Michele

As I slip into the misty morning, I am both terrified of jumping, and anxious to get back into the air. It's been such a very long time, more than 75 days, since my last jump; and my body has been put through a bit in the interim. Driving through the gauze, I begin to wonder if I can do this. I know I *can*, but can I? It's been so very long, and while I have confidence in my jumping, and confidence in the gear, I wonder what it is that brings me back into the blue again. What do I find there, hidden in the sky, that feeds me, makes my soul sing so loudly? What lays there, in the crisp air, in the sunset's rays, that feeds my mind, that touches my heart, that makes me understand how the world works, and how I work within the world? And then I am at the DZ, and all philosophical thoughts flee. I say hi to friends, and go to the office to sign up for the recurrency jump. I've felt the need to retrain, to go through the emergency procedures, to practice on the ground. And I feel the need to be with a friend - a known person - in the sky. I'm offered the chance to jump early with someone I've never met, and decline. I want to jump with LewMonst...and if that means I wait all day, then so be it. I need the comfort, the reassurance, and the friendship today more than I need the training, I think. And so I wait. Rosa, chipper and beautiful as always, hangs out with me between jumps, and then Crystal Sanchez comes over and we are introduced. And then Nightengale arrives, gear over her shoulder, and then Aubrey shows up. He is looking as nervous as I feel, and is wondering if he's going to jump. I watch the day pass, sitting on the picnic benches, feeling the winds, and seeing how very odd things are. I listen to a TM brief a group of first time tandems, and he has a very funny spiel. I am laughing, but the group listening is serious, intent, focussed on learning everything right away. He talks about not charging for a second freefall if a reserve ride is needed, and I laugh out loud. That group goes up, and then jumps. I'm watching the blooming of the parachutes, loving that sight - bright multicolored canopies splashed against a spring blue sky - and Lew comes over... "Um, do we have a solid orange tandem canopy?" she asks, worried face peering skyward. I look. I have no idea what equipment has been borrowed, so have no answer. I do point out that there is no pilot chute, and Lew takes off, running for the landing area. Not knowing how to contribute, I sit there, watching. Vibe-ing, I suppose. It's a perfect stand-up landing, and the passenger doesn't seem to think there was anything odd about it...the TM says that there was a line over that went into a spin, so he told her to arch, and then he cut away and pulled reserve. I am duly impressed, as he is fairly nonchalant about it. And then Kris relates how a shoe plopped in front of her while she was arriving, and we try to figure out if anyone is missing a shoe...but there is no claim of that, so we let it go. And then Aubrey is so nervous, he agrees to jump if I'm on the plane with him. But I'm not sure when I will be on the plane as I am getting recurrent, there is a slew of tandems, and there is one tandem rig short now because of the reserve ride. And I am now beginning to think I don't really want to jump today - it's a weird day, and do I really want to do this? Airweenie is peeking her head up, after a year's absence, and I am surprised and dismayed with that. Lew comes over and we start the retraining. That lady's style is so smooth, so gentle, so personable, that this goes very well. I remember everything I'm supposed to remember, and we sit there, on creepers, talking. She gets called to go video a tandem, and I sit there, chewing my nails, wondering what I am so nervous and scared about...I am all right, it's skydiving, sure, but I'll be all right. And while that brief moment of confidence is there, I manifest Lew and me for the sunset jump...and make sure Aubrey is on it, as well. And now, it's time. Get geared up, new goggles, check everything, dry mouth. So get some water, and need more. And sling the familiar weight of my container on my back, touch handles a gazillion times, and get more water. And retie my shoes, put my helmet on, take it off, get more water, and now it's time to board... Climb in, sit down, belt in. It's automatic now, it's routine. I remember this so well. My belly is