Ricx

when I got down after my first jump I was like.. ...eh??...what the!......(Head totally minced!!)...what??...eh?.... I was a bit pickled!!

These are great!!! sent to me by a bird! A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, and the man on the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says," I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got better idea ..... Let's pretend we're married." "Why not?" giggles the woman. "Good", he replies. "Get your own f***ing blanket." ================================================================ Two married blokes are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.........I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and says "AND WHAT TIME TO DO YOU CALL THIS?" ------ His mate looks at him and says," Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's bum and say, "How about a blow job??".... and she's always sound asleep." ================================================================ A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment. After some small talk, they made love. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So my darling...you finish?" She paused for a second, frowned, and replied "No." Surprised, the young man reached for her; and the lovemaking resumed. This time, she thrashes about wildly; and there are screams of passion. The love making ends; and again, the young man smiles, and asks, "Dis time you finish?" Again, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says, "No." Stunned, but damned if this woman is going to outlast him, the young man reaches for her. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it; but they climax simultaneously, screaming, clawing and ripping bed sheets. The exhausted man falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly, and asks, "So, you finish?" "No!" she shouts back, "Stop asking, I no Finish, I Sveedish!" ================================================================ An 80 year old man hobbles into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair with two 18-year-old girls. I made love with both of them ...twice." The priest said, "Well my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "Jewish!? Then, why are you telling me?" asks the priest. "Telling you...I'm telling everybody", says the man. ================================================================ A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a flyswatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh! Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females", he replied Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone". ================================================================ A blonde was driving down the motorway when her mobile phone rang .It was her husband, urgently warning her: "Honey, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M25. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car!" said the blonde, "There's f***ing hundreds of them!"

I've seen this site before, it's funny as hell Defenetly something to do when board and pissed! Need a needle!!! need a neddle!!! http://www.seethru.co.uk/zine/south_coast/week07/01.htm

Ooooohhhh!! When I'm eating out Thai has to be one of best, When I was over there a few years ago I eat better than anywhere else I've been. Great food!!!! And indian curries are great also, but I've heard sooo many storries that I prefer to cook em myself!

.....meal you order when eating out in a restaurant or pub? I've been going out for lunch quite a bit lately and really need to start experimenting with the menu a bit more. Typical lunches include, all links of soups ( I had cabbagea nd cheese the other day!! hmm! ) or pate, Haddock, Scampi, Gammon steaks, Burgers with blue Brea and my favourite Haggis(hmmm) and a beer! Of course it varies with location but pub lunches can get a bit monotonous and predictable! What to order?????

Bungy Jumping is real good fun! I love it. My first one was what got me into doing extreme stuff. Did it in Phuket in Thialand over this pond. Liked it so much, did three there! On the first jump, when you reach the bottom and are being pulled back up, you bend at the waist and summersalt all the way back up doing front loops and twists! Great buzz! For the second one the rope was lengthend and I got a good old dunkin! Pretty scarry, as the water is comming fast and buy the time you brace yourself , your being shoot back up towards the crane! YEEEHARR!!!! again...again...again!!!! and I did! ( transportation to the site was on a hired Yamaha CBR450!! Cool ) I think there are competitions in Bungy jumping. Anyone ever head of that? Freesylteeeeeeee

My first motor was free and was a Ford Fiesta 950cc Popular plus! cheap, chearful, broke down every week ( still cheap to repair! ) and was full of hols etc.. bashed it about a bit until I got a Ford Escort Ghia. which lasted 4 weeks, some guy jumped in the motor out of his head and wrote it off for me! I'd left the key in the car along with three birds! Would have thought the three of them could have stopped him!! Damn pissed off but looking back, but I'm glad I got rid of it. although not in that way. A couple of weeks later on the way home from the the pub a couple of my mates spotted the Ghia badge on the ground where the car was crashed and grabbed it before I could, they spent the rest of the summer taunting me with it and taking the piss!! Good on em!!! I'd have done the same. I then progressed to another Escort, car number three. Then an vaxhall astra, then back to a white Orion Ghia! all complete rust buckets but they all drove forwards most of the time. picked up an fiesta XR2 until I found sometihng that I liked... but driving a XR2 is really good fun when it's worth 5 quid so i played with that for ages. I'm now selling my latest car after 2 years of owning it. It's a 306 XSi 2Ltr, gas shocks,lowered, split rim alloys, all the sporty extras!! this car loves roundabouts, it still amazes me, even when you pack 4 passengers in it :-))) Anyone want to buy it??? it's in autotrader!!....cause then I can buy my own rig!! Yipee!! the bidding starts @ £2200!

