Phil

maybe they were just fed up of riding the tube and wanted to escape to Spain for asylum The Tube... If you are a regular traveller on the London Underground, here are some facts which you are going to wish you hadn't read. During Autumn of 2000, a team of scientists at the Department of Forensics at University College London removed a row of passenger seats from a Central Line tube carriage for analysis into cleanliness. Despite London Underground's claim that the interior of their trains are cleaned on a regular basis, the scientists made some alarming discoveries. The analysis was broken down. This is what was found on the surface of the seats: - 4 types of hair sample (human, mouse, rat, dog) - 7 types of insect (mostly fleas, mostly alive) - vomit originating from at least 9 separate people - human urine originating from at least 4 separate people - human excrement - rodent excrement - human semen When the seats were taken apart, they found: - the remains of 6 mice - the remains of 2 large rats - 1 previously unheard of fungus It is estimated that by holding one of the armrests, you are transferring, to your body, the natural oils and sweat from as many as 400 different people. It is estimated that it is generally healthier to smoke five cigarettes a day than to travel for one hour a day on the London Underground. It is far more hygienic to wipe your hand on the inside of a recently flushed toilet bowl before eating, than to wipe your hand on a London Underground seat before eating. It is estimated that, within London, more work sick-days are taken because of bugs picked up whilst traveling on the London Underground than for any other reason (including alcohol). Enjoy the ride next time you're in London blue ones Phil

...so if you have a hard pull or similar problem, cutaway no matter if the main is out or not. That way you won't run the risk of getting 2 chut's out.

...sh!!t sorry it's Monday and it sucks

see attachment !!! ... tough one. An insult to pigs? a hard way to start the week blue ones Phil

RECIPE FOR LOVE: Ingredients: 4 Laughing eyes 4 Well-shaped legs 4 Loving arms 2 Firm milk containers 2 Nuts 1 Fur-lined mixing bowl 1 Firm banana DIRECTIONS : 1. Look into laughing eyes. 2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms. 3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently until fur-lined mixing bowl moistens 4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results, continue to knead milk ontainers 5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably not overnight). 6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana doesn’t soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls. Notes: 1. If in unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use. 2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use. 3. If cake rises, leave town. Enjoy the cake Blue ones Phil

0:12:0 who needs sex if you have blue skies and nothing but blue skies (I do!!!) Phil

Bitte ein Big Mac ohne Zwiebeln here it is for next time

that's for not reading your post twice after the spell checker. ooooops oh well next time I just write it in german and let you guess what it's all about c u Phil

Well a friend an I were riding our motorcycles to the dz. on the freeway (Autobahn) we were pretending of grabbing and pulling or doing a track with both hands in the air. The car drivers were looking at us like we're crazy. An other time a punch of friends and I (all skydivers) went to the nearest town because of bad weather and in the middle of the plazza we had to practice our exit and to our RW routine. Or a newbie had to show us his arche on the restaurant table. At lunch I would drive with the motorcycle with my freefly suit on to the store to get some food. It's just a blast to see people's faces. Hey if they feel we're crazy why proof them wrong - right?!? C U Phil

Subject: King Arthur and the moral NOTHING IS MORE TRUE THAN THE MORAL OF THIS STORY!!! Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So the monarch offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch--only she would know the answer. The price would be high; the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he'd have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified: She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises... etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such burden. Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur total freedom. What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish. Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display, and generally made everyone very uncomfortable. The hour approached. Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But what a sight awaited him! The most beautiful woman he'd ever seen lay before him! The astounded Gawain asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she'd appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible, deformed self half the time, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day, and which during the night? What a cruel question! Gawain pondered his predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman with whom to enjoy many intimate moments? What would you do? What Gawain chose follows below, but don't read until you've made your own choice. Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. What is the moral of this story? The moral is: if your woman doesn't get her own way, things are going to get ugly.

...and talking about being lippy - well hell if someone has a opinion about something that might not go down well with others I will respect that. Don't have to agree with it. C'mon if you go back and read how some people take the right to put others down in this forum, than I have to say that Emma is nowhere close to be offensive. I guess some of us have not left the sandbox yet, they just need a chute to get there these days.

I don't get it. You can say titts, you can f#@k but you can't say penis? Which point am I missing here? There is worse to call it like d... and c... well what ever, you get the point (not?). Let's not have the PM come down with a list of words that are off limits. And then again - if he/she can make a list that you just have to click on to but them into text, that would ok. blue ones Phil

THINGS TO KEEP YOU AMUSED AT K-MART... 1. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' trolleys when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10-minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of apple juice on the floor to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to a store employee and tell him/her in an official tone; "I think we have a Code 3 in Home ware". 5. Put M & M's on lay by. 6. Move "CAUTION WET FLOOR" signs to the carpeted areas. 7. Set up a tent in the Sporting Section; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When someone asks if they can help you, start crying and ask; "Why won't people leave me alone?" 9. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror to pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the Sporting Section, ask the salesperson if the gun is sold with a prescription for anti-depressants. 11. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible". 12. In the Auto Dept practice your Madonna look by using different sized funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, jump out and yell; "PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the P.A. system, assume the foetal position and scream; "Not the voices again!" 15. Go into the Fitting Room and call out loudly; "Hey, there's no toilet paper in here." Have a week-end with blue skies only Phil

