tunaplanet

From an impartial view, I can say that Bush will win and win big. This will not be tight. Just when I was beginning to give Kerry credit and consider him, he goes off on this rant dissing GWB saying some horseshit line about, "Bush has created more terrorists, not lessened. He is a danger to this country." That to me made him look like a jackass. What far too many of these politicians fail to realise is that there is good in EVERY president and opponent. When you completely trash the opposition and critisize everything he/she does, you make yourself look like a liar with no integrity doing whatever it takes to get in the white house. You lose all credibility. If Kerry would have came out and said, "You know, Bush did a great job in dealing with one of the greatest tragedies this country has ever seen and dealing with it in a hasty and timely manner. For that I thank you as an American citizen and give you due credit. However, there are other issues than just that. There is the economy, homeless, enviromental issues, etc...that I feel I could do a much better job in as well as other areas." If an opponent takes this approach you come across as a real, honest, credible person with integrity. All this hokey "trash everything your opponent does and claim he does nothing right" is complete bullshit. Hey, can I have my 2 cents back? I need jump ticket money Forty-two

Lol, well put. That is what we used to refer in the Navy to as a "lesser of the two evils" I like Bush. I really would have loved to see Edwards win. If that was the case I would have definitly given John my vote. However, from a Democratic standpoint, Kerry has a better chance to dethrone the king than Edwards. Forty-two

Uh huh. Forty-two

You democratic sheep bring a smile to my face. Good job! Forty-two

We know. They're the only ones who have a snowball's chance in hell, however. Forty-two

If it were Edwards I would have chosen him. Between Bush and Kerry, however, I have to go with Bush. I don't vote blindly for candidates like some of the sheep you'll see on these boards. I look at the individual, not the party. Forty-two

I missed some posts. Did anyone BOHICA? Forty-two

Repetition is great, huh? Forty-two

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem". She Says "Tell me". He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what are they. He says "well, pussy and bitch". She says "Oh that's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy". He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning. Dad says "son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she can't handle them. What are the words?" He tells him...pussy and bitch. Dad say's "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker, circles the pubic area of the centrefold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy". "OK dad, so what's a bitch?" "Son" he says, "everything outside that circle." You know your wife/girlfriend is ugly when..... - She looks out the window and gets arrested for indecent exposure. - As a baby, she had to be breast-fed by the family dog. - Even mosquito's stay away from her. - She startles the animals at the zoo. - On Halloween, she has to trick or treat over the phone. - She makes onions cry. - Her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a box of chocs - Her armpits look like she has Don King in a headlock. - The plastic surgeon wanted to add a tail. - When she was born, the doctor slapped her mother. A group of men are sitting together at a football game. During the game they noticed there was a woman there that seemd to know a lot about the game and they're really impressed. After the game they ask her "how is it that you know so much about football?" She says, "Well, I used to be a man and got a sex change." The men are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "Was it when they cut off your balls?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "What was the most painful part?" "The part where they stuck that needle in my head and sucked out half my brain...THAT FUCKING HURT!!!!!" Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer each and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive and refused to apologise when wrong. No further testing is planned. Forty-two