settling down, and, as we take off over the lake, I peek out the window. It is a beautiful gentle sunset, and soon I will be in that sky...soon, I will be playing in our playground. I reach my hand out the door, and feel the softness of the early evening air, touch the velvet sky, and smile. I am coming home. I look across at Aubrey, and he is really nervous. I smile at him, and try to let him know all is well, all will be well, and this will be fun. And as we climb into the sky, I realize I am seeing myself in him, and know exactly the hard heartslamming beating at his ribs, the sweat beading up, and the inward consideration that is going on. And I want to tell him I know - oh, I know - but I also know that will be no real help, so I just pat his leg. And then the tracking group in front of us begin to chat about where we are - it seems the pilot is holding us up there, and it's getting darker and darker. It's going to be a seriously close call, and I reconsider jumping. I decide to jump anyway, although it will be rather dark when I land. And now comes the green light. And out goes the tracking jump, and Lew climbs out. And I take grips and signal I'm ready - all business now. And the count comes, and I follow her leg out aggressively, and we are stable right away, and release grips quickly. And I stay stable, and I am facing the sun. As it melts into the ocean, the rose rays penetrating the mist, I realize why I am here - I love this, I am happy doing this, and it satisfies me in a way no other thing can possibly do. I look over at Lew, wave, and throw a backloop - solid. Open perfectly, absolutely no change in heading, no waffling. I grin. And then decide I will try to do the things I've learned in the tunnel - the leg turns, not the knee turns, and I do, both ways, 360s, on heading. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And then do the subtle arm turns, 90 each way. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! again. Man, I can do this stuff. Here I am, back in the sky, playing with my body, exploring the slipstream of the sky and of my mind. How amazingly fun is this???? And then I just grin at Lew. She's grinning back, her eyes twinkling, and there is such a joy on her face, such a beautiful grace, that I am touched in my heart. But now it's 6K, and it's time to turn and track. Wave bye bye, turn, "be the airplane wing", and shoot off into the sunset for the briefest moment it's just me and the sky and the sunset and my body and if I could do this for the rest of eternity I would but then my hamstring cramps and it's time to deploy. Open goes the canopy, and I have a moment when I can't locate the DZ as it's gotten rather dark. Off come the goggles, and it's marginally better, but not really, but I can see the DZ and I get over it and just play. In the darkening sky, I dance, free, whole, complete. Turning, spiraling through the dusk, the sun's last breath touching me, turning me rose and gold, and I revel in the softening air. At about 500, I hit some turbulence, and it startles me. But that's all right, too. Open the canopy and let it fly. And then I realize I will be rather long, and it's dark, and I make my turn onto final and I have some speed and I really will be long, and now it's time to flare so I start it slowly, realize I am very very high - the ground retreated once I started my flare, but I've committed, have to fly this out and slowly slowly increase the flare and work it as I realize I am downwind and then I think well I can run this out and then decide no I can't and finish the flare and hit the ground with lots of forward momentum and drop and tuck and roooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll at least twice and then onto my feet and the dust is settling and I am fine and that was a great jump but what a landing and I gather my stuff together and grab Lew and hug her. What a wonderful jump, and what a wonderful friend and what a wonderful day and I so needed to remember who I am when I'm in the sky and how whole it makes me feel. And to see the sky - indeed the world - while in the molten gold and rose air, the muted bluebrown of the mountains, the mist creeping in, blending the outlines into indistinct shapes; to see that, to know that, to breathe that in...how special that was, and how blessed am I... I'm back, in many more ways than one. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

