Divadiver

Keys: I love it!! Next time they start herding, I'm going to mooooooooo them!! Diva

Know what else . . . DZ.comers!!! Divadiver

ADRNALN: You bet! 2 shots of pucker, please! Speedie: There is a man that sits behind a curtain. No, haven't made it to West Point - YET! You never know when I might show up, you better be nice to those leggy blondes! Pammi: I'm sorry babe, I know what you mean - mothers are a whole new bitch session! Merrick sounds like a keeper for sure - does he need any advil? Head: Thanks for the support! How's the word responsibility set with you? I'm running from that one!! Wait, that may have been way too much pucker! Driver, Divar, Diver, Oh, what that heck . . . Diva

Stand back - I'm going to explode! Is it just me, or what the hell is up with Wuffo Women! Do they not have anything better to do than sit around in small groups, stuff their faces with doughnuts and gossip about everyone else! Someone needs to hose me down! All I did was simply walked into the room and picked up a tiny Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Three of the 5 women in the room, went wooooow and then the one with the really big mouth (and a** I might add) says, Oh, you'd better watch out, you might gain a pound! Jealous bitches, just because I got off my duff last year and started working out and cut out all the junk foods and a lot of candy! They're still sitting around telling each other how hard it is to lose weight and how they get on the treadmill and do 15 min. about 3 times a week all the while eating their birthday cakes, ice creams, french fries and doughnuts!! It was all I could do not to say, honey I could gain 25 pounds, you could shove me in a bikini 2 sizes too small and I'd still look better than you!! No, I just calmly walked away and told her to kiss my a**! I don't know if it was skydiving that helped me put things in a different perspective, or some of the other things that life threw at me over the past two years, but I don't have the time or the energy for that petty crap! I am so thankful for being able to be a part of this group of wonderful people who are able to fly. Thankful for being able to know the feeling of the air as it rushes through the door and the anticipation of the jump when someone yells - DOOR! It's everything I can muster up some days to step the edge and leap as the winds try and blow me back into the door, but once I'm out there, I've got wings and even if it's just for a couple of minutes, I have something that these wuffos will never have. They'll never know the rush, the thrill and the excitement of it all!! They will never know what a diverse and wonderful group of people we are and how we watch out for one another and offer up support for each other. Man, do they not know what they're missing!! Much love to you guys and gals (and thanks for listening to me rant and then get mushy!) I'm much better now! Divadiver (virtual beer for everyone! Me, I'll have a sour apple martini

Greg: ************* Im a little curious, toilets seem quite harmless to me, how would one hurt themselves? ************* What you want to do is go to your favorite department store and buy one of those bathroom sets with the warm and fuzzy toilet seat covers. Go home put the little fuzzy bugger on the seat and when forget all about it until you go to pee. Peeing instructions: Lift toilet seat to upright position Unzip pants (take out tool) Find comfortable standing position Proceed to start peeing Just as stream starts, warm and fuzzy toilet seat cover expands causing the seat to move in a downward motion Immediately cut stream short and step away, I say step away from the toilet. Or have that darn thing slam down causing injury to ye' ol one eye monster! On the other hand, we woman have been known to actually gracefully sit ourselves in the bowl when the seat has been left up. This has resulted in more than one broken tail bone! Cold as hell too! Or so I've been told! Divadiver

Wingie: Wife . . . did I hear you say wife??? We've gotta talk!! Did you get that last message from me? I sent it but got a error message right after it, so wasn't sure it went through??? Talk about therapy! You need altitude, light wind, blue skies and beer . . . NOW!! Diva (shaking head - confused and stunned!)

Jeji: Mountainman took the words right out of my mouth! It sure doesn't look/sound good when you have to cover your own a** in your own house!! Besides, you know that little book that we like to log our jumps in, that's documentation as well - only for him and not you. Good luck Jeji!

Wingie Babe (you are such a Babe - you young thing you!) Babe, did you not get those cookies that I sent to you? What about that those pictures I had taken of my naked jump? Whooops! Those darn guys at the U.S. Post Office!!! Sh*t, I'm as mad as a hornet now!! Not only did they eat your cookies, but the took the only prints that I had!!! I am truely sorry about your TV and only 14 channels! But, hey look at it like this - I know people who have over 200 channels and there's still not a darn thing on!! I'm glad to hear that your e-mail still works, I'll have to put that to use right away!! Sorry, seems like you got lost in the day-to-day busy shuffle of life. But, hey didn't I read somewhere here that you found yourself a nice young German girl? How's that working? Divadiver

