f1freak

Hop -n- Pop... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Sendin VIBES from virginia.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Who had the camera at wal-mart waiting for this to happen... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

AOL, the voluntary virus.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Reminds me of couch freaks a few years ago, the morning after the chilli feed.... This guy let it go... I had never seen a whole otter load dry heaving.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Hell, you wouldnt catch me on a roof with out my rig on... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Cool.... Have fun with the new toy.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

my turn... http://www.perriscam.com HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Raeford.... Sounds like a it is going to be a great weekend.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Holy shit, thats funny.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Oh, i wish we were going down at the start of the weekend.... That sounds like a blast. i know i will have the rig with so we will see what happens... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Well i will be in orlando for buisness from the 27th of oct. untill the 3rd of nov... Anyone down there wanna hook up and do something.... I can only handle so much of the co-workers... Wind tunnel maybe... I'm buyin the beer.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

But it's time well spent.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

LOL.... Good one.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling. A station comes in brilliantly when you're standing near the radio, but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away. It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug. People behind you in a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing. The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song. The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper never works for you. There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray. There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING. There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address. Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth. When you need a salesperson, you can never find one. You can never put anything back in a box the way it came. You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it. You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette. You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can't find it. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing. You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them. You open a can of soup and the lid falls in. You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out. You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am. You slice your tongue licking an envelope. You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint. Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire. Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading. HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Let me know... I want one.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

And this is the messaga i recieved.... Hello, and thank you for calling the Mental Health Institute If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3 and 4. If you suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, press 5 but do it v-e-r-y- s-l-o-w-l-y and carefully. If you are dyslexic, press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6. Now press 9. Now press 6. If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have short term memory loss, press 8. If you have schizophrenia, listen very carefully and a small voice will tell you the number to press. If you have a nervous disorder, fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line. If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press a number for you. If you are depressed, don't bother to press any numbers. No one will be able to help you anyway. If you are paranoid, you don't need to press anything. We know who you are, we know what you want, and we know how to reach you. If you suffer from low self-esteem, please hang up because all our operators are too busy to talk to you. HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

I do what i can to help.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On Sears hairdryer:Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's *just* a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: Do not turn upside down. *printed on bottom of the box* (Too late! You lose!)(I love it:food to piss you off.) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On packaging for a Rowenta iron:Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?) On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space? Or underground?) On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (Not to mention the nut who wrote the warning ) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (DDDUUUHHH) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?) On a childs superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!) HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Just keep thinking.... You could come back as a pig... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

How come wrong numbers are never busy? Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"? Does that screwdriver belong to Philip? Can a stupid person be a smart-ass? Does killing time damage eternity? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips? Why is it that night falls but day breaks? Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors? Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop? Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it? Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans? Do pilots take crash-courses? Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? How can there be self-help "groups"? How do you get off a non-stop flight? How do you write zero in Roman numerals? How many weeks are there in a light year? If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman? If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe? If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends? If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them? If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of? If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do? If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of? If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

Very good question.... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

I am so bored, and it's only 4:00... Here is a little something to help kill the time... If you yelled for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (Oh my God...!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home .. maybe at work) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....") The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes...can you imagine??) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life ... quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....) A cat's urine glows under a blacklight. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (Who knew...? Who cares! ) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about the pig?) HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

I wanted to try and get over my fear of heights (didnt work...), and now i think it's the people that i meet.... It's the extended family... HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as 'the lawyers' and the party of the second part, also known as 'the light bulb' do hereby agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination ofthe area ranging from the front (North) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just through the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (light bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps: 1. The party of the first part (lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (light bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (light bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (light bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (light bulb), notwithstanding the aformentioned failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) to perform the customary and agreed upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (light bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (lawyer) throughout. 2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (light bulb) becomes seperated from the party of the third part ('receptacle'), the party of the first part shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (light bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local, and federal statutes. 3. Once seperation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (lawyer) shall have the option of beginning the installation of the party of the fourth part ('new light bulb'). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse procedures described in step one of this self same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable and only until the party of the fourth part (new light bulb) becomes snug in the party of the third part (receptacle) and in fact becomes the party of the second part (light bulb). Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (lawyer), by said party of the first part (lawyer), or by his or her heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him or her to do som the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (North) door consistent with maximisation of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as 'The Firm'. HAVE FUN... ...JUST DONT DIE