I recon it's do-able as well! but you do need to have a screw loose some where. There will be a point in the flight were deploying a reseve would probably kill him as he would be too low and after this point he would have no chance but to go for it!! will I?... won't I?...will I?..won't I? .. f*ck it!!..... There was another attempt that was planned and eventally cancelled due to insurance reasons. the guy was going to land in airanated water ( spelling!! water with bubbles!) but alsa he never got to do it!! Did anyone see the Extreme live on BBC 1 on Tuesdy night? Had really cool footage of Patrick de Gayardon flying his wingsuit over the tops of mountain ridges, he looked sooo damn close!!! Afterwards they showed footage of Adrian Nicholas doing a base jump in Norway, then a jump from about 35,000 feet in the wingsuit. Awsome!

Sibson in England have a DZ band called Grounded!!! They are made up completely of AFF instuctors who were getting board being grounded due to bad weather, so they picked up a base and a guitar and they were away! They play at the BPA dinner dances each year and loads of pubs around the country. pretty popular. And yea, i think it would better to listen to them at the WFFC than onther woffo band! ( Rhino is one of the band members, but I don't think it's our dz.com rhino! )

While were on the nun theme!........ At midnight one middle age man was waiting at a train station to cross the country to back east to see his relative. As he stepped up into the train car he noticed that the car was almost empty except a young beautiful nun sat by herself reading a bible. The man came and sat near by her hoping to getsome companionship during the long ride. However, the nun was paying no attention to him. She just kept on reading bible without even looking up to him nor saying a word. However as time went by slowly and silently, it made the man more and more anxious to start conversation. But he did not know how to start. The man then put his hand on the nun's lap. The nun blushed with a little bit of anger. She turn around and said: Nun : Dear sir, do you believe in god? Man : Yes, I do. Nun : Have you read the bible ? You know it is wrong to put your hand on my lap.Perhaps you should go home and read line 23 on page 157. The man withdrew his hand and sat quietly till the train reached the East coast. Next day, people found out that he shot himself in his room while the bible lay open on page 157. The line 23 read: "Heaven is a little bit higher.

OMG!! After all that, he throws em out of the window!! Thats funny a hell!! What happened next? He either .... a) Jumps out the window after them and is never seen again! ( probably what happened!!) or b) knocks out the conductor, steals his clothes, returns to his date to ask her if she wishes to purchase a ticket for the next ride!!! ;-)) (Which would take a hell of a large pair of balls!! And he's not like that! So i think not!) or c) ....

No, this is not a food serving suggestion but a question regarding jumping in Hungry. Just come off the phone and have the possibility of working in Budapest for 6 months+ for real good money. Sounds really good and I think I'II take it but does anyone have any recommendations or info on jumping over there! The thought of not jumping for six months kills me, especially as I'm devoting more and more time at the dz. There appears to be a DZ at budapest airport but the email address pointed to by DZ.com doesn't work! Anyone jumped there?? P.S. Did my ...( quietly! ) ....first..... 2 way horny gorilla on Saturday and my first solo sit fly! WOW! I mean WOW! Absolutely stunning visuals on the first jump :-0 and and the second; extreme satisfaction at being able to hold it all the way down the tube! except right after exit. Brilliant!!! Left the DZ with the biggest grin my face and still holding it today!!!! Ric

I remember being told that if you are going to be using your jump suit for competitions, that red is not the best colour for grips as on camera red doesn't come up as clear and defined as other colours! A little tip from VMAX there! While were talking about jump suits, I've been offered a jumps suit for much cheapness, ony problem is that it a mix and match with several minging colurs. Is it hard to dye the suit to other colors, like black and something else? Anyone every dyed their jumpsuit themselves?

I like to keep myself active as much as possible, I play football during the week both at lunchtime and after I get home at least twice a week! I try to play squash at least once a week which I like to think I'm pretty good at! and I try to cycle a decent milage as well. None of these things cost a lot money which is good , but all of these sports are keeping me fit and active cause I sit around all day during the week in front of a PC! I like climbing as well but it can get expensive as well, through climbing walls and travelling to crags to climb. I've not got all the equipment which holds me back as well, but once you have it you've got it! I'm at the same point with jumping, i've been slowly building up my equipment, altimeter, protrack etc.. but it's all about balance and sacrifices! Spending 3 out of 4 weekends at the DZ adds up even if the weather is crap! Cause the bar is still open and drinking time is just extended!

