I am gonna go finish the canopy class today. It's a gorgeous day - bright blue skies, light shimmering through occasional irridescent wispy clouds. That's my sky - my playground, and I am playing hooky from the ground. I honestly can't really afford it, but there is something in my heart which needs this release. I am woefully uncurrent, and have concerns about the winds, which the weatherman said would be gusting to 25 mph by mid-morning.
I get to Perris, get my canopy from Vinnie who's changed out the risers to a 22" set a DZ.commer sent me, and go rent the container. I drop everything off to the packer, and see Sudsy there. I grab my hug from him, and then get hugged by someone I've never met - and I love that. Hugs are few and far between in my life - the cats hugs' don't count. She hugs me again, and I just grin.
I go check in with JC and Clint - Jim's not there yet, so we sit around and chat; the packer comes over and tells me that the risers have big rings, and it won't fit onto the container I've rented. Shit. O.K., let's see what I can do about that. I go back into Square1, and see if they have a large ring harness, but no, they don't. They check their stock in the back to see about risers, and they have some, but suggest I go check with Larry in the Loft, and see what he has. I go out, and talk a bit to JC, who takes me over to the Loft, and we talk about risers...what length should I get? Velcro or not? RSL or not? The Loft has 22 inch risers in stock, and that's what Jim had said - either 21 or 22...so I grit my teeth and purchase a set, and have Larry swap them out. I really can't afford it, but if I don't swap them, I'm not jumping. And now that I'm here, and the sky is so amazingly blue, I choose to be poorer, but happier. Well, I hope happier. The swap occurs, I trudge back to the packer, and get all hooked up and ready to go.
It's totally dead calm, no wind whatsoever tickling the flags. Where are the 25 mph gusts??? I really hate jumping in no wind. But I'm here with Jim, and it's either wait all day for a little wind, or jump in no winds. He and I talk about how to handle no winds, what to expect, how to adjust my approach, what he wants me to do up there with the new risers, and I start to sweat. I have a 20 minute call, so I get geared up, and over to the loading area. I am really thinking twice about this, because the last time I jumped in no winds I crashed badly. I want to jump but I don't want to get hurt and it's JIM for pete's sake, I know he wouldn't give me something I can't deal with but I can't deal with no winds.....but I'm gonna jump anyway.
I clamber onto the plane, and sit by the door. There is a Japanese 4way team there, and they help with the door. Trying to be a responsible skydiver, I reach out to help with the door, but it doesn't seem to want me touching it...like a feral dog, it bites me on the knuckle of my forefinger, drawing blood and lifting lots of skin right off. Geesh, that hurt like a bear. But we're going to jump, I can't think about that too...my hands are trembling and sweating, and I fumble with all the straps and handles, just going through the routine, trying to relax and let my brain turn off. It won't, though. It speeds up - landing thoughts on top of exit thoughts on top of stable thoughts on top of deployment thoughts on top of no-wind-landing thoughts, crashing thoughts...SHUT UP! I scream to myself. And now it's 3,500...time to start getting ready. Slide the goggles on, helmet on, clasp snicks shut. I touch handles again, and again. Wipe my hands on my knees...green light, look out, see the circle, one-two-three out I go...
Tumbling, spinning, arching...breathing...smile on the exhale...reach, arch, deploy, open...and there it is, my canopy, green and purple and yellow, all there, no line twists, just there, ready to play. I reach for the toggles, and pop them. I lean back a little bit, and check how far they go down before the tail deflects. O.K., about 4 inches. Good deal. Right turn, left turn...and now, flare all the way to a stall...hold it, just hold it....loud silence comes creeping in. I've stalled it. And now the backwards feeling, so I let them up fast, and swing through the autumn sky. I do this again several times, and now it's about 2K, time to plan out the landing. I swirl right, move over to the top of the hangar, and 360 left. I sashay, because I am still a little high, and now, 1200, time to start...I cruise a little farther east than I should, but I still think I will be close...and now flat turn to crosswind (what wind?) leg, and now flat turn to final. Kick legs, remind myself that it'll be fast, let the toggles go to full flight, and feel the speed. I watch the ground rushing between my legs, and my belly clenches. Damned fast. And now, slowly, gently, I start the flare...oops, a little early, stop it right there and now-wait-now slowly slide the toggles down and get my legs ready and my head ready and now- now-now touch down with a little poof of dirt because it's the student circle but I stood it up and didn't take a step and wheeeeeeee! with no winds I did this. So I missed the grass, but still! I do the snoopy happy dance which I haven't done in a while, and wiggle around. JC comes out with the truck (why he did I dunno, I wasn't far at all), and I climb onto the back. I shout to JC "Style and Accuracy, here I come!!!!" He laughs, eyes dancing, and says "that's the spirit, girl!"...Debrief with Jim, and all he says is "last time you were too late, this time you're too early. I'd rather you be too early than too late. Otherwise, great job, especially since you haven't jumped in 6 weeks". We talk about how to assess where I landed and what I need to do to correct it, and manifest for another jump. I still want winds, but I'm no longer as petrified as I was an hour ago. We determine that the riser swap was perfect, the brakelines don't need shortening at all, and that I should stay with 22" risers for a while.
