SkymonkeyONE

LOL! Sure, Lisa. I will be the drunken redneck at the Bombshelter. Oh wait, that could be anyone! OK, I will be the drunken idiot with the skymonkey hat at the Bombshelter. Chuck "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

Tell her you want to EAT THAT THANG! Chuck "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

So, what do you think of this new pic? Chuck "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

Agreed. I have been on the dropzone all my life and had an Instructor rating as soon as I was able. I really enjoy teaching and get a great deal of satisfaction when I run into past students much later in their jumping careers who come up and thank me or say "hello". So, being picked out of a crowd by those people makes me kind of "famous" to at least them. I have been a competive skydiver in two disciplines and all I ever wanted out of it was a good time. Being in that competitive atmosphere, though, got me face-to-face with some of the very best jumpers in the business. What that does for you is make it very easy to get on "the good jumps" at pretty much any DZ you walk onto. Does THAT mean you are famous? Once again, I don't think so, because the average Joe still has never met you; only the other competitors. Still, it sure is nice not to have to lay out a resume just to get on a 8-way somewhere. Same goes with the swoop community. We are a pretty small group, so it's always "old home week" anytime we get together at the meets. Most of us have been in the magazine before at least once or twice, but that certainly doesn't mean shit to 99.999% of the world population. I sure as hell haven't ever had anyone seriously ask me for an autograph! Yeah, it's all about the fun skydives and the good DZ vibe. Chuck

But, Lisa, can you PARTY as hard as Jeanie? That girl is a mess! We (Team Atair) ran her ass RAGGED at the June swoop meet. Such a good girl. Chuck

Agreed. I have posted an answer to this question on several occasions, but here's the deal I go with: I list my gear, like you did, here on DZ.com or Enclave.com. Once I get a bite, I take the gear to SkyKat gear shop at Raeford. I box the gear up and prepare it for shipment. The buyer pays skykat with a credit card over the phone, then ships the package UPS next-day air. Once the person gets it, they have a total of five days to either accept it, or have it back to SkyKat in "same" condition. If they keep it, the transaction stands; it they didn't want it, they have those five days to get it back and their CC transaction will be refunded to the card; if they keep it, but don't want to pay, then too bad, the transaction was complete before the item was sent, so they (and I) get the money. I have done this loads of times and it is the safest way to go about business. It affords the buyer the opportunity to inspect the gear and reply straight to a gear vendor if there is a discrepancy. Chuck

Jeanie, you are such a monkey lover! Oooh Ooh Ah ah! See you in November, Chuckie

Lots of CReW dogs have foam sewn around the tops of their risers for easier "gripping". Still, what you might want to do is just move the damn dive loops on your risers since you are so dead-set on keeping the brakes right where they are. Do what feels best to you, my brother, but if were my rig, I would just loosen the brakes a tad so you don't porpoise in front risers. Chuck

I was wondering why you hadn't written all day, Ann! Damnit, woman! Keep it shiny side up! Chuck

You certainly can, but not everywhere. What you should first do is look in the dropzone directory and call around to DZ's in your area. Tell them you seriously want to skydive and ask if they can accomodate you. I know several places that have had students in the 300 pound range. Equipment at one place in particular (Skydive Opelika) for "big" jumpers is surplus Military Freefall MC-4 rigs. These have 375 square foot mains as well as reserves. No big deal, just call around. Chuck

Now THAT is calling the kettle black, Brandon! I am a chatty son of a bitch, but you and Clay are the post-whores of the year! Shit, as much as I post and I am not even an "addict" yet; can you believe it? Chuck

dude, I am CRYING! That is some funny shit! Chuck

"Boy, I was falling vertical with a board strapped to my feet when you were shitting green and sitting in detention!" I know you wuz only kiddin wit Chuckie. Personally, I think the best way to get the two groups jumping together is on tracking dives. We generally do one near sunset every weekend day at Raeford. They are great fun and make for some good video if the point guy flies on his back and shoots vid of all the guys lining up in echelon formation. Chuck