I have to agree with you on that Emma. if I come to think of it, then I'm almost tempted to bring out the following theory: If the now still illegal drugs (eg Grass) would be legalized and the government and the large industries would make money on it. Would there still be the big stink about it or would the main focus be how to optimise profits? C U Phil

Man...I'm coming to visit Austria again!!!!!!!!! I didn't see any of those on my last trip! ________________________________________________ nope - not Austria - Switzerland. I guess we're just to small to be seen on an Atlas in the US so why bother and just take the country next door. It's like saying Mexico = Texas. I'm gonna get burned in Hell for that one blue ones Phil

I don't know what the problem is, we always have a lot wuffos watching us land. DO NOT OPEN ATTACHMENT IF YOU GET A SHITLOAD AT WORK FOR NUDITY !!! For all the others feel free to open and enjoy the latest fashion of what ever... SEE FOR YOURSELF

Did the guy flooring it get up or did they just zipped him up in a bag? Shit that looks nasty. c u Phil

copy of my answer to the other thread you have going I'm sorry you don't have the balls to frame those Idiots that do that. If I would have the knowledge about a Pilot being under the influence of drugs and flying a plane I would get that bastard busted asap. Because it's my arse that's on the line and don't anybody give me this "that's his business bullshit". Also the line with ...the guy is a skydiver too... well fine but I don’t give a fuck. Look toogoolawah, you don't do anybody a favour by keeping it quiet. Either you have the proof that it happen because you were there and you have seen it and you're going to stand tall for that or you just bring a ...I heard it through my sisters friends, who's mother neighbour’s carwash Joe told her about some wild party at the DZ. Well we all know that drugs is a part of our sport (beer – sorry I had to say that) and other fine specimen of substances that will help to keep our memory of the day as present as possible – or make that wuffo look real good after the 10th beer – what ever. There is NO solidarity with this and I could never jump again if I would know, that a plane went down because the pilot was stoned and I knew about it and my friends just got carried away in a body bag. Fuck what a nightmare. This is nothing personal – but if I get hurt or a friend of mine then it gets really personal and (most) skydivers are my friends… Blue ones Phil

... or more like the last day of our life. You fall into your shute and you can kiss your sorry ass good-bye. Anyway good luck with your trial and error experience on that. Hope you'll stick around a bit longer to let us know how it went. blue ones Phil

National Transportation Safety Board Over the last five years the N.T.S.B. has been covertly funding a project with U.S. Auto makers whereby the auto makers have been installing "black boxes" in all four wheel drive pick up trucks they have manufactured. This was to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.They were surprised in 42 of the 50 states the last words of the drivers in 61.2% of the fatal crashes were, "OH SHIT!" Only the states of Arkansas, West Virginia, Georgia, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama, Texas, and Tennessee were different, where over 89.3% of the final words were, "Hold my beer and watch this."

...and I thought this was about a woman's problem like pms, it would fit, no? Menstrual freaks. C'mon guys don't we know all about that. Never woke up with a headache because of the wine the night before? It tasted just fine - but the anti-freeze just didn't go down very well... c u Phil

first jump with 27, started AFF and did my license with 37, now 39 and counting... blue ones Phil

I'm sorry you don't have the balls to frame those Idiots that do that. If I would have the knowledge about a Pilot being under the influence of drugs and flying a plane I would get that bastard busted asap. Because it's my arse that's on the line and don't anybody give me this "that's his business bullshit". Also the line with ...the guy is a skydiver too... well fine but I don’t give a fuck. Look toogoolawah, you don't do anybody a favour by keeping it quiet. Either you have the proof that it happen because you were there and you have seen it and you're going to stand tall for that or you just bring a ...I heard it through my sisters friends, who's mother neighbour’s carwash Joe told her about some wild party at the DZ. Well we all know that drugs is a part of our sport (beer – sorry I had to say that) and other fine specimen of substances that will help to keep our memory of the day as present as possible – or make that wuffo look real good after the 10th beer – what ever. There is NO solidarity with this and I could never jump again if I would know, that a plane went down because the pilot was stoned and I knew about it and my friends just got carried away in a body bag. Fuck what a nightmare. This is nothing personal – but if I get hurt or a friend of mine then it gets really personal and (most) skydivers are my friends… Blue ones Phil

Standard is about 3500 to 4000 meter Ground. We're going to do a 10'000m Ground in August/September with O2. It's gonna be a scream. Can hardly wait for it to happen. Have to do a pressure chamber check in may. I'll be posting about it as soon as it took place. C U Phil

HE SAID.....SHE SAID ----------------------------------------------- He said... Want a quickie? She said...As opposed to what? He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said...You wear briefs, don't you? He said... Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune? She said...Not at all honey, I'd love you no matter who left you the money. She said...What do you mean by coming home half drunk? He said... It's not my fault...I ran out of money. He said... Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She said...Well, you succeeded. He said... 'If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well.' She said...'Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we could do without the gardener too' He said... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said...Turn sideways and look in the mirror. He said... Let's go out and have some fun tonight. She said...Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on. He said... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? She said...I would, but you're never there. He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?" She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart." ------------------------------------------------ TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOUR SON HAS GROWN TOO OLD FOR BREAST FEEDING ------------------------------------------------ 10. He can open your blouse by himself. 9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other. 8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue. 7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt. 6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee. 5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine. 4. After each feeding, he has a smoke. 3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner. 2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to Dueling Banjos. 1. Beard abrasions on areola.