Jim gets Mary, his other student, ready. It's time to go again. I get a gear check from Jim, and he comments that my main is really tight in the container, he's had trouble lifting the flap to see the pin. He says "you'll be o.k.". That comment, though, makes me think of container lock, nothing coming out, and now I am second guessing this whole thing. Shit. Here are the stairs. Shit. Jim decides that I will go first with a 5 second delay, Mary and he will follow with a 5 second delay. This should allow for good separation, and, as Mary will be higher than me and has a lower wing loading than me, I am to land first. Again I'm right by the door. It still freaks me out. The 4way team is smiling at me, they saw me last time, they know I get nervous. This will be the first time Jim sees me in the plane, though, and he is not expecting the constant fidgetting, the sweaty palms, the handle touches. He grins, he understands. 4,600. Look out the door, see the DZ. Green light. Breathe, breathe, and dive out...upside down, I am craning my neck to see the plane...it's gone, I've lost it. Feeling myself start to tense up, I forget to count. I have to deploy like now. I breathe, reach, shit I'm standing up, shit too late the pilot chute is in my hand and I am tossing it, I'm already upright and haven't felt the bag come off, but I can feel me slowing down...and this deployment is long...and it's gonna be wonky.
It opens really oddly, the whole left side open, and the right side still not catching the air. "Fly the opening, dammit, Michele" so I lean right, and grab for the riser, tugging it hard. I'm in a left spin, and it's a spin because I am not under the canopy anymore, more out and behind and it's still not open, and I've travelled almost a whole rotation I think. Shitfuck NOT TODAY! and whatever I did, changing body position, grabbing the riser, stops the spin, but now I'm turning right hard...I sit myself back square in the harness, grab both risers, and tug again, not so hard this time and the canopy settles down, right over my head. I kind of swing under it a little. I check the line groups - all there, and look for the pilot chute - trailing behind me. I touch my handles, because I've been moving a lot and want to remind myself where they are...I scan for holes, for closed end cells, something off, something wrong. Nope, all good. I pop the toggels, and check my altimeter. I'm about 2,800...control check three times, o.k., it's a whole and good canopy. Look for Mary, she's already under canopy and way below me. Jim's canopy is wayyyyyy near the ground. I realize that unless Mary gets onto her risers and stays there, she'll be landing a bit before me. I am already right over the hangar, so I dance and play, no risers, hard toggle turns, feel the pressure from my turns in my legs, swing out from under the canopy, "whhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" comes out, stop, find Mary, she's hit the risers and is above me now. I 360 the other way, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and then again in another 360...check alti, time to start the landing pattern.
I do much better this time, and as I flat turn onto final, I wiggle my legs again. I will be on the grass, and there isn't any real wind again. I get ready, here I go...start gently smoothly...shit, too high, I feel myself swing forward, but I'm about 10 feet up, too high...I stop, and I wait, wait, finish the flare, and as I touch down, my feet slip on the grass and I slide onto my left hip. Far better than onto my face as I had been doing before the class, and get onto my feet. I look at the target, and I am about 80 feet short of it. Good deal. I know what I need to do next time.
