kingbunky

we couldn't hate you! even though i think Iflyme is sending his snow my way for tonight and tomorrow... grrrrrrrrrr... nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth

once again... doh! i was away last week and didn't keep up with the posts... does anyone else worry that the internet will cause all jokes ever created to be used up? (infinite monkeys with typewriters type scenario)... nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth

not my dog, the attachment i meant to attach! doh! nothing succeeds like a budgie with no teeth

just odd...

actually, there is an explanation... here's what i found after a brief web search... another oldie but goodie. Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I'll make sure I hit something. You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'ya those little buggers can't be trusted. After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer allowed to pee like a man -- standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep. Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning wood." Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can't get that thing to bend, and if it don't bend you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet. And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin' toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control ourselves for that perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning, that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her ... look, it won't bend. She said, "Sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with "morning wood." Well, it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee, the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet. I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee. So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It's not our fault, it's just Mother Nature. Now, see, if it was Father Nature, there wouldn't have been a problem!!! Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

damn, that's a lot... and almost 7% of those are clay's! Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

9, whew... Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

too funny! Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

think about your fall rate! that should be a motivator. Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

oldie but goodie... The Pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question. 'Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?' 'No, Dopey,' responds the Pontiff, 'there are not.' 'Mr Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?' Dopey questions. 'No, Dopey,' the Pope chuckles, 'there are no dwarf nuns in Italy.' 'Mr Pope,' Dopey asks pleadingly, 'are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?' 'No, Dopey,' the Pope says sadly, 'there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.' And softly in the background, the six remaining dwarfs start chanting, 'Dopey f***ed a penguin, Dopey f***ed a penguin.' Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

i drove through it a couple of times... pretty much talk to cows and dodge combines on lowboys! so flat you can watch your dog run away from home for three days. Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

dang, that's all i have to say.... dang. Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

i know it's been said before, but skydiving does NOT belong in the olympics. more attention = more regulation. Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

i had to go to a sensitivity course or some shit like that at work today. who do those morons think they are, sending me off to that crap? i'm sensitiveand considerate! even to some of the assholes i work with! oh well, i guess it paid the same as work, and i didn't have to use my brain at all. (j/k, i work with a pretty good bunch, but aren't these courses a load of crap? mostly common sense, but i guess that's a scarce commodity. there, my rant is done.

i think you posted the rest of that picture at one point... i'd rate you a 10 as well!

oh, that's what i was doing wrong... i've been taking karate lessons, but i see it's all about the look. you are most wise mountainman-san Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

probably should have been a friday funny, but i was away all week... this is not aimed at anyone in particular, unless that makes it funnier for you. A farmer and his wife were lying in bed one evening; she was knitting, and he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry. He looked up from the page and said to her, "Did you know that humans are the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?" She looked at him wistfully, smiled, and replied, "Oh, yeah? Prove it." He frowned for a moment, then said, "Okay." He got up and walked out, leaving his wife with a confused look on her face. About a half hour later, he returned all tired and sweaty and proclaimed, "Well, I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that pig is always squealing, how can I tell?" Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

i realize that for some posters here they would be black and white , but i just found one from the day of my first jump. the missus had jumped twice before with her ex, but it was #1 for me...

doh!! missed it by a minute! Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

the adultress by the pretenders? Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

...or have it spit out his print job from the pile of rubble after impact. Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

that would have been a great demise for the printer in office space! Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

clay is freeflir29, #1 in posts (6000+ and counting!). post whoring is the art of replying to almost every thread, multiple times if possible, without actually saying a lot that doesn't involve beer, boobies, sheep or jumping our of aircraft. having a job where you have net access helps a lot. plus, it's just fun to tease clay. he seems to take it all in good humour. Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

well, at least you hide them somewhere nobody will ever think to look! Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings

either that or the loose nut behind the wheel, there's a lot of that around too. Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings