DYEVOUT

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room- returning in a few moments with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table, and sniffed the parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet escorted the dog from the room and returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and delicately sniffed the bird, shook its head, meowed, and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS!" she cried. "A HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS just to tell me my bird is dead?!" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20... but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..... it's $150." -------------------------------------------------------- A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep, the man in the upper berth and the woman in the lower berth. In the middle of the night, the man leans over, gently wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold, and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?" The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, "I have a better idea. Just for tonight let's pretend that we're married." The man happily says, "OK. AWESOME!" The woman says, "GOOD.....Get your own damn blanket. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Whats the worst that could happen? You're quitting anyway, and this guy has a spotless record. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Quite idiotic. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Kitten. The other white meat. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Yeah, Dave I liked it too. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

They Killed Chemi. Those Bastards. Hee Hee. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

From what I've read, Berenger and Baldwin got licensed for the movie - and when they could not be found on a set, they were at the DZ fun jumping. It'd be nice to have an income like that for jumptickets. (and/or write your training off as a business expense) ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Drowning Pool: Bodies. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Yes, This truly blows. . . . . . . . . ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

I think it's the way the Skydiving community assures the health and longevity of it's members, you see BEER is GOOD for you. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

If you have Paintshop Pro - Click the File button, and "Save as" Click the options button, and adjust the compression 'till you're under 60k. Don't over-compress, or the image will look like shit. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Look here. http://www.dropzone.com/cgi-bin/forum/gforum.cgi?post=38012;search_string=beer%20rules;#38012 ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Some are old, some aren't - Subject: Who? What? Why? and How? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt." Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does an OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! What do you call male ballerinas? Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ------ ? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place? ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

I begin to think most people in this building are total jackoffs ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Nope, only 5 or 6 times - Labs Rawk ! ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Hee Hee, I was only signalling the impending inrush of the left. Two words - Dillon Precision. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

TIMMY !! TIM-MEH !! TIM-MAH !! ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Our Russian "friends", and others saw to it that they have night vision technology. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

HHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMM. I try to have an open (albeit right wing) mind, but defacing an original WWII, M-1 Garand poster! - I only hope the photoshopper had the opportunity to operate the equipment depicted, and revel in it's exquisite simplicity, accuracy, and lethality (and weight!) Plus - the sound of that clip zinging out the top of that monster after all 8 of its "passengers" have been sent on their way is nothing less than SWEET !! ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Is anyone else who's following the war tired of the media wondering why it's dark in Baghdad? The claim is "the Coalition Forces haven't targeted power plants, yet it's dark in Baghdad". Lets use a little common sense, shall we - A. A foreign force (not familiar with the surroundings) is invading your turf (which you know like the back of your hand) is it to your advantage to have the battlefield illuminated? The first advantage to maintain when YOUR perimeter is violated, is visual. If you have an unwelcome "guest" in your home, the last thing to do is turn on the lights - that puts you and the offender on level (visual) ground. B. A foreign force is kicking your ass, and requesting your troups and constituants to side with them, or be liquidated. Would not "killing" the power be to your advantage - why expose your compromised position to all? Public communications rely on municipal electricity, inter-unit military communications, and weapons systems are independently powered. I'm not in the military, or on television - but this seems like common sense, yes ? ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Once again, I hear the distant jingle of love beads, and smell a faint aroma of incense. I can almost see the Clinton bumper stickers now. They're coming, I tell ya. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Yes, That doesn't make sense. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Roger that, Mark Not only is that gal an asskicker and nametaker, she's also not too tough to look at. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

My (older) sister was on the R.O.T.C. rifle team at Indiana University. I was a lot younger then, but I remember the satisfaction she got out of outshooting damn near anyone she came up against (mostly guys). Including some of her instructors! ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."

Yes, it is pretty horrible. But I hate to suffer alone, so I figured - if my retinas were going to be scarred, you poor bastards were going to be exposed as well. I know, I'm a hell of a nice guy. ----------------=8^)---------------------- "I think that was the wrong tennis court."