DivaSkyChick

HAH! --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for taking a dump at the office. CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants. FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom. ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy. JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred. COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be minimized with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH. OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom. SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your bathroom. TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE. ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace. WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH. HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire. UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees. --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Mav Pseudofedrine That's kinda pretty! --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Okay, I only read the story from Oui so I don't know what else he did, but what were the big mistakes from that article? An orgy? he smoked hash? He talked about cocks a lot? I am totally against the recall and won't be voting for Ahhhhnald but I didn't think that was anything but a hoot! I probably like him better now! lol --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

I just have to share this with you guys - it's so great and rare when you get amazing service! One of the little rubber button ripped off on my pro dytter and I could no longer change the settings. I dealt with it for awhile - it was good to force myself to really pay more attention to my visual alti anyway, so I gave it some time. Eventually tho, I really wanted my audible back so I emailed L & B, asking about repair services. They said, send it back and we'll fix it free! Already excellent news. So I send it off, thinking / hoping to have it back by Thanksgiving... I just got it back today, hardly 10 days after sending it in. And that's to Denmark! I'm so pleased with their service I want everyone to know about it! woopie, going jumping this weekend! yeahhhhhh! hee hee --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

OMG did I forget Fandango? Sooooo funny!!!! --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Don't listen to this sacrilige! (spelling?) Point Break is the finest skydiving movie ever made! Gypsy Moths is a close second, with the first ever birdman suits and of course an all star cast including Burt Lancastor and Gene Hackman. --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Gia, In SF I lived with girls and we ran around naked! Just don't rent to anyone skinnier than you! lol --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

I'm a freeflyer! I'm in!

What's the story with that type of cat and allergies? No dander? do they shed much? I, too, have had loads of pets my whole life and was hugely upset to find that I've become allergic to them. Layla and I manage okay but cats are impossible. If this kitty is allergy proof, I'm going to run out and get one tomorrow!

Well darling, if I'm involved, scantily clad goes without saying! xoxoxo --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

This is the party not to miss! be cool to see all my dz rat friends all dressed for a real gig. That's worth the drive alone! --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

ROTFLMAO!!!!! --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Check your fine self out! http://skydiveelsinore.com/photo-gallery/pom/august03.html --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

photo?

You are my hero.

Jeez! See? Skydiving IS safer than driving! Vibes, Jumpergirl, be better soon! hugs, Mandy --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

LOL, No Sky - Bozo was a safe bet - you, I KNOW, would take me up on it! --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Backatcha Baby!!! Give me some notice next time! You up for a nakey nakey jump? --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Oh Lew, just read this - hope you're keeping your spirits up and squeezin hard on the morphine button! Send you healing vibes and much love - and hugs to Ed who must be hugely distressed by this. Get out here to Cali and heal in the (dry) sunshine. Ed, let us know how she's doing ASAP! xoxoxoxxoxoxoxo Mandy --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Dan Marino - wasn't he around a long time ago? Am I thinking of someone else? Who was the football player who went on to star on Hill Street Blues? --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Missy Nelson? --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

I'll be there! Ummm when is that? doh.... --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Persifflage - from siffler - to whistle - Flirty banter or, more to the point, to blow sunshine up someone's ass. lol --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch

Girlie girl, we're all so happy you're coming home! Looking forward to seeing you alive and in one piece. And THANK YOU for being there in the first place! xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxox --- www.facebook.com/mandyhamptonfitch