Geoff, I think it is a 24" ZP kill-line; almost certainly a monkey fist, though I will have to double check to see the exact diameter. I know that one mod that some of those guys are doing is making a longer bridle. Wings is making a rig that allows the great majority of the bottom panel to flip down on opening. This, because in BirdMan flight you are going faster forward than you are down and in a typical configuration you pilot chute is trying to pull your bag straight backwards only to be held up my the solid corner of the bottom of the container. This certainly can lead to a pilot chute in tow and then a subsequent baglock due to insufficient snatch force if you do not "sit up" at pull time. The way I was instructed and deployed on my maiden flight was from the full track mode, just clicking your heels as you bring both hands in then back out at the pull. Watch any video of someone deploying in that standard method and you will see the PC and bridle stream out straight behind them until the bag yanks up, then clear of the trailing edge of the container. If that first yank (at full bridle extension) isn't sufficient to pull the bag "around the corner", then you are hosed until you can better align the extended bridle with the container opening. Fix it one of two ways: either with a bigger pilot chute, which might drastically change your openings on those jumps where you are not using the suit; or modify your rig in order to facilitate the bag being able to be extracted more to the rear than the front. Personally, if I owned my own BirdMan suit, I would go ahead and modify the bottom panel/side panel junction of my container, leaving only the bottom two inches bartacked to maintain the integrity of the container shape. Unless I am not remembering correctly, the Voodoo container comes stock kind of like that. I know I heard this weekend that Wings was doing exactly that as a factory option. As these suits gain popularity, then so should the container manufacturers offer ideal, yet simple options in order to facilitate safer flights. Just some thoughts, Chuck

Man, I have no idea what he is up to. He might have been at Cedartown this weekend shooting video for Eric Bush and them at that GSL meet. I know that Mackenzie has not offered to pay a penny to him for ruining his Alpha, so I think he bought a Batwing (ugh!) from somebody down there for cheap. Still, he needs to get his ass out to the DZ! Chuck

Yeah, me too Brandon. I am looking for some sources for skydiving related animated gifs, flash stuff, etc. I know I can cut and paste them off of other skydiving sites, but there must be a single-source repository for a good majority of the stuff out there. Hook a brother up! My webpage is looking pretty good already and I am not even halfway through my HTML class. Any good ideas for free web hosting? Chuck

That's good to hear. I am glad you both got to skydive! You know, that's funny that Merrick is all healed up and all, when my right middle-finger is still very broken. I had hoped that it was just jammed, but as I suspected then at Quincy(and wrote in the hell ride article), it is definitely broken at the middle joint. Actually, it broke the left side of the joint off and it's still free-floating! Me being the king of work ethic and the master of pessimism when it comes to taking care of myself, I only got to the doctor for X-rays early last week. The doc just shook his head and wondered how it was that I could go that long with an injury like that. I neglected to tell him that I still skydive every weekend too and what a pain in the ass it is to pull and then do my right-riser dives! Concerning the other guy that you thought had bought it last week: I am glad he is OK. As I have stated previously, people have their own ways of dealing with fatalities. Eventually, they just don't bother you so bad. I know that sounds very callous, but some people deal with it best by just driving on. I am glad you talked yourself through the situation and am also pleased that we have such a good "support group" here on the forums. Chuck

How YOU dooin? Clay, this would have been a good weekend for you to be here. It was a complete freakshow Saturday night. Also, Stacy has a picture of her doing the cypres ad trick on her website; at least she used to. It was taken this Easter at CSS. Me? I am not flexible at all, but I DO make some pretty cool animal noises. Chuck

