Darkzone

Top Cop Drug Story 1 "Hey, Dumas, we got another one in a used car lot on 49th and 7th. Looks like a #1 with a sprig of parsley on top." "OK, Jack, grab a coffee and we'll nail this greaseball with a pine-cone and then take 5." "You got it, buddy, this time it's personal." "That's right, Jack, This time I ain't gonna take no shit from Lomax without wearing rubber gloves!" "Er, yeah!" The end Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

An Agatha Christie Mystery "Look, someone is hiding in that thick reed bed! Do you suppose they are a murderer?" "Never mind them. Look, there is a buglar hiding in that Scots pine tree." The End "Oh, Christ!" Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Alternative punchlines to "Waiter, Waiter, there's a fly in my soup...." 1. "Don't worry sir, the spider on the croutons will get it" 2. "That's not a fly, sir, it's one of Chef's boogers" 3. "Yeah...so?" 4. "That's not your soup, sir, that's the spitoon" 5. "I'll get you another, sir, and would your wife like a nice bit of tongue?" 6. "Oh, fuck off!" 7. (Looking closely) "Hmmm, and it's a Dioctria Rufipes native to our dog's food bowl, if I'm not much mistaken." Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

On jump run grab the JMs ankles and look up at him pleadingly and cry, 'Daddy, Daddy, please don't leave us, we need you, Mommy needs you, the twins need you, Bertie needs you!' Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Wooohooooo!! Congratulations!! Fella, you are a skydiver. You already HAVE a life!!! Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

You said it, buddy! Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

You think that's weird... Murdoch then went on to dump the stolen Vauxhall Astra in the car park at Langar!! Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Hey, you don't sweat much for a fat girl, do you? Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

1. You can GET skydiving 2. You can skydive in front of your mother 3. Two people of the same sex can skydive without being called nasty names 4. You don't get hairs in your mouth with skydiving 5. Skydiving doesn't make you pregnant 6. You can sjydive any time of the month 7. Good skydiving is easy to find 8. You are never too young or too old to skydive (well, within reason) 9. When you skydive it doesn't keep your neighbours awake 10. With skydiving, bigger isn't necessarily better. Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Is this the 'dumbing down' of America, or what? http//www.petwhse2.com/roversrange/healthwatch/householdhazards.asp Gee, thanks for the info fellas! If only I'd kept Fido from his occasional treat of Gunpowder, matches and superglue (with a side order of Christmas Tinsel and crayons), dessert of lead and miscellaneous poisons all washed down with Sulfuric Acid he might have lived longer. You really do learn something new every day! Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Ha ha My girlfriend likes to play a sexy version of hoopla with me and a box of Cheerios.........er.......I don't think I should have said that Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Funny story; Took some 'pictures' of girlfriend. Looked in 'magazines' for suitable labs to process such 'pictures'. Found one and sent film off with cheque. Cheque got cashed but never received pictures. Traced PO Box number and it turned out to be a POST OFFICE/CORNER SHOP in a little village in Cambridgeshire run by some (probably) illegal immigrants who said 'We know nuttin' (sic.) about your photographies (sic.), sir!!!' So, if, while surfin' the net, you happen across some pics of a naked girl with a hand whisk and rubber gloves in some compromising positions on a grey kitchen worktop with an aluminium Daewoo microwave and a small resin figure of a chef slipping on a wet floor in the background, I know NOTHING about them! Now have digital camera. Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Hey MM Just my personal preference of course and the jpgs probably don't do the real things justice but I would go for the blue-yellow-white combo. Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

