the breakdown on commission in my area. ~It's split 1/2 and 1/2 with the listing/buyer's agent ~From there, you have an overhead split with your company from "your" commission (can be as much as 10%) ~From there, you have an additional split with your office (different from company), which is usually 20-40% (depending upon production, experience, et cetera). ~From there, you pay costs, including E&O insurance (runs me nearly 2K per year), and other OOP expenses. ~Then you pay tax (don't forget, as ICs, we pay all the tax, incl. social security, etc.) ~then you may pocket the rest, if there's anything left over. Average hour breakdown for listing (from initial contact to consummation): +/- 80 hours (easy escrow). Average hour breakdown for buyer's agents (same parameters): +/1 120-130 hours (easy escrow). Another note: for every buyer you work with, 1 in 10 buy. For every seller you work with, 1-20 will list with you. And commissions are not set by law, and are often negotiated lower than is "going rate", especially on high end property. Not to mention working with people, and trying to facilitate their dreams. And a note about writers: I am not a professional writer, but I doubt they are overpaid. For the two articles I have published, I most certainly was not overpaid; as a matter of fact, I had out of pocket expenses which exceeded (by a long!!! shot) the amount earned. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Update/per MSNBC ~6 flights confirmed cancelled from Paris to US. ~Flights cancelled after information was gathered that AQ had infiltrated. ~Reuters confirming story ~Final destination: Los Angeles on at least 2 (?) flights ~Result of "chatter" that was specific enough to identifiy flights. ~Mexican flights are a concern as well. ~Concern both with passengers as well as flight crew (not necessarily pilot) Al, it looks like your flight to Nice may be all right, but I'd keep an eye out on the news. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Maybe check out the MSNBC website? There really isn't very much being said. According to what I understood the reports to be, people found out when they went to the denstination airport and the flight did not arrive, and was labled as "cancelled". I will listen for things and post as I hear them. EDIT: US officials are saying it's from Paris to the US, and that AQ had infiltrated the flights somehow. Might want to tune into MSNBC for top of the hour report, it will likely go into detail. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Breaking/MSNBC: Air France has cancelled at least three, and possibly as many as six flights originating in France and coming to the US (at least one headed for Los Angeles, w/ a stopover in Cinncinnati). The US asked for the 3 known cancellations, and AF has voluntarily cancelled the additional 3 (unconfirmed). Sources say that the intel has come from the "chatter" previously known. Further, there are some indications that flights from Mexico may be cancelled as well, although that's still unconfirmed (mentioned in passing). Developing. ~~~ Damn, maybe this was the "attack to rival 9/11". Or maybe it's just misdirection to see what we will do. Either way, an airliner - not of the US - has taken a serious financial hit in grounding those 3 or 6 flights. That was not done on shakey intel, nor a whim. Stay safe! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

"Hey, who took the last fucking Krispy Kreme?" Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

ROFLMAO. And on the other extreme, you have Jan Meyer, who insists her posts be assessed by content only, and not by numbers in a profile (something along those lines was her signature unless she's changed it). So that doesn't seem to be a realistic solution. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~