I know of people "grounded" by the USPA for various infractions. Some have had their memberships and ratings suspended for a month, six months, a year; a couple have been permanently suspended. At least two that I can recall have petitioned the board for reinstatement and had the motion pass. Others are not so lucky. Here in the USA, the people normally at the highest risk of losing something are the people in the riskiest jobs; namely the Instructors. Nowadays, in the video age, it is very hard to get away with being a shitty instructor or tandem master. Let someone get hurt because of something you did (or failed to do) and you are just begging to get your ratings yanked. Get caught instructing or doing tandems with a yanked rating and it's your USPA membership gone for sure (as a minimum). Let's face it, some people just don't NEED to be instructing; they suck. Even though they eeked through a course, they clearly demonstrate their lack of airskills soon enough. Most people just give it up the rating on their own once they realize they are just not good at something. Others could give a shit what they look like so long as they get to the ground in one piece (this applies primarilly to TM's). I have a very good friend that used to throw the drogue regardless of what attitude he was in, just as soon as he was out the door. Well, one such fiasco landed him on Real TV after he had that rascal wrap around his leg. That did not make him popular with the rig manufacturer (Strong), but he kept his rating luckily. Others, not acting in the instructional mode, find all varieties of ways to get grounded by our governing body. Do a pirate jump off the empire state building or into the Superbowl and it's your ass. Constantly deploy your main at 1000 feet and its your ass. Fly your canopy with a blatant disregard for other traffic and endanger yourself and other jumpers and you are through. Normally, what will happen is that a person will first get grounded at his or her DZ. A repeat offense of something serious will get a person thrown off a DZ for good. If it happened to be a DZ that a conference director owned or jumped at regularly, then that might be the first time you get your USPA suspended. Intentionally do something that was truly stupid or life threatening, and you are likely to get suspended suspended by the USPA indefinitely. I have seen plenty of instances where the wrong person just happened to see a copy of an end of year DZ tape which had a pretty graphic bloopers section that incriminates someone. The video finds it's way to the USPA governing body, and BLAMMO; you're getting a phone call from the man! Yes, you can appeal anything to the USPA board, but it's generally a pretty hard sell to get a suspension overturned. You can read about some of these rulings as they happen in small print near the front of Parachutist magazine. All that being said, there are still plenty of non-USPA dropzones in the USA where "grounded" jumpers and instructors can skydive and work. Some of these places will still only allow USPA (and other national aeroclubs) members to jump; they just don't want to pay the USPA yearly GM dues or can't afford them. Other places are truly "outlaw" and could give a shit less who you are or why you lost your ratings, so long as you don't sue them if you hurt yourself. I have no idea whether or not the U.K. has any such DZ's. Hope that helps, Chuck

We had a situation this weekend at the dropzone where a quite-experienced birdman flyer, Bobby Pritchard, had a serious problem. Bottom-line up front: he lived and landed safely under his reserve, but lost his freebag. Bobby is a light guy, maybe 130 pounds and owns an older BirdMan Classic. He he has sustained vertical speeds as slow as 30 MPH. Anyway, he threw out this time and had a baglock. No real reason for it, but the last bit of locking stow just didn't come out. He collapsed his wings and then pulled his cutaway without any problem, but the damn risers would not separate! It seems that there was not enough drag on the 3-rings to force them to release! Bobby stayed "collapsed" and built up speed until he reached his "now or never" altitude (1000 feet) and went to pull his reserve. Lucky for him, the risers separated just as he was doing this, so his reserve found clean air. He ended up landing three miles from the DZ right outside of downtown Raeford. The winds were honking this weekend, so I count him lucky for finding his main. This is the second time that he has had a baglock jumping his wingsuit. I told him that I were him, I would immediately put a bigger pilot chute on that rig to increase his odds of successful deployment. I also said that I would make sure the line stows are not too tight when making wing-suit jumps in the future. I am not sure how many others out there have jumped wing suits; I have, and it's a complete joy. This incident reinforces the need to continue beginning your opening sequence higher than normal skydives, even after you are thoroughly proficient at BirdMan flight. The equipment clearly adds another factor to parachute deployments, as well as increasing the amount of time it takes to deal with certain malfunctions. All I ask is that you read this note and ask yourself if you have experienced slower deployments as a result of your lower vertical airspeed. If so, then consider putting on a larger pilot chute. Chuck

