Nataly

That is SOOOO true... I try and choose my friends carefully... Good friends help you grow - bad ones suck all your energy/happiness away. My friends are important to me - I look after them and they look after me. Sometimes, just being around someone happy makes you feel happy - it's a little contagious

Yep - all true. But it's also not always the men who get the shitty end of the stick... Like I said... The article points out many real problems with valid food-for-thought... It's just not a 100% full/accurate picture. And I'm sure what I've added doesn't fully cover it either!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

You, my dear, are a unique individual, not to be lumped into a group and labelled "normal"!!! (And no, that is *not* meant as an insult

I hope that statement was made ironically, and not seriously!!! If not, there goes my theory!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Well, first of all, I disagree with your basic premise. Women bash men quite a bit. In fact, your post is quite the bash. It's just that, generally, women bash men in a different way. Men, generally, are pretty direct and simply say what they mean. Women are masters of passive/aggressive. Ok, a lot of interesting responses. What I mean by "bashing" is not "this person is a jerk" but "men are jerks" or "women are idiots"... So more of a general attack than a personal one. I don't think I make broad general negative statements about men - or women, for that matter. And this post was not meant to be a bash - just an observation. But you bring up a very good point. Perhaps there is just as much bashing on our end, but I'm not noticing it because it's more subtle. Ironically enough, there is a post by a woman in this thread that is male-bashing!!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

It's just this sort of comment I'm referring to. Like I said, you don't often hear women on here saying anything like this about men. Although like I said, we *could.* So why? "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I think the author brings up some valid point, whilst exaggerating or undermining or omitting others.. WEDDING COSTS Until recently, it was traditional for the (Western) wife's family to pay for the wedding. Which likely explains why women have come to view it as "my" day. Although the point of view didn't include non-western women, it's true that in many parts of the world the woman's marriage dowry is very expensive and that burden falls on the woman's family, not the man marrying the woman. CAREER SETBACKS/LIMITATIONS Women do *not* get paid the same as men for the same job. They also do not get access to the same promotions/career-advancements, and this is irrespective of whether they have children or not. What's more, it's not that uncommon for men to have to move cities to climb the corporate ladder - the woman who leaves her job to suit her husband's progress often takes several steps back in her own career. Also, many woman financially support their husbands whilst they (the husband) take a career break to say get a masters. CHILDREN Women who do have children take on far more responsibility for their day-to-day care - even when they go back to work. Women also still statistically do a higher proportion of the house-work, even when they work, and even when they work *and* contribute more to raising the children all at the same time. GOING BACK TO WORK AFTER CHILDREN Women who go back to work may suffer *significant* salary cuts, or their skills can be deemed "obsolete". If she *does* get the high-powered job she wanted, there is often added child-care costs associated with the longer hours, and this can often cost more than her salary!! Plus it means someone else is raising her children! SPENDING/FINANCES It's usually women who handle the finances and pay the bills and budget for the groceries, et cetera. Women don't typically waste all their husband's money away as the author suggests, but in fact make sure all the admin is done on time and that fines and fees are avoided. FINANCIAL RISKS (FOR WOMEN) OF *NOT* MARRYING If men bear tremendous financial risks in getting married, women face horrible financial risks by *not* getting married. Men can (and do) leave women when they are pregnant or already have a child, and leave them 100% of the burden/responsibility of raising and supporting said child(ren). There is a reason why such a HUGE proportion of people who live below the poverty line are single moms... They didn't get married and have little or no recourse. PROPERTY LAWS Now, these vary widely according to each State/country... But unmarried women sometimes have no rights when it comes to properties if they are unmarried. In some places, the house can only be under one person's name, and this often defaults to (or is by law) the man. This means that regardless of her contribution to the place, she could walk away with absolutely nothing. She may have paid the mortgage every month and fixed and repaired and painted the entire place herself, but if her name isn't on that lease/mortgage, she may have ZERO rights to the place in the event of a split. So yes, a lot of the arguments put forward *are* valid and should be considered. However, the flip side (especially for women who want children) is that women bear enormous risks by NOT getting married. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I'm constantly amazed by all the woman-bashing that goes on in these forums. And it occurred to me that it's not often that the women on here actively criticise men. In fact, we spend a great deal of time defending ourselves (as opposed to attacking). And on balance, you men have just as many faults as we do! So we *could* go on and on about these if we wanted to! I was just wondering why it is that so many guys on here consistently bash/insult/criticise women, while so few of the women ever bash/insult/criticise men... Is it because we're a minority and therefore it's not in our interest to piss off the majority? Is it bullying? Insecurity? What?? The question goes out to both genders... ETA: By "many" I don't mean the majority.. Just comparatively speaking. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Probably because people tend to be biased in their favour!! No seriously. It's a good point you bring up. I get tired of people constantly going on about the other sex like they have no redeeming features... Men and women are different, and that is a GOOD thing.

Oh you can say that but if i do I'm called a pig a dog and all kinds of other fun and exciting colloquialism!

