iluvtofly

Are there any new opinions on the matter?

Resurrecting some old threads from the Smutskateer days. I had a request to start some shit in the bonfire. After telling the person I've done all I can think of without getting banned I realized she wasn't on these forums then. So I figured this can be some great reading for the new folks. And I'm sure it'll make some people who were around then laugh too.

http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/recenteqsww/Quakes/usc0002ksa.php They just can't seem to catch a break.

Hey Peter! It's great to see you back on here. I love reading your stuff on facebook. Will you be visiting Atlanta at all? I would love to finally meet you in person.

Get you through the rest of the week with a GREAT Laugh….. Think before you speak.... Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back... Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.... FIRST TESTIMONY: I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, ’How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?' I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, 'I think I like playing with men's balls' THIRD TESTIMONY: My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, 'No, I'm just looking at your nuts.' my sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. FOURTH TESTIMONY : While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release Some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of Her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now' she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' the silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter. FIFTH TESTIMONY: Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said 'No' ... I kept thinking 'Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me. Then I said, 'Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?' 'No,' he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. So, I asked one more time, 'Danny did you have an accident? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, Bent over, spread his cheeks And yelled 'SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!' While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had! LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY: This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: 'So Bob, where's that 8 inches you Promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard! Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh And remember We all say things we don't really mean, So think before you speak!!!

Happy Happy Birthday! It's been far too long since I've gotten an Amazon hug.

As someone who is going to be paying off a massive amount of credit card debt for years to come I say DON'T DO IT!!!!! But as someone who very much so enjoys splurging I say DO IT!!!!!

Less than a week away! Please help me raise money for a great cause!

BEST THREAD EVER!!!!! And not for the content. But for the fact that it brought back Bubbles and Broke!!!! Where the hell have you guys been??????

And let me guess, when you started to tell people you were in labor/had the baby no one believed you.

I love Google. They are definitely the most innovative business out there.

Google and Gmail has to be the most forward thinking entity out there. Who would have ever thought that they could put this technology towards email. They're BRILLIANT!!!!!! I'm testing it out right now and so far it seems to work wonderfully. http://mail.google.com/mail/help/motion.html (And no...I'm not THAT dumb)

Score 1 for Skymama!

I'd like to say we're all glad about that.

We have staff rates. Doesn't matter what you do and if you're full or part time, everyone gets the same staff rate. I don't think they'll dissapear. As someone said earlier, so few staff jumps are made at that rate for it really to make a difference.

I think you had help earning those post numbers..... Are you finally admitting to being the brains behind almost all of the dirty threads?????

Of course that's me in the avatar. Was there any doubt?

I don't think there's anything wrong with it at all. My posts well exceed my jump numbers. But I'm one of those who can hardly afford to jump. I'm at the DZ almost evey single weekend either working or haning out. Occasionally I have the money to make a jump or two. Does that mean I should never post on dz.com? What else am I supposed to do at work when I get ahead on my work?

Yes, there is a cow under there. It occasionally gets passed around on birthdays. It moo's and everything.

I know that has to be tough. But you also have to think of it from the EMT's point of view. I used to be an EMT and ran into this situation once or twice myself. If we do not physically see a copy of the DNR then we must continue with our duties to revive the person if at all possible. For all we know it's a jilted spouse or child just saying there is a DNR to get rid of the person (in no what whatsoever implying that was the case in any of these scenarios). So as a friendly suggestion, keep a legal, notarized copy of the DNR in the house and let family members know where it is just in case.

Pictures?? And it gives you an excuse to sparkle

The stuff on my desk was relatively easy to scoop into the tash. However, the stuff on my chair and on the carpet will probably be there for a very long time to come. Not to mention there are bits of the confetti glitter in my keyboard and calculator that will probably never go away.

Thank you for the update. Many many vibes headed to him and his family in this tough time. Mark is an awesome guy from what little I've gotten to talk to him. I'm sure it can be attributed to how he was brought up by his Mom.

I will have glitter butt everyday when I leave work for eternity now. The majority of this was done by my two "friends" that I work with from The Farm. I guess that's what happens when you work with skydivers. Although I have to give them credit, taping the party poppers on the inside of my drawers so they went off when opened was pretty clever.