I was walking on a street on a sunny day Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba A feeling in my bones says I had my way Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba 'cos I'm a happy boy (happy boy) I'm a happy boy (happy boy) Oh, ain't it good when things are going your way-hay hay Oh, my little dog Spot got hit by a car Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba Put his guts in a box and put him in a drawer Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba 'cos I'm a happy boy (happy boy) I'm a happy boy (happy boy) Oh, ain't it good when things are going your way. (kazoo solo followed by gargling) I forgot all about it for a month and a half I looked in the drawer and started to laugh Hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba, hubba 'cos I'm a happy boy (happy boy) I'm a happy boy (happy boy) Oh, ain't it good when things are going your way. Hob-bob-bob-bob-ba-ba-bob Bobadobadobadobadob Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Hey Ben, Was up at Langar last w/end with my French friend who was doing her first DRP. Went up in the 206 with another student and Dean. First two went out ok but when we climbed to 7K we hit the top of a raincloud that nearly tipped us out of the plane so I had a nice ride down again. What a bummer!! Hoping to go again this w/end. See you there? Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Anyway, the 'embarrasing problem' has cleared up quite nicely now. I continued applying the 'topical unguent' as ordered and there's hardly a scar. Though I do still get the occasional annoying itch but I always did enjoy a good scratch thereabouts. As for the 'puss dripping', well, my girlfriend has just this minute left for home or I would have taken a snap of it and uploaded it for your private viewing pleasure. maybe next time. Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Hey, Clay. Your sis couldn't help re: Amiga software but it didn't matter 'cos it wasn't the disk that was faulty; it was the drive (it was showing a bad track error even with a cleaning disk in it!) so I just cleaned it a bit harder and it works now. Thanks anyway! Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

My complexion is quite clear normally but...I've got this pimple on the inside of my nose. Has anyone ever scratched a pimple on their ear. BLOODY WELL HURTS LIKE HELL!! Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

C206, Porter, Grand Caravan and Let 410. I once jumped a 747 but it was onto and not out of 'cos it was a plastic model and it broke so I guess that doesn't count. It was also my brother's model and he hit me and it hurt. He's bigger than me. There was some blood. I was small then. I ran at him with a pen. I got ink on his arm. That is all. Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

My name is Darkzone and I was born in 1941 so that makes me 40 but I don't mention it because it puts the girlies off. I have an identical twin brother, Drakzone who is gay and three months younger than me. Our dad was a gypsy who went out in the evenings with a dead tarty woman and he would come back in the evenings covered in pigeon feathers. I was a child in adverts. I had to advertise apples for the Apple Marketing Board. Drakzone did not start speaking until his early teens and had to go to hospital regularly to have water drained from his brain. He had that Hydrofoil thingy. I was quite brilliant at school but was thrown out first because I was a good fighter. I popped the teacher. I worked for the Mayor of Casterbridge servicing and flying his helicopter. I earned £2000.38 a day. Two silver thousand pound coins. Then I worked in a shoe factory because of my sense of style. I invented a shoe. I got the idea from a road going off into the distance. In the early 60s our Gran lost her eyes, and her ears...and her kidneys. I made her two new eyes out of marbles. the sparkled. I made her a new kidneys out of some left over man-made uppers but they never worked. Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

...but you're all such a helpful, knowledgable crowd (creep, creep). I am trying to find copies of Workbench, Extras and Fonts (versions 2.05) for a Commodore Amiga 600. The originals have been corrupted and we don't have any back-up copies and my girlfriend's children want their computer. Please, if you can help these poor mites (blah!!) etc. etc... Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Any of you who have jumped a Porter and have Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000 and would like to fly their own just follow this link and search for fsdpc601.zip A superb download for FS2000 with authentic sounds to boot! It's a big file though (you'll understand why when you see it; 24Mb (plenty of time to go and have a coffee or whatever). http://www.flightsim.com Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Hey!! Who says you shouldn't be nervous? Anyone who says they don't have even a little anxiety about leaping from an aircraft in flight is asking for trouble. Fear produces adrenaline and it's adrenaline that helps provide the fight or flight reactions in times of stress. Should the unthinkable happen while you are on your descent then it's that adrenaline pumping round your system that will help provide you with the quick reactions that you will need to save your life. If you are not nervous, then MAKE yourself nervous Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

Hey Viking, Sorry to hear about your Gramps. I'm sure everyone here sends their best wishes and hopes for a quick recovery. In my line of work I speak to many people who have had 'mini' strokes, many of whom are quite elderley themselves. If it's any consolation to you they all seem to make very good recoveries with little outward sign of what they have been through. Best wishes to you all Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!

You folks really should get out more Whooooohooooo!!! Hahahaha!!!