I agree that *both* genders have a responsibility in "putting themselves forward." Just remember that it takes a LOOOOOOONG time to undo thousands (?) of years of social conditioning... But know that it's not true that all women just sit there, wait and look pretty. Many of us actively go on dating sites, and ask guys out, and make the effort/take the risk... Case in point, I've flown back and forth to Morocco since November to be with my man. And guess who made the first move and asked him on a coffee date? Me. So there. We're not all just another vagina. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

That gives a lot of us guys renewed hope! You always make me laugh!! On a serious note, the breakup wasn't just about financial loss for me... It was emotionally very painful. It made me afraid to trust again. Mostly it made me seriously question my judgement - especially since I thought the relationship would last forever and I never realised how broken it was until after it was over. I never thought I'd say this, but 2 and a half years on I feel I've learned and grown from the experience (both from the relationship *and* the breakup). Initially it left me quite broken, but the healing made me stronger. So I really feel like I'm better off as a person and that I now have more to offer than I did before. If anything, I'm now *less* willing to compromise... I had someone great but he wasn't right for me... I want someone great who *is* right for me. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Ok, I agree with you that women don't know what dating is like for a man - but our different point of view doesn't mean we understand NOTHING. It's just a different perspective - sometimes an outsider's view is a *good* thing. Sharing a different perspective can give an insight into something you hadn't considered. I may not have a penis, but that doesn't mean I haven't experienced very similar difficulties/heartbreak. Now, to the OP. I think it's important in life to be happy. I think we put a lot of focus on finding that one true love, but we often forget that inner happiness is way more important and (can be) far more difficult to find. Someone once told me she had made a list... Of all the things she hated in her life, and all the things she loved in her life. She found a HUGE imbalance there, so one by one she took steps to eliminate the negative things, and increase the things that make her smile. I thought this was a great idea. I tried it, and last year was the BEST year of my life, because I made things happen. You know what's funny? Everyone kept telling me to stop looking for a man and I would find one. This used to really piss me off. It's a little like telling an exhausted person they should stop trying to sleep and they would just fall asleep... When you're tired, all you can think about is that you can't sleep - and when you're lonely, all you can think about is finding love... So maybe the question isn't whether you should stop trying, but *how*. And I think one answer is to search instead for happiness. It's to work on yourself. It's to throw yourself into the things you love and make you smile. It's to take risks and do the things you've been putting off. To try to grow as a person. To forgive yourself your mistakes and your faults. To start liking yourself. You may not find true love, but at least there's a strong chance you'll be happy. And isn't that better than being miserable in a bad relationship? So maybe you should go chase happiness instead of love - what have you got to lose?? "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I get that it's a joke (and very funny!) but he is amazing - if anyone's going to be left out of the equation it's not going to be him (or me!!!). As for video, I'm sure there is *more* than enough material online already to keep you amused... Just google "porn" and something should pop up! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Bit OTT, huh? Meh. I'm a little bored today! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Good news - you just earned a VIP sticker on your woman card Honey, I had that on my card about 10 years ago - mine is a platinum card by now!! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Yep - same here. And it sucked. The settlement/buy-out didn't nearly cover my contribution, and it took TWO YEARS for me to finally get off that mortgage and see *some* of my money back. I cringe to think of the added complications of undoing a marriage on top of this.. The only reason I've caught up financially is because I threw myself into my work and drastically lowered my living standards... "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

You won't know until you ask him! Remster, the tragedy is that he finds the very idea appalling Oh well.. He has redeeming features "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

3-way? So, was she hot? Make something up for all of us to enjoy. Something better than advice for someone new to the area. Was she buttering you up for Ryoder's suggested 3-way? Sorry.. Nope. But if my man was into 3-ways, I wouldn't object to her joining us "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I wasn't married so I didn't vote, but I had significant financial ties that meant our relationship was similar to a marriage (lived together for several years and bought a house together, etc). It's been 2 and a half years since the split. If I were able to respond, I'm not sure what I would pick... On the one hand, I got a lot less out than I put in financially... On the other hand, I drastically changed my life - changed jobs, rented cheap apartments, etc. So at first I had almost nothing and lost a significant portion of my life-savings. At the 2-year mark, I was a bit better off after a series of promotions. Now after 6 months of travelling and not working, I'm about levelled-off. Had there been kids involved, I don't think I would have recovered so well, but I *do* think he would be as reasonable as possible in looking after their well-being. "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

Definitely the funniest answer!!! It was really boring... She heard I was in the area and she's thinking of moving to London so wanted to hear my thoughts on it because she remembered that's where I was "from". Where to live, how to find a job, etc. She was nice, actually

Hmmmm.. Got a very unexpected call.. The ex-girlfriend of one of my ex's wants to meet up for a coffee.. Surely no good can come of this.. And yet.. I just.. Can't.. Help.. It.. I'm too curious!! Meh.. She's in Monaco and she's buying so at least it's a free coffee and a nice day out! "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss

I did as well

*excellent*

That just reminded me of one of my foot-in-mouth incidents... Our new boss took us out for a get-to-know-each-other lunch... During said lunch I was talking about how great it was for qualified job-hunters during this bad economy because the market was so flooded with useless candidates who'd just been made redundant. My new boss looked at me and said "I was made redundant from my last job." All I thought was: "oh, Shit." "There is no problem so bad you can't make it worse." - Chris Hadfield « Sors le martinet et flagelle toi indigne contrôleuse de gestion. » - my boss