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates." About a week later, Julie came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Julie, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom" *** An American woman, a British woman, and an Italian woman were having lunch. The American woman said, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to clean the house anymore. If he wanted it clean, he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day I didn't see anything. Then, on the third day, voila! My husband had cleaned the whole house!" The British woman agreed. "I told my husband that I wasn't going to do the laundry anymore. If he wanted it done he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then, on the third day, voila! My husband had done both his and my laundry!" The Italian woman chimed in, "I told my husband that I wasn't going to cook anymore. If he wanted home cooking he would have to either go by his mother or cook for himself. After the first day, I didn't see anything. The second day, I didn't see anything. Then, on the third day, I began to see a little out of my left eye." A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked. However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1954.25 in small bills. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why. That evening they were out for a special dinner at their favorite restaurant. After dinner the woman could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the bottles in the box?" The man thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these wonderful years you deserve to know the truth: Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer bottle in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." The woman was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen. And I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and made their peace. A little while later, the woman asked the man, "Why do you have all that money in the box?" To which the man answered, "Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in." Q: Why does it take longer to build a snowwoman than a snowman? A: Because it takes so long to hollow out the woman's head. Q: How do you know when a man's planning for the future. A.: He buys TWO cases of beer. Q: Why do men float better than women? A: Because they are scum. Q: What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? A: Nothing, she's already been told twice. ... Women think they already know everything, but wait...training courses are now available for women on the following subjects: 1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before 2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits 3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits 4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game 5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. 6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His 7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First. 8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking 9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging 10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire 11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up 12. Introduction to Parking 13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space 14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat 15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter 16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption 17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People 18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully 19. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His 20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To 21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have 22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice 23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together 24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both 25. TV Remotes: For Men Only ... A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days." The man replied, " I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few big swigs from the bottle, then handing it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I will just wait for the police..." ... "I'm worried that I'm losing my wife's love," the husband told the counsellor. "Has she started to neglect you?" "Not at all," the dejected man replied. "She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she's a great cook, the house is always neat, and she keeps the kids out of my hair. She even lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex, or says she has a headache." "So what's the problem?" "Maybe I'm just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, but at night, when she thinks I'm sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, 'Die! Die, you son of a bitch!'" ... ** If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose... Would you go to lunch or to a movie? ** How many men does it take to change a lightbulb? None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark. Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: Never mind that why was she out of the house? ** A woman walks into a cocktail bar, approaches the barman and says : " Can I have a double-entendre please?" So he gives her one......... Q. Why did God create woman? A. To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. Q. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? A. The swallow. Q. What is the definition of "making love"? A. Something a woman does while a guy is riding her. Q. Why does the bride always wear white? A. Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator. Q. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? A. Made her chain too long. Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? A. Marry it! Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A. A battery has a positive side. Q. How is a woman like a condom? A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your penis. Q. Why is the space between a women's breasts and her hips called a waist? A. Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there. Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"? A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken. Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home." Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party? A: The cake jumps out of the girl. ... A fairy tale for the woman of the 90's....... Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess's lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought................ I don't f**king think so. ... The 5 toughest questions that women ask men and the answers... The questions are: 1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e.; tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Baseball. b. Football. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you. e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died. (Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!") Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is In order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: a. I suppose so. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me? Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Moo! f. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: Yes, I would. WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. ... Q. Why do women have orgasms? A. It gives them one extra reason to moan. Q: Why does it take so long for a woman to have an orgasm? A: Who cares? Forty-two

A man and his wife were going on a cruise for their honeymoon. They packed their bags and got ready to go but forgot two things - Condoms and Dramamine - for the man had the terrible misfortune of getting motion sickness on ships. So the man and his wife stop at the store on the way to the cruise, and the man went in to get the necessary supplies. He walked up to the counter with a plenty-pack of condoms and asked for the largest bottle of Dramamine available. The pharmacist looked at him for a second and then asked him, "If it makes you so sick, why do you do it?" Forty-two

BOHICA = Bend Over Here It Comes Again Forty-two

Romo will be dead in the next 10 years. That guy is a complete piece of shit. Worse than Janikowski, if that's possible..... Forty-two

Yeah, just please, for the love of God, DO NOT tell me what the McRib is made of. I don't care if I am the only one on the planet who likes it, it's tasty Yeah, so now instead of getting their super-sized fries they will just order a second Big Mac. Ah, much better. Forty-two

Yeah, but you have to root for the white wide receivers What are there, less than a dozen Oh, both Washington and Denver have come to term with the players, so it is official...Bailey and Portis are traded. I am excited for Washington. This is exactly what they need. Forty-two

Guess there's not too many sports addicts (football in particuliar), but here's some headlines today and this week. - 49ers release Jeff Garcia. COOOOOOME ON TAMPA...GET HIM BOYS, GRAB HIM FAST!!!!! - Mark Brunell is heading to Washington in a trade it appears. - Bronco WR Ed Mcaffery retired today. Damn, I liked him. Phenominal wideout. - Peyton Manning just completed a deal that will net him more money than God. Ok, I'm through boring you. Proceed with your lives. Forty-two

That one is pretty old. Played it a few years back. Funny as shit. I like the silicone part. Forty-two

Ok, I usually don't start ranting and getting upset about bullshit issues, but this has me pissed. Not that I'm a huge MacDonalds eater, but my point is this.....If you are worried about weight and healthiness, WHAT IN THE BLOODY FUCK ARE YOU DOING AT MACDONALDS?!?!?!?! I mean come on people. The reason we go to McD's is BECAUSE it is unhealthy and BECAUSE it tastes good. There is not one person on the planet who doesn't know that getting a Big Mac, supersize fry and chocalate shake is unhealthy. Give the consumers the choice of eating unhealthy if that's what they want. Forty-two

This is a very good test that rates your hand/eye coordination. Clicky Forty-two

Ran across these a few minutes ago. These are absolutely hysterical. Forty-two

Clicky Forty-two

Too bad we can't decapitate people in Mississippi Forty-two

Well, here's an update about this story. Seems they found the bodies of that poor family. Clicky Forty-two

This may be the quote of the year Forty-two

Damn, they cleaned house. Forty-two