I have read all the other responses and have the following to offer: First, you haven't yet stated whether you are hanging or poising off from your left foot. If you are hanging, then it is my guess that you are over-amping and bending forward at the waist to try and actually see your ripcord before you pull it. That, probably compounded by having your legs either too far up on your ass, too close together, or a combination of both. Believe me when I say that I have seen it ALL in my 15 years as an SL Instructor. I won't give the "go" signal to a student until he or she has their legs and arch just the way I want it. That is to say: arched from the pelvis, knees just barely bent and far apart with toes pointed (forming more of a big "x" than a relaxed arch. Keeping your legs wide apart and your feet extended more will make them act more as "training wheels" and give your more lateral stability when you are reaching for the ripcord or pilot chute. Now, what we do to prevent the bending forward at the waist problem is we remove the "look" part of the original "arch, look, reach, pull, check" sequence. We do this because of the way that our student gear is configured; which is to say, more like up-jumper equipment. By that, I mean that back when we were using ripcords and spring-loaded pilot chutes, the ripcord came out down on your hip, just like where your hand deploy would be. In a good arched position, you just can't see it anyway unless you de-arch and look under your arm (which is obviously not good). We stopped using the spring-loaded pilot chute/ripcord method after we just figured out that there was no reason to do that, only to have to nearly immedately re-train them to use hand deploy via the BOC (which you CERTAINLY can't see, even if you ball up). Now, we do a lot more muscle memory drills prior to the first freefall. I have them rig up completely and then stand against a wall or up against a tree, making sure that the only thing touching it is their dick (or lack thereof). I also make damn sure that they are holding their feet and legs exactly like I want them at exit (spread wide with toes pointed, knees slightly bent). I make them "arch thousand, reach thousand, pull thousand" like 50 times prior to each jump at that early stage. I tell them that there is absolutely no reason in the world for them to be de-arching and searching for that pilot chute handle and have them try and see it while practicing on the ground. They generally get my point and don't have any problems. Should they fuck up and do it anyway, I make them do a ton of remedial "tree fucking" prior to their second attempt at it. If a student at least pulls in a timely manner, even though unstable, then I will usually give them a second chance at the 5 second delay. Screw that up and it's back to PRCP's or the better option: what I refer to as "the one man drag", AKA an AFF level 4. We have found that the majority of truly ate-up SL students can be un-fucked by taking them all the way to altitude just one time and letting them get "the feel" of terminal velocity and some "hands on" coaching. Once they get the big picture, then they are plugged back into the SL program and zip right through. "Why not just finish them AFF?" Because they don't need it and we cannot spare the instructors normally. We have certainly made exceptions to that, and have finished quite a few students by just going ahead and completing levels 5-7 before sticking them with a coach. This, though, only when we have extra AFF guys hanging around. Also, we have been known to modify the standard SL progression in the students favor if he exhibits truly exceptional airskills. Our SL program, while generally "typical" as far as following the SIM recommendations, has the great benefit of giving the students almost twice the normal amount of freefall time, since we do all of our 30 and 45 second delays from 13,000 out of the otter, one-on-one with a rated Instructor. They can normally knock out all of the tasks that they would normally do on five jumps in just two, maybe three since they are actually logging a minute of freefall on each of those dives. Very nice, and the students are not rushed at all. We have a very high success rate with our students and rarely have to intervene with "the one man drag" fix-it. Keeping most of our instructors focused on one training method means we don't have any duplication of efforts as far as classroom work goes. We still offer AFF to the people that just have to have it that way, but normally incorporate it by way of the tandem progression method (also known as AFP in some places). That's three tandems where the student actually has tasks to complete (not just joyrides), then straight to AFF level 4. This, in our opinion, is better for the club than teaching straight AFF because we never have more than one Instructor tied up with a single student. It is also more economical to the student. With the new ISP requirements in place there are far more options open to the schools. Lots of places have hybrid programs in place and they tailor their programs as needed to get their students comfortable in the air. The bottom line is that we all want our students to graduate with that A-license and be safe jumpers. Chuck Blue D-12501 SL-I, TM-I

As previously stated: this is not the forum for trolling. If you are indeed a skydiver, then you absolutely need to know all about every single piece of your gear prior to your next jump. If you do not get satisfaction from your current student training vendor, then you need to move out smartly and find a place that has a decent training ethic. I would be appalled that someone would ask such a vague question on my dropzone. If this was a troll, then I truly do have a trick for you. Chuck

"Move that mellon of yours and fetch the paper if you can! I'm not kiddin, that boy's got a head like SPUTNIK; spherical, yet quite pointy in parts. It's a virual PLANETOID; it's got it's own weather system! HEAD, PAPER, NOW!" I could go on all day. Chuck

un fucking believable. These boys are worthless and weak, and their god is a woman! Apparently, a leaking one. Chuck

That's right! Spewing boooooooooooobies! FukenAright!