I've got Orbital in my CD player at the mo, but I've been listening to Fat Boy Slim's latest as well, Cause i knicked it from my mate! :-)) It's pretty good! The last few ones I've indulged myself in have been Pink Floyds Meedle and The Jam, Surrender! excellent! My flat mates have huge CD collections between them with a wide variety, so each morning before work I grab a couple... saves my money for jumping.

Guys, I've been skydiving for over a year now and love it. Can't wait until I'm back in the air again! From even before I started my AFF, dropzone.com has been an excellent place for information for everything to do with the sport. I think this site is one of the best and although I don't post every day I always read the forums and have done for over a year now! When at work there is nothing better than loggin onto dz.com to see whats going on especially when your not near the dz. Cheers Guys, you lot have provided me with much amusment over the last year and a bit. But my KSCL era seems to be comming to an end. My Company has gone into liquidation and I'm pretty sure thats it for the job. It's really sad, people are fleeing with work folders and packing up pronto before they lock the doors! I have no idea where I'm going to find moneies for jumping, at least I've got my packers licence to earn me some dosh at the weekend while at the dz! THIS FUCKEN SUCKS!!! I've just worked for this last friggin month to find out I'm not getting paid!!!!!! now I'm going to have to sell my motor pronto stylee which I still owe money on!! Anyway, I'm hopefully getting a modem at home real soon so I can check up on you guys but I just wanted so say cheers everyone. DZ.com gives me hope on rainy days in the office and providing me with a major distraction from my work to another place that only we really know about! I like it!!! I like it alot! P.S. Last month it was my birthday and i topped up my dz account with at least ten jumps worth so at least I can do some jumps while I'm un-employed! YEEESSS!!! Hope the weather is good this weekend for me and you all! Blue skies and employment rights everyone!!!

going into newsagents! " Yea, I'II have two cans of Red bull please, a half bottle of smirnoff, a box of pro plus, a packet of rizla and another lighter again please" "Do you want your chuba chub lollies as well sir?" "Oh yea, ten of them as well, ta bud!" "Your welcome!"

Easy now....Correction... To many English!! At my work, the place was packed and when the Brazil scored the place went bolistic! The hatred is not really too deep in all of us, but the Scots love it when England fuck up! I know a many a Scot who have bought either an Argentina or a Brazill top for the England games. I was at Murryfield Stadium when we won against England at rugby, in the pouring rain and the place went mad!!!! What a day! and what a night as well! Ric

Quite right! I have enough trouble paying for jumps in Scotland as it is! BTW, The largest bet in Scotland for England to win against Brazil was taken a couple of days ago at a bookies, for FIVE GRAND!!!! Odds were 6/1 and he could have made 35,000 squid if they had won.....Dum ASS!!!!! Hope USA put the Germans out! Ric

Yea!!!!!!!! Even Scotland managed a 2-1 defeat against Brazil in the last World Cup! Wouldn't want to be the referee in that game, What was that red card aboot? ( no pun intended! ) Brazil to win the World cup anyone??? Ric

Hear Hear!! It is certainly something to ponder over for a while as when the leap is made it, can have some serious repercussions on your mind set for the rest of your life! Are you prepared for that burden? Are you sure you don't just want the OTHER life? [Whisper] Go on... JUMP! [/Whisper] Ric

What in NZ? Shame on those lazy ones... They should get down to to the party town of Christchurch! ....Hold on!!! it's not what you think!... It's got all the adrenalin sports u can think of to overdose on. Bungiiiiiiiiiiiii Hopefully I will get there while I'm still in one piece! Ric

Wow! I want to see a live demonstration. Some people have too much time... but hey I say "Good on them" ...where would the world be today without them!! Sambuca's hmmm...... http://www.chindogu.com/chindogu/sambuca.html Ric

Thats great!!! What a way to finish a friday at work! Class!!!

I write real time billing systems for mobile phones or anything really that can be recorded...yawn!! yawn!!! It pays the bills and allows me to jump which is cool but after a weekend at the dropzone it's kind of depressing to come back too....I almost wanted to cry when I came back from Thialand a couple of years ago and sat at my desk!!! And when I did my aff it wasn't much different. but I figure I can travel with computing and java, so I'm looking forwards to being able to save dosh, like thats going to happen soon! with my jump bills!!! ) and jump around the WORLD!!!!! yeehar!!! P.S. It's friday and I'm about to embark on a 6 hour drive to Sibson Airfield for a weeks jumping out of big planes! Well bigger than a C182 anyway!! A Tenner says I don't do any work today. :-))) ( Ooops! I've won!! I'm already skiving!) Ricx