ROFLMAO...yes, well....ahem. Lew said that had I not demonstrated my particular brand of PLF (which is exactly backwards from a real PLF), she would've dropped gear and run pell mell over to me. LOLOL!!! DoD#1 checking in....LOL! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

0:1:0 I am now recurrent.... And of course there was a super spectacular downwind sunset PLF which worried the heck out of those watching until I stood up....LOL... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I am not at all sure what happened...it wasn't for extra alti, so all I can think was some air traffic was below (gliders or something). He's a great pilot, so there was a real reason - I just don't know what it is. 'Twas a tad unnerving to hear the very experienced jumpers joking about landing first and getting cars out to the landing area... . Even Jose, who is a wonderful jumper, decided to bring it down from a clear and pull to like 8 before he deployed. Oh well. Irrespective of that, Aubrey, you did it well and did it right. And that is a good thing! And sunset jumps usually aren't quite that dark. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

My first (and so far only) chop was on Wednesday, June 20, 2001...AFF level 3. I was terrified for a very long time after that. Yeah, it was good to get it out of the way, but that understanding didn't come for a while. Actually, I'm still waiting for it...LOL! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I was so tickled to see you there, Aubrey, and more than tickled that you did that wonderful of a landing **cough**in the dark**cough**. (Did anyone figure out what the pilot was thinking?????) Know what impressed me even more? You were nervous like me, and you handled it perfectly, did your jump, and yes, it is "all business"....but what a great bit of business, you know? YAY You!!! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Aren't cats great, Muj? I have 4 of them now...and they all make me laugh (alright, Pengy still is in hiding, but the thought of her makes me laugh...). I have a kitty toy - a plastic circle thing with an oversized golf ball in it. It circles through the plastic thing, and Esse gets all worked up over catching it. She will chase herself in a circle...somehow thinking that will help her focus or stop the golf ball. Pie does laps, and still isn't cornering well, often with a skidthumpcrashyowl thrown in there. Glad your kitties are well, and making you laugh. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I've adored travelling when I could, and go where-ever I could. My next goal is Ireland, and then Italy, and then maybe the middle east - Israel, specifically, and perhaps Jordan. The only thing I don't like is not having laundry facilities....but I can handle that mostly. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Wholeheartedly agreed. And he smells good, too! McGowan, my friend, you'd best be up and at 'em soon - I'm looking forward to seeing your wonderful face out in my neck o the woods soon.... Hugs and vibes again! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Big - gentle - hugs, and lots of massaging. I am so glad to hear he will be fine... Vibes, love, and prayers his way. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Jan, was Jan Chandler's death an incident or malfunction? That would be the only relevance to this thread... What does it matter, really, what Sangiro calls that particular forum? I mean, it's his site, his money, and his call. He did it as he sees fit. If you have a real issue, either start your own site or don't post to it. Simple as pie, really. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

This is totally the wrong forum for this particular conversation, Tinkerbelle. That being said... Bullshit. Bullshit. Bullshit, at least in the sense of rx-ing SSRI's... Bullshit. I am not a walking zombie...if I were, your badly informed opinion about SSRI's and anti-depressants wouldn't bother me at all. Really? I suppose my cognition and reflexive abilities are impaired. Of course, you wouldn't see that when I'm jumping, nor when I'm sparring in a ring, or dealing with children, driving a car, working with million $$ deals, and whatnot. Cut the stink, Tink. Your post is full of misinformation, old wive's tales, and misconceptions. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

10/10. I suppose my knowing the facesof the serial killers isn't something I should be terribly proud of... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, wrong answer, thank you for playing.... Oh, for it to be that simple... Sorry, JR, not intentionally busting your chops - or maybe I am; I'm not doing it personally, though - but I really really wish people would stop making judgments on folks who suicide, and instead learn a bit about what it takes to get to that point, that desperation. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

One of the neatest books around...man, that was a good read. I think I need to hunt my copy up and re-read it. "Hot Fudge Sundae on a Tuesday this year...". Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Hi, my friend. I don't think you're an ass***e at all. You're too cute to be an ass***e. And I'm guessing you didn't get to jump, either.... Yep. How about we talk about it over some Twinkle Shrimp or Orange Chicken? Maybe some jerk Lexus driver will get in our way, too. LOL!!! PM me your number, and we'll talk tomorrow, and see if Chinese - or maybe Italian - would be good. Sorry you're dealing with this. There are ways to address it, never fear. Ciels- Michele Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I voted yes. I do care. I've read things on here that I didn't know about. I've been challenged on my thinking and position about something, and needed to learn more about it to explain my thoughts adequately. I know at least one person has, from "the other side of the fence", thanked me for presenting something they hadn't known about before...as I have thanked them, as well. So yes, it's a part of life, a part of these forums, and a part of what makes this place interesting. There are many threads I don't open because I know the author is either talking about something beyond my ken, or because I am honestly not interested in who got laid last night by whom. It's tough being green, as Kermit would say. How about letting those greenies who are active participants handle those political/regligious threads, and you other greenies handle the other ones? And also rely on us posters who can see if something is getting out of hand to notify you? That way, you don't have to read everything (and I honestly can't see how you do anyway, there's so much to keep on top of...). We are in a contentious time in this world, and I don't think that quashing the discussions does anything beneficial. That's my opinion... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I've heard many times I am the same, but I think I curse more in person. Not much more, and maybe I'm a bit rowdier, but generally the same. (TP, you know I had to. You just know I had to!!). And "gona" is spelled "gonna", actually, so sorry, Sunny One, his beer is safe for the moment. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

