boinky

BLONDE JOKE OF THE MONTH: A blonde decided to rent her first porno. She went to the video store and picked out a tape with a title that sounded sexy. She drove home, lit some candles, took off her clothes and placed the tape in the VCR. But nothing appeared on her screen except static. She called the video store and complained, "I just rented a porno from you, and there's nothing on the tape but static." The clerk said, "Sorry about that. Which movie is it?" The blonde replied, "Head Cleaner." *************** Two guys were hiking up a mountain when they came upon some people bungee jumping. One said to the other, "How about it?" The other replied, "No way. I came into this world because of a broken rubber. I'm not leaving it the same way." *************** Hollywood executives are working on a new movie about Amelia Earhart's fatal ride over the Pacific. The working title is "Never Findingland." *************** A new sexual position has been invented. It's called the Rodeo. A woman gets on all fours, and a man enters her from behind. Then the man wraps his arms around her waist. He whispers, "You've got the fattest ass I've ever seen," and tries to hold on for eight seconds. *************** What has 180 legs and no pubic hair? The entire front row at an Ashlee Simpson concert. *************** A Texas oil tycoon stormed into his lawyer's office and demanded that he immediately start divorce proceedings against his wife. He said, "I want to sue that adulterous bitch for breach of contract." The lawyer said, "I don't know if we'll have a case. Your wife isn't a piece of property. You don't own her." "Maybe you're right," the tycoon said. "But I sure as hell expected exclusive drilling rights." *************** What's the best thing about a nudist wedding? It's obvious who the best man is. *************** Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CHUCK... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! I'll bet you thought we forgot you, didn't ya'? Here's hoping you have lots of (friends), (beers), and

I'm here! I'm a commission car salesperson, so I could work a million hours and unless I sell something, I make nothing. It's raining here and has been for the last 2 days. Not so good for sales. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

My ex is 330+ lbs. Trust me when I say that there are [B]MANY[/B] position limitations to having sex with this weight/size. Plus, unless they have strong arms, they are lazy and tend to want to "lay" on you while they "do it." Not good if you are only 150 lbs. Funny thing is...as big and not necessarily good looking as he is, he has ALWAYS found someone else to screw. On line, he could charm the skin off of a snake. And then when he got these women, he must've been VERY good, because he could never get rid of them. They were all madly in love with him and chased him non-stop. Why do you think he's my ex? Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

ABSOLUTELY!!!![/RED][/B]

Personally, IMHO if a person can remember these dumb phrases, it just seems like it would be just as easy to remember the planets proper order in the first place. The other way, you're having to remember 2 things instead of one. I can't believe no one has questioned THIS one.... Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

*Popcorn was invented by American Indians. *Kangaroos can jump 30 feet. *Before 1687 clocks were made with only a hour hand. *A study of American currency revealed the presence of bacteria, including staphylococcus, e-coli, and lebsiella, on 18 percent of coins and 7 percent of the bills. *The word "queue" is the only word in the English language that is still pronounced the same way when the last four letters are removed. *In 1889, the 1st coin-operated telephone, patented by Hartford, Connecticut inventor William Gray, was installed in the Hartford Bank. Local calls using a coin-operated phone in the U.S. cost only 5 cents everywhere until 1951. *The first country to use postcards is Austria. *In 1634, Tulip bulbs were a form of currency in Holland. *Children grow faster in Spring. *Yuma, Arizona has the most sunny days of any locale in USA. On average, each year there are 332 sunny days. *M.V.E.M.J.S.U.N.P. To remember the order of the planets use the phrase 'My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas' - the capital letters give the order of planets, beginning with closest to sun - Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto. *A Space Shuttle's main engine weighs about a seventh as much as a train engine but can deliver as much horsepower as 39 locomotives. *Waterloo, NY has been sanctioned by the U.S. Government as being the birthplace of Memorial Day. *Originally called Decoration Day. It was changed to Memorial Day in 1882. *Memorial Day first observed on May 30, 1868. *Years/ Location/ Killed/Wounded 1775-1783 Revolutionary War 25324/8445 1861-1865 Civil War, North 363020/281104 1861-1865 Civil War, South 199110/137102 1914-1918 World War I 116708/204002 1941-1945 World War II 408306/670846 1961-1975 Vietnam War 58219/153356 *The Commission’s Memorial Day anthem, “On This Day” was composed by Charles Strouse, award-winning composer of Annie and Bye Bye Birdie. It is an inspiring song that honors America’s fallen and the families they left behind. *Confederate Memorial Day, once a legal holiday in many southern states, is still observed on the fourth Monday in April in Alabama, and the last Monday in April in Mississippi and Georgia. It is a day to honor those who died defending the Confederate States of America during the American Civil War. *On May 1996, the idea of the National Moment of Rememberance was born when children touring Washington, DC, were asked what Memorial Day meant. They responded, "That's the day the pools open!" On December 28, 2000, by Public Law 106-579, the White House Commission on the National Moment of Remembrance was established. The Moment has the personal support of the President of the United States. (Along with other Americans, you are asked to observe the National Moment of Remembrance on Memorial Day, Monday, May 30, 2005 at 3:00 p.m. local time (duration: one minute).) Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

