Jayruss

like falling off a bike lori, you never forget how. It didnt even take a 1/100th of a second to remember. and my perfect body position was still there!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

what to do in a terrorist attack

HA farm humor __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I suppose I could make time to get in the tunnel with you, if I were so inclined . . .since I just got in the "air" (ie tunnel) today for the first time in 17 months and 6 days __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

VIBES my mother-in-law was the mother I never had and a part of me died when she did, major VIBES my friend __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Ass, nothing beets a cute butt __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

ahhhhhhhhhhh . . . . . . . . why?????? __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

It’s our gift exchange/xmas party today at work. We all drew names, so I bought a gift for the person whose name I drew. And brought a few other gifts for some people I like. Now I'm getting gifts from people that I didn't even want to buy things for. What do I do??? Run out and get them something tomorrow? AHHHHHHHHH should I feel this guilty? __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

the stairwell at work for lunch a Starbucks bathroom and I have the apron to prove it, it was my souvenir, but not stain __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

December 1st TO: All EMPLOYEES I'm happy to announce that the company Christmas Party will be on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols.....feel free to sing along. Don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and to all your family. Patty Lewis Human Resources Director ***************************** December 2nd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kanagawa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty Lewis Human Resources Director ******************************* December 3rd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that read, "AA Only", you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange. No gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money. Patty Lewis Human Researchers Director **************************** December 7th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men: each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table, too. Happy now? Patty Lewis Human Racehorses Director ***************************** December 9th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES People, people....nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." Patty Lewis Human Ratraces ********************************* December 10th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES Vegetarians- - -I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not. You can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But , you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now. Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me??!! Those of you who are not satisfied with these arrangements and ........off! The Bitch from Hell *********************** December 14th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meanwhile, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay. Terri Bishop Acting Human Resources Director __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Why is that ironic? Do we have to know you to see the irony or something? I have no knowledge of how to navigate the female anatomy . . . thankfully __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

A gynecologist which is sooooooooooo ironic __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I just had a corona and am going for the Belvedere vodka martini, yeah one of those weeks . . . __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I did get an A in calculus in college but no one cares now. Once out of school you'll learn that those with the C's are referred to as boss just as commonly as those with the A's __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

ah I've had the frisky feeling interrupted by "lets go brush our teeth" then just hop back in bed __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

not dieing __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

they give you a Ph D in drinking __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I waited a week after having mine out __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

Uh, yeah... that's what I was thinking, too. Honest. SUUUUUUUURE, I know what you were thinking . . . and I lost my [serious] nudes [/serious] when my hard drive crashed __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

George????????? I'll take the hug though __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

there's this guy in my office that eats his candy bars with a fork __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

my turn my turn __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

1. 18th birthday 2. N/A __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

I too feel this is the best one . . . __________________________________________________ "Beware how you take away hope from another human being." -Oliver Wendell Holmes