My most proud day, bar none, was 72 hours after my AFF 3 cutaway. Very very difficult jump, but managed to do it. I was very proud of myself - staring that fear in the face, and beating it. There is nothing esle that has come close, except perhaps graduating AFF or getting my own license. But I think that 4th jump was the toughest, and thus was my proudest moment. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I love the name change, my friend. Thanks soooooo much for keeping us updated. And for starting the journey with class, well done. Hugs to you...and congratulations on making the decision. it must've been tough for you, and if you fight your illness with the same courage you've just demonstrated, you'll be around for a very very long time. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You did right, and especially when you found a roadblock. You navigated around it, and now, you're at your goal. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Congratulations, Ed. Very well done. Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Jack, wonderfully stated, and a great reminder. I am sending some hugs along. Please wrap your children tight tonight, and tell them a friend sent that out. And save one back for yourself. Best, always and only - Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

I certainly did, at AFF 3 and a cutaway. One of the most amazing teachers I've ever had the priviledge to listen to and learn from - John LeBlanc - was talking about perception being what is a driving force in how one deals with things - either in the air or in life. In other words, if a cut happens at level 3, then yes, it's a huge deal. If it happens at 3000 jumps, then maybe it isn't so big. Either way, it's about life and death, and will tinge your perception of skydiving, of being in the air, and whatnot. It's how it's experienced and perceived once on the ground that can make the difference in future events. When someone newer in this sport has just experienced their first malfunction, and then are told "it's no big deal", they are devalued as people who've had a frightening experience. From that devaluation can come further comments "you shouldn't have cut from that, I handled the very same malfunction this way. You don't need to cut from that...", and then next time, their confidence is undermined, and can lead to disaster. Anyway, when I cut at level three, it was an enormous deal. If I cut in the next 100 jumps, I expect it to be enormous, as well. But when I have 3000 jumps, it may not be so enormous - may in fact have become routine. But that's for me to determine in my life later... Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~

Keith, I'd kiss you in a New York second....check your pm's, btw... Jimmy T, the way it's credited is that because I am a double agent - meaning I represent both sides of the transaction, I get paid for $550K from the sellers' side, and also get paid off the buyers' side at $550K. So the total going into escrow in my "good girl" column is $550 x 2 which is 1.1mm. As to rolling in dough, as Rehma said, there are all sorts of deductions and taxes and fees (my E&O is due, which will take $1500 off the top, for example...) to pay out of this. Plus, I have oodles of Dr. bills to take care of...and the rest of it goes into savings because real estate is a feast or famine business, and while I may be feasting now, I am very familiar with Top Ramen....and not particularly partial to it, either. LOL....and I won't even see it until June. So it's still Ramen time. (But I bet I can divert some of it towards tunnel and air time after that....) But am I pleased? Oh heck yeah. It's wonderful about the $$ - no fooling there - but what's also great is that I have two families' emotional health and wellbeing in my hands, and their dreams are sitting with me. I love being able to make that happen for people. Makes my heart smile. And if the wallet gains some weight along with it, then so much the better. Man. I still can't believe I pulled that one off. Lots of competition for it, lots and lots and lots...but I did it!

I know, I've been sorta not around the last week or so. I know, I owe about a bazillion pm's to various pm'rs (I really am sorry...I'll work on getting back to you soon....forgive me, please...) But know what? Tomorrow I open escrow on a house that I listed. Asking price? $539K. First offer came in at $540k, and there were three more offers higher than that. The open house had more than 83 groups, totalling over 200 people (or thereabouts) in a 4 hour period on Sunday. My feet were sore... Someone who came through the open house called me yesterday and asked me to write an offer and represent them. This can be an extremely dicey situation, because when you represent both sides of a transaction, you are the repository of tons of things each side doesn't want you to share. You are in a position of "undue influence", and it is vital that everything goes according to Hoyle and all ethics are upheld and personal benefit is left aside. I had the sellers agree to it, the buyers agree to it, and then got the offer written. My sellers chose my buyers out of all the other offers. I am beyond pleased. Tomorrow I open the first escrow of 2004 - for a total dollar amount of 1.1 million (550K each side). Happy? Oh damned skippy. Tired? Oh damned skippy... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! Ciels- Michele ~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek While our hearts lie bleeding?~