Shit: Through the eyes of the Military *An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 pound pack on his back, 15 lb. weapon in hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is shit!" *An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched 18 miles, and says with a smile, "This is good shit!" *A Navy SEAL lies in the mud, 55 LB pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy positions, says with a grin, "This really is great shit." *A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65 LB pack on his back and a weapon in both hands after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude, into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to the shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this shit." *The Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air conditioned, carpeted office and says, "My e-mail's out? What kind of shit is this?" Divadiver

Pammi: Last time I was in court, that very subject arose! The ex's lawyer wanted to know how often I jump, how many jumps, what the jumps cost, what the rent gear cost, everything but body position and did I PLF or stand em!! Are you going before the same judge as the last time this was brought up? It could be a case of Old news - let's move on. You should talk to your lawyer, I'm sure he/she has an idea of what type of Judge this person is. (like the woman judge we tried to avoid at all lengths because, now get this - she hates women! Not a good thing when you and your lawyer are both female.) In my case it had nothing to do with my son and how he was being raised, but the fact that I had funds to spend on amusing myself!! Sh*t I was married for 15 years and only went on one vacation with the man, so yes, it was probably a little hard for him to swallow that I was out having fun. Skydiving was my vacation last year, each and every weekend, Thursday or Friday that I could get to the DZ! Wait until he hears what I'll be doing this summer!! Watch out for those steaming piles!! He's going to blow a big one!! Here's to you girl - much luck!! Divadiver

Trouble? Why Kingie, whatever do you speak of?? No troubles here, just working on a nice tan. Ever been to Ocracoke? You can fly in and land on the beach and well . . . . I'll just let you wonder about that coconut oil!! Divadiver

ANZAC - I thought it was a new pill for allergy suffers. Aewchue!! Divadiver

Albatross: The answer is right in front of you! It is because you are smart that you are able to this. It's not your fault that these people are unable to comprehend!! Tell them the truth - # 42! Divadiver

Josh: (Tires screeching, rubber burning) Let's put the breaks on right here and now!!! Your opinion is your opinion and you have every right to express it (drunk or not). But, do me a favor will you, when you speak, try and not speak "for all the ladies out there"! I personally take offense to this because I am a woman, and you are in no way doing me any favors by male bashing (i.e. men are pigs). I don't tolerate this shit from women and even though this may have been stated in fun, I don't appreciate your thoughtful gesture of including me in that group! There, how did I do Josh? Divadiver

What a better way to go, laughing like hell with your pants down!!

Freefalljunky: Glad to have you around!! Let me introduce myself, I'm Divadiver, and I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body! Thanks for setting us straight, sooner or later someone would have requested a nudie pic of you and I can tell you they guys would have been mighty disappointed if you posted!! Now, tell us more about your skydiving! Divadiver

Out of the mouth of babes comes the truth! Divadiver

Pammi: At least you had the wo-ha's to tell your mom that you jump! Neither one of my parents know. Mom never misses anything, so I'm sure when they dropped by (unannounced) last weekend, she must have had some questions about that Parachutist Mag. that was on the dining room table!! Divadiver

Froggie: Have you heard from Tracy? Is she still with us? She seems to be a class act, we need to pick something equally classy for a name! Divadiver

Way to go, Screamer!! You're going to make those boys in Indi Land look bad! I don't know how she could resist (crappy weather and all) Divadiver

Lisa: Congrats!! Like Frank said, keep us posted, we want to hear all about your "first" (back in the air) jump. BEER!! Divadiver

HeywoodJablome: LOL, I'll second you on that one!! Divadiver

Knock, Knock . . . woow, guys . . .any guys out there in Indi Land?? Me thinks the woman has opened the door for opportunity here!! Rodeo - sometimes you almost have to hit them in the head!! Little suggestion for you guys . . . might be nice if you'd drop the lady a nice e-mail, invite her to jump with you, maybe even show her around on a cloudy non-jump day??? Divadiver

Skymamma: Girl sounds like you worked the room!! Leather skirt, low cut sweater . . . you and I will have may have to get together and compare notes some day. Imagine the response we'd get from the women if there were two of us skydiving women working the room!! Rodeochick: Glad to have you with us! We can always use another kick ass girl around!! Isn't that right boys!! Divadiver

Jessica: The clouds have been hanging around all day, it's colder than a witch's t*t outside! So I'd like to be on a plane on my way to Florida to do some work in the wind tunnel at night and learn to scuba dive during the day (when I'm not lying around in the sun smothered in coconut oil). Oh yeah, the sun has to be shining and it's got to be at least 80+ degrees with a light breeze blowing in from the ocean! Bring on global warming!! Divadiver