Here's what got passed around and rationale for each rule.
Just a little set of rules for you all, especially you new-comers, concerning pooper ettiquette that were passed on to me and I am passing on to you. If we can all live by these simple rules yours and my bathroom experiences will continue to be pleasant ones.
Rule#1: ALWAYS FLUSH.
Rationale: Although it seems simple enough in concept, the mechanics of it
seem to be difficult for some. Failure to comply with the above
rule makes the bathroom smell like crap (Pun intended). If your
insecurities make you have a desire to have others admire your
handiwork, please take a picture: it will last longer and
doesn't smell. By the way, if you are the Uni-loafer, and
you know who you are, you are no longer safe...you will
be caught.
Rule#2: TWO-STALL RULE
Rationale: I thought that this was common knowledge, but apparently that
is not the case. Just leave an empty stall or urinal in between
yourself and any others going about their business. This is where
it gets a little more complex, fuzzy majors are probably going to
have trouble with this. The first person in a stall sets the
tone for everyone else. If that person took a stall in the
middle, you must choose a stall two to the left or two to the
right. Three to the left or three to the right, and you are
wrong. This leaves two stalls in between occupied stalls,
which is superfluous and this is an inefficient use of
resources. This brings up an important point:
The small bathrooms have only 3 stalls. Common sense would
dictate that the middle stall would get no use as using this stall
would disallow anyone else to use a stall without breaking
the two-stall rule. Obviously, there will be times when you have no
choice but to break the two-stall rule. This will only be
permitted if you have tried at least one other bathroom.
Emergencies will be dealt with on a case-by-case basis, and
proof of emergency will need to be presented (See Rule#1,
photograph section).
Rule#3: DON'T PEE ON THE SEAT
Rationale: First of all, if you are standing, it should be in front of a
urinal...unless of course you are complying with the Two-Stall
Rule. Second of all, you are not engaging in marksmanship
practice...please place the seat in its full upright and locked
position. Treat the bathroom like you would if you were at home.
Are you too good for your home? Just remember, I aim to
please...you aim too, please.
Rule#4: LIMIT SMALL TALK
Rationale: The bathroom is not a social lounge. I like to think of it as
my office. You have business to take care of, it is not about
catching up on old times or discussing political ideals. It is
acceptible and encouraged, however, to read. I just ask that
newspapers be nicely folded for the next occupant to enjoy.
There is nothing more annoying than somebody talking your ear
off when you are trying to concentrate. Don't be that guy (or
girl).
Rule#5: COURTESY FLUSHING AND GENERAL POLITENESS
Rationale: Whoever said that general politeness is nonexistent in the
bathroom. While it is socially unacceptable to sound your horn in
public, it is expected that the words "Excuse me" will follow.
Obviously, flatulation is common in the restroom and only the
extremely loud poofs need to excused. Courtesy flushing comes
in when you realize that you have become something of a
"Rocketman," and others are passing out from the aroma. You
know what you need to do.
Rule#6: SHOWER ETIQUETTE
Rationale: I've lumped several key thoughts on the showers in this
section. Firstly, the Two-Stall Rule is still in effect, but
more importantly, do not take the shower directly across from
someone else. Curtains are not necessary, unless of course,
you drop things often. Also, no peeing or blowing your nose in
the shower. That is gross, especially if it is on someone else. Spitting
occasionally is okay though. You are allowed to socialize in
the shower, but eye contact is not permitted. Also, no
plugging of the drains with body hair (Flores).
These rules are simple, and along with these, please keep the trash picked
up. If I do not see an improvement, I will be faced with no choice but to
declare Threatcon Charlie-Foxtrot. This will include installation of
security cameras in the stalls, retinal scanners on entry, and rectal
scanners upon exit. Please apply these to every public restroom you have
the pleasure of using. Treat them like you would like to be treated.
America's janitors thank you, and I thank you. Help keep America's
bathrooms beautiful. "Dancing Argentine Tango is like doing calculus with your feet."
-9 toes
