flyhi

I have watched others rant about being forced to join USPA and the worthlessness of that process. In general, I hung out on the sidelines and refused to commit. Now, they have my dander (What the hell is dander, anyway?) up. In my quest to eventually write the Great American Novel, I figured I would follow a progression. Random graffiti around the neighborhood, graduate to post whore for a while on here, and move on to write the Great American Letter to the Editor prior to attempting the Great American Novel. Attempting to pick a subject in which I was somewhat conversant, I wrote my GALE to Parachutist. I pointed out some good stuff and some inconsistencies in their publication. All in all, a very balanced letter. Well the good stuff appeared verbatim, but they edited the hell out of the rest of my letter! They totally changed the content and made me sound like a blithering idiot. It looked like Ozzy Osbourne got a hold of that thing. I have lost all respect for the organization and people who are tasked with supporting our sport. I feel very let down. So, for $44, you can get screwed either downtown or by the USPA. Thanks a bunch, guys. flyhi

Don't forget to tell them how you don't have to breathe in freefall 'cause your going so fast the air just permeates your body. It must be true, I heard it around a campfire at a DZ. flyhi

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes (naturally) -that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." flyhi

A team of archaeologists was working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it. In order, the figures were: 1. A woman 2. A donkey 3. A shovel 4. A fish 5. A star of David After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a lot about the people of that time. 1. The woman being placed first in the line of figures indicated that women were held in very high esteem. It was most likely a family oriented culture. 2. The donkey indicated that they had domesticated animals. they probably used the donkey to till the fields. 3. The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools. 4. The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. 5. The star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people. A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said, “I'm sorry to blow your conclusions, but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left. That way it reads: Holy mackerel! Dig the ass on that woman!” flyhi

That first jump looked so good, I thought it was the Airspeed 3-way team. As much as I hate to admit it, I have to agree with Clay Get out and do it often. Remember, as long as there are convenience stores, you never have to be broke. flyhi

In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. A hot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, "Gosh..if I go down three inches...I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed." There was a fish in the water thinking, "gosh...if that fly goes down Three inches I can eat him." There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...that fish will jump for the fly...and I will eat him." It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch." You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but I can tell you there was more. A mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich, and I'll eat the sandwich. A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time "gosh...if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...and that hunter shoots that bear...and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich...then I can have mouse for lunch." The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water. The fish swallows the fly...The bear grabs the fish...The hunter shoots the bear...The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...The cat jumps for the mouse...The mouse ducks...The cat falls into the water and drowns. The moral of the story... Whenever a fly goes down three inches...some pussy is in danger. flyhi

Can't believe you wasted that here. There's at least $100K waiting for you from the NEA! flyhi

Secretary: "Can I use your dictaphone?" Rodney Dangerfield: "Screw you. Use your finger like everyone else!" flyhi

One reason to lift your legs is to allow you to plane out a little lower and then slowly lower your legs to transfer your weight from your canopy to your legs. With your legs extended you have to let the canopy settle in and then convert speed to lift just as your feet touch down to transfer your weight. Timing is critical. If you misjudge your flair, the lift your speed will generate, or your altitude, it can get right exciting. flyhi

Ha! The joke's on you, Oliver Stonehenge!!! America not only uncovered the hoax first, but also made a movie out of it, "Capricorn One". This classic of the large screen starred none other than Mr. Barbara Streisand and O.J. Simpson. What better unimpeachable sources of info could you ask for? Don't believe me, we could always ask O.J. to start playing golf and looking for his wife's killer over there in the Magic, er, United Kingdom. We'll do it. We're just crazy enough! flyhi

David, did you call me "dull minded" on the Internet? See me after class tomorrow. flyhi

Or a family reunion? flyhi

Wait a minute guys, first things first. What kind of gear and at what price? flyhi

Is that some kind of freefly tube exit? flyhi

Two buzzards are standing in the waiting area for a cross country flight. Each has three dead rabbits under their wings. When they get up to the gate, the flight attendant says, "Sorry, only two carrion per passenger." flyhi

Retraction line for the PC for even less drag than a standard kill line? flyhi

With a "pullout", don't you actually grab a pud and pull the closing pin out as well as the PC? One of the bennies of the "pullout", if you listen to pud pullers, is the lowered probability of a horseshoe mal. Also, if you use a "throwout", and hold on to the PC too long, you will only have a horseshoe mal until you let go of the PC. Then you will probably have a baglock type mal. A high speed mal, but a higher probability of having a clean deployment. I think. flyhi

You can check it out in the movie, "Cutaway". Oh,wait a minute, that's right, there really wasn't a lot of tracking away it that movie, was there? flyhi

Excellent idea. Was trying to think about some "performance" type rating for this forum. Thought about your ratio and considered multiplying it by "Years in the sport". With an Engineering degree, I think you can break down anything into numbers. Like the other night, I had sex that was definitely a 10! Unfortunately, that was on a 50 point scale. 971 jumps, 628 posts. 1.546178 Posting Index. My goal: 1000 jumps before 1000 posts. flyhi

I believe Eloy actually has a massage therapist at the DZ, and I've seen some others where free lancers hang out. It's worth it, on Monday morning. flyhi

How about Old Man? For the literature-awareness challenged, that's the name of the old man in The Old Man and the Sea. flyhi

This is really inappropriate and someone should do something to stop it. How did Dave Letterman celebrate the Taliban's Tenth Anniversary? Top Ten Ways The Taliban Is Celebrating Their 10th Anniversary 10. Wet-burqa contest 9. Goat jumping out of a cake 8. Ticking "Congratulations!" bouquet from Donald Rumsfeld 7. Raffling off a busted TV 6. Dinner at their favorite restaurant "Thank-Allah-It's-Friday" 5. With the traditional tenth anniversary gift, sand 4. Flying in Don Rickles to roast Osama 3. Lively game of "Pin the Beard on the Deranged, Cave-Dwelling Madman" 2. Serving a special dessert called "Death To America By Chocolate" 1. Running for their lives flyhi

Are you allowed to be a Catholic priest if you're retarded? flyhi

0 : 4 : 0 and counting! Gawd, I love Florida, except I have a strange urge to dye my hair blue and drive a Buick at 45 mph on I-95 wth my blinker on. A small price to pay. flyhi

I got it! I got it! That gets a 9 on the "Subtle but Funny" scale. flyhi