1.. All monitors display 2 inch high letters. 2. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences. 3. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces. 4. You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard. 5. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data. And it never seems to get lost or deleted 6. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before inter- mission and guess the secret password in two tries. 7. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function. 8. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off. 9. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second. 10. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building. 11. If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it. 12. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all computer platforms. 13. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability. 14. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress. 15. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Uh huh...at your best friend's expense? Shame on you!!!! LOL No harm...no foul. I'll do a more thorough search NEXT time...or make sure I check my mail before YOU do! ROFLMAO Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Ahem....I am [B]NOT[/B] seeing the humor here, Mr. Vance. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Hey....I did a search before I posted. Billy's thread didn't come up. Sorry ya'll.... Edited to add: I just tried the search again...it worked. I guess I must have mispelled it the first time. Sorry again.... Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Hi. My name is Nina. I am a speeder! LOL I am also a CRWDOG. I have learned exactly how close I can get one canopy to another canopy before I cause a boo-boo. This skill has washed over into my driving skills. 'Nuff said. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[B]OMG!!! This was sent to me. Absolutely hilarious!!!! Phallic Symbols Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Wanna' know the funniest part? There are probably some folks out there that have had similar experiences, but there's no way in HELL that they are going to own up to it. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Hmmm...never "done it" in mustard. YET! But it gives me something to consider. How do guys feel about "doing it" in mustard? Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

[B]LOL[/B] Pssstt...I did it in Mustard yellow for ya'! Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

This isn't my story, obviously, but I thought it was humorous just the same. As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue. Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . .."Poupon." When you stop laughing, pass it on. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

But isn't that still in the camel family? Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Don't smoke...so I have no clue. I just pass on the trivia tidbits that I get. So what is it, if it isn't a camel? Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

*The first MTV video was "Video Killed the Radio Star," by the Buggles. *Only male turkey's gobble. *Strawberries contain more vitamin c than oranges. *Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. Celery has about 6 calories per 8-inch stalk *Thieves are getting smarter... Cars have been stolen by thieves who wrote down VINs and used them to obtain duplicate keys through auto dealerships. *A few Wisconsin quarters contain a printing error that makes them especially valuable. Among the 453 million Wisconsin quarters minted over a two-week period near the end of 2004, a few thousand bearing a cornstalk peculiarity have surfaced. On some of the variant coins, an extra leaf on the ear is turned up; on others, the leaf is noticeably fatter than its siblings and points downward. This altered artwork appears to have been a deliberate act on the part of an unknown employee of the U.S. Mint. (Please send all unwanted Wisconsin quarters to me) *The Hawaiian alphabet has only 12 letters in it. *The Caspian Sea is actually a lake. *Giraffes have no vocal cords. *Richard Joshua Reynolds-One of the fathers of the cigarette industry- hated cigarettes. He preferred chewing tobacco and would not allow smokes in his house. *Wouldn't matter now, but if you were a tobacco farmer in the 30's and 40's, you wouldn't have had to fight in WW II. President Roosevelt declared tobacco "an essential crop" at the outbreak of the war- exempting tobacco growers from the draft. *Old Joe, a camel in Barnum and Bailey's circus. R.J. Reynolds had his personal secretary photograph him in 1913. The package is an exact copy of the photo. *In 1989, Reynolds introduced Uptown, a menthol brand designed specifically for blacks. Within days of its introduction, civil rights groups and anti-smoking organizations lit into Reynolds. Two months later, Uptown was dumped. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

I couldn't decide if this qualified as a "cheesy" joke or not....so decided to create a new post. Little Boys First Play (If you don't laugh at this one there is no hope for your day!). Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean Play. The first little boy was to say "My fair maiden, I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying "Hark! a pistol shot!" Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain went up. The curtain rose, and looking out upon the audience, the two boys were terrified! They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words, "My fair maiden, I have come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap." The second boy screams out, "Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horseshit, bullshit! I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway!" The audience left howling!!! Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Although I realize this is sort of info isn't as "cool" as what "felching" is, I believe it's interesting just the same.

Considering some of the hired help that Mickey D's has around here....I think you just have to be breathing to get hired. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Oh well...the funny stuff always turns out to be wrong. But still a funny story just the same. Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance

Isn't it though? With such talent at being THAT witty, I can see a board room job for him down the road! Nina Are we called "DAWGs" because we stick our noses up people's butts? (RIP Buzz) Yep, you're a postwhore-billyvance