Debrief, discuss the opening, determine it was all about my weird body position, and that I over-enthusiactically corrected it. I go practice the exit on the mockup and then take a break. See Steve and congratulate him on his 200th jump, wondering if I will make it to 200 in this decade...and start chatting with Terry. He and I talk a bit, and there's this other guy listening too. I'm yammering away, and this other guy interrupts. "Are you Michele?" he asks. "Uh, yes" I say. He grins..."Michele from DZ.com, right?" "Uh, yes, that's me. Do I know you?" I ask. He replies "no, but I know you. You're famous! And I'm Paul". I turn bright red. No, I'm not famous. He tells me he's read my stuff about AFF, and took it in August of last year at Perris, and lurks on DZ.com a lot. He and I talk, and he asks me if I want to jump...but today I can't, but I make him a promise that we will when I'm not working with Jim.
Time to go up for the last time. It's gotten colder, and the colors are fading with the day. It's the next to last load, and I get geared up and toddle off to the loading area. Get a check from Jim, and notice the winds are picking up. No 25 mph - maybe 7 knots, but wind. YAYAYAY wind....riser turns, riser stalls, and front riser stuff this time. Yikes, I don't like front risers. They scare me.
Onto the plane, and up into the dwindling day. Jim talks to me about the exit, and again we decide the same exit order and delay. Green light. Jim and I get to the door. He coaches my position, kind of cockeyed in a crouch, and breathe, smile, and out I go...totally stable, utterly perfect. I guess I've been watching too many crew exit vids, because as I clear the plane, I am already reaching. I am watching the door, and can see Jim's eyes...and realize what I'm about to do (my hand is already on the hackey), and bring my arm forward again. Shit not yet...wait smile breathe and reach and pull. Pretty, smooth, gentle, fast opening. As I reach to stow my slider, I still have the plane in front of me and the sun is to my back. Silhouetted against the darkening eastern sky, I see the plane, and two bodies...and watch them fall, and fall, and fall...and am captured by the sight of people in the air, people flying their bodies, people exploring the universe within and without. But, hey, would you guys please open? Please pull...damnit...and there is Mary's blue and pink, but where's Jim...I'm leaning forward, craning my neck to see his chute, and there, blossoming against the brown background of the desert floor, Jim's yellow chute opens. But it's not all there! Shit, he's in trouble...and then I remember... it's a very small chute. I get back to flying again.
Rear riser left, right. Both now. I don't have the back strength for that, but there is distortion of the canopy, and while I don't think it would be enough to set me down, I do understand that if I work on it I might be able to use them if I had to. Front risers now. Ugh. I feel my palms sweating, feel it bead up on my forehead, chilling me. Oh, shit, Michele, you're at 2800, just do it. I reach with both hands, toggles firmly looped over my palms, and grab the dive loops. One two three pull. Shit, that's hard...hold it feel the speed see the canopy come forward feel the rush o.k., that's enough, I'm done and let them up quickly. Ow. I need to join a gym. I'm about 2200, so now, I just rest here, looking at the world, seeing the day fade, and slowly turn in a circle. I see the evening mists rising in the west, creeping through the valley, muting all beneath it to small, indistinct shapes. I feel the night air coming, can smell it this high. I see the lake, dark blackblue, brown beaches, fading fast. I see the snowcapped mountain, silverbright in the distance. My breathing slows, my thinking slows, and I just feel the world, see it below me, alone in the sky. I see a bird, wings outstretched, soaring, circling. I am with that bird in the sky - just me and it, and I watch, seeing it fly like very few others have ever seen...and I soar with it, dancing through the gloaming, flirting with the sky.
And now, landing time. Turn onto final, and I will be very close to the target, except I'm sliding sideways. The winds have changed, but it's too late for me to change with them. I am sliding sideways, and I won't be standing this one up...and now, flare...too early again, so I stop, and then continue it...and slide onto my bottom, and across the grass laughing. It's all good, I have a green bottom, and it's all good...I've flown, and landed safely. I've jumped from a freekin' airplane! Three times! That is simply amazing....it still startles me when I think about it, still surprises me that I do this.
The day is done, the sunset load has landed. I take my gear back to Square1, and, as I leave the store, I see the snowcapped mountain catching the setting sun. It is pink and coral, and I am snatched away by the beauty. I go over to Paul and Jeff, talking there, and interrupt them. "Look at that" I say...and as the sun flashes it's last rays, I stand there, awed...this world, so amazing, so glorious, so intense...and I smile. I feel like dancing, turning in circles, celebrating...wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Ciels-
Michele
~Do Angels keep the dreams we seek
